Falling in love with the woman I've been seeing

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey, anyone can end up asking questions he knows the answers to. Once you start to really like/love a girl, you get crazy ideas. (But this is Sosuave, where nobody catches feelings...)

Anyway -

Enjoy the moment(s) with this girl and stop worrying about the future.

She wants it to be a movie, and it won't be much of a story if you spoil the ending.

Not only that, but she wants to think she's corralled you with her guile.

It's human nature to resent being patronized, which is usually how the other party feels when you start making plain your ideas about love and lust.

What can he do when he gets these feelings?

 

[Korrupt]

These replies never cease to amaze.

"She's banging other dudes and probably doesn't even like you! And if you decide to save yourself the torture of being unsure and tell her you want to be exclusive, you're a p*ssy!"

The end

It almost sounds like jealousy. Not sure why anyone posts here anymore. It's far too heavily blackpilled these days.

From a mental health perspective, it would be better to grab your balls and tell her you want exclusivity rather than sit around waiting for her to do it--constantly torturing yourself wondering what's going on with her. If she rejects you then you get burned at 3 months instead of waiting for her to do it and possibly getting burned further down the road when you're legitimately deeply in love with her.

I would really advise you to see other women on the side. This will cool you down and knock her off the pedestal. Trust me, you need it. Badly!

The dude just said he doesn't want to see other women and feels awkward even talking to them on dating apps...

 

[HyenaPrince]

The dude just said he doesn't want to see other women and feels awkward even talking to them on dating apps...

So? Sometimes you need to go against what you might feel or think you feel. And it's just advice from my part. He can do whatever he wants with it. Ignore it, acknowledge it or ask me or the other guys if there was a modified version of this approach.

Why do you feel the instant need to jump in and block our tips? Do you think OP can't judge for himself and therefore you need to be his guardian?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

These replies never cease to amaze.

"She's banging other dudes and probably doesn't even like you! And if you decide to save yourself the torture of being unsure and tell her you want to be exclusive, you're a p*ssy!"

The end

It almost sounds like jealousy. Not sure why anyone posts here anymore. It's far too heavily blackpilled these days.

From a mental health perspective, it would be better to grab your balls and tell her you want exclusivity rather than sit around waiting for her to do it--constantly torturing yourself wondering what's going on with her. If she rejects you then you get burned at 3 months instead of waiting for her to do it and possibly getting burned further down the road when you're legitimately deeply in love with her.



The dude just said he doesn't want to see other women and feels awkward even talking to them on dating apps...

In real life in the market the last 7+ yrs displays of those feeling have not played out well. He needs HER to have those feelings in stronger quantities. Perhaps noticing this means hes not in the moment. Not busy enough. Or not spending enough time with others.

 

[HyenaPrince]

In real life in the market the last 7+ yrs displays of those feeling have not played out well. He needs HER to have thosr feelings in stronger quantities. Perhaps noticing this means hes not in the moment. Not busy enough. Or not spending enough time with others.

100% correct.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

100% correct.

in the old days we could make a babe feel the same way he does by simply spending more time with his male friends. It doesn't necessarily have to be women. She should be longing and starving for him emotionally and physically.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Enjoy them, they're not a choice. But don't act in an emotional state.

Ride the wave, but when he's feeling more "sober" think it through. OP knows logically what works and what doesn't. She'll eventually bring up the exclusive chat.

So i had a bad relationship years ago. It was hell. Occasionally if im being pitiful and lazy and not doing anything that some of the old thoughts pop up. Those thoughts mean im not focused, not busy, not doing anything i enjoy. So if i get them it means i need to do something.

If our forum member is over there in pain, pining over her when he's away. It means he doesn't have enough going on for himself outside her. He doesn't have much else he's really "in to".

 

[Lookatu]

I think if this is going to stress OP out or make him lose sleep, he may want to pull the trigger and put his curiosity out of misery at the possible expense of never seeing the gal again. It's a personal choice that each person has to make sometimes.

Logically, if you really like someone, why would you keep spending time with them if they don't feel the same level you do, especially after a few months time investment? i would think they would know by this time. If only after sex, then it maybe ok but it seems like OP is far past that and is emotionally invested quite a bit into her. If she doesn't feel the same, it's probably better to know now and move on and find someone that can offer what he's looking for. He even said he doesn't feel like dating anyone else. By knowing now, he can move forward in peace, although it may sting for a bit but at least he put his curiosity to rest.

Sometimes I think females have more balls in this regard. I've had quite a few plates that asked me the "where are we" or "don't you wanna get serious" talk and when I couldn't offer what they were looking for, they immediately walked to find someone that could. That's a way to not waste time.

Once again, if you are in the plate/sex mode, this won't apply but it seems to me that OP is looking for something serious and is even entertaining some sort of monogamy.

Abundance mode = taking chances and letting things go so other opportunities can open up and not be wasting your time.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think if this is going to stress OP out or make him lose sleep, he may want to pull the trigger and put his curiosity out of misery at the possible expense of never seeing the gal again. It's a personal choice that each person has to make sometimes.

Logically, if you really like someone, why would you keep spending time with them if they don't feel the same level you do, especially after a few months time investment? i would think they would know by this time. If only after sex, then it maybe ok but it seems like OP is far past that and is emotionally invested quite a bit into her. If she doesn't feel the same, it's probably better to know now and move on and find someone that can offer what he's looking for. He even said he doesn't feel like dating anyone else. By knowing now, he can move forward in peace, although it may sting for a bit but at least he put his curiosity to rest.

Sometimes I think females have more balls in this regard. I've had quite a few plates that asked me the "where are we" or "don't you wanna get serious" talk and when I couldn't offer what they were looking for, they immediately walked to find someone that could. That's a way to not waste time.

Once again, if you are in the plate/sex mode, this won't apply but it seems to me that OP is looking for something serious and is even entertaining some sort of monogamy.

Abundance mode = taking chances and letting things go so other opportunities can open up and not be wasting your time.

On the flip side. He's still fvcking her. Can't he put his curiosity at ease and find something else to do? If he can get to her nearly whenever he wants to, does he really have a "problem"?

 

[HyenaPrince]

in the old days we could make a babe feel the same way he does by simply spending more time with his male friends. It doesn't necessarily have to be women. She should be longing and starving for him emotionally and physically.

Yes, in my opinion the man should never initiate an exclusive relationship, if at all. But when there is no way around it, because she's a total knockout, loyal and has her sh*t together, he has to wait for her to demand for exclusivity. This way he'll remain in his frame and she won't think she controls the relationship.

Usually, when a man asks for monogamy, the woman will perceive him as a beta. He automatically implies that he definitely won't be seeing other women. This lowers his value immensely.

I admit, there are, as always, exceptions to the rule. But we have to assume that she will always start with the usual sh*t testing and hypergamous behavior. Afterwards you can still scale things down a little bit if she turns out to be exceptionally loyal and caring.

 

[Lookatu]

On the flip side. He's still fvcking her. Can't he put his curiosity at ease and find something else to do? If he can get to her nearly whenever he wants to, does he really have a "problem"?

It doesn't matter if he's still fvcking her. He wants more than that. Sex with her no longer fulfills him.

 

[HyenaPrince]

I've had quite a few plates that asked me the "where are we" or "don't you wanna get serious" talk and when I couldn't offer what they were looking for, they immediately walked to find someone that could. That's a way to not waste time.

Abundance mode = taking chances and letting things go so other opportunities can open up and not be wasting your time.

This!

 

[Clamslammer]

Whatever you do never tell her your feelings or she will back off and you will lose her. She should be asking you to not date other women not the other way around. If you dont want to see other girls don't date other women but whatever you do is maintain frame as if you are still seeing other women and you have options. Eventually if you keep dating her and piping her correctly she will ask you to be exclusive. This is where a purpose comes in, a man with a real purpose (not women) don't have time to think about having feelings. It will all come naturally to you

 

[mrgoodstuff]

He

It doesn't matter if he's still fvcking her. He wants more than that. Sex with her no longer fulfills him.

He better be grateful. He can find something else to be passionate about. What if he locks her down and the sex stops?

 

[Korrupt]

I think if this is going to stress OP out or make him lose sleep, he may want to pull the trigger and put his curiosity out of misery at the possible expense of never seeing the gal again. It's a personal choice that each person has to make sometimes.

Logically, if you really like someone, why would you keep spending time with them if they don't feel the same level you do, especially after a few months time investment? i would think they would know by this time. If only after sex, then it maybe ok but it seems like OP is far past that and is emotionally invested quite a bit into her. If she doesn't feel the same, it's probably better to know now and move on and find someone that can offer what he's looking for. He even said he doesn't feel like dating anyone else. By knowing now, he can move forward in peace, although it may sting for a bit but at least he put his curiosity to rest.

Sometimes I think females have more balls in this regard. I've had quite a few plates that asked me the "where are we" or "don't you wanna get serious" talk and when I couldn't offer what they were looking for, they immediately walked to find someone that could. That's a way to not waste time.

Once again, if you are in the plate/sex mode, this won't apply but it seems to me that OP is looking for something serious and is even entertaining some sort of monogamy.

Abundance mode = taking chances and letting things go so other opportunities can open up and not be wasting your time.

This guy gets it. A couple other posters were around the nail, but this guy hits it on the head. Perfect response.

Also, if after 3 months someone doesn't want to be exclusive with you, it's a massive red flag and they likely will never want to be exclusive with you. So to reiterate, why should OP waste his time?

Whatever you do never tell her your feelings or she will back off and you will lose her. She should be asking you to not date other women not the other way around. If you dont want to see other girls don't date other women but whatever you do is maintain frame as if you are still seeing other women and you have options. Eventually if you keep dating her and piping her correctly she will ask you to be exclusive. This is where a purpose comes in, a man with a real purpose (not women) don't have time to think about having feelings. It will all come naturally to you

Good example of not "getting it" and being a blackpiller. Speaking in absolutes. By this guy's logic, every guy who's ever confessed feelings to a woman has been rejected--100% of the time. That's just not true. Is confessing your feelings the answer? No, not necessarily. But don't speak in absolutes like this. It's fvcking ridiculous.

 

[Lookatu]

He

He better be grateful. He can find something else to be passionate about. What if he locks her down and the sex stops?

Then he can walk, cheat, have a discussion, play games, turn incel beta. These are the only choices that many men in LTR's face.
There's a chance though that sex may not stop either. We often tend to look at things negatively on this forum as a lot of us have been wronged by gals and the reason why we are here in the first place. It's easy to have a skewed perception.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Are you talking about the OP being "in pain," or you? I didn't see him say that.

It's true, staying busy helps minimize over-indulging in feelings. I think it's a great solution. I don't think it's useful to sit around thinking about feelings all day.

But that doesn't mean you can't accept whatever it is you're feeling in the moment. Accept it, be grateful, and move on. Or if it's a net positive (e.g., I like this girl), just enjoy it, but be prudent. I don't think liking a girl justifies self-flagellation.

Im not in pain but I've been in that situation. If he's dying to "lock her down" it gets annoying and painful. It means your not thinking right as a man.

 

[metalwater]

Been seeing her a few months now. Chemistry is off the charts in every way. Legit one of the only women I've ever dated who I legitimately enjoy hanging out with beyond sex. Problem is, I'm falling for her. Big time. Like it's difficult for me to talk to other women because I have such strong feelings for her and only want to see her. I don't know if she's talking to anyone else, but I want her to myself at this point--I want to be exclusive. Is there any way for me to tell her I want us to be exclusive without losing "frame" or whatever?

that is a good problem to have.. many guys would love to have that problem... it means you have already done a lot of things that worked out.

looks like the advice so far is consistent on some points and not consistent on others. the guys telling to not push for relationship are trying to protect you from the possible future when the girl feels she has the power and lowers her perception of you because of that. this will likely result in her either cheating or leaving or both. can be many other painful steps along the way but that is the gist of it. this one is safe as it sets a frame and all you have to do is maintain it. the risk is that someone else does the other method first...

the other side is telling that she might need your help to decide and it can be that the first one who takes action can take control and own it. if that is true then you do push to the relationship, but all the time still be aware and strong and do not let her have the power of you coming to her. this one is tricky to get right and depends a lot on the girl. for this one, I would suggest that you take an inventory of yourself before doing it and make sure you have an iron will and ability to walk if you must later. doing this means that she did not drop the other guy(s) and they did not want to be dropped.. you wanted her to do it and she does it for you, for you, not for her... so if her interest in you drops then it is back to them. if she keeps contact with them, then they are not dropped...

if you did not already have a rotation or whatever, and this one is the first and only girl for some time then probably better to wait for her to want the relationship tighter as its hard to judge our own feelings.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Possibly yes but i can only speak from experience, Women are extremely covert with who they're banging. I'm willing to bet she's at the minimum banging 2 guys. OP and another dude. At what frequency? we cant be sure but again, im willing to bet she's getting at least 2 pipes in there.

What would long term married or blue pilled men think of your assessment? Would they think your exaggerating or being misogynistic?

 

[Henry Schweiss]

In a technical view: We are Void. We want what we don't have and, when we have it, we don't want it anymore. The effort for this pseudo-fulfillment is what makes us want, love, fill, catch fire. If you give what the Other wants, right away, you kill the desire.