Totally ****ed up with gf

[MILLY1985]

Hi all. I’ve totally ****ed things up in my 2 year relationship. The ending of the relationship is my fault been abit of a prick the past year tbh and topped it off 3 wk ago when my gf tried to talk about being disheartened with our relationship and me not asking her to stay over during lockdown etc. Anyways as there is a lack of opportunity to meat new women due to current climate and pandemic and having full balls I’ve went crawling cap in hand. She txt me this and I know the writing is on the wall but any advise?

Unfortunately what's done is done. And I know your finding it hard but I'm not exactly finding it easy either. But I can't help how I feel and I can't forgot what's happened in the past and I don't feel like I can ever move on from some stuff or make a fresh start as things will always still be in the back of my head bugging me and that kind of stuff eats away at you. I appreciate you seeing how things have gone wrong. I do wish you all the best in the future and all the best with your relationship with your daughter

I think it’s game over personally and haven’t replied for this morning as not much point

 

[HyenaPrince]

Hi all. I’ve totally ****ed things up in my 2 year relationship. The ending of the relationship is my fault been abit of a prick the past year tbh and topped it off 3 wk ago when my gf tried to talk about being disheartened with our relationship and me not asking her to stay over during lockdown etc. Anyways as there is a lack of opportunity to meat new women due to current climate and pandemic and having full balls I’ve went crawling cap in hand. She txt me this and I know the writing is on the wall but any advise?

Unfortunately what's done is done. And I know your finding it hard but I'm not exactly finding it easy either. But I can't help how I feel and I can't forgot what's happened in the past and I don't feel like I can ever move on from some stuff or make a fresh start as things will always still be in the back of my head bugging me and that kind of stuff eats away at you. I appreciate you seeing how things have gone wrong. I do wish you all the best in the future and all the best with your relationship with your daughter

I think it’s game over personally and haven’t replied for this morning as not much point

Sounds like some piece is missing in this story.

 

[MILLY1985]

The piece missing is she claims she has never forgiven me for : not moving her in 6 month ago when her mam kicked her out after an argument. I never cos it felt enforced and didn’t realise they wouldn’t speak again I thought it was a mother daughter tiff. Also I’ve caused arguments before when she has been out friends etc. Basically been a **** but nothing bad.
When she said she was disheartened two other examples where I apparently made more effort to talk to the neighbours the than her and also accused me of having slept with other women cos we haven’t been seeing as much of each other. Tbh it makes no sense I think there might be another dude on the scene

 

[MILLY1985]

She is type of women who never forgets any little thing. She still hits me with things from little arguments we had earlier in the relationship in later arguments. How do I deal with this type of women it feels like a tactic to divert from the actual arguement and gain the upper hand

 

[MILLY1985]

Plus she is the type who if u do 10 good things for her and one bad forgets them and focuses on the bad

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Plus she is the type who if u do 10 good things for her and one bad forgets them and focuses on the bad

This is the wrong kind of woman to be trying to be aligned with. A woman who isn't grateful over time will strip your motivation and decrease your self worth. She decreases your influence.

There is another kind of woman who will valueate the 10 good deeds. The 1 bad deed will be noted, but it will not outweigh the 10 good. She will look at relative worth. Such a woman INCREASE your worth and amplifies your influence.

The other type of woman who only gives credit for negative deeds is actually USING you. She expects the positive. Does not pay you for it, but will chastise you on the bad. Over time with such a woman you will feel worthless.

Personally I wouldn't want to be in the same space of a MAN or a WOMAN who shares this viewpoint. The woman you lay with will affect your spirits, your confidence and outlook. It's best to lay with folks who see greatness in you.

 

[Stoic]

From the information that you provided, it does appear to be over. I've been through it as has almost every man has. I think the only thing you can do is keep your dignity intact and not grovel or try to win her back. No contact unless to a quick message wishing her the best. If she changes her mind, she'll let you know.

 

[MILLY1985]

This is the wrong kind of woman to be trying to be aligned with. A woman who isn't grateful over time will strip your motivation and decrease your self worth. She decreases your influence.

There is another kind of woman who will valueate the 10 good deeds. The 1 bad deed will be noted, but it will not outweigh the 10 good. She will look at relative worth. Such a woman INCREASE your worth and amplifies your influence.

The other type of woman who only gives credit for negative deeds is actually USING you. She expects the positive. Does not pay you for it, but will chastise you on the bad. Over time with such a woman you will feel worthless.

Personally I wouldn't want to be in the same space of a MAN or a WOMAN who shares this viewpoint. The woman you lay with will affect your spirits, your confidence and outlook. It's best to lay with folks who see greatness in you.

for example I took her to Paris for valentines last year and bought her very expensive jewellery all after good behaviour from her part and after her buying things for me. She took me to Berlin. This year has been different and the courting has stopped cos of the situation and I’ve noticed her starting little arguements more often of late. I refused to hear out when she was disheartened as I was sick of her nagging and I told her to leave she says I’ve spoilt Paris by doing this and there all toxic memory’s now. I think I should of heard her out in hindsight but was tired of it. Suppose I miss the companionship now

 

[HyenaPrince]

The piece missing is she claims she has never forgiven me for : not moving her in 6 month ago when her mam kicked her out after an argument. I never cos it felt enforced and didn’t realise they wouldn’t speak again I thought it was a mother daughter tiff. Also I’ve caused arguments before when she has been out friends etc. Basically been a **** but nothing bad.
When she said she was disheartened two other examples where I apparently made more effort to talk to the neighbours the than her and also accused me of having slept with other women cos we haven’t been seeing as much of each other. Tbh it makes no sense I think there might be another dude on the scene

Good you realized that. I mean the "there is another dude" part. Either that, or she's the good old narcissistic attention wh*re. The problems she tried to turn into your fault, seem like a simple framing issue. It's only a problem if you make it one; and she decided to make it one.

First, it's not your duty to move in with her because she decided to piss off her mother (which is probably exactly what happened). Second, she was probably gaslighting you. You causing an argument while she's out with friends is not the end of the world, although I don't know if what you tried to argue about was petty in the first place.

You're obviously agitated about this. Otherwise you wouldn't throw out three replies in a row. Right now it feels like she's the devil and you're the good guy who, in his head, was straight with her and gave her unconditional love. So why did she behave this way? Because you let her.

Not to ignore her apparent egotistic personality, but you definitely went along when she tried to be a b*tch. You shouldn't have even started arguing with her in the first place. Look at these sentences closely, very closely: "But I can't help how I feel and I can't forgot what's happened in the past and I don't feel like I can ever move on from some stuff or make a fresh start as things will always still be in the back of my head bugging me and that kind of stuff eats away at you"

She describes your actions as if you killed her mother. This is very typical for narcissists and energy vampires. She tries to be the victim and blows the issue out of proportion. You're the horrible, horrible evildoer and she can't forgive you, ever! How could she?! Poor girl. And then she tries to pull the "I'm an adult and over it" card by saying this: "I do wish you all the best in the future and all the best with your relationship with your daughter". It looks like she's being nice, but in actuality she has the audacity to pull your daughter into the mix to make herself seem like an angel.

I apologize for the rant, but those are the points I discovered and had to make clear. Best of luck getting as far as possible from this woman.

 

[MILLY1985]

Good you realized that. I mean the "there is another dude" part. Either that, or she's the good old narcissistic attention wh*re. The problems she tried to turn into your fault, seem like a simple framing issue. It's only a problem if you make it one; and she decided to make it one.

First, it's not your duty to move in with her because she decided to piss off her mother (which is probably exactly what happened). Second, she was probably gaslighting you. You causing an argument while she's out with friends is not the end of the world, although I don't know if what you tried to argue about was petty in the first place.

You're obviously agitated about this. Otherwise you wouldn't throw out three replies in a row. Right now it feels like she's the devil and you're the good guy who, in his head, was straight with her and gave her unconditional love. So why did she behave this way? Because you let her.

Not to ignore her apparent egotistic personality, but you definitely went along when she tried to be a b*tch. You shouldn't have even started arguing with her in the first place. Look at these sentences closely, very closely: "But I can't help how I feel and I can't forgot what's happened in the past and I don't feel like I can ever move on from some stuff or make a fresh start as things will always still be in the back of my head bugging me and that kind of stuff eats away at you"

She describes your actions as if you killed her mother. This is very typical for narcissists and energy vampires. She tries to be the victim and blows the issue out of proportion. You're the horrible, horrible evildoer and she can't forgive you, ever! How could she?! Poor girl. And then she tries to pull the "I'm an adult and over it" card by saying this: "I do wish you all the best in the future and all the best with your relationship with your daughter". It looks like she's being nice, but in actuality she has the audacity to pull your daughter into the mix to make herself seem like an angel.

I apologize for the rant, but those are the points I discovered and had to make clear. Best of luck getting as far as possible from this woman.

love your reply. The first thing that crossed my mind when I read that txt was that she is acting like I’ve murdered someone too and it was way way over the top for what I’d done the punishment seems way over the top for the crime. She was in a relationship about 7 years ago where she was beaten and cheated on for 4 years and she had him jailed. I felt like she was acting like I’d done that. U think she enjoys being the victim of enjoys getting power over men now or something? Oh and yeah I did let her i know this

 

[mrgoodstuff]

for example I took her to Paris for valentines last year and bought her very expensive jewellery all after good behaviour from her part and after her buying things for me. She took me to Berlin. This year has been different and the courting has stopped cos of the situation and I’ve noticed her starting little arguements more often of late. I refused to hear out when she was disheartened as I was sick of her nagging and I told her to leave she says I’ve spoilt Paris by doing this and there all toxic memory’s now. I think I should of heard her out in hindsight but was tired of it. Suppose I miss the companionship now

Can you make some new positive memories for the short term?

 

[MILLY1985]

I just remembered what the argument was about when she was out with friends. She was smashing shots at 5pm and getting very drunk. I have never seen her drunk in 2 years she only ever has a couple with me. If we were out or on holiday she would always want to go back to the hotel or room after 1 or 2 and would only ever have one or two if we drank in the house. I straight out asked her how come she drinks that way with them then acts like she doesn’t like a drink with me and I said I’ve never seen you drunk drunk. It just seemed like a red flag at the time

 

[MILLY1985]

Can you make some new positive memories for the short term?

The wk Before lockdown we done 3 things. had a lovely walk down the sea front and a day out at the sea side. We went to a very flash spa for a spa day. And we drove round the Lake District in a soft top I had for the day. That’s was back in March world has stopped since

 

[HyenaPrince]

love your reply. The first thing that crossed my mind when I read that txt was that she is acting like I’ve murdered someone too and it was way way over the top for what I’d done the punishment seems way over the top for the crime. She was in a relationship about 7 years ago where she was beaten and cheated on for 4 years and she had him jailed. I felt like she was acting like I’d done that. U think she enjoys being the victim of enjoys getting power over men now or something?

Many women are like that. They love the limelight. Look at her when she's with you and then, in contrast, with complete strangers - especially with men. If she behaves like a nervous high school girl and almost glows in those conversations while you are present, you know something's fishy.

That alone would mean that her attraction for you basically vanished. But if you pay attention to her reactions to banal and minor negative events, you'll quickly see that she's a sensationalistic person and loves to exaggerate things, in order to pull everybody's attention towards her.

 

[MILLY1985]

Many women are like that. They love the limelight. Look at her when she's with you and then, in contrast, with complete strangers - especially with men. If she behaves like a nervous high school girl and almost glows in those conversations while you are present, you know something's fishy.

That alone would mean that her attraction for you basically vanished. But if you pay attention to her reactions to banal and minor negative events, you'll quickly see that she's a sensationalistic person and loves to exaggerate things, in order to pull everybody's attention towards her.

she accused me of doing this though saying I was mr happy go lucky with my neighbours and made no effort to make convo with her. I was talking to a old work mate I hadn’t seen in a long time

 

[HyenaPrince]

she accused me of doing this though saying I was mr happy go lucky with my neighbours and made no effort to make convo with her. I was talking to a old work mate I hadn’t seen in a long time

By doing that, she actually and ironically projected her own behavior onto you. Not only that, but she also couldn't let you have another source of happiness besides her.

Do you know why this just became more ironic? By trying to keep you away from other people, she digs her own grave. Now I don't know whether you have an active social life outside of your romantic life. But if this isn't the case, you basically convey the message: "I don't have anyone but you, babe. Oh, and I also couldn't drop you right this minute and go about my day without literally breaking apart." And this, in turn, means that you are, to her, absolutely worthless as a romantic partner.

That could also be the reason why she treated you this way. But at this point I'm only assuming.

 

[MILLY1985]

By doing that, she actually and ironically projected her own behavior onto you. Not only that, but she also couldn't let you have another source of happiness besides her.

Do you know why this just became more ironic? By trying to keep you away from other people, she digs her own grave. Now I don't know whether you have an active social life outside of your romantic life. But if this isn't the case, you basically convey the message: "I don't have anyone but you, babe. Oh, and I also couldn't drop you right this minute and go about my day without literally breaking apart." And this, in turn, means that you are, to her, absolutely worthless as a romantic partner.

That could also be the reason why she treated you this way. But at this point I'm only assuming.

I have definitely portrayed that this past few days cos I do miss her and want her back. Never initially after asking her to leave I never contacted her for 2.5 wk i wasn’t fussed I thought she would grovel but didn’t then I panicked I guess after she deleted me on Instagram. My social life is ok but between working shifts and having my daughter it could be better. She is also very jealous of my daughters relationship with me too I feel

 

[MILLY1985]

I think it’s becoming clear I can’t win after that txt unless anyone has any brianstorms. Any reply is further grovelling I guess which is feeding her impression of me being mr evil in the wrong and justifies her stance

 

[HyenaPrince]

She is also very jealous of my daughters relationship with me too I feel

That's disgusting. How can a healthy person feel envy for a relationship between parent and child? Oh wait...

 

[HyenaPrince]

I think it’s becoming clear I can’t win after that txt unless anyone has any brianstorms. Any reply is further grovelling I guess which is feeding her impression of me being mr evil in the wrong and justifies her stance

You don't reply. You don't call. You don't voice message. Nothing. Radio silence.

Hang out with your daughter. Enjoy your finally reached freedom man. This woman would have completely destroyed you sooner or later. What you're feeling now is just the habit of having her around. It's like a cold. Sweat it out, eat some vitamin pills and eat healthy. You won't be even thinking about her in 1-2 months.