Why do I keep getting Oneitis for every Girl I date?

[Georgepithyou]

I start dating a girl, sje seems nice and i always begin to fall for a girl too easly then eventually i find out the hard way that she wasn't all that special.

But everytime i keep falling into this trap thinking the next girl is special.

Why do I keep getting Oneitis and how can i get rid of it?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I start dating a girl, sje seems nice and i always begin to fall for a girl too easly then eventually i find out the hard way that she wasn't all that special.

But everytime i keep falling into this trap thinking the next girl is special.

Why do I keep getting Oneitis and how can i get rid of it?

What made them not special?

 

[HyenaPrince]

You're romanticizing and idealizing her. You have a strong image in your head about how a relationship should be. And after you see some of her positive qualities your ideals cloud your perception. She can't be imperfect, right? Wrong! She sh*ts, sleeps and sweats like anybody else.

Men tend to be romantics that demand unconditional love, because we are basically able to give unconditional love as long as we find a woman physically attractive.

They don't work like that. Remind yourself of that fact and you'll be moving closer to the truth.

 

[Nik W]

Stop looking at women like they’re special. Truth be told they only provide their bodies for intimacy. Most bring nothing to the table except their bodies.

Spin more plates. Talk to more women at once. There you will realize they’re not special.

 

[corrector]

There is nothing wrong with that. Just keep dating.

 

[Roober]

Because you don't love yourself.

If you did, you wouldn't need a woman to feed the demons which fuel the chamber of darkness in your heart.

 

[Black Widow Void]

For many years, I went through the "yeah, but she's different/better" phase. And once that 'haze' has dissipated, it's a little self-humiliating.

Here's my theory: We've all heard the phrase "beer goggles" but there's a another goggle set that's just as powerful. Within our own body (and without the aid of outside chemicals) we produce a chemical known as dopamine. And under certain conditions, we get these dopamine spikes. This stuff is rather powerful and no differently than alcohol, our focus and rationality can become dulled.

Similar to panning for gold, I think that most of us would like to find that special and valued "nugget" of a girl. Because this desire/quest is in our mindset, there's a bit of a 'body rush' when we think that we've 'struck.' And then after coming off the 'high' we are faced with the reality of this 'treasure' being just "fools gold."

 

[JayAce]

Stop looking at women like they’re special. Truth be told they only provide their bodies for intimacy. Most bring nothing to the table except their bodies.

Spin more plates. Talk to more women at once. There you will realize they’re not special.

this is true

a lot actually bring less than nothing to the table. anxiety issues, extreme leftism, finance strain, etc

 

[JayAce]

I’ve gotten to a point where I just get tired so quickly after getting to know a woman a little more. It usually doesn’t take very long to see most of them all have the same issues.

At least in the age group I usually date around in: 23-32.

Some women are drop dead gorgeous physically, but I’ve gotten to a point where I’m like “so?”. It’s not worth the effort in most cases.

its 98.7% always the same baggage with all of them

 

[mrgoodstuff]

this is true

a lot actually bring less than nothing to the table. anxiety issues, extreme leftism, finance strain, etc

I’ve gotten to a point where I just get tired so quickly after getting to know a woman a little more. It usually doesn’t take very long to see most of them all have the same issues.

At least in the age group I usually date around in: 23-32.

Some women are drop dead gorgeous physically, but I’ve gotten to a point where I’m like “so?”. It’s not worth the effort in most cases.

its 98.7% always the same baggage with all of them

So what are your rules and your process?

 

[derby1]

I remember when i first joined Sosuave I was a complete rookie, 4 years back.

I managed to get two hot bod 8+ out, I had already sold myself the american dream. on these "gorgeous" women

I got analysis paralysis but hid it well, then something magical happened right at the table, these women showed me they were nothing more than low "4's with drama".......

my Beta died there and then, and i suddenly started qualifying them out of nowhere. as they repulsed me anyway.

the dynamics shifted on the date and they started to seek my approval

 

[HyenaPrince]

I’ve gotten to a point where I just get tired so quickly after getting to know a woman a little more. It usually doesn’t take very long to see most of them all have the same issues.

At least in the age group I usually date around in: 23-32.

Some women are drop dead gorgeous physically, but I’ve gotten to a point where I’m like “so?”. It’s not worth the effort in most cases.

its 98.7% always the same baggage with all of them

Facts.

 

[Jack12345]

What made them not special?

I think it has to do something with the stress before meeting a new girl and then realize shes just a regular person, with her fcks and problems as well, some of the you wouldn't even like. You so wanna make impression that you forget it and thinks shes perfect, and while she is in the center of your mind you are probably taking a little part of hers.

 

[HyenaPrince]

I think it has to do something with the stress before meeting a new girl and then realize shes just a regular person, with her fcks and problems as well, some of the you wouldn't even like. You so wanna make impression that you forget it and thinks shes perfect, and while she is in the center of your mind you are probably taking a little part of hers.

Women usually lose their spark after you talk to them for a small amount of time. It's not hard to see through their facade. They are also nervous and hype themselves up before they get out the door. Pay attention to her facial expressions when she deals with other people during your date. Waiters and waitresses, cashiers or cleaning staff at the facility you're hanging out; how does she treat people in general or behave towards them? No one can keep the perfect role going forever. This should give you a glimpse of her mortality and humanity and therefore quickly deglorify her.

 

[JayAce]

So what are your rules and your process?

I don’t have very strict rules or a process at the moment or the last few years when it comes to women, honestly. meeting some through social circle, meeting some online (not in the last year though), a couple cold approaches. If that’s what you meant by rules and process.

my bare preferences in a woman is I find her physically attractive, couple common interests, she has a job and is able to support herself

but the last 2-3 years I’ve been in that “whatever” phase in regards to women. “If I actually meet a “unicorn” or one of the rare ones... yes I’ll give her a shot”, but that hasn’t happened yet. And that’s also okay. That may never happen. And I’ve come to peace with that. Because at the end of the day it’s me who I need to look after. My health, my career, my hobbies, family, friends, etc.

but at this point in my life and having dated a lot of women (some casually/some seriously/a lot of flings)... I don’t waste any time anymore on ones with obvious red flags.

something I did a lot in my early to mid 20s. I cringe looking back

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think it has to do something with the stress before meeting a new girl and then realize shes just a regular person, with her fcks and problems as well, some of the you wouldn't even like. You so wanna make impression that you forget it and thinks shes perfect, and while she is in the center of your mind you are probably taking a little part of hers.

Some guy is closer to the center of her mind. Why not you?

 

[Jack12345]

Some guy is closer to the center of her mind. Why not you?

I know this is a phase I going through right now. Only after I did confront my family I realized how delusional my entire view of women was. I actually dont believe I have a oneitis fantasies any more.. that doesnt mean I can approach a girl and be natural, but less depressive, less dependent, less fake, less toxic and more positive and motivated

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I know this is a phase I going through right now. Only after I did confront my family I realized how delusional my entire view of women was. I actually dont believe I have a oneitis fantasies any more.. that doesnt mean I can approach a girl and be natural, but less depressive, less dependent, less fake, less toxic and more positive and motivated

Yep women have their own view and their own world.

 

[JohnChops]

GO for all of them or none at all. If you're spinning multiple plates at once, you'll never get oneitis because youll always be looking to add and never settle.

 

[Lookatu]

I'm gonna go slightly against the grain here. If you're looking for anything more than a plate but more for a LTR, there is nothing wrong with putting focus, effort, investment on a gal but obviously showing her too much too soon will get you in trouble. It's the natural course of dating to do that and see where things fall.
It will not work out 100% everytime and that's why it's considered dating. There is no absolute or guaranteed outcomes but at least you should feel good that you did everything right on your end and that you can sleep peacefully at the end of the day.

Just don't let it cloud your judgement and unfortunately, we have to keep things internal to ourselves for the most part. I know you're the type that probably wants to see the good in everyone and give people the benefit of the doubt.

One thing also NOT to do is to create premature perception of how you see her in idealistic way rather than getting to know how she really is over the course of time. I see a lot of guys that get into this gaze on how they envision a girl to be and therefore increasing their own emotional investment from the first few dates without actually getting to know how she really is over a longer course of time.