When a woman pulls back, don't fight it...odds are things are not what they seem

[BackInTheGame78]

So I just successfully navigated a situation with a woman I have been seeing for a month which I didn't really see as a situation per se...rather its a chance to standout from most guys she has dated prior.

And that is when she pulls back at some point. I used to think this was due to low interest or losing interest mostly but I don't believe that anymore. I think there are times when that is true, sure. But in the scenario I am in it simply wasn't, she just had some issues with her oldest daughter and her ex going on and it was bothering her a lot.

What happened? Her texts became shorter, replies longer spaced, and less enthusiastic. What do most guys do in this situation? They panic...they ask what's wrong, they apologize for something they think made her act that way, they increase the frequency of their texts...and this pushes them further away...it also shows them you are very immature and unable to deal with things on an adult level which is a huge turnoff.

The easiest thing to do is the right thing to do. Nothing. In all cases she texted me within 7 or 8 hours and today she apologized to me for the way she was acting, thanked me for giving her space, made sure to let me know it had nothing to do with me and that she is working really hard to keep me around. She also made sure to let me know she will be baking something special for the next time she sees me.

Even if a woman is losing interest there is no way to fix it by making the same mistakes noted above. It will just ensure she realizes she is making the proper decision.

Sometimes it can even be a test to see what you will do if she pulls back to try and weed out the confident guys who don't care from the fake confident guys who freak out. Again the way you pass the test is by doing nothing and simply waiting.

Remaining a calming influence during an emotional storm is a very very sexy trait to a woman and one that is hard to find in a lot of men...and even if you don't feel confident or are freaking out it still is easy to pass the test by simply doing nothing, waiting for her to reply and then act accordingly...

Treat a woman like a cat..cats come and go as they please...if you try and make a cat do something, good luck...the cat will do it when it wants to...sometimes when you ignore them it piques their interest as to why...

 

[Lynx nkaf]

awww, I'm sorry you lost this one.
Relationship grieving is hard. Thank you for sharing this.

 

[Robert28]

Dude, this is an excellent, excellent post. From personal experience, I can verify this 100%.

My last GF broke up with me in a very vague manner - so vague in fact I didn't know if we were broken up or not!
She said "It's not fair to you, and it's not your fault, but I can't give you what you need"

She had been more and more distant for months so, I just withdrew some attention and gave space. Finally, 3 weeks after she "broke up" with me I told her she either needed to explain what the h3ll was going on or return my house key and I would return her stuff.

Surprisingly, she agreed to meet with me, and she drove to my house. She was NOT in a good way. I don't think I have ever seen anyone so rattled and shaken up. A nervous wreck. I greeted her as normal , as if we were still dating. I kissed her at the door and said "How are you doing" I knew in my gut there was something very serious going on. The tears started rolling down her face and she said "Not good" Over the course of the next 2.5 hours I slowly pried it out of her. She had MAJOR family issues, MAJOR kid issues and finally she told me - she had cancer. We talked for another 30 min and she said she had to go. it was a very tear filled goodbye and she explained she need to be alone, and figure out a way to deal with this, to get her head around it. I tried keeping in touch every week or two, then every few months for a year. She never reached out, but would sometimes respond. Sometimes she would be downright nasty - I attribute this to the cancer, anc cancer treatments

I have never mentioned this story much - she was an excellent lady.

The bottom line is, if a woman is withdrawing it could be :
a) losing interest
b)serious personal issues she can't talk about

The solution is the same . Tell her "You seem to need some space, so I am going to give it to you. When you get things sorted out, and want to see me, give me a shout"

Then go about living your life. Easier said than done, unfortunately, but that IS the answer.

I got “I need to take a step back and take some time” after a year and a half. I got it through text too. I texted back “is this permanent or for a certain time or what?”. Nothing back. The fastest way to run me off is to not communicate with me and give me the silent treatment on top of it. So I decided I’d go meet someone else and I did. 5 months go by and she then comes back, or tries to. I told her I’d met someone 2 weeks after her break was initiated and since she didn’t give me specifics I took that as forever. I bet the lesson was lost on her because she’s still probably pulling the same type of crap on someone else. When a women withdraws from me now, I move on. Instantly. Don’t have time for those kind of games.

your situation is different and totally understandable. But she should have communicated with you better because you cared about her and you don’t treat people like that that care about you. You didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye because she took that from you by ignoring you.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

This was particularly tough. If she had lost interest, or cheated it would have been easier.

nooooo, this is important.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I realize it is important...……...what I am saying is.......SHE didn't leave for selfish reasons, or lost love. She left to deal with somemajor issues and health concerns - the worst part is she completely cut me out.

I would have bet against that ever happening, without a doubt. But she did. Maybe she just didn't want her problems to become my problems. Who knows- only her.

But I am through reaching out, the abuse was more than I was willing to tolerate

I hear you on the abuse was more than you were willing to tolerate.
Its hard to tell when I've become too weak to notice its emotional abuse.
Strong of you to know this @Mauser96, your boundaries, I mean.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

So I just successfully navigated a situation with a woman I have been seeing for a month which I didn't really see as a situation per se...rather its a chance to standout from most guys she has dated prior.

And that is when she pulls back at some point. I used to think this was due to low interest or losing interest mostly but I don't believe that anymore. I think there are times when that is true, sure. But in the scenario I am in it simply wasn't, she just had some issues with her oldest daughter and her ex going on and it was bothering her a lot.

What happened? Her texts became shorter, replies longer spaced, and less enthusiastic. What do most guys do in this situation? They panic...they ask what's wrong, they apologize for something they think made her act that way, they increase the frequency of their texts...and this pushes them further away...it also shows them you are very immature and unable to deal with things on an adult level which is a huge turnoff.

The easiest thing to do is the right thing to do. Nothing. In all cases she texted me within 7 or 8 hours and today she apologized to me for the way she was acting, thanked me for giving her space, made sure to let me know it had nothing to do with me and that she is working really hard to keep me around. She also made sure to let me know she will be baking something special for the next time she sees me.

Even if a woman is losing interest there is no way to fix it by making the same mistakes noted above. It will just ensure she realizes she is making the proper decision.

Sometimes it can even be a test to see what you will do if she pulls back to try and weed out the confident guys who don't care from the fake confident guys who freak out. Again the way you pass the test is by doing nothing and simply waiting.

Remaining a calming influence during an emotional storm is a very very sexy trait to a woman and one that is hard to find in a lot of men...and even if you don't feel confident or are freaking out it still is easy to pass the test by simply doing nothing, waiting for her to reply and then act accordingly...

Treat a woman like a cat..cats come and go as they please...if you try and make a cat do something, good luck...the cat will do it when it wants to...sometimes when you ignore them it piques their interest as to why...

thank you for your thread and these thoughts @BackInTheGame78, I wish you would post more, always thoughtful and enlightening insights

 

[TheGambino]

So I just successfully navigated a situation with a woman I have been seeing for a month which I didn't really see as a situation per se...rather its a chance to standout from most guys she has dated prior.

And that is when she pulls back at some point. I used to think this was due to low interest or losing interest mostly but I don't believe that anymore. I think there are times when that is true, sure. But in the scenario I am in it simply wasn't, she just had some issues with her oldest daughter and her ex going on and it was bothering her a lot.

What happened? Her texts became shorter, replies longer spaced, and less enthusiastic. What do most guys do in this situation? They panic...they ask what's wrong, they apologize for something they think made her act that way, they increase the frequency of their texts...and this pushes them further away...it also shows them you are very immature and unable to deal with things on an adult level which is a huge turnoff.

The easiest thing to do is the right thing to do. Nothing. In all cases she texted me within 7 or 8 hours and today she apologized to me for the way she was acting, thanked me for giving her space, made sure to let me know it had nothing to do with me and that she is working really hard to keep me around. She also made sure to let me know she will be baking something special for the next time she sees me.

Even if a woman is losing interest there is no way to fix it by making the same mistakes noted above. It will just ensure she realizes she is making the proper decision.

Sometimes it can even be a test to see what you will do if she pulls back to try and weed out the confident guys who don't care from the fake confident guys who freak out. Again the way you pass the test is by doing nothing and simply waiting.

Remaining a calming influence during an emotional storm is a very very sexy trait to a woman and one that is hard to find in a lot of men...and even if you don't feel confident or are freaking out it still is easy to pass the test by simply doing nothing, waiting for her to reply and then act accordingly...

Treat a woman like a cat..cats come and go as they please...if you try and make a cat do something, good luck...the cat will do it when it wants to...sometimes when you ignore them it piques their interest as to why...

Yes this is great and so true.

 

[Glassguy]

When in doubt, always back out.

If she lost interest it will blow her mind that you walked away so easily. If she just had some stuff going on and was less attentive with you, she will see what is going on and come running back.

Either way its ok. You established an abundance mindset and didnt care.........that is attractive to any woman who has interest in you.

 

[rart]

Dude, this is an excellent, excellent post. From personal experience, I can verify this 100%.

My last GF broke up with me in a very vague manner - so vague in fact I didn't know if we were broken up or not!
She said "It's not fair to you, and it's not your fault, but I can't give you what you need"

She had been more and more distant for months so, I just withdrew some attention and gave space. Finally, 3 weeks after she "broke up" with me I told her she either needed to explain what the h3ll was going on or return my house key and I would return her stuff.

Surprisingly, she agreed to meet with me, and she drove to my house. She was NOT in a good way. I don't think I have ever seen anyone so rattled and shaken up. A nervous wreck. I greeted her as normal , as if we were still dating. I kissed her at the door and said "How are you doing" I knew in my gut there was something very serious going on. The tears started rolling down her face and she said "Not good" Over the course of the next 2.5 hours I slowly pried it out of her. She had MAJOR family issues, MAJOR kid issues and finally she told me - she had cancer. We talked for another 30 min and she said she had to go. it was a very tear filled goodbye and she explained she need to be alone, and figure out a way to deal with this, to get her head around it. I tried keeping in touch every week or two, then every few months for a year. She never reached out, but would sometimes respond. Sometimes she would be downright nasty - I attribute this to the cancer, anc cancer treatments

I have never mentioned this story much - she was an excellent lady.

The bottom line is, if a woman is withdrawing it could be :
a) losing interest
b)serious personal issues she can't talk about

The solution is the same . Tell her "You seem to need some space, so I am going to give it to you. When you get things sorted out, and want to see me, give me a shout"

Then go about living your life. Easier said than done, unfortunately, but that IS the answer.

if she wanted you in your life she would have leaned on you during hard times not withdraw.

 

[Robert28]

Women might have an exit strategy planned before you know it, BUT men can bounce back fast too. I was dumped in the example I gave in a post above, the signs were there long before when I had time to reflect on it. After that it took me all of 3 weeks to meet someone younger and hotter. So what took her possibly months of planning, I was able to bounce back in 3 weeks after being caught completely off guard. Now, she thinks she’s higher value than me because of how she dumped me but I bounced back in no time and I didn’t have time to plan for it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Women might have an exit strategy planned before you know it, BUT men can bounce back fast too. I was dumped in the example I gave in a post above, the signs were there long before when I had time to reflect on it. After that it took me all of 3 weeks to meet someone younger and hotter. So what took her possibly months of planning, I was able to bounce back in 3 weeks after being caught completely off guard. Now, she thinks she’s higher value than me because of how she dumped me but I bounced back in no time and I didn’t have time to plan for it.

You felt "better" with her gone?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

if she wanted you in your life she would have leaned on you during hard times not withdraw.

This simply isn't always true. These 100% always/never statements just make my blood boil because while well intended they come from a place of ignorance.

If someone is in a distressed mental state they actually do the OPPOSITE of this because they don't want to feel like they are dragging you down with them. They actually feel like they are loving you by pushing you away so they don't drown you with their problems...it is basically "you will be better off without me".

 

[Pandora]

So I just successfully navigated a situation with a woman I have been seeing for a month which I didn't really see as a situation per se...rather its a chance to standout from most guys she has dated prior.

And that is when she pulls back at some point. I used to think this was due to low interest or losing interest mostly but I don't believe that anymore. I think there are times when that is true, sure. But in the scenario I am in it simply wasn't, she just had some issues with her oldest daughter and her ex going on and it was bothering her a lot.

What happened? Her texts became shorter, replies longer spaced, and less enthusiastic. What do most guys do in this situation? They panic...they ask what's wrong, they apologize for something they think made her act that way, they increase the frequency of their texts...and this pushes them further away...it also shows them you are very immature and unable to deal with things on an adult level which is a huge turnoff.

The easiest thing to do is the right thing to do. Nothing. In all cases she texted me within 7 or 8 hours and today she apologized to me for the way she was acting, thanked me for giving her space, made sure to let me know it had nothing to do with me and that she is working really hard to keep me around. She also made sure to let me know she will be baking something special for the next time she sees me.

Even if a woman is losing interest there is no way to fix it by making the same mistakes noted above. It will just ensure she realizes she is making the proper decision.

Sometimes it can even be a test to see what you will do if she pulls back to try and weed out the confident guys who don't care from the fake confident guys who freak out. Again the way you pass the test is by doing nothing and simply waiting.

Remaining a calming influence during an emotional storm is a very very sexy trait to a woman and one that is hard to find in a lot of men...and even if you don't feel confident or are freaking out it still is easy to pass the test by simply doing nothing, waiting for her to reply and then act accordingly...

Treat a woman like a cat..cats come and go as they please...if you try and make a cat do something, good luck...the cat will do it when it wants to...sometimes when you ignore them it piques their interest as to why...

Brooo facctssss. When I 100% realized this was a few years ago. I slept with this chick after the 2nd date. Great date, it was on the 4th of July. I did everything right. She immediately pulls back. Stops answering texts etc. She would set up dates then flake at the last moment. This hot cold goes on for weeks.

I was confused wondering if she is just this busy or is she doing this on purpose. I panic and totally rage out on her one day over text. Called her ugly, stupid anything I could say to hurt her. You know what she said......she said "you are just mad that I ignore you etc".

In her anger she basically told me that she was doing it on purpose. So gentlemen, they know what they are doing. They are very aware that you sent that text. It is deliberate. DO NOT RESPOND. ACT INDIFFERENT. It is very sexy to them. Eventually they will come around and if they dont its all good.

 

[Robert28]

Brooo facctssss. When I 100% realized this was a few years ago. I slept with this chick after the 2nd date. Great date, it was on the 4th of July. I did everything right. She immediately pulls back. Stops answering texts etc. She would set up dates then flake at the last moment. This hot cold goes on for weeks.

I was confused wondering if she is just this busy or is she doing this on purpose. I panic and totally rage out on her one day over text. Called her ugly, stupid anything I could say to hurt her. You know what she said......she said "you are just mad that I ignore you etc".

In her anger she basically told me that she was doing it on purpose. So gentlemen, they know what they are doing. They are very aware that you sent that text. It is deliberate. DO NOT RESPOND. ACT INDIFFERENT. It is very sexy to them. Eventually they will come around and if they dont its all good.

It’s a dangerous game they play because the older and more experienced I am, the less patient I am. Maybe by the time she comes around I’m already out with someone else. Women act like men these days and it’s so unattractive. They think it makes them attractive though.

 

[BJP1991]

Good post. It can be hard to resist the "illusion of action" but acting will more than likely hurt your chances. Honestly when women do this it also makes you realize "what is so special about HER"?

We should be spending time with quality women, not ones who are wishy washy with you. When you find a right girl you click with, all of this stuff is basically non-existent because it will flow naturally and have that "meant to be" feeling, to a degree. That doesnt mean just text her whenever you want, but be wary and understand that women need space as well and if she chooses to go a day or several days without texting you, it's best to just let it be.

That said, after a point it might be worth considering getting in touch with them, but if you do so, you must recognize that it has equally as good a chance of HURTING your odds as it does HELPING. And most of the time, it will hurt your odds more than it can help your odds.

 

[scarface701]

I agree with OP 100%. Having a said that I do believe there is a time and point when it’s alpha to call a woman out...

I believe there’s a point where women need to be called on their BS... in fact I know some women walk the line and push their man to see if he’ll allow her to walk all over him or if he’ll call her out.

 

[Hal9000]

The correct response to a woman pulling back is to reciprocate the pulling back. If you never hear from her again then so be it. The moment you chase you are already a goner.

 

[derby1]

I believe there’s a point where women need to be called on their BS...

been proved many a times it doesnt work so to speak, they just dont seem to understand logic.....and will still be doing the same thing 3 years later if you come across them

you could do what you said, but start the sentence with "your so unattractive when YOU..........."

their ego is best used on them

 

[scarface701]

been proved many a times it doesnt work so to speak, they just dont seem to understand logic.....and will still be doing the same thing 3 years later if you come across them

you could do what you said, but start the sentence with "your so unattractive when YOU..........."

their ego is best used on them

Right... i think when a woman pulls away let her go.

What I was saying is... there are also instances when woman do other actions (like flirt with your friends), flake on you, or whatever it may be...just to see if you’ll call them out for it... sometimes in these instances I think it’s alpha to say “ look here woman...you’re doing xyz and I don’t care for that. If you want to continue this that’s going to stop or you won’t be seeing me anymore”.

 

[derby1]

(like flirt with your friends),

smile and say "Anyone who can put up with your BS deserves a drink with me".........