How do you figure out what you league you are actually in?

[sangheilios]

I've had so many conflicting feedback experiences with this over the years to the point where I can't really figure out what league I am actually in.

I'm 6'4" and around 235-240, I've lifted and been into fitness just about my entire adult life so I'm obviously tall and have a good body.

I've been hit on by gay men many times as an adult, so obviously to them I'm "hot". I had one pull over when I was walking the dog and he complimented my looks. Had a couple hit on me at the gym, a few times at the bar, etc. I've been approached by attractive women that strangely enough were either married or in serious relationships.

Now, I've also had some experiences that would suggest the exact opposite. I've tried OLD and apps and I'd either get no matches/responses or I would just get matched with VERY unattractive women. I've approached literally just average women (4-5s) at bars and clubs and have gotten attitude.

I had a woman I know a few months back point out a pretty overweight woman and ask if I'd go out with her. My response was "Why would a guy that's 6'4", fit and takes care of himself date a woman like that?".

I'm not saying I belong on the cover of vogue magazine or that I'm entitled to the hottest women you see on instagram, obviously, but I can't really figure this out.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I've had so many conflicting feedback experiences with this over the years to the point where I can't really figure out what league I am actually in.

I'm 6'4" and around 235-240, I've lifted and been into fitness just about my entire adult life so I'm obviously tall and have a good body.

I've been hit on by gay men many times as an adult, so obviously to them I'm "hot". I had one pull over when I was walking the dog and he complimented my looks. Had a couple hit on me at the gym, a few times at the bar, etc. I've been approached by attractive women that strangely enough were either married or in serious relationships.

Now, I've also had some experiences that would suggest the exact opposite. I've tried OLD and apps and I'd either get no matches/responses or I would just get matched with VERY unattractive women. I've approached literally just average women (4-5s) at bars and clubs and have gotten attitude.

I had a woman I know a few months back point out a pretty overweight woman and ask if I'd go out with her. My response was "Why would a guy that's 6'4", fit and takes care of himself date a woman like that?".

I'm not saying I belong on the cover of vogue magazine or that I'm entitled to the hottest women you see on instagram, obviously, but I can't really figure this out.

Are you sexually active?

 

[deadmasterx]

That's something to think about. I realized that most guys doesn't give a damn about that, that they just wanna **** when they wanna and doesn't matter that much if the woman is below his own value (physical or intellectual). I wonder why sometimes. But anyways, dating apps is not the way to go because you can literally choose or discard anyone without even knowing, which means that even if you're a hot guy you might get little to no matches with girls that match your standards or higher. Street face-to-face is always the best option to go, or somewhere where you don't need an "approval" to hit the girl up.

Honestly speaking, as long as you're feeling confident about youself and is a bit of a smooth talker, your chances of getting hot girls are way above average, even if you don't exactly look as good as they do. Always having on mind that there's no such "out of your league" stuff. These thoughts only will hold you back when talking with a hottie.

 

[sangheilios]

Are you sexually active?

The last time I had any sort of sexual activity was just before the coronavirus shutdown. I had a couple dates from Tinder during the quarantine but I wasn't remotely at all into them, they were much bigger than what the photos suggested. The last real date I had was about a year ago.

In all honesty I haven't asked a woman out in months, I think the last time was maybe in November or early December. I I just haven't really seen anyone I was interested in and been focusing on other stuff.

 

[malz1]

I think men usually fit in a)intimidatingly hot, b)hot c)cute d) nobody if we're just talking face value alone.

You're obviously a, b, or c. Do you get a bunch of stares? Or compliments? Do girls get nervous, or do they feel very comfortable interacting with you right off the bat? Is it just 4 & 5's that seem to be interested?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The last time I had any sort of sexual activity was just before the coronavirus shutdown. I had a couple dates from Tinder during the quarantine but I wasn't remotely at all into them, they were much bigger than what the photos suggested. The last real date I had was about a year ago.

In all honesty I haven't asked a woman out in months, I think the last time was maybe in November or early December. I I just haven't really seen anyone I was interested in and been focusing on other stuff.

Some of those heavier heart of gold babes need to become lays. If your as handsome ss you say then the game is s bit harder. Mr Locario has a YouTube on dating for attractive guys.

 

[Serenity]

Maybe it is these less attractive women who view you out of their league? Maybe they are intimidated by you and give you attitude because they don't think they have a chance so they might as well. Sort of a defensiveness to avoid the disappointment they expect if they put their hopes on you.

In any case I recommend you don't view things as "leagues", those lines are extremely fuzzy. Those thoughts could start to chip away at your confidence.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Maybe it is these less attractive women who view you out of their league? Maybe they are intimidated by you and give you attitude because they don't think they have a chance so they might as well. Sort of a defensiveness to avoid the disappointment they expect if they put their hopes on you.

In any case I recommend you don't view things as "leagues", those lines are extremely fuzzy. Those thoughts could start to chip away at your confidence.

He needs to be fvcking some of these ladies he thinks isn't hot enough. Until he's fvcking hotter ones.

 

[Serenity]

He needs to be fvcking some of these ladies he thinks isn't hot enough. Until he's fvcking hotter ones.

Hmm, looks like he was trying to do just that, but they gave him attitude. I get why he doesn't go for the OLD landwhales, I wouldn't do that even if I was very unattractive.

 

[Robert28]

He needs to be fvcking some of these ladies he thinks isn't hot enough. Until he's fvcking hotter ones.

My experience is the ones that I think are average, are the absolute hardest ones to fvck. However, when I step out of my comfort zone and go for a girl that’s way above average, I usually score.

 

[Black Widow Void]

When we put our self-worth on the bargaining table (allowing others to determine our value via their approval or disapproval) we lose.

I don't claim to have bedded, dated etc... every woman that I've ever desired. Not at all.
However, I do claim to have done better with women than most men that are validation dependent. I'm thinking that when someone measures themselves by "leagues" they might be subconsciously projecting behavior that is less than desirable.

 

[sangheilios]

@malz1 @Serenity @mrgoodstuff

I've gotten numbers and gone out with some very attractive women, several asked me out, but it never resulted anything beyond a first or second date. When I was 20, I'm currently 30, I had someone send some pictures of me into a modeling photographer and I was reached out to, I never followed through with it though. Last fall when I was out for the night with one of my friends I had a black woman more or less grope/fondle me when I was walking down the street. I could keep going on and on with different examples of things like this.

Growing up I was very socially awkward and as an adult now some people have a hard time figuring me out, so it's possible I may be slightly on the spectrum, which of course throws off some of these women.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

My experience is the ones that I think are average, are the absolute hardest ones to fvck. However, when I step out of my comfort zone and go for a girl that’s way above average, I usually score.

Avg ones might make it harder because you make them insecure.

 

[malz1]

@malz1 @Serenity @mrgoodstuff

I've gotten numbers and gone out with some very attractive women, several asked me out, but it never resulted anything beyond a first or second date. When I was 20, I'm currently 30, I had someone send some pictures of me into a modeling photographer and I was reached out to, I never followed through with it though. Last fall when I was out for the night with one of my friends I had a black woman more or less grope/fondle me when I was walking down the street. I could keep going on and on with different examples of things like this.

Growing up I was very socially awkward and as an adult now some people have a hard time figuring me out, so it's possible I may be slightly on the spectrum, which of course throws off some of these women.

I need you to answer those questions I'd asked though.

 

[sangheilios]

I need you to answer those questions I'd asked though.

To specifically address the questions you mentioned;

When I have approached women a lot of the time I get this awkward stare from them where they don't really have anything to say and it gets awkward so I just abort right then and there. I have gotten compliments from women randomly, do have women check me out but they are subtle about it.

Like I said, I've approached average and below average women and I get attitude and it seems to result in nothing but then I've been asked out and/or approached by 8s and 9s.

 

[Clamslammer]

To specifically address the questions you mentioned;

When I have approached women a lot of the time I get this awkward stare from them where they don't really have anything to say and it gets awkward so I just abort right then and there. I have gotten compliments from women randomly, do have women check me out but they are subtle about it.

Like I said, I've approached average and below average women and I get attitude and it seems to result in nothing but then I've been asked out and/or approached by 8s and 9s.

Really attractive men will have a hard time dating and getting into a relationship with a girl, just as some hot girls have trouble. A lot of it comes down to insecurities on their end...it does start to suck if you are looking for a real connection rather than just getting laid.

I get the same things you do from stares (think deer in the headlight look), them blushing, ignoring you, not setting dates, etc... I have yet to find a solution on this the only real thing you can do is try to date more model level looking girls, but the problem with that a lot of their personalities do suck.

 

[sangheilios]

Really attractive men will have a hard time dating and getting into a relationship with a girl, just as some hot girls have trouble. A lot of it comes down to insecurities on their end...it does start to suck if you are looking for a real connection rather than just getting laid.

I get the same things you do from stares (think deer in the headlight look), them blushing, ignoring you, not setting dates, etc... I have yet to find a solution on this the only real thing you can do is try to date more model level looking girls, but the problem with that a lot of their personalities do suck.

That's a good way to describe it, the deer in headlights look. I have gotten numbers and dates from very attractive women, like I mentioned. However, as you also noted many of these women seem to have no personality and everything lies entirely on their looks and the attention it garners them. I obviously do want sex but I'm also looking for someone to have a real connection with and I've had a very difficult time finding that. I'm actually a good guy with good intentions but several times I've gone on dates with women and had them ask questions randomly like "how many women have you been with?" or make a comment about my height or being fit and saying "I'm sure you get tons of numbers regularly".

 

[Serenity]

Growing up I was very socially awkward and as an adult now some people have a hard time figuring me out, so it's possible I may be slightly on the spectrum, which of course throws off some of these women.

I see. You should dedicate some effort to work on your inner game, it can be very rewarding. I'm certain you have a better body than me, but I have a way of talking to and connecting with women that I don't see every day in other guys.

If you improve in that area along with being fit and good looking then you will destroy all competition. Surely you'll be successful.

 

[sangheilios]

I see. You should dedicate some effort to work on your inner game, it can be very rewarding. I'm certain you have a better body than me, but I have a way of talking to and connecting with women that I don't see every day in other guys.

If you improve in that area along with being fit and good looking then you will destroy all competition. Surely you'll be successful.

I've been slowly improving upon that over the recent years. I didn't even have any real friends until a little over 2 years ago and since then I've been more or less "putting myself out there" far more often compared to before. I have far more social confidence now compared to in the past but I'm definitely still "awkward" to some people. To some degree I don't really care about who doesn't really vibe with me, I've met some legitimate losers that seem to have an issue with me but it doesn't mean I'm going to try to change to fit in with them.

With that said, this all still a work in progress and I realize that with the right people for me they won't be phased by any of this, as at the end of the day I'm still a good person who has a lot going on.

 

[Clamslammer]

That's a good way to describe it, the deer in headlights look. I have gotten numbers and dates from very attractive women, like I mentioned. However, as you also noted many of these women seem to have no personality and everything lies entirely on their looks and the attention it garners them. I obviously do want sex but I'm also looking for someone to have a real connection with and I've had a very difficult time finding that. I'm actually a good guy with good intentions but several times I've gone on dates with women and had them ask questions randomly like "how many women have you been with?" or make a comment about my height or being fit and saying "I'm sure you get tons of numbers regularly".

I use to be like you as I started to question myself because I started having these weird interactions with girls where they would basically treat me like they would a guy they don't like but their eyes and body language was telling me otherwise. As I got older my confidence grew as I became more successful in life and comfortable with myself so I could actually walk up to any girl and talk and ask her out but girls would blow themselves out in one form or another due to nerves and it was not because I was a douche either. Ping me if you have any questions as it seems like we face the same issues.

From the sounds of it you seem to be discouraged and are starting to question yourself like I did. There is nothing wrong with you, just keep working on yourself and putting yourself out there.

One thing I noticed the cute homely girls will be really insecure and nervous with you and usually autoreject you sometimes they cannot even make eye contact. The hotter girls are even worse, if you don't give them attention like every thristy guy out there they will just treat you like crap to test your confidence.