Woman confesses she no longer loves BF after finding out he was raped

[Scars]

Kinda f*cked up.. but further proof that women will devalue you completely if you do (or in this case experience) anything that emasculates you.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

this type of abuse is on a redpill youtuber's list of red flags to avoid for the reverse too. i.e. when a woman tells you about abuse in her past. I thought that was cruel too.

Have you ever been that classmate or coworker never mind love interest that someone confides this to? Its shocking and one feels as helpless as the survivor of the abuse.
Those pamphlets say to encourage your friend to go tell a trusted adult but what happens next when your friend is seeing the therapist and still wants your ear?
Give them your ear, try your very, very best not to let your own shock affect your friendship.

I often thought that people who are told about these crimes also need therapy now themselves. So to answer the "AITA?" question(which I had to google in urban dictionary to decipher, lol)....only if this redditor doesn't seek therapy herself.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Women always side with the strongest.

And the strongest just like an epic hero was born to be the strongest and has always been, women want nothing less than that.

Dont believe bullsh1t about being open and share your weakness, that would be like your broker telling you how much money he lost in 2008 right before suggesting you the best stocks for 2020.

 

[Robert28]

I think a lot of guys get comfortable at a certain point around a woman and think they can be open about ANYTHING. Comfort will cause you to make mistakes. You don’t have to walk on egg shells all the time but don’t think you can spill your guts to a woman. I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now most women complain about me “being hard to read” and “I don’t get you, you’re hard to figure out”. That’s how you know you’re doing it right. Tell them NOTHING.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Ex-fiance shared something similar. Went with him to the house it happened in a different town Talked about it for months. We tried.

 

[Medina]

If you find out your current girlfriend was roofied and gangraped at a fraternity party in college, you're gonna look at her differently...possibly(probably?) even to the point that you'll end the relationship because of it. Is it fair to her, to be judged for something that isn't really her fault, and could've happened to anyone? Nope, but damaged goods are damaged goods, and not everyone can handle that type of information...not to mention the fact that her experience will probably come with a whole host of hangups(and understandably so) for you to deal with.

So, I'm not only not surprised this guy is about to get dumped(probably as delicately as she can manage), but I would advise any man to keep such experiences to himself. If you need to talk to someone, a priest or psychiatrist are probably your safest bets, because, at least, that info will go no further. Even telling your best friend is an iffy proposition -- especially these days, when so many men gossip nearly as much as the Heehaww Honeys. If you can't even keep your own secrets, though, should you really expect anyone else to?

By rights, should a little boy who was molested or a woman who was raped be made to feel ashamed of their experience, as if it were their fault? Of course not...but if you don't know that labeling yourself with your worst experiences will adversely influence how others see you, then you don't know anything about the human condition.

Your girlfriend isn't your mommy. Don't cry to her about when your uncle touched you in your no-no zone, unless you expect the further dissemination of that information to enhance your social standing -- which it won't. Is that "fair"? Is it "fair" that one of your ancient ancestors walked outside his cave to take a piss, one night, and got eaten by a saber-toothed tiger, or that there's an 8% chance one of your female ancestors was raped by Genghis Khan?

Life isn't "fair." So-fuucking-what?

If it would bother you to know your girl had been raped, how could you expect it to not bother her to learn that YOU had been raped...when so much of her attraction to you depends of her illusion of your invincibility/invulnerability . The saddest part of that story is that he was probably following his shrink's advice, by telling her...and now, in the social media age, even moving to a new town isn't going to save him from that cat that he himself let out of the bag.

I was trying to think of something similar to say but you said it well. If the shoe were on the other foot most Sosuavers would tell the guy it's okay to dump her. The bottom line is she can't choose her feelings, and he deserves someone who'll respect him, anyway.

As for telling her...I think it's in the way that you tell her (if at all). Save the crying for your therapist and work that shyt out. If you're going to tell your girl, you should be at a point where you're not letting the event take ownership of you. A very red pilled friend of mine told me he was molested (not raped) as a kid. It just came up in conversation and he said it happened to him, and he talked about how he made sure not to let it define him and who he is. He'd had some therapy long ago and got past it. He was telling me about it like he would have described falling off a ladder. I could see he didn't need a hug or my sympathy. I'm sure he'd had the support he needed long ago from his family or a therapist.

Both retarded

Were talking about a CH!LD that was rped, not some college student at a frat party

Wtf

Damaged goods isnt ch!ld abuse. Its totally different

She's judging him NOW. He wasn't even a man when it happened

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

She's judging him NOW.

She's not judging him.

She's no longer attracted to him.

Like somebody on the keto diet was halfway through something and found out it had sugar in it.

No longer want it.

Sucks for him, but women's attraction will turn on a dime.

 

[Medina]

I'll agree to disagree on this one fellas

Sick stuff

 

[FairShake]

Gross sh!t but honestly, you can't make a woman love you. If she starts to lose interest it is gone brother. Best to find you another woman, maybe one worth it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Gross sh!t but honestly, you can't make a woman love you. If she starts to lose interest it is gone brother. Best to find you another woman, maybe one worth it.

If she starts to lose it ignore her. Do something else. There is a ebb and flow Thats part of reality.

 

[Lookatu]

C'mon guys, look through the trees. Who are we kidding here?
She's just thinking of breaking it off with him since he couldn't perform for a week and a half and she needs the D. She might've tried to work with him if it only happened one time but she probably lost patience and hope. She's putting a different angle on it so she can feel better about it. If he told her and was still able to fvck her good, I bet she wouldn't even have posted. But her being only 20yo she's trying to seek validation/approval from her peers because that's what they do. Anyways, I'm not saying it's right but just another angle to think about.
If she really liked him, she would've stuck with him through good and bad times.

 

[corrector]

What happened to showing your vulnerable side as being sexy? Sounds like russian roulette advice. This guy was macho and followed the advice then lost the girl.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

View attachment 4215

Kinda f*cked up.. but further proof that women will devalue you completely if you do (or in this case experience) anything that emasculates you.

A lot of tough guys who are excessively dominant were one time beaten or raped. That's really fvcked up of her.

 

[zekko]

I was trying to think of something similar to say but you said it well. If the shoe were on the other foot most Sosuavers would tell the guy it's okay to dump her.

That's the first thing I thought when I read this. The standard advice to men on this forum has always been if you encounter a woman who says she was raped or molested is to run fast, and run far.

 

[BeExcellent]

I’m with @Medina on this one 100%.

He was 11. A child. He’s grown the courage to get therapy (which digs up all that old shame about it) and he’s shared with his girl.

Problem is that his girl lacks the maturity to receive this information in a non-judgemental way. She’s 20. She has utterly no frame of reference and is reacting without empathy. She’s worried about herself and her feels.

Thats immaturity. Unfortunately what her immaturity will teach him is never to share this again. And that’s the wrong message too.

All of us as human beings desire to be fully known by another. This young man cannot be fully known without sharing that experience. It’s just that he’s got the wrong partner at the moment. Hopefully his therapist will help him through the break up.

Unfortunate situation all round.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

That's the first thing I thought when I read this. The standard advice to men on this forum has always been if you encounter a woman who says she was raped or molested is to run fast, and run far.

It's not the same. A man will overcome this to be a stronger man so it won't happen again.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

this is ultimately pretty accurate. Its heartbreaking.

[QUOTE

It's the beautiful illusion of love, that you've found your "other half," that a secret shared is a secret kept(which only works if it's also her secret), and that the union of souls is permanent. In the real world, the woman who would die for you, today, is just as likely to want you dead, tomorrow(or at some other insufficiently distant future date), and vice versa. That's the nature of romantic love, and why telling your secrets to a woman on a perfumed pillow is like stepping into a time machine, and delivering the same secrets to a woman who hates you. Love is more powerful than sodium pentothal.

 

[zekko]

It's not the same. A man will overcome this to be a stronger man so it won't happen again.

Perhaps. I've known males who were molested though, and I would have to say it left them at least a little messed up.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

As was said earlier, she's not judging, she's just admittedly not attracted to him. It's not something you can force or choose.

I think everyone has a right and an obligation to worry about herself. It doesn't mean she's immature or lacks empathy. At 20 she's mature enough to recognize that relationships work best when each party derives genuine happiness from them. If she is just sucking it up to please him and others it won't work. Her doubt is only over what others will think (e.g. her friend). It wouldn't be fair to this guy if she stayed with him for appearances or shame from others.

I DO think she could give it a few more months and then she how she feels, since the erectile dysfunction and confidence issue may have been because of his fear to disclose. But she still would have to be true to herself.

The guy also "just started" seeing a therapist so I think he's got some progress to make.

Good at sex but an entire week and a half difficulty performing. I wonder if he told her a week and a half ago and HER energy changed. Causing him not to be aroused.

 

[BeExcellent]

As was said earlier, she's not judging, she's just admittedly not attracted to him. It's not something you can force or choose.

I think everyone has a right and an obligation to worry about herself. It doesn't mean she's immature or lacks empathy. At 20 she's mature enough to recognize that relationships work best when each party derives genuine happiness from them. If she is just sucking it up to please him and others it won't work. Her doubt is only over what others will think (e.g. her friend). It wouldn't be fair to this guy if she stayed with him for appearances or shame from others.

I DO think she could give it a few more months and then she how she feels, since the erectile dysfunction and confidence issue may have been because of his fear to disclose. But she still would have to be true to herself.

The guy also "just started" seeing a therapist so I think he's got some progress to make.

Agreed. I’m with you in that the reasonable course of action would be to wait a bit & see. And she should be true to herself as well. Thing is with women as we all know...emotions can be irrational. It can be difficult to behave rationally in the situation. But it’s also true you cannot negotiate desire...however desire ebbs and flows over time in a LTR as well. This couple may be too young & inexperienced to know that.