Did I play this right?

[.Paradox.]

Had a wine date last saturday. Went well and ended up fvcking the sh!t outta each other. Hit her up this week and said it was fun. She agreed and I said we should hangout again this weekend, but she said she has her daughter. Legit excuse, but no reciprocation, so I said: "oh gotcha. Well if you feel like hanging out again hit me up when you have a free night."

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Had a wine date last saturday. Went well and ended up fvcking the sh!t outta each other. Hit her up this week and said it was fun. She agreed and I said we should hangout again this weekend, but she said she has her daughter. Legit excuse, but no reciprocation, so I said: "oh gotcha. Well if you feel like hanging out again hit me up when you have a free night."

Another option was to say nothing and talk/hang with the other lady who is trying to spend time with you.

 

[bcude]

No, shouldn't have reached out and said it was fun. Now you came off as thirsty which lowered your value.
An interested woman will always reach out if you're quiet, especially if the sex was good. She can't afford not to.

 

[.Paradox.]

No, shouldn't have reached out and said it was fun. Now you came off as thirsty which lowered your value.
An interested woman will always reach out if you're quiet, especially if the sex was good. She can't afford not to.

LOL

 

[Lookatu]

Had a wine date last saturday. Went well and ended up fvcking the sh!t outta each other. Hit her up this week and said it was fun. She agreed and I said we should hangout again this weekend, but she said she has her daughter. Legit excuse, but no reciprocation, so I said: "oh gotcha. Well if you feel like hanging out again hit me up when you have a free night."

If a gal knows that you had a good time, yet doesn't counter offer with a different date where she's free, it signals low interest or she put you in the backup option category or buyer's remorse because she might've been a bit tipsy and "in the moment".

You also made a mistake of how you responded. You should've just said "what about the weekend after?". And if she provides anything but a "sure!", then most likely she lost interest and put you as a lower option.

Two things to always go by: Equal Reciprocation and Actions over Words...

 

[.Paradox.]

If a gal knows that you had a good time, yet doesn't counter offer with a different date where she's free, it signals low interest or she put you in the backup option category or buyer's remorse because she might've been a bit tipsy and "in the moment".

You also made a mistake of how you responded. You should've just said "what about the weekend after?". And if she provides anything but a "sure!", then most likely she lost interest and put you as a lower option.

Two things to always go by: Equal Reciprocation and Actions over Words...

But if I did that, the guy above would've said it was desperate and thirsty.

 

[AttackFormation]

You handled this fine to me, all you did was hit her up, ask her if she wanted to meet and then passed the ball to her court when she didn't. That sounds pretty textbook to me. I think guys who say otherwise are splitting hairs or tunnel visioned. I especially disagree with Lookatu's advice to impose on her about the weekend after or something, that would've been a bad move.

If she wants to see you again, she will reach out.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No, shouldn't have reached out and said it was fun. Now you came off as thirsty which lowered your value.
An interested woman will always reach out if you're quiet, especially if the sex was good. She can't afford not to.

The women are chasing and bothering the guys they are interested in.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The women are chasing and bothering the guys they are interested in.

Many of us have noticed when we stopped worrying and thinking about them, and have "moved on" or deep into another, for an odd reason their interest is re-peaked, as if the universe tapped them on the shoulder...

 

[Lookatu]

I especially disagree with Lookatu's advice to impose on her about the weekend after or something, that would've been a bad move.

It's not imposing, it's being assertive. Girls like guys that are more assertive and go after things. It provides more certaintity and communicates to girls that he knows what he wants. Girls don't like flakey, uncertain, wishy washy behaviour from guys even if that is how they are too.

Girls are going to respond more favorably to someone asking: "Wanna do something this Thursday?" vs. "Hey, get back to me whenever you are free".
In this case, he's just merely asking a question. It's not like he said "I want to see you next Saturday then." That to me is imposing.

Just calibrate yourself so that you are assertive but not a push-over as you don't wanna freak out or scare the girl in anyway.

 

[AttackFormation]

It's not imposing, it's being assertive. Girls like guys that are more assertive and go after things. It provides more certaintity and communicates to girls that he knows what he wants. Girls don't like flakey, uncertain, wishy washy behaviour from guys even if that is how they are too.

Girls are going to respond more favorably to someone asking: "Wanna do something this Thursday?" vs. "Hey, get back to me whenever you are free".
In this case, he's just merely asking a question. It's not like he said "I want to see you next Saturday then." That to me is imposing.

Just calibrate yourself so that you are assertive but not a push-over as you don't wanna freak out or scare the girl in anyway.

If she thought next weekend would be fine, she would've said so on her own. Saying "what about next weekend?" comes across to me as socially incompetent, needy, or both, pressing her for availability out of either not understanding or not caring about the social cue at play here.

And why would you be in a rush to see her and try to book her up far in advance if she isn't in the same rush to see you? On top of that, if you actually thought she herself wanted to see you, there would be no need to try to press her to do so as she would hit you up later herself. So the fact that you do it just adds to the cringe factor of social incompetence and/or neediness, you don't trust that she wants to see you and you basically want to obligate or guilt trip her into booking a time in advance.

That's how I imagine it, whatever works for you.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

There's a very fine line between needy and being assertive and going after what you want. Sometimes you'll cross over into needy territory, at least I do but if you're generally not needy then you'll be fine. I like to tell my girl what to do at times but I'm not sure if that comes across as needy or confident and dominant. Here I would just withdraw though, you've shown her you want to take her out again, balls in her court now.

 

[Lookatu]

If she thought next weekend would be fine, she would've said so on her own. Saying "what about next weekend?" comes across to me as socially incompetent, needy, or both, pressing her for availability out of either not understanding or not caring about the social cue at play here.

That's how I imagine it, whatever works for you.

Exactly. As I stated, because she didn't counter offer, it signaled low interest in her part. Maybe there's a communication breakdown here...

But since the guy went ahead and asked her out again, I was merely suggesting being more assertive with his second question is all since he's already asked. Single mothers usually only have alternating weekends free. If you are not asking a direct question, someone else will and will get a date with her on her free weekend. And the fact that single mothers aren't as available, you have to approach it a slightly different way.

Legit excuse, but no reciprocation, so I said: "oh gotcha. Well if you feel like hanging out again hit me up when you have a free night."

But as you say, whatever works for different folks. There's so many nuances to situations and various people, it's clearly not a one size fits all type of thing.


OP keep us updated

 

[Robert28]

Being assertive isn’t always going to get you the answer you want. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “I’ll let you know” after saying directly “let’s go out this Tuesday”. It’s not always cut and dry how something is going to work.

 

[Lookatu]

Being assertive isn’t always going to get you the answer you want. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “I’ll let you know” after saying directly “let’s go out this Tuesday”. It’s not always cut and dry how something is going to work.

I agree but it will give the gal the impression at least that you know what you want and aren't afraid to go after it. Some women find that sexy and separates you out from the others while some women will be afraid or turned off by it. It's all about calibration depending on the gal.

 

[Robert28]

I agree but it will give the gal the impression at least that you know what you want and aren't afraid to go after it. Some women find that sexy and separates you out from the others while some women will be afraid or turned off by it. It's all about calibration depending on the gal.

They only find it sexy if they’re interested in you and find you sexually attractive. I can take two completely different guys (one she’s attracted to, one she isn’t and will never be), I can tell them to say the same thing in the same tone and show the same “confidence”. It’ll work for one, won’t work for the other.

 

[Lookatu]

They only find it sexy if they’re interested in you and find you sexually attractive. I can take two completely different guys (one she’s attracted to, one she isn’t and will never be), I can tell them to say the same thing in the same tone and show the same “confidence”. It’ll work for one, won’t work for the other.

True. I didn't look at it from a totally stranger attraction perspective. I was looking at it in terms of if you had already connected with someone.

 

[Clamslammer]

Paradox you did fine. Do not over think it. You had a good date, reached out a week later to setup another date which showed assertiveness which is good. She did not bite on it so you left the ball in her court. Do not reach out again, let her reach out. She will reach out to you within 1-4 weeks or maybe never who cares. When she does set the date again. Keep it simple.

The only thing I would have said differently was to tell her reach back out to you when she frees up so you can go grab food. The way you said it may come off to her that you just want a booty call...not worth over thinking though you did fine.

Let her reach out to you, if you reach out again you fail. Now go find other girls in the meantime.

 

[mikey2012]

Low interest. Move on. A woman who is into you...will move mountains to see you.

 

[mikey2012]

Many of us have noticed when we stopped worrying and thinking about them, and have "moved on" or deep into another, for an odd reason their interest is re-peaked, as if the universe tapped them on the shoulder...

True . Somehow they know on a subconscious universal level lol.


Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.