Can ex’s be friends? Are they just friends/friendly with each other?

[Becky Dee]

Most of the time, guys stay friends with girls they want to have sex with. It is a weak strategy, but one that is employed very often. I can tell you right now, if she wanted to fvck him, he would be inside her no questions asked.

I wouldn't get to attached to this guy. As @bcude stated you are probably just a rebound / back up. He is very clearly reaching out to his ex to initiate conversations and spark interest. If he was done with her, he wouldn't be sending her puppy videos.

from my understanding our mutual friend said that the ex has responded pleasantly. So why isn’t the guy I’m seeing making more of an effort if he wants her back. Since he’s not I’m thinking he doesn’t want her back.

 

[CopperHead]

Hmm but can’t it just be lingering feeling (normal after a breakup) ? If he wanted her back he would’ve gotten back with her.

She broke up with him. You have to remember when a person get dumped / rejected it often sparks even more attraction for the person doing the dumping. The have only been broken up 2 months. It is far to early for anyone to advise this guy to jump into a committed relationship. From his behavior, he is trying to reach out to her to spark a conversation, most likely to win her over. He is even in contact with her parents. I would take this as a huge red flag. Not to mention its pretty disrespectful to you.

 

[Becky Dee]

She broke up with him. You have to remember when a person get dumped / rejected it often sparks even more attraction for the person doing the dumping. The have only been broken up 2 months. It is far to early for anyone to advise this guy to jump into a committed relationship. From his behavior, he is trying to reach out to her to spark a conversation, most likely to win her over. He is even in contact with her parents. I would take this as a huge red flag. Not to mention its pretty disrespectful to you.

yea, but then HE got mad and said he didn’t want to do this anymore when she reached out to reconcile and they had an argument. So in turn he broke up with her. Doesn’t this make him the dumper?

 

[CopperHead]

You also have to ask yourself is this relationship worth it? Is it worth snooping around on his phone? Is it worth going behind his back, asking his friends about his conversations with him? Is it worth the mistrust? I take it you wouldn't be posting here for advice if you fully trusted him. @stringpuller gave the best advice if you want to keep him around. Is his relationship with her going to bother you a month from now, a year from now? From the information we have, I believe he still has feelings for her.

 

[vanballmoos]

You also have to ask yourself is this relationship worth it? Is it worth snooping around on his phone? Is it worth going behind his back, asking his friends about his conversations with him? Is it worth the mistrust? I take it you wouldn't be posting here for advice if you fully trusted him. @stringpuller gave the best advice if you want to keep him around. Is his relationship with her going to bother you a month from now, a year from now? From the information we have, I believe he still has feelings for her.

@Becky Dee listen to him. It’s just a messy situation all around.

@CopperHead quick question though, even if he has feelings that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to get back with her does it? I met a chick who got a relationship not that long ago so I’m just curious.

 

[Robert28]

I don’t do friendships with women. Ever. I’ve done it twice, got burned twice too. Being a friend with a woman is a good way to get yourself used and taken advantage of. Might as well avoid it all together and refuse their offer of friendship when they offer it.

 

[bcude]

@vanballmoos, if a man keeps in contact with a woman (non-professionally) and initiates like this guy is doing when he should be dismissing her and move on, he wants to get inside her pants 99.99% of the time.

It's clear that this guy OP is seeing thinks about his ex alot and will jump at the opportunity if his ex is receptive to it. One thing will lead to another. How many times haven't we seen this?

Maybe his ex will just string him along and get over him while holding his hand. In any case it is bad news for OP seeing a guy with his mind elsewhere if she's looking for something serious.

 

[Seductions_Mad_Scientist]

Sorry if I’m in the wrong place but I needed a man’s advice so I came here...

I know women say that they can be friends with an ex, but can men?

I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month.
I know he contacted his ex a few weeks ago. He couldn’t find something of his so he texted her and asked her if she had it, apparently she told him no, she didn’t have it. The next day I saw that he texted her again and asked once more about the missing item and if she had a chance to look again (I was using his laptop and his message threads appear on his Mac). Then the next day he was laughing at something. He had sent her a video of these clumsy puppies. I figured they were just friends/friendly?

A last week he had liked this post that said, “50% miss you, 50% **** you.” Sunday she texted him saying tell your mom I said happy Mother’s Day for me and he responded, “Will do. Please do the same for me.” I’ll admit I kind of peeked over when he was texting and saw this.

Backstory:
My good friend’s boyfriend is a good buddy of his (how we met) so I was made privy to a few things.

She broke up with him first 2 months ago and in the process of talking things out they got in a bad argument that night, and according to my friend, the guy I’m seeing just got angry and called it off. I do know right before the big blow he went to her mother for advice. He said he didn’t know what his ex had wanted. Then a few weeks later after he broke things off (1.5 month post the breakup she initiated…3 weeks after he called off the reconciliation/broke up with her) he contacted her about his things and then sent her the video.

I know that he posted this song ‘Desires’ by drake with the caption “been listening to this for 8 hours now”. My take on the song is it’s about a guy who is going through a breakup and talks about how things could’ve been handled differently, and how nice guy’s finish last.

Then last week he liked a post with a caption that says,

‘When someone says there’s other fish in the sea
‘My response:’

And video of a person shooting the fish. So I think it’s safe to assume it’s about her.

Our mutual friend said that he looks at her Instagram and views her posts all the time, even though she doesn’t really view his. Oh, and apparently she was his first serious girlfriend – he’s 30 by the way. Apparently, two months ago she was at his family’s house and he said he wanted to have an engagement party there.

So are they just friends/friendly?

I'll speak from my own experience.

About 2/3 of my previous gfs were friends of mine for a significant period of time after the breakup. Now its not really fair to say we are just friends or dating in most of those cases because often we'll be FWB.

I think it has less to do with "is it possible" and much more to do with the place in life the individuals are in.

The women I date know pretty early on (unless they are irredeemably stupid... which happens) not to expect much from me in terms of standard non-open monogamous relationships. As far as I see it, if you wanna be a part of my life and it works for the both of us then great. If someone wants me to change all the things i've worked so hard to build I'd sooner get rid of them. It's like an employee of yours comes up to you and all of a sudden demands 2x salary with no change in responsibility . If you're more moderate you'd just say no. If you were upset you'd fire there sorry ass.

Cheers,

 

[Visionist]

Your fella sounds like a simp. Puppy videos? Drake songs?

Find yourself a real man.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Your fella sounds like a simp. Puppy videos? Drake songs?

Find yourself a real man.

Drake stay lit though dont be hatin now.

 

[logicallefty]

I'm friends with my ex-wife. She left me in 2004 after 12 x years and a daughter together. The reason we have been able to be friends is because there are no feelings left either direction, and there is no unresolved bitterness. I went through the lowest point in my life in 2012 and she had my back. Could have been a nasty b|tch and tried to get my 50/50 custody of our daughter yanked but she did no such thing. Then she went through some hard times and legal troubles in 2019 and I had her back 110%. She has even admitted that if she had it to do again she wouldn't have divorced me and said "I was too immature back then and I made a really big mistake leaving Lefty". But it's all good our daughter, now 16, still wants us to get back together but she has said many times she is grateful that her two divorced parents get along so well. Our situation doesn't happen too much anymore.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

I'm friends with my ex-wife. She left me in 2004 after 12 x years and a daughter together. The reason we have been able to be friends is because there are no feelings left either direction, and there is no unresolved bitterness. I went through the lowest point in my life in 2012 and she had my back. Could have been a nasty b|tch and tried to get my 50/50 custody of our daughter yanked but she did no such thing. Then she went through some hard times and legal troubles in 2019 and I had her back 110%. She has even admitted that if she had it to do again she wouldn't have divorced me and said "I was too immature back then and I made a really big mistake leaving Lefty". But it's all good our daughter, now 16, still wants us to get back together but she has said many times she is grateful that her two divorced parents get along so well. Our situation doesn't happen too much anymore.

That's heart warming. Sometimes two people just don't work out as a couple but can still co-exist because you care for one another without having an actual romantic relationship. Your daughter is very lucky to have both you and your ex wife get along so well and still help eachother even though theres no romance.

 

[vanballmoos]

Your fella sounds like a simp. Puppy videos? Drake songs?

Find yourself a real man.

Lmao

Your fella sounds like a simp. Puppy videos? Drake songs?

Find yourself a real man.

Lmao. My guy is clearly HURT if desires by drake is trigger for him.

have y’all listened to the song? Like they said, real simp.

 

[zekko]

I'm friends with my ex-wife. She left me in 2004 after 12 x years and a daughter together.

I definitely think exes can be friends. And in your case, it's to everyone's benefit because you have a daughter together, which is a mutual cause. I think exes can be friends, but it can cause complications down the road if you get into another relationship. Again, in your case, the fact that you have a daughter gives you an out, because no girl can (legitimately) get upset that you talk to your daughter's mother.

If some guy came here and made the original post, everyone would be telling him to next the girl, or just keep her as a plate only.

 

[Robert28]

Unless you have kids involved where you are forced to remain civil (ie. Friends) with an ex PLEASE do yourself a favor and don’t waste your time trying to be ANY woman’s friend. All that energy and time spent trying to be some woman’s friend could be spent on a woman that doesn’t want friendship but wants to fvck you and date you and be serious about you. I know it can be hard when you have feelings for someone and just can’t walk away but trust me, once you finally do it you’ll feel a huge weight lifted off you and you’ll never make that “friend” mistake again. Men and women weren’t created to be friends, they aren’t even wired for friendship. It’s like cats and dogs, sure everyone knows a cat that is friendly with a dog but that doesn’t mean it’s the norm. Women want friendship for resources and to get attention without giving up anything to get it. You’ll always be on the losing end of that arrangement. Always.

I had a girl once tell me “I like you as a person and I’m in love with you as a friend”. I was 15 at the time and didn’t know wtf that meant but it didn’t sound natural and I was right, it wasn’t. This was before ghosting was a thing, but I accidentally handled it the right way and never spoke to her again because I met another girl that took my mind completely off of her. She flipped her sh!t because she lost a friend but I didn’t care, the other girl had my attention and she wasn’t offering friendship. She was offering sex and a relationship, Miss Friendzone couldn’t compete with that so she got ghosted.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There is a high likelihood at some point they become more than friends

 

[Robert28]

There is a high likelihood at some point they become more than friends

There is a chance but here’s what I’ve learned from experience. It ain’t never gonna be anything more than what it is if he doesn’t walk away, or at least make her think he’s walking away. Why would she want to change anything now when she has him by the balls? You have to lose something to miss it. She needs to lose him.

 

[bcude]

I'm friends with my ex-wife. She left me in 2004 after 12 x years and a daughter together. The reason we have been able to be friends is because there are no feelings left either direction, and there is no unresolved bitterness. I went through the lowest point in my life in 2012 and she had my back. Could have been a nasty b|tch and tried to get my 50/50 custody of our daughter yanked but she did no such thing. Then she went through some hard times and legal troubles in 2019 and I had her back 110%. She has even admitted that if she had it to do again she wouldn't have divorced me and said "I was too immature back then and I made a really big mistake leaving Lefty". But it's all good our daughter, now 16, still wants us to get back together but she has said many times she is grateful that her two divorced parents get along so well. Our situation doesn't happen too much anymore.

With all due respect but you have a child together, that changes everything. I can count so many separated parents that would never even talk to each other if it weren't for that fact, but they had to be cordial because of the child and from there some kind of tolerance and relationship grew.

 

[Becky Dee]

Sounds like a mess to me. I don't like talking this shyt with women but from a guy standpoint your a plate to him.
He has oneitis with this girl.
You can fck him if you want but i wouldnt get attached.
If you want him to yourself. Submit to him and fullfill his sexual fantasies. Cook him food and don't talk back to him unless hes out of line and it is something serious. Im talking if this guy is fcking normal and not some idiot.

Actually, I don’t think he has oneitis.

Today his friend posted a story of all the guys out and the guy I’m seeing is in the background talking about his ex. He’s talking about their breakup then said, “I’ve talked to her a little bit...but...whatever” and then the guys start laughing. So to me it’s a really good sign that he said “whatever”.


Our mutual friend (who set us up and is dating the best friend of the guy I’m seeing) said they were all together yesterday at the lake and were sitting there for a while. She said he pulled out his phone and saw him go through her Instagram stories because she had just posted. She reiterated how he’ll view her posts but the ex isn’t even checking his (shows you who views your story).


Also, the ex’s mom sent a group text but didn’t mean to include him in it. He replied to her and said, “haha no worries! I hope everyone is staying safe”. I can’t tell if him responding to her mom for the wrong text was him just being nice or just another means of staying in contact?

Also, learned that his ex is quarantined with her sister a few states away so she’s not even around.

 

[Visionist]

All together at the lake. That's some interesting social distancing.