I just left my family

[Exil]

You'll notice its more than her. Others too. People twist things to their advantage.

I always thought this was just human nature. Manipulate or be manipulated

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I always thought this was just human nature. Manipulate or be manipulated

There are straight shooters. And people who want to help you.

 

[Suave88]

Advice please gents. I've just left my now-ex of 10 years and two daughters and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it. She "emotionally" cheated in February and we've been living separately inside our house during lockdown but I've finally had enough of her moodiness, sh1t tests and walked out the door today.

I feel awful for my kids, they've done nothing wrong but I couldn't stay in that environment any longer. Am I a b@stard for leaving my kids? I can't stay with someone who is like that and it's not the first time she's done sh1t like this either. I've left before and always end up going back until the next time. I've had several affairs also but I'm just better at not getting caught than she is.

Lat year we got back together after a 5 month separation and I had about 15 girls I was talking to and sleeping with 4 on rotation (the hottest of the group) but I just cut them all loose when we got back together. I know that's probably where I went wrong but I do what I want when I'm single and was happy to give it up at the time, which to be honest, drove her crazy that all these girls kept messaging me months after we'd got back together.

If I'm honest, I didn't treat her well by the end. I do the stuff I'm supposed to do, bills etc but I'm very rarely romantic. I don't put in the effort to keep her attraction high because to be completely honest, I'm so tired when I get in from working that I haven't got the energy to "make her feel special and wanted". I work hard, I do a lot around the house but it's never appreciated.

Would you have left in my position or have I made a huge mistake?

If you left empty hand, you made a mistake, but if you have a plate, then screw her. Once I left a girlfriend, and it took me some time to get another, even worst, my new girlfriend and I broke further on.

 

[Exil]

If you left empty hand, you made a mistake, but if you have a plate, then screw her. Once I left a girlfriend, and it took me some time to get another, even worst, my new girlfriend and I broke further on.

No plate currently. In lockdown and no options. I know, stupid. I dropped all others when me and her got back together to "show commitment". Again, I know, stupid but I wasn't thinking clearly when the opportunity presented itself to get my family back and at the time it seemed like the "right thing to do".

 

[glass half full]

Don't worry about having a plate, unless its food served somewhere she wouldn't let you eat at lol...
Take control of your life now, this is your homework. You've been conditioned, and it has been sucking the life out of you. Happens to us all...Learn to be YOU, no more fitting anyone's recipe of a "man". Learn to be comfortable in your own shoes.

Take some time and make a list of what you want, how it's been denied and how you've been conditioned to think/react/do.
Don't feel mad or vengeful, just realize you've opened up a new world of possibilities which are your choice now. This especially applies to family as well. They are the ones who conditioned you first, maybe by no fault of your own. Just be glad you see things as they really are. Good luck Bro.

 

[glass half full]

If you are not familiar with the types of women to avoid, and the types they like here's an interesting vid.

 

[RickTheToad]

Advice please gents. I've just left my now-ex of 10 years and two daughters and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it. She "emotionally" cheated in February and we've been living separately inside our house during lockdown but I've finally had enough of her moodiness, sh1t tests and walked out the door today.

I feel awful for my kids, they've done nothing wrong but I couldn't stay in that environment any longer. Am I a b@stard for leaving my kids? I can't stay with someone who is like that and it's not the first time she's done sh1t like this either. I've left before and always end up going back until the next time. I've had several affairs also but I'm just better at not getting caught than she is.

Lat year we got back together after a 5 month separation and I had about 15 girls I was talking to and sleeping with 4 on rotation (the hottest of the group) but I just cut them all loose when we got back together. I know that's probably where I went wrong but I do what I want when I'm single and was happy to give it up at the time, which to be honest, drove her crazy that all these girls kept messaging me months after we'd got back together.

If I'm honest, I didn't treat her well by the end. I do the stuff I'm supposed to do, bills etc but I'm very rarely romantic. I don't put in the effort to keep her attraction high because to be completely honest, I'm so tired when I get in from working that I haven't got the energy to "make her feel special and wanted". I work hard, I do a lot around the house but it's never appreciated.

Would you have left in my position or have I made a huge mistake?

What do you mean, you left? Need more information to give advice. She will always be in your life since you had children with her. The better question would be, what do YOU want from her and the relationship?

 

[Exil]

Don't worry about having a plate, unless its food served somewhere she wouldn't let you eat at lol...
Take control of your life now, this is your homework. You've been conditioned, and it has been sucking the life out of you. Happens to us all...Learn to be YOU, no more fitting anyone's recipe of a "man". Learn to be comfortable in your own shoes.

Take some time and make a list of what you want, how it's been denied and how you've been conditioned to think/react/do.
Don't feel mad or vengeful, just realize you've opened up a new world of possibilities which are your choice now. This especially applies to family as well. They are the ones who conditioned you first, maybe by no fault of your own. Just be glad you see things as they really are. Good luck Bro.

I actually don't even want another woman at the moment. Still detaching from the one I was with. I've started writing a list of things I can and can't accept and it's making me think clearer. I always thought I had a pretty good handle on things and was in control of my own life but I can actually see a lot of my mistakes and how I could have avoided them but then there are things that happened that were just out of my control so I'm trying to learn how to prevent those things from happening in future. I don't know whether it's 100% done because of the kids, mortgage, family investment etc but the whole dynamic would need to change if it were to work, which I don't see happening. She was raised by a narcissistic mother and weak father who was always pushed out of the equation, present but not really present and so she was conditioned at an early age to treat men that way. My parents were similar as my mum was very dominant and my dad submissive. Seeing that weakness growing up conditioned me to fall in line with a women's frame and I've always been a bit of both in terms of alpha/beta. I generally fight her on a lot of things because I disagree with what she's saying/doing but can see how it's actually been detrimental to my relationship where I should have been stronger and lead by example. All mistakes made need ironing out so I never make the same mistakes again.

Thanks for the message, made a lot of sense.

 

[Exil]

What do you mean, you left? Need more information to give advice. She will always be in your life since you had children with her. The better question would be, what do YOU want from her and the relationship?

I packed my things and left. I told her very little about where I was going and what I was doing and just said I need space and time to figure out what I want. Take care of the kids and I'll contact you if and when I want to talk.

 

[Alvafe]

you should ahve asked a lawyer not here, get orientation on a divorce and move on

 

[Medina]

You sound like a cvnt but that's not necessarily a bad thing

It's guys like you that women CHOOSE to breed with. Just make sure to put your daughters first

I think you made the right decision leaving

 

[Exil]

you should ahve asked a lawyer not here, get orientation on a divorce and move on

It feels too soon to start talking about getting lawyers involved but it may be something I have to do down the road.

 

[Exil]

You sound like a cvnt but that's not necessarily a bad thing

It's guys like you that women CHOOSE to breed with. Just make sure to put your daughters first

I think you made the right decision leaving

I feel like a cvnt too. It's not a decision I've taken lightly. This is a buildup of years and years of neglectful behaviour towards me, disregard for my wellbeing and a complete lack of respect. I love my children a lot and have been video chatting with my eldest daughter a few times a day ever since I left, reassuring her that I love her and her sister.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I feel like a cvnt too. It's not a decision I've taken lightly. This is a buildup of years and years of neglectful behaviour towards me, disregard for my wellbeing and a complete lack of respect. I love my children a lot and have been video chatting with my eldest daughter a few times a day ever since I left, reassuring her that I love her and her sister.

You mentioned you did some cheating. Was it back when she was good to you or was it after she was doing you dirty?

 

[corrector]

If I'm honest, I didn't treat her well by the end. I do the stuff I'm supposed to do, bills etc but I'm very rarely romantic. I don't put in the effort to keep her attraction high because to be completely honest, I'm so tired when I get in from working that I haven't got the energy to "make her feel special and wanted". I work hard, I do a lot around the house but it's never appreciated.

That's why she "emotionally cheated" with someone else. What do you expect her to do to feel appreciated about the work done around the house? If you are on lockdown then how is it that you are drained out from working?

Would you have left in my position or have I made a huge mistake?

It sounds like you made a huge mistake. You neglected her, she texted someone else, you go postal, and you with her for 10 years and have children, so none of that makes any sense. Sounds like you are too possessive and should just quit your job and find something less demanding.

 

[Exil]

You mentioned you did some cheating. Was it back when she was good to you or was it after she was doing you dirty?

It was when she was. Was a reaction.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It was when she was. Was a reaction.

I believe after being shut off sex and treated badly taking on a outside lover us acceptable interim to full breakup. But a man shouldn't need to get intimacy from elsewhere if he has a wife. To have your hand forced in that way is something wives may do. Some think you can't get anyone else and bully you to force it.

 

[Exil]

That's why she "emotionally cheated" with someone else. What do you expect her to do to feel appreciated about the work done around the house? If you are on lockdown then how is it that you are drained out from working?



It sounds like you made a huge mistake. You neglected her, she texted someone else, you go postal, and you with her for 10 years and have children, so none of that makes any sense. Sounds like you are too possessive and should just quit your job and find something less demanding.

That's the thing though, the textiing someone else happened before lockdown and I didn't leave because of everything that was going on and didn't want to make a drastic decision and just walk away, knowing that there could be a lockdown and I wouldn't be able to be there for the kids and I suppose to try and see if there was a way to fix the damage in the relationship.

As far as possessive goes, if anything I'm not possessive enough as I never ask her where she is, never stalk her online activities, don't check her phone, I never tell her what to wear, who she can talk to, I never tell her she can't go out or who to be friends with. One of her old male friends came over for a tea back in early January and I have absolutely no problem with it because I know him and his girlfriend and have spent countless hours with them over the years. I do feel I neglected her a bit and maybe you're right about the job but mortgages don't pay themselves and lifestyles can't be afforded if o change to something else. That's one of the things that annoys me the most, if I didn't do what I do, she wouldn't have the house she loves, the car she loves, the material things she loves but still it wasn't enough. I feel unappreciated and I'm not saying she should be on her hands and knees every time I walk through the door, just show a little appreciation for the life she is able to have because of the work I do.

 

[Lookatu]

You gotta take care of yourself before you can be healthy to take care of others.

I've been in a 15 year relationship and have gone through similar things as you. Although divorce isn't on the tables as you said yet, you should make smart strategic decisions and planning just in case. I know some women definitely plan out strategic exit strategies to rape you if you aren't careful.

Ideally both of you still have some feelings for each other to have lasted this long. Just try to do your best to communicate in a style she's comfortable with and see if you can come to some sort of truce to be able to move on with life. Remind her that working out some sort of truce is in the best interest of your kids, because really, they would be the ultimate victims in all of this. Whether you are together under the same roof in an open relationship, separated under the same roof until the kids go to school, or whatever else you two can agree to, try to maintain some sort of friendship at the least and civility. I often see separated or divorced parents that were able to maintain some kind of friendship fare better afterwards. I don't know what the divorce laws are in the UK but the US definitely favors women here. It is all too easy to blow up and make an enemy and have her take everything you got. Just play it smart and think things through and see how both of you can navigate this so you guys can move forward in a favorable way to both of you. Maybe seek out some marriage counseling if you haven't already.

 

[Exil]

I believe after being shut off sex and treated badly taking on a outside lover us acceptable interim to full breakup. But a man shouldn't need to get intimacy from elsewhere if he has a wife. To have your hand forced in that way is something wives may do. Some think you can't get anyone else and bully you to force it.

Last year we separated and I quickly acquired a rotation just to take my mind off of it. I gave it all up when we got back together as we both wanted to make a go of it. I never wanted anyone else. I used those women and I'll probably do it again as soon as lockdown is over but I didn't deal with the real issue at hand.