Field Report: After 2 months, she came back

[deadmasterx]

Giving you guys a short background of the situation, me and this girl dated for 10 months. I am a military, and at the time I was in my first year working as much as humanly possible and we couldn't see each other much because of that. Most of our communication would be via text, and we would date and meet once a week or maybe less. We broke up in January, and the main fault was me getting out of my center, becoming needy, clingy, etc, all possible turn offs that you could possibly imagine because of some series of problems I was facing at that time. You can imagine how I acted during the breakup, yeah.

After that I tried using the "friendship" as a way to reach her, I was absolutely lost because it was my first time being dumped (in my previous ones, I was always the one who dumps, so I was saw myself pretty lost in this situation) and did a lot of turn off stuff. Gladly (or not), after I realized that's not the way and let her come to me instead of coming to her, I realized that she sees me with pretty good eyes and I surely hit her up in a way that no other guy did (despite the dumb stuff I did in the end). She couldn't move on.

She has this behaviour of coming, being all kind wanting to know how am I doing, saying she miss me, etc, disappearing for some time and then coming back again. Sometimes leaving on seen (when I started acting in a turn off way) and disappearing again. I then took this time not talking to her to think about what I was doing wrong and how to take these opportunities she gives for my best benefit.

And then, some days ago...

After posting a pretty good picture on Instagram, she came on WhatsApp. All lovely as always, calling me by my nickname of when we were together. Said that she was a bit emotional because of her period, and to not mind if she start crying all of sudden. I came playful, said that I'm still good at turning tears into laughs. After some time we called, didn't chat for long but she was breathing heavily and almost crying. I kept making her feel a bit more comfortable, brought back some good memories and some other things, but not for long. And then, she asked me if I missed her, I said "just as much as you missed me" and she sounded a pretty upset about this answer, which I quickly took the attention off (I didn't want any drama) and she came back to complimenting me and stuff. I finished it up saying that I was going to sleep, and then we stopped talking.

I noticed some things:
a) She gives me a lot of validation, compliments, and tries her best keeping the chat on when she comes to me, even if I'm not doing much or giving her any validation at all.

b) I'm a bit confuse wheather should I, after she showed that much interest, sometimes come to her as well, to not show I'm a cold fish and show some interest on her. She keeps coming back to me so it's not an extremely important matter, but I want to find the better ways to improve my situation.

c) I noticed that because of the "breakup wounds" I found myself holding back on flirting with her. Not because I was afraid, but because in most times she came to me I had this revengeful thought of "Okay, you came to me after dumping me up, I won't give you any validation and you can keep trying your best to have my attention". I think now, on second thought, I could use it on my favour to penetrate her deeply with my male energy again, showing some alpha behaviour, making her feel like a woman (again).

d) Our chats are pretty great, there's this good tension in the air but I'm pretty much comfortable with it. I talk with her, make her laugh, she asks a lot of things about me which I don't give much information, keeping more things a secret, always playful and charming. I think that I could turn it on something more intimate and exciting, but as I said before I didn't try it yet.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Next time she hits you up just say something like "Hey, I have a lot of great things going on but am really busy...why don't you bring over a bottle of wine and we can cook dinner together and we can catch up on things."

 

[derby1]

this woman has lost respect for you ,shes just checking your still sucking your thumb waiting for her, if you play the game real tight she will meet up with you, stare deep in your eyes , talk about memories, give you some loving......after all this she will go real weird on you again.

the whole thing was to feed her ego

 

[Robert28]

this woman has lost respect for you ,shes just checking your still sucking your thumb waiting for her, if you play the game real tight she will meet up with you, stare deep in your eyes , talk about memories, give you some loving......after all this she will go real weird on you again.

the whole thing was to feed her ego

Sounds like a covert narcissist to me. Women value attention, narcissists value supply. Both are one in the same basically.

 

[darksprezzatura]

YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO MAKE IT WORK WITH HER.

You have a case of oneitis my friend.
Look at yourself analysing her every move.

This is due to the emotional investment you made in her.

Does a successful trader ever put ALL his money in one stock or does he diversify his portfolio for minimising risk?

You are in this situation because you kept all your eggs in one basket and it broke and you're sad.

Talk to different women. Go on dates, get your game back on. Don't respond to this one.

Get a hobby, create a life. Get money right.

The only time a guy can maybe make things work with his ex if he's changed and upgraded his game to a level where he's way better than before.

I say never do it even then because if a chick dumps you, she's not reliable. Do you want unreliable people in your life?

 

[deadmasterx]

YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO MAKE IT WORK WITH HER.

You have a case of oneitis my friend.
Look at yourself analysing her every move.

This is due to the emotional investment you made in her.

Does a successful trader ever put ALL his money in one stock or does he diversify his portfolio for minimising risk?

You are in this situation because you kept all your eggs in one basket and it broke and you're sad.

Talk to different women. Go on dates, get your game back on. Don't respond to this one.

Get a hobby, create a life. Get money right.

The only time a guy can maybe make things work with his ex if he's changed and upgraded his game to a level where he's way better than before.

I say never do it even then because if a chick dumps you, she's not reliable. Do you want unreliable people in your life?

Yeah I totally got and agree with you
It has been some time and for sure I'm hanging out with other girls and having fun as well, and I would be lying if I say that I don't have any feelings for my ex. The thing is that I'd like to know if there's any way that I can turn her into a plate to spin once again. I had plans on coming back with her right after the breakup, but I noticed that it would surely be a pretty bad idea.
How can I turn this situation on my favour?

 

[NSX-R]

You can’t. There’s been already too much emotional evolvement to turn into something so simple as a plate . As soon as you start doing something with her , all this weird stuff will start floating again and you’ll be back here making posts about what to do and still not listen to the advice given .

Stop feeding her ego and move on !!

 

[bcude]

This woman is playing hot and cold with you my friend. Her main purpose is to get your attention and to see if you still want her, this is a huge ego boost for her. She's using you for her non-sexual needs while you get nothing in return.
After dumping you she holds the power and everytime you answer or communicate with her, she gets validation and satisfaction.

She will continue to do this as long as you let her.

It's a slippery road to turn an ex into a plate and not recommendable if you still have any feelings for her.
But, you back off and let her initiate everything. Be slow to respond, seem busy and occupied, talk about other "friends" you're meeting, be polite, sweet and short. Cut off conversations at high points and be just out of reach. Get her mind spinning, if she starts to be sexual with you then ask her what she would do if you were over at her place right now and let her imagine everything she would to do with you.
Imagination and anticipation can be very powerful friends sometimes.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

bcude, you're on fire with words of wisdom, wish you post more

 

[derby1]

my ex came back after 3 years, i thought i would try and put her back as a plate, knowing it would most likely fail, (but we had great sex).

I was interested to see if she may have grown up

NOPE she just wanted to check i still fancied her

 

[Glassguy]

After posting a pretty good picture on Instagram, she came on WhatsApp. All lovely as always, calling me by my nickname of when we were together. Said that she was a bit emotional because of her period, and to not mind if she start crying all of sudden. I came playful, said that I'm still good at turning tears into laughs.

So let me get this straight. You worked your @ss off to better yourself, caused less attention for her and she dumped you.

Then she comes back and you turn in to Rico Suave the Comedian? You act playful to this bytch?

Please tell me what she did to deserve the same treatment you would give a totally new chick.

You need to work on your frame.

 

[deadmasterx]

(UPDATE)

After some time ignoring her, I think she kinda freaked out and started texting every 2 days, sending stuff on Instagram, commenting my stories on WhatsApp, and after a week I decided to reply. We had a short chat, she asked for a picture of me and I told her to send one of hers too. I sent and said I was going to gym, she said that she was preparing to send it. Went to gym (I don't bring my cellphone with me) and when I came back, no picture (pretty flakey, huh). Then I told her "I'll be here until 8pm, that's the time you have left to send the pic. Don't even mind sending any more messages after that" and right after that she sent a picture. I didn't compliment, just made an observation that her hair was shorter, and after that she sent another picture, showing a bit more of her body. A bit of flirting happened, and I brought some interesting memories back. Right when I said I had to go (it was close to 8pm) she asked if we could call. I called and said "you have 15 minutes, what do you want to say?". She started apointless conversation in the begin but then I said
"Sure, but what would you do if I were right there now?"
"I'd hug you, because I miss you a lot"
"Hugs are for friends, if I were there we'd already be kissing hard by now"
"Heyyy"
Then after that some good flirting along these lines happened, she showed almost no resistance, except when she said "Heyy this chat is going in a different way" and I said "I see no problem on that, but we don't have enough time to reach this point".

This time, following the advices of Glassguy and bcude, I was giving her less time, always under pressure, and left the funny chats to something more serious, to build sexual tension. The difference of this call is that I was confident, imperative, I didn't ask her to do things, I simply did. She followed along, was enjoying herself, was feeling this new me, a masculine confident one, not that crying loser she saw during the breakup. In the end of the call I told her to send some kisses (another way I found to bring memories back, that's how we used to finish the calls, appealing to these emotions) and she obeyed like a good girl. I also told her to write me the day after (I knew she was going to flake, and it is a nice justification for me to ignore her next contact attempts, "punishing her" for doing something I didn't like).