AMA about girls with BPD

[Ranger]

I think it's erroneous to impose the real world statistics to the statistics on this site. PUA is basically just teaching otherwise codependent men to adopt more overtly narcissistic traits. If you think about it PUA also teaches push/pull, being "unpredictable" - interested one minute, indifferent the next, spinning plates to hedge our bets emotionally, etc etc. So when these men go out there and practice this stuff they start attracting the crazies. It's even worse when they actually get good at it. The better you get at PUA stuff, the crazier the ***** you tend to attract.

But deep in their core they're still that codependent looking for true love so when the whole thing blows up in their faces they do a Google search and this site shows up. This alone would skew the percentages way above that of the real world statistics.




I half agree with this. A friend had a falling out with a girl in our social circle and told me that she was a psychopath yada yada. I told him just let it go and work on himself and stuff. This same girl then invited me over for dinner one day and having experience with bpd chicks before and keeping in mind the friend's report on her being a psycho I went anyway just to see what's up. I didn't **** her on the first date although she definitely wanted some ****.

****ed her on the second date and on the third told her that I'm not available for a committed relationship right there in bed before ****ing her for the third time. The same exact girl, who for my friend was a psycho ***** but for me was standard operating procedure to get a plate. So there's that.

But the part I don't disagree with is that BPD chicks do the double bind, which normal chicks don't do. They set things up so you can never win.
Normal chicks might use bad behavior to test you, but normal chicks are actually afraid of being abandoned by a high SMV man, and will fall in line. Problems start when the man loses frame and they lose respect for the man.

With borderline chicks it's different. They crave abandonment. So they set things up so that they feel that from you. Then when they do they don't like you anymore and paint you black. Then after a while the feeling subsides and you're painted white again and rinse and repeat.

The more potent the abandonment they can feel from you, the more likely they are to come back and hoover. Abandonment is their drug, not love. I think you can even hone it down to a formula:

Abandonment potency = (Extreme of idealisation - extreme of devaluation) / time spent together

That's the reason why they are so attached to their abusive npd boyfriends. NPDs also idealise and devalue, and the more severe the condition, the shorter the cycles.

Normal women do not do this, and to assume that they do betrays a grave misunderstanding of the condition. In any case I've managed to keep my ex bpd away because I don't offer any abandonment potency anymore. She knows she cannot affect me using neither praise nor insult, so she's off idealizing some poor 50 year old blokes who'll get the devaluation soon enough. Poor chap is tagging her on posts in social media he's probably thinking he hit the jackpot since bpds are usually quite hot.

Well that’s the key. Not being effected. If she wants abandoned help her along with it. Women act differently with different men.
I have a line in my head. That’s the point where I shut down. I can get really close with a woman but can still control my emotions.
That line is the make/break point. Now I know for some they will just say I don’t understand or I don’t have experience with one, Yada, yada

Let’s say that’s true, then let me hand out another truth, it will never happen to me. Because she wouldn’t dare. She’s never been dropped like I will drop her. Cold blooded ice. The next guy she’s with will be truly fukked.
So is that BPD stuff true? I don’t care because it doesn’t apply to me. Some men are way more susceptible to women like this. Good sex, good ego strokes etc. why does the guy not automatically see the difference? I don’t know. Nearly all my experiences have been good. What kind of man attracts this and how? I don’t know. But there’s something in him that makes it very real.

It’s not my problem. Like you pointed out. That girl acted completely different with you. That is an observable fact. Speculation is useless in the face of observable fact.

The vast majority of women have no ill will. However if you loose frame, all bets are off. You will have to own it. I’ve always wondered if one can smell it on a man.

 

[krass]

Well that’s the key. Not being effected. If she wants abandoned help her along with it. Women act differently with different men.
I have a line in my head. That’s the point where I shut down. I can get really close with a woman but can still control my emotions.
That line is the make/break point. Now I know for some they will just say I don’t understand or I don’t have experience with one, Yada, yada

Let’s say that’s true, then let me hand out another truth, it will never happen to me. Because she wouldn’t dare. She’s never been dropped like I will drop her. Cold blooded ice. The next guy she’s with will be truly fukked.
So is that BPD stuff true? I don’t care because it doesn’t apply to me. Some men are way more susceptible to women like this. Good sex, good ego strokes etc. why does the guy not automatically see the difference? I don’t know. Nearly all my experiences have been good. What kind of man attracts this and how? I don’t know. But there’s something in him that makes it very real.

It’s not my problem. Like you pointed out. That girl acted completely different with you. That is an observable fact. Speculation is useless in the face of observable fact.

The vast majority of women have no ill will. However if you loose frame, all bets are off. You will have to own it. I’ve always wondered if one can smell it on a man.

Well that's for you to find out I guess. I really do wish you the best. I've practiced vipassana meditation for years and I can recover quite quickly from bpd devalue and discard, but even then I still think twice about getting involved with the ex bpd. It's the same reason why I do drugs like acid, ecstasy, and mushrooms every few months but would I do it every single day? Hell no. And with the mental capabilities I've developed through meditation discipline I can definitely sustain such a lifestyle much longer than average people.

Let's put this another way. Nobody is immune to outside stimulus. That's true for a man being nagged at by normal women over a long period of time. It's exponentially true for a man being exposed to extreme positive and negative stimulus from a woman within very short cycles.

I don't care how "alpha" you think you are. I don't mean that in a condescending way. I really don't.

All this talk about being indifferent and having your own internal point of reference is great but it doesn't mean jack **** in the face of extreme stimulus from a bpd. At best it can delay the traumatic stress response, but if any man here thinks they are immune to it, you've got another thing coming.

BPD can't truly feel anything deep inside, so instead of intimacy they opt for intensity. Intense infatuation, intense sex, intense fights, intense everything. Intensity is a poor substitute for actual intimacy however, which is why they have to keep hunting for new supply. It really is a no-win situation. And no, normal women are not like this.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Two things

1. You don't know what you don't know

People don't go into a BPD relationship knowing what's going to happen, there are usually a ton of red flags but you may not know they are red flags and usually you are hooked before you know what's happening. Now you do know so going forward its on you.

2. You do have to take responsibility going forward

Forgive yourself for being naive, eventually forgive the girl for being what she is (its a disorder born of terrible abuse at the end of the day) and move on. In future look before you leap and learn about women and how they operate so you can vet these sort of women out before they become an issue.

"Blame" in these situations is really pointless, look at is as a painful lesson but one you really NEEDED TO learn.

it would be so helpful to act more decisively on the red flags spotted early on. hard to do.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

As the time passes by I came to realization that the biggest red flag was the object-constancy. I was well aware of her attachment issue I even confronted her about it and she admit it. The moment I was out of her sight physically she was becoming anxious. This lead to sabotaging our relationship, when she admitted that she had called her NPD-ex when she was drunk in the middle of the night and invited him over. Of course she blamed me for that too.

After we broke up she might be re-seeing her ex. That this causes me further loss of self-esteem. I admit this fact to you guys before I adimit it to myself. Sometimes I wish I was NPD so that she would be into me for a longer time. I know this is a sick thought but writing this here gives me a sense of relief.

I did the first three sentences. The anxiousness set in by Tuesday lunch after last seeing/driving away from him Sunday suppertime after our weekends together.
'object constancy'.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

BPD is a standard survival strategy on steroids. I’m not seeing anything that they do to any cuck, as being different than any other cuck.

The susceptibility to being cucked to a woman with a strategy on steroids rests in the man and not the woman. Reports say more and more are becoming BPD.

No. We are just more able to see one due to our ability to communicate across the world. I believe that it is an unrestrained social immunity that allows women adopt a survival strategy that is particularly damamging to feminized men.

Did the women get stronger or did the men actually get weaker?
Something that I learned here on SS. You can adopt the mindset and skills to bed 200 women and still be hopelessly feminized. A cuck in camouflage just right for the pickings.

Of all the things I’ve read that a BPD does...well all women could confess to doing them at least once. If they had the capacity to feel remorse towards a cuck. Which they don’t. So there’s no confession coming.

Name even one of those things that a woman won’t do to bring about her survival. The purpose of learning is to confront. Not run away. Men don’t run away. They confront the things in their life and handle them.

Here’s my point. These women were not born with super powers or able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. They know how to get from a cuck what they need to survive.
It’s not dangerous women you need to concentrate on but feminized men who have no defense because they don’t know they are little girls on the inside.

well, plate theory and the man is the prize are excellent starts to remasculinizing men again.
A lot of men are getting testosterone levels checked and lifting heavy weights more, avoiding food and drinks containing soy.



The correction/reset is already in play that I observe. April 2020.

And when women swallow the red pill, they're able to research themselves...be best to keep no contact with exes after learning more; but at least she can start acquiring coping skills and cognitive and behavioural changes that make her selfaware and have the ability to practice impulse control/emotional control.

Her hormones should be checked and adjusted too.

*******************
Endocrine disruptors are in many commercial products we all use. I wish it was mainstream to talk about these chemicals being used illegally....or they should be made illegal.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Dont BPD's feed off your happiness and get a rush from a negative reaction in you?

This

 

[Lynx nkaf]

This

yes, still thinking on that one. Having difficulty.

like, they want to ruin your good day?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

yes, still thinking on that one. Having difficulty.

like, they want to ruin your good day?

Like it gives them a rush of energy lasting a few hrs.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Like it gives them a rush of energy lasting a few hrs.

like the test in men raised after a couple hours playing football. Literally just read an excellent analogy in another post. What do you think?

(post #4 in thread from 2006 titled "Rollercoaster women - beware!)

 

[mrgoodstuff]

like the test in men raised after a couple hours playing football. Literally just read an excellent analogy in another post. What do you think?

It feels like a crushing HIT that stumbles the guy... Emasculating him temporarily and feeding her.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

It feels like a crushing HIT that stumbles the guy... Emasculating him temporarily and feeding her.

feeding her the football so she can run with it and she didn't actually have to do any 'hit' ting at all.(risk being physically hurt)
Women are always afraid of being killed and couple that with a personality disorder and you've got some serious mindfvcking(over) going on.


You wouldn't believe how much more I'm learning with better mineral supplements, less caffeine, more exercise and more sleep in my system mrgoodstuff.
I pick one phrase/word and I hit the jackpot of awareness lessons posts here.(I typed ACoA into search)


Hey.
Really sorry to hear this has happened. Its not right. Its illness. And its not the man's fault. It was a form of abuse. Don't internalise it anymore. Their struggle only that they unfairly forced you to share.
Edited.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

feeding her the football so she can run with it and she didn't actually have to do any 'hit' ting at all.
Women are always afraid of being killed and couple that with a personality disorder and you've got some serious mindfvcking(over) going on.
You wouldn't believe how much more I'm learning with better mineral supplements, less caffeine, more exercise and more sleep in my system mrgoodstuff.
I pick one phrase/word and I hit the jackpot of awareness lessons posts here.(I typed ACoA into search)


Hey.
Really sorry to hear this has happened. Its not right. Its illness. And its not the man's fault. It was a form of abuse. Don't internalise it anymore. Their struggle only that they unfairly forced you to share.

It's very common. And overlooked.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

There's that chemical after secs that is, I predict, 20,000 x stronger in the female and that is oxytocin.
If a man's test goes way up and her oxytocin has blown the roof off, its so high....I wonder how much drama is enacted right after secs?
I'm thinking how I went for sashimi with the 2005 ex and with his chemical and my chemical I would be reading the room wrong (or did I read it right?)and would pick fights thinking he was leading on /flirting with the waitress. I did this another time at a dim sum place.

He said I was only creating the drama because of the recent secs. He would shake his head and laugh at me. Which actually diffused me.lol.

At the dim sum place next time,(again, it was shortly after secs with those high chemicals)all he had to do was raise his eyebrow and say "now, now." He said he could see me getting agitated in my face.

The comparison between women and children's emotional control has always been true. I won't deny it. Most effective way is to treat both groups the same.
Not PC of me to say but I'm after truth, not lies.

 

[Georgepithyou]

What are early signs in a relationship that a girl has BPD, and how does she usually try to hide it.

Sorry if it's a bit hard to answer this one but I really am curious

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I don't know if I have it. I check some of the symptoms but not all of BPD.
However, I've been attending ACoA meetings for over 4 years. (happy alcoholics, not abusives)

If she is in the alcoholism type of 12 step meetings and she actually tells you about this before extensive messaging, the first phone call and first meetup.....and we can see there's similarities, especially between ACoA and BPDs....I'd say Caveat Emptor.
If you liken a relationship to buying something or buying into it at least.

Scarcity mindset to even play in this sandbox with her. Next her before even fvcking.

Unless you fully understand the illness/affliction.

In my case, I know the guy should probably at least try to go to one meeting with me as a show of support and to try to learn.
But all those meetings are about 'attraction, not promotion' to the program.
Plus, I'm supposed to be guarding my anonymity.
There's lists/questions to know if you need to go to an ACoA or if maybe you're suffering with BPD.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

feeding her the football so she can run with it and she didn't actually have to do any 'hit' ting at all.(risk being physically hurt)
Women are always afraid of being killed and couple that with a personality disorder and you've got some serious mindfvcking(over) going on.


You wouldn't believe how much more I'm learning with better mineral supplements, less caffeine, more exercise and more sleep in my system mrgoodstuff.
I pick one phrase/word and I hit the jackpot of awareness lessons posts here.(I typed ACoA into search)


Hey.
Really sorry to hear this has happened. Its not right. Its illness. And its not the man's fault. It was a form of abuse. Don't internalise it anymore. Their struggle only that they unfairly forced you to share.
Edited.

What do you mean by "they forced him to share"?

 

[Lynx nkaf]

What are early signs in a relationship that a girl has BPD, and how does she usually try to hide it.

Sorry if it's a bit hard to answer this one but I really am curious

 

[Lynx nkaf]

could only find the questionnaire for alanon. I used to have the ACoA one; I must have gave that one to my doctor.
Not a lot of health professionals are in the know, really in the know, with this stuff. That's why I believe they don't really know BPD either.
I'm royally fvcked if I'm both but I honestly don't have all the BPD symptoms. Which is why I selfdescribed as borderline borderline in Cola's pic thread. lol. Not making fun of it either.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

What do you mean by "they forced him to share"?

I edited that btw.
and another edit I can add now is "....him to share in, partake in"

I just read in one of the other threads how someone described it better than me. But I'll try.

When you unload your chit on a guy, who's playing cap'n save-a-hoe or white knight?
All the complaining about your personal life is dumped on him. I guess because you think he can heal you. He seems to be such a rapt and attentive listener.
But he's codependent.

And it becomes like a forcing. A relationship pattern of communicating where he listens in quiet desperation out of perceived love for you?

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I have to get some sleep, excuse me. After just being prideful about getting better sleeps then I realise its almost midnight. lol