Boundaries and women

[sosumba]

If something bothers you and you express it by setting a boundary, you do not engage in an argument if she pushes back and tells you that your concern is unwarranted, unfair, or anything else. You SHOULD absolutely listen to her, and evaluate what she says, and you may choose to change your mind if what she tells you really does convince you that you missed something in your thinking, but ultimately you have to understand that you are the decision maker and if she doesn't agree with your decision, that's her problem.

Quote from a post by @oldmanofthesea from What's your biggest lesson but I dont understand that one. Started a new thread since I didnt want to clutter the other one. Nice post and thread, check them out later.

Lets take an example and say my boundary is that my girl cant go to a club by herself and she starts saying "its not fair, you cant be controling like that, I want to go my girlfriend is having her birthday, we dont go out much" and bombards me with 20 more "arguments" that sound really plausible in the moment, but in your mind you know she just tells you that to get her way. Like, how do I put this, I feel there is a risk of getting overwhelmed by the woman (in the moment) and start doubting your own boundaries if one opens the front gate of the castle. One should have a titanium frame to be able to do this.

Then there is also a problem of backtracking on a boundary if you realise that it was harsh or whatever, how would one execute that? For me it seems that this backtracking can show weaknes and invite more bondary testing on her part if not done correctly.

 

[Visionist]

I've never been in a fixed relationship but I would make my thoughts known and then leave her to it. I would frame it as me validating or invalidating her right to do things, basically acting as her coach.

I don't agree with Girl's Night Out for instance, so I would say that she's letting herself down by behaving this way and that she can do better. If she goes ahead with Girl's Night Out (how would I know? That's an interesting question) then I would cut off contact (and this is why it's vitally important to have other girls interested in you. Competition anxiety is God to a woman) and when she contacts me like nothing happened, I wouldn't necessarily be cold to her, but I would tell her dispassionately that she's a disappointment but that she can make it up to me.

If she's keen and clingy, she hasn't fully moved on to the new guy she fvcked on Girl's Night Out, not yet.

At this point invite her straight round to yours, tell her to bring pizza, and give her the angry, brutal fvcking of her young life. Degrade her by making her lick your a$$hole (if she doesn't already do that anyway) and if you like, call her a whöre and a little skank and other inspiring things as you're pulling her hair hard and fvcking her (again, if you don't already do these things anyway - chances are that if you do, she was less likely to disrespect you by going on a Girl's Night Out anyway...).

Punishment sex. All about your pleasure, not hers.

After that, go back to ignoring her. She'll either move on or come crawling back. But now you know you can't trust her, and you'll see her as a fvck toy first and anything else never.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Quote from a post by @oldmanofthesea from What's your biggest lesson but I dont understand that one. Started a new thread since I didnt want to clutter the other one. Nice post and thread, check them out later.

Lets take an example and say my boundary is that my girl cant go to a club by herself and she starts saying "its not fair, you cant be controling like that, I want to go my girlfriend is having her birthday, we dont go out much" and bombards me with 20 more "arguments" that sound really plausible in the moment, but in your mind you know she just tells you that to get her way. Like, how do I put this, I feel there is a risk of getting overwhelmed by the woman (in the moment) and start doubting your own boundaries if one opens the front gate of the castle. One should have a titanium frame to be able to do this.

Then there is also a problem of backtracking on a boundary if you realise that it was harsh or whatever, how would one execute that? For me it seems that this backtracking can show weaknes and invite more bondary testing on her part if not done correctly.

You don't stop her by force. You simply state what you like/dislike and let her choose. Either she makes different plans with her girls or she defies you and goes anyway. When a woman is happy with you she'll never push back like that. She'll understand that your love for her will only grow if she does things that keep you happy and worry free. If she becomes selfish or is more of a party girl then maybe you're not as compatible as you once thought.

If a girl that loves you really wants to go she would try to seduce you into being ok with it. She would make sure you feel alright with the plan and try to find a compromise because losing you over it isn't worth it to her.

If a girl feels trapped with you it's most likely because you have little going on for yourself. You should be prepared to cut a girl loose when she acts up because you don't waste your time on frivolous arguments or behavior you don't enjoy.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

100% of the time you should listen to her points and ask her questions so she feels heard and understood (even if you don’t understand because she isn’t making any sense).

0% of the time should you respond to her comments by arguing against her points (no matter how invalid they may be). There should be no back and forth. the only thing you should say in response are questions like, “Tell me more. Why do you feel that way?” Let her get it all out.

95% of the time you should stick to your guns. Unless you think you REALLY missed some fact when you made your decision, you must stick to your decision. And yes, women hate it when you allow them to manipulate you and change your mind. They hate it more than when you give them what they are arguing for.

The risk in all this can be illustrating opposite ends of the spectrum. Take a guy who feels women should be locked inside the house and never allowed to leave for any purpose ever. What will happen to this guy when he sets boundaries like this? Should he not let his girl “talk sense into him?” Well, my experience is no he should not. What will happen is that he will lose a lot of women who won’t be compatible with his boundaries. Over time this may lead him to consider the boundaries he sets, but it shouldn’t come from a single woman in the moment trying to tell him he is wrong.

Another important consideration is to understand your own motivations for the boundaries you set. But you do this before you set them. Is your boundary coming from a place of fear? Insecurity? Neediness? Make every effort to make healthy boundaries but at the end of the day, you set them and live with them.

 

[R.U.G.]

Quote from a post by @oldmanofthesea from What's your biggest lesson but I dont understand that one. Started a new thread since I didnt want to clutter the other one. Nice post and thread, check them out later.

Lets take an example and say my boundary is that my girl cant go to a club by herself and she starts saying "its not fair, you cant be controling like that, I want to go my girlfriend is having her birthday, we dont go out much" and bombards me with 20 more "arguments" that sound really plausible in the moment, but in your mind you know she just tells you that to get her way. Like, how do I put this, I feel there is a risk of getting overwhelmed by the woman (in the moment) and start doubting your own boundaries if one opens the front gate of the castle. One should have a titanium frame to be able to do this.

Then there is also a problem of backtracking on a boundary if you realise that it was harsh or whatever, how would one execute that? For me it seems that this backtracking can show weaknes and invite more bondary testing on her part if not done correctly.

You need to set boundaries with women from the beginning. When they violate or test them, you need to put their ass back in check immediately. Don't yell or get angry, just be firm.

 

[Fireballs]

Set boundaries with your actions, not words.

 

[LuksSkywalker]

Quote from a post by @oldmanofthesea from What's your biggest lesson but I dont understand that one. Started a new thread since I didnt want to clutter the other one. Nice post and thread, check them out later.

Lets take an example and say my boundary is that my girl cant go to a club by herself and she starts saying "its not fair, you cant be controling like that, I want to go my girlfriend is having her birthday, we dont go out much" and bombards me with 20 more "arguments" that sound really plausible in the moment, but in your mind you know she just tells you that to get her way. Like, how do I put this, I feel there is a risk of getting overwhelmed by the woman (in the moment) and start doubting your own boundaries if one opens the front gate of the castle. One should have a titanium frame to be able to do this.

Then there is also a problem of backtracking on a boundary if you realise that it was harsh or whatever, how would one execute that? For me it seems that this backtracking can show weaknes and invite more bondary testing on her part if not done correctly.

Why wouldn't you let a girl out with her friends? Or even alone if she wants to?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Set boundaries with your actions, not words.

Do you not set them with words ever? If not, how do you expect a girl to know what your boundaries are? I set boundaries with my words and then enforce them with my actions.

 

[sosumba]

Degrade her by making her lick your a$$hole

AMS in da house Alpha Male Strategies

Can one say like:
"hey babe I really dont like that (Girls Night Out), but you know, in the end of the day its up to you to decide if you want to go anyway"

Yeah if she proceeds to cross a boundary in that way she is instantly degraded to a ****toy and nothing more for the rest of her life.

 

[sosumba]

Another important consideration is to understand your own motivations for the boundaries you set. But you do this before you set them. Is your boundary coming from a place of fear? Insecurity? Neediness? Make every effort to make healthy boundaries but at the end of the day, you set them and live with them.

Thank you for your input! This part hits home.
That particular boundary is perhaps out of fear of her getting drunk and sleeping with some dude and me never getting to know that.

 

[Alvafe]

since we are talking about a girl going out alone.

all in all is a interested woman will not put herself in a place who will put her in question, aka she will no pursue situations who will make her a possible cheater, that is if she knows you WILL, not maybe or perhaps, leave her for that, she will not risk, if she do you move on, because her commitment is pretty low and you don't waste time with woman like that


for the quote of the OP

he more or less state to listen her argument and see if its valid and you are not comming from a jealous place, not to create a argument, just state and tells her, after that you wait and see

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Can one say like:
"hey babe I really dont like that (Girls Night Out), but you know, in the end of the day its up to you to decide if you want to go anyway"

Yeah if she proceeds to cross a boundary in that way she is instantly degraded to a ****toy and nothing more for the rest of her life.

Not every boundary is a relationship-ending one. Some boundaries should be responded to by cooling off your time, attention, and interest, while others are definitely immediate walk-aways. You have to know in advance when you set a boundary, what kind of boundary it is.

So in your example, assuming it wasn't critically important to you but you didn't like it, the consequence could be that you start going out with your guy friends for guys nights out and you don't spend as much time with her as a result, and being less available and attentive overall. If she complains about that you can explain to her that you aren't really taking her seriously anymore because she crossed the boundary you communicated to her, but don't get into an argument with her if she pushes back on your saying that. Again, listen to her, ask questions, but don't try to solve the "problem" she has manufactured. She will either shape-up and get more of your time and attention or she won't and you will keep distancing yourself until you aren't dating her anymore.

That particular boundary is perhaps out of fear of her getting drunk and sleeping with some dude and me never getting to know that.

I would agree. But she can get hit on anywhere. In this forum, different people have VERY different opinions on GFs going to clubs. Me, I'm in the camp of "go do whatever you want and I will judge how interested I am in you based on what you do." I even let my GF go hang out with her single guy friends who I KNOW want to bang her, because I know she's not interested in them, I know they are blue-pill beta nice-guys, I know they've tried in the past and failed, I know that women make their mind up quickly about men, and I know that if she wants to fvck someone else and do it without my knowing it, she will pull it off and there is nothing I can do to stop or prevent it. But that's just me.

 

[MrWood]

100% of the time you should listen to her points and ask her questions so she feels heard and understood (even if you don’t understand because she isn’t making any sense).

0% of the time should you respond to her comments by arguing against her points (no matter how invalid they may be). There should be no back and forth. the only thing you should say in response are questions like, “Tell me more. Why do you feel that way?” Let her get it all out.

95% of the time you should stick to your guns. Unless you think you REALLY missed some fact when you made your decision, you must stick to your decision. And yes, women hate it when you allow them to manipulate you and change your mind. They hate it more than when you give them what they are arguing for.

How to be a man 101

 

[RangerMIke]

Well.... women are NOT stupid... if she's been with you for any length of time, and she is a NORMAL woman.... she will know what you like and what you don't without having to tell her. You really do not have to verbalize your boundaries. If you don't like 'girls nights out', and this bothers you... trust me... she knows this. And if she does it anyway it should tell you where you stand with her.

DJ principles only work with normal women without emotional issues clouding her judgement. If you are in a relationship with a woman, that keeps doing sh1t you don't like, you either have a chick that is losing interest in you, or she is in some way emotionally damaged. In either case you should just walk away from her.

I will repeat... if you have a woman that keeps doing sh1t you do not like, she is losing or has lost interest, or she lacks empathy... neither does you any good.

 

[RangerMIke]

One more thing... your 'boundaries' have to make fvckng sense, otherwise you come off as a controlling a-hole. Women NEED to spend time with her friends and family. They have to blow off steam just like we do... and if you have set 'boundaries' where your girl has to be constantly checking in with you for 'permission', then your limits are just fvcking stupid.

 

[LuksSkywalker]

One more thing... your 'boundaries' have to make fvckng sense, otherwise you come off as a controlling a-hole. Women NEED to spend time with her friends and family. They have to blow off steam just like we do... and if you have set 'boundaries' where your girl has to be constantly checking in with you for 'permission', then your limits are just fvcking stupid.

My point exactly. Why wouldn't someone let their GF go out with friends? Let her blow off some steam. Happy her, happy you. It's a win win situation. On the plus side, if she starts giving you BS for going out with your buddies, you can always mention her night out.
If on the other hand your real reason for not letting her go out is being afraid she will cheat on you, then you got much much bigger problem with yourself, not her.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Happy wife happy life is a beta mindset. My take is this. If you have an issue with your gf girls night out and she insists on going.
Wrong girl for you.
Thousands of couples live this way and thousands live the night life.
Its about aligning yourself with the most complimentary woman.

Desiring a female that's more homey and traditional verses the THOT club girl doesn't mean you have issues.

Keep in mind she can fck as easily at work as easily as she can at GNO.
Her desire for you is the rubber meeting the road.
If she consistently goes out and is in her circles with ppl that are higher up the tier in society then you? Status or more assets.
Her hypergamy will start to pulsate and whether she acts upon it is anybody's guess.

Recently just happened to a guy in my work circle. EVERYONE had her pegged as a good girl. Lets not kid ourselves either.
The brutality of the SMP these days has left very weak men running for MGTOW and black pill. They cant stand the heartache lol.

+1

I think Donovan is bang on. Girls night out? Cool. #next!

I won't tell her she can't. I just plate or downgrade said women to booty call.

YouTube is full of guys beating their chest on red pill. Don't approach or marry single moms like Steve the queen.

At least mgtow takes a drastic approach not I don't give prescriptions.


I have taken a fight club nihilistic perspectives to game, women, and dating. There's no forever or happily ever after. If a woman can drop younor I for the biebz or then next high value man, she will.


If its all black pill, you or I have nothing to lose. Every set is practice.

Nothing's for keeps. The game in a nutshell can be encapsulated by #nextset.

Every girl problem is trumped by next. Hotter girls are turning 18 everyday.

 

[LuksSkywalker]

Happy wife happy life is a beta mindset.

Why would it be? Would you rather keep her at home, nagging about how she can't go anywhere without your permission or would you rather let her hang out with her friends and later come home happy and tipsy and maybe f your brains out?
If you're in a quality relationship, there's no reason why you wouldn't let your GF be happy

 

[LuksSkywalker]

If a GF wants to cheat, she will cheat whenever and wherever.
If only thing keeping her from cheating is you locking her up at home, your relationship is really "solid".

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If a GF wants to cheat, she will cheat whenever and wherever.
If only thing keeping her from cheating is you locking her up at home, your relationship is really "solid".

Lock her in the house like "black snake moan"?