Looking for some life advice

[Jim88]

I'm in a rough spot...23 with a degree in math but still living with parents. I'm currently working on an online Master's Degree that I'm supposed to complete in a year and a half, but with the way the economy is going to hell, I wonder if that degree will even be worth it. It took me an incredible amount of drive and effort to get my BS degree in math, and I worked my a$$ off for it, only to find its basically useless. As a result, I've lost most of my motivation to keep working on my Masters degree and can't focus on anything for more than a half hour at a time.

To top it off, my state is under lockdown, I can't go anywhere or do anything, and as I said before, I live with my parents. My mom is extremely melodramatic and controlling with an unpredictable temper and mood swings (possibly undiagnosed BPD idk) and either gets mad or cries every time I try to talk to her like an adult about moving out. She's so scared of the virus that she has said she wants me to not go anywhere indefinitely as long as I live with her and tries to guilt trip me on everything. I'm tired of being an adult man and being treated like a child. I'm an only child, so I have no siblings that I could talk to or could give me advice, and my dad basically does anything he can to avoid upsetting my mom, so I can't get any decent advice from him either.

I have virtually no life experience or experience with independence, including virtually no experience with women. Part of this may be due to my analytical personality, and also due to the fact that my parents had a shiity relationship and never had any intimacy or even slept in the same bed when I was growing up, so I have no clue about intimacy. I had a plan to get my life on track in some of these areas, but since COVID hit, my plans for the forseeable future seem doomed.

I feel trapped and am starting to get angry and go insane. I want to make a radical move to change my life soon but don't know what to do. I understand my life is pathetic, so if you're gonna tell me that, F off. I know this is no way for a grown man to live, but I know I still have time to make changes. I just don't know WTF to do. Obviously I need to move out. But that probably won't be feasible for months, and I might go insane before then. I've always just put my head down and tried to avoid major conflict, but I'm starting to lose it and feel like I'm about to fly off the handle. One of these days I will probably just take off and leave but I have no f**king plan. I've always wanted to live an exciting life and know I need to take on more risk, but I'm lost as to the specific steps of what I should do, especially in these crazy times.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The most widely read book on bpd is called Stop Walking on Eggshells. The title reminds me of your description of your dad. By the way, feelings of abandonment are inherent within bpd, so the idea of losing you to moving out strikes that chord in her. Point being, she loves you, but in her own crazy way.

As far as getting out, your degree qualifies you to pursue a commission in the military as an officer. I believe the peace corp requires a degree as well. You might be teaching arithmetic to 3rd world villagers, but at least you get out of the house.

Lastly, 23 is not all that old. I dont think a person your age who lives at home is a loser, especially when you have used the free rent to get a degree.

 

[Billtx49]

If you’re worried about the math degree being job marketable, combine it with IT instead of a Masters, it’s the future and it Will be marketable…

 

[Jim88]

The most widely read book on bpd is called Stop Walking on Eggshells. The title reminds me of your description of your dad. By the way, feelings of abandonment are inherent within bpd, so the idea of losing you to moving out strikes that chord in her. Point being, she loves you, but in her own crazy way.

As far as getting out, your degree qualifies you to pursue a commission in the military as an officer. I believe the peace corp requires a degree as well. You might be teaching arithmetic to 3rd world villagers, but at least you get out of the house.

Lastly, 23 is not all that old. I dont think a person your age who lives at home is a loser, especially when you have used the free rent to get a degree.

Thanks for the encouragement. I've thought about joining the military, and def respect people who do but I don't want to for the sole reason that once you join, you're stuck by law for a certain period of time. If I hated it, it's like having a sh!tty job that I CANT quit. Sounds only slightly better than prison to me.

Will check out the book recomenndation, thanks.

 

[Jim88]

Spend your free time studying the works of Napoleon Hill and JE Richardson and Wallace Wattles, and I GUARANTEE you -- your future will one day be as bright as a shining star! But if so, expect yourself to utilize your patience and persistence.

"Continual study of the works of the learned and wise, constant observation of their revelations made manifest on the stage of life, and solemn meditation in the aforementioned pair is the way by which hopeless paupers may turn themselves into enduring kings."

thanks, will check them out

 

[Vantagepoint34]

I'm in a rough spot...23 with a degree in math but still living with parents. I'm currently working on an online Master's Degree that I'm supposed to complete in a year and a half, but with the way the economy is going to hell, I wonder if that degree will even be worth it. It took me an incredible amount of drive and effort to get my BS degree in math, and I worked my a$$ off for it, only to find its basically useless. As a result, I've lost most of my motivation to keep working on my Masters degree and can't focus on anything for more than a half hour at a time.

To top it off, my state is under lockdown, I can't go anywhere or do anything, and as I said before, I live with my parents. My mom is extremely melodramatic and controlling with an unpredictable temper and mood swings (possibly undiagnosed BPD idk) and either gets mad or cries every time I try to talk to her like an adult about moving out. She's so scared of the virus that she has said she wants me to not go anywhere indefinitely as long as I live with her and tries to guilt trip me on everything. I'm tired of being an adult man and being treated like a child. I'm an only child, so I have no siblings that I could talk to or could give me advice, and my dad basically does anything he can to avoid upsetting my mom, so I can't get any decent advice from him either.

I have virtually no life experience or experience with independence, including virtually no experience with women. Part of this may be due to my analytical personality, and also due to the fact that my parents had a shiity relationship and never had any intimacy or even slept in the same bed when I was growing up, so I have no clue about intimacy. I had a plan to get my life on track in some of these areas, but since COVID hit, my plans for the forseeable future seem doomed.

I feel trapped and am starting to get angry and go insane. I want to make a radical move to change my life soon but don't know what to do. I understand my life is pathetic, so if you're gonna tell me that, F off. I know this is no way for a grown man to live, but I know I still have time to make changes. I just don't know WTF to do. Obviously I need to move out. But that probably won't be feasible for months, and I might go insane before then. I've always just put my head down and tried to avoid major conflict, but I'm starting to lose it and feel like I'm about to fly off the handle. One of these days I will probably just take off and leave but I have no f**king plan. I've always wanted to live an exciting life and know I need to take on more risk, but I'm lost as to the specific steps of what I should do, especially in these crazy times.

In these "crazy times" (who ever made that phrase,My God) Just wanted to bring up in your position right now are fully grown men. Recently a guy that's a stand up comedian said his reality the way things are is to go back to his parents. Yet this guy was fully emancipated prior and could stand up for himself. So don't feel bad. 3million in unemployment. This is a statistic still all to real to me still. Also still hasn't been fixed unemployment as we say is just another way of saying societies way of keeping you down.

 

[Ohso-Phresh]

Thanks for the encouragement. I've thought about joining the military, and def respect people who do but I don't want to for the sole reason that once you join, you're stuck by law for a certain period of time. If I hated it, it's like having a sh!tty job that I CANT quit. Sounds only slightly better than prison to me.

Will check out the book recomenndation, thanks.

You could also love it, it’s your fastest way out-of-the house. You could go in for analysis or the intelligence field. The fact that you would be an officer puts you in a different class.

In civilian life, math is useful for the cryptosphere, the finance industry. You could also get into technical sales. Lot’s of options really.

 

[AhegaoMaker]

I am curious as to what the master degree is for; i am assuming it's not just 'mathematics' and possibly an engineering discipline, but i don't know that.
But just in case it is purely mathematics, what convinced you that it was the degree worthy of all that effort, and did practicality/usability and most importantly, financially/good Return of Investment play a factor in choosing it?

This isn't to say that it was wrong to focus strictly on a specific discipline that had no guarantee on practicality or 'a way to use the knowledge taught to make a living for oneself', for mathematics of all forms has importance, though the more niche and complicated the formulas get, the less commonly used they are.

If anything, once this beer virus blows over, you can try and get your feet wet in the construction trades; there's electrical and HVAC/R which go hand in hand and has plenty math involved (Ohm's Law, refreigerant temp/pressure calculations, BTUs to cubic meters, etc.) They may somewhat involve laborious work, but the demand (and of course, the pay) is high, yet it is a somewhat competitive market. The relevant equipment is specialized, and thus rather expensive, but worth it if you plan to do freelance after you acquire the education, skills, knowhow and EPA licensing; though you can also aim to get employed in an existing sub/contractor company that already does that stuff.

I certainly can sympathize with your current living circumstances, although some of the details are indeed different. It's not like it's the end of the world should you indeed move out and live on your own, but there might be some other unknown reason as to why your own mother does not want you to leave the nest, viral pandemic aside (has she always been like this even before corona?) You will have to find and figure out why these circumstances are the way they are, and deal with them as best you can; if you do move out, it would be wise to allow for some way for you to visit them as often as you can, and gradually wean them off, but not exclude them completely; they are your family, after all.

For now, it would be wise to tolerate living with them as you prepare yourself at multiple aspects - financially, skillwise, jobwise and connections-wise, as well as knowing all the aspects, pros, cons and other things one needs to know about living on their own, most likely as a renter/tenant; i'll assume you have your own transportation and can drive (learn how to if you haven't already) and in which case you will want a B-class (chauffeur's) driving license - it opens more job/career doors for you and makes you a more versatile worker/employee.

Finally, find a hobby or something you enjoy doing; it is a bonus if it is something productive, but it does not have to be; and preferably something within your means; you can also have more than one hobby as your time and resources can allow; and once this pandemic blows over and goes away, find some acquaintances with similar hobbies and interests to hang out and have fun and good times with.

 

[revolutionnow]

Spend your free time studying the works of Napoleon Hill and JE Richardson and Wallace Wattles, and I GUARANTEE you -- your future will one day be as bright as a shining star! But if so, expect yourself to utilize your patience and persistence.

"Continual study of the works of the learned and wise, constant observation of their revelations made manifest on the stage of life, and solemn meditation in the aforementioned pair is the way by which hopeless paupers may turn themselves into enduring kings."

Awesome post