If you had problems with this guy before and broke up twice before and this is break up 3. Why would you bother entertaining any contact from him a 4th time? Next. Go meet new guys. Believe it or not it is MUCH easier foe women. Move on
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
Rawksteddy
Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2019
- Messages
- 47
- Reaction score
- 24
- Age
- 32
Day 6 no contact. Apparently there’s a global pandemic which makes dating really hard right now lol. Also working out. But I’m still working! I’m chatting up a few girls right now from old. Going to need to start an at home workout plan here within the next few days. I’m going to have an entire week off work! Anyway. Y’all have a goodnight.
just wrote, then backspaced a post...feel better.
Healing.....
Change subject....
Sports: Looks like we're not sending athletes to the Olympics for summer games.
Weather: It's been sunny lately and spring has sprung.
Ignore
This was predictable. These type messages ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS come after the “ultimatum” message.
Whenever a chick gives you an ultimatium you give them the boot. Always. No exceptions. Here is why.
1. She isnt being flexable
2. She is deliberately pushing the boundaries you set.
3. She is trying to lead and relationships always fail when the woman tries to lead.
When the put a deadline or ultimatum on you you terminate immediately.
Day 20
I Was the dumper although i felt like i was forced to do due to her total disrespect and crap behaviour and gaslighting towards me.
I could feel a break up coming and I'd just had enough and thought i would stand up and be a man and end it myself because i just wanted out because that anxiety leading up to a break up is horrible and i just wanted it to end. Im feeling better now, no anxiety, sleeping better, working out as best i can especially since all the gyms here in Australia are in lockdown.
I still miss her and eventually one day down the track i would like to be on friendly terms with her but i couldn't atm because i still have attachment to outcome of how the conversation might go. It was defitnley a Peaceful breakup. But until the pain has totally left, i wouldn't even entertain the idea of talking to her because the attachment to the outcome is too great. Still haven't heard from her.
I Was the dumper although i felt like i was forced to do due to her total disrespect and crap behaviour and gaslighting towards me.
I could feel a break up coming and I'd just had enough and thought i would stand up and be a man and end it myself because i just wanted out because that anxiety leading up to a break up is horrible and i just wanted it to end. Im feeling better now, no anxiety, sleeping better, working out as best i can especially since all the gyms here in Australia are in lockdown.
I still miss her and eventually one day down the track i would like to be on friendly terms with her but i couldn't atm because i still have attachment to outcome of how the conversation might go. It was defitnley a Peaceful breakup. But until the pain has totally left, i wouldn't even entertain the idea of talking to her because the attachment to the outcome is too great. Still haven't heard from her.
Nearly eight months of no contact and I got a whatsapp msg from her two hours ago regarding mail for me that came to my old address (we were living together, she's still there). Strange, when mail for me arrived in the last months her sister contacted me.
This happens just as I got her finally out of my mind and met someone I really like...
This happens just as I got her finally out of my mind and met someone I really like...
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bcude
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 31, 2019
- Messages
- 762
- Reaction score
- 1,219
- Age
- 42
Such a classic, exactly when you let go for realz they somehow smell it and dip the toe in the water to see how you're doing.
I didn't but thought about because I don't know if there's mail for real...
I let her sister send me my mail and transfered the porto when something arrived there the last months.
That's what I would do if I wanted her back. But this woman tried to make a prison out of my life.
I'm losing my selfrespect if I go back.
I bumped into her at the end of february and already gave her a smell of my momentum.
OK guys I've been in no contact for 4 months now and tbh I didn't think it would work so well.
I've seen her once in the beginning and we talk for 12 hours straight, it was a mistake because I felt like total crap after it.
But after 4 months you'll realize that you've been idealizing your girlfriend / relationship.
I recommend reading the Rational Male by Tomassi Rollo, even if you don't agree with everything he says it's a good book to debunk all the "Disney love" crape we've been taught to believe.
Be strong and don't break the no contact !
I've seen her once in the beginning and we talk for 12 hours straight, it was a mistake because I felt like total crap after it.
But after 4 months you'll realize that you've been idealizing your girlfriend / relationship.
I recommend reading the Rational Male by Tomassi Rollo, even if you don't agree with everything he says it's a good book to debunk all the "Disney love" crape we've been taught to believe.
Be strong and don't break the no contact !
24 days and 13 days before that. I see a pattern....I'll make it another 48 or so before I post here again.
To compare with him,
he's gone 62 days straight.
According to my data calendar, I tried nine different days with the last one an erased email I still sent. Awkward/foolish but maybe strongish of me.
I definitely have to assume he impregnated someone so I don't contact a growing couple and not just him.
If females move that fast(monkeybranching) why not just assume he did too. Good for him, he'll be content.
Weather: It has just a slight chill still in the air tonight but I notice the jackrabbits have more brown than white fur on them.
Sports: Heard on ex's favourite radio station, that a baseball game's going to be played in Asia with cardboard and robotic spectators in the stands. wow.
To compare with him,
he's gone 62 days straight.
According to my data calendar, I tried nine different days with the last one an erased email I still sent. Awkward/foolish but maybe strongish of me.
I definitely have to assume he impregnated someone so I don't contact a growing couple and not just him.
If females move that fast(monkeybranching) why not just assume he did too. Good for him, he'll be content.
Weather: It has just a slight chill still in the air tonight but I notice the jackrabbits have more brown than white fur on them.
Sports: Heard on ex's favourite radio station, that a baseball game's going to be played in Asia with cardboard and robotic spectators in the stands. wow.
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bcude
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 31, 2019
- Messages
- 762
- Reaction score
- 1,219
- Age
- 42
I imagine he dumped you from your posting.
You're doing good, look at all the healing you've been doing. Every day is a step closer to being totally free in your mind, cherish that.
It's a common mistake to assume that men and women work the same but we don't need relationships the same way as women, so no we don't necessarily have the need to monkey branch when we break up. It's more common with needy men with nothing going for themselves in life. It's perfectly normal that your brain is assuming the worst (impregnating another woman) but it's just not realistic, maybe it is that way, maybe not? Who cares really. These thoughts are not helping you and it's better to assume the worst if that leads you to lose that hope that keeps us stuck to our past and keeps us from living in the moment.
Give it time, you will be fine. You've a chance to make your future self proud by staying strong.
I kept saying yeah, yeah as I was reading this, lol bcude.
I had to teach him what 'no contact' meant.
He decided on it and a day later, I agreed(but couldn't adhere to it as I've permanently recorded on sosuave)
He did the dumping but I trained him how to do it from all the countless disagreements we had.
We both had so much endearing pity for each other.
We were each other's best friends, spouses(we practiced with wife/husband titles for awhile)
At one point I brought up the idea of open relationship but although he considered it, he was right, I'd find it too challenging(him spinning plates and me going on alot of first-date-onlys)
We did ok when I tried extra hard to submit to him(think outside the bedroom stuff.... like agreeing quicker, asking him how I was doing more(was this ok, was that ok((whatever actions I was taking)), trying to anticipate his needs more(serving him etc),
not voicing when I was hurt or insulted anymore(just biting my tongue), pretending to believe it was ok with the style of business he was doing/his business ethics.)
To even imagine dating him again he'd have to be a completely broke open seed in a stage of pre-emergence. I was willing to break open my seed casing to try growing within the relationship.
If he has even broke the surface of the soil and has tentatively started growing, I swear I would support him. He'd have to prove in some way he was NOT inyerested in having/raising children(which is why I maintain a vasectomy is the perfect way)If he broke out on his own I would even financially support him...........(but Rollo Tomassi's Iron Rules says not to live with them unless you're marrying in 6 months) and neither one of us ultimately wants to marry. He was shocked when I told him that I decided never to marry. It was after listening to that sad youtube ear4men audio on the divorcing man that lost his sanity from the gynocentric pressure on all sides-the court, family members, ex's divorce "party", I think there was a custody battle. The silent high number of men's suicide makes me ill. If there was a way by my future divorcing actions that I would hurt a man, I'd rather not get married to begin with.
Anyways, who cares really. He has moved on.
I'm good with imagining the worst(for me) best for him.
The stuff I learn here on sosuave I'd just have to apply to him.
If he contacts me, he has to have high IL and pursue me or next.
He has to work to show me he has value because I am the prize, or next.
But see, I'm not looking for next and I'm a girl.
Sometimes I think I was a sport relationship to him. You know how guys here mentioned sport f@*king? I think he used me to prove he's not gay or to show he could get a girl have oneitis over him. To gain social proof and to practice on-much like a relationship in early high school is usually practice and not serious.
He mimiced me alot. Said 'I love you' after I said it. Alot.
Still, its incredible how much mental elasticity I get from this forum. How many problemsolving ideas I get(logic and clear, rational thinking is encouraged here) Reminds me of discussing things with my Dad or even with him, who I miss like he died or something.
There is nothing so constant as Time or Change in life.
Oh well. My loss, I'm dealing with it.
I had to teach him what 'no contact' meant.
He decided on it and a day later, I agreed(but couldn't adhere to it as I've permanently recorded on sosuave)
He did the dumping but I trained him how to do it from all the countless disagreements we had.
We both had so much endearing pity for each other.
We were each other's best friends, spouses(we practiced with wife/husband titles for awhile)
At one point I brought up the idea of open relationship but although he considered it, he was right, I'd find it too challenging(him spinning plates and me going on alot of first-date-onlys)
We did ok when I tried extra hard to submit to him(think outside the bedroom stuff.... like agreeing quicker, asking him how I was doing more(was this ok, was that ok((whatever actions I was taking)), trying to anticipate his needs more(serving him etc),
not voicing when I was hurt or insulted anymore(just biting my tongue), pretending to believe it was ok with the style of business he was doing/his business ethics.)
To even imagine dating him again he'd have to be a completely broke open seed in a stage of pre-emergence. I was willing to break open my seed casing to try growing within the relationship.
If he has even broke the surface of the soil and has tentatively started growing, I swear I would support him. He'd have to prove in some way he was NOT inyerested in having/raising children(which is why I maintain a vasectomy is the perfect way)If he broke out on his own I would even financially support him...........(but Rollo Tomassi's Iron Rules says not to live with them unless you're marrying in 6 months) and neither one of us ultimately wants to marry. He was shocked when I told him that I decided never to marry. It was after listening to that sad youtube ear4men audio on the divorcing man that lost his sanity from the gynocentric pressure on all sides-the court, family members, ex's divorce "party", I think there was a custody battle. The silent high number of men's suicide makes me ill. If there was a way by my future divorcing actions that I would hurt a man, I'd rather not get married to begin with.
Anyways, who cares really. He has moved on.
I'm good with imagining the worst(for me) best for him.
The stuff I learn here on sosuave I'd just have to apply to him.
If he contacts me, he has to have high IL and pursue me or next.
He has to work to show me he has value because I am the prize, or next.
But see, I'm not looking for next and I'm a girl.
Sometimes I think I was a sport relationship to him. You know how guys here mentioned sport f@*king? I think he used me to prove he's not gay or to show he could get a girl have oneitis over him. To gain social proof and to practice on-much like a relationship in early high school is usually practice and not serious.
He mimiced me alot. Said 'I love you' after I said it. Alot.
Still, its incredible how much mental elasticity I get from this forum. How many problemsolving ideas I get(logic and clear, rational thinking is encouraged here) Reminds me of discussing things with my Dad or even with him, who I miss like he died or something.
There is nothing so constant as Time or Change in life.
Oh well. My loss, I'm dealing with it.
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Joining today as first day after being dumped.
9 month LDR where we would travel to see each/other every 2/3 weeks.
It started with me being appreciative but outcome indifferent, but she showed HI for the first 3//4 months telling me she was falling for me at the end of 4th month.
When I reciprocated in the disclosement of feelings (which I did it in moderation i think) she would pull back, but still her affection, attitude and sex remained very good first 6 months.
After that I started noticing more disinterest, coldness and less happy (hot/cold). When I would ask what was happening shed say all was fine, that she would let me know if something not ok, that I should trust that she loved me.
We travelled to a couple of foreign places and while it was mostly good, our connection had moments of coldness were it felt we are not such a good match. On our last trip she seemed more tense and at times annoyed, I asked about this, she responded she was not feeling well(health). Other than that every time we had meet in person our connection has been quite good, good sex, just not high real chemistry.
After that trip we both were ill, and then coronavirus and lockdown happened. Making it impossible to make any near future plans. During last month she was quite cold, no affection, no initiating sex and awkward/arrogant attitude when we would talk via cam. Last conversation I acknowledged the vibe and that it felt like she wasn't happy to talk, she said again nothing just not feeling healthy. I stopped talking to her other than to ask if she was feeling better. Once she told she was better I stopped contact and only replying back shortly.
2 days later she asked if we could talk and said this wasn't working for both of us as no way of seeing each other plus none of us would relocate. Although I knew something was quite wrong, I was shocked to hear she wanted to end (although I had been mentally preparing for this scenario), thought she would first try to work things out not just present me her final decision politely. She said there was nothing wrong with the relationship we had, that all was good but perhaps not good enough to continue given the circumstances.Offered for us to be friends which I rejected and ended convo.
Im trying to let go of the anger and see my part of ****ing up, which seems to be I gradually attached my happiness to her, and I stopped being cool for her. Perhaps the anger is needed now to get me back on my feet in times of quarantine? I guess Id prefer to be in a place of real acceptance and optimism but far from it at the moment, just feeling broken, reading a lot, resting and exercising.
Inspiring to read others at this thread, which I never though I would be joining any time soon, yet sounds like my story follows patterns expressed here many times. I want to become better not more bitter. Days before breakup I was listening to Corey Wayne as he has many video s on what to do if she is growing distant, I did try to give space, mirror back her disinterest (although I still contacted as her health had been quite bad)
Day 1.
9 month LDR where we would travel to see each/other every 2/3 weeks.
It started with me being appreciative but outcome indifferent, but she showed HI for the first 3//4 months telling me she was falling for me at the end of 4th month.
When I reciprocated in the disclosement of feelings (which I did it in moderation i think) she would pull back, but still her affection, attitude and sex remained very good first 6 months.
After that I started noticing more disinterest, coldness and less happy (hot/cold). When I would ask what was happening shed say all was fine, that she would let me know if something not ok, that I should trust that she loved me.
We travelled to a couple of foreign places and while it was mostly good, our connection had moments of coldness were it felt we are not such a good match. On our last trip she seemed more tense and at times annoyed, I asked about this, she responded she was not feeling well(health). Other than that every time we had meet in person our connection has been quite good, good sex, just not high real chemistry.
After that trip we both were ill, and then coronavirus and lockdown happened. Making it impossible to make any near future plans. During last month she was quite cold, no affection, no initiating sex and awkward/arrogant attitude when we would talk via cam. Last conversation I acknowledged the vibe and that it felt like she wasn't happy to talk, she said again nothing just not feeling healthy. I stopped talking to her other than to ask if she was feeling better. Once she told she was better I stopped contact and only replying back shortly.
2 days later she asked if we could talk and said this wasn't working for both of us as no way of seeing each other plus none of us would relocate. Although I knew something was quite wrong, I was shocked to hear she wanted to end (although I had been mentally preparing for this scenario), thought she would first try to work things out not just present me her final decision politely. She said there was nothing wrong with the relationship we had, that all was good but perhaps not good enough to continue given the circumstances.Offered for us to be friends which I rejected and ended convo.
Im trying to let go of the anger and see my part of ****ing up, which seems to be I gradually attached my happiness to her, and I stopped being cool for her. Perhaps the anger is needed now to get me back on my feet in times of quarantine? I guess Id prefer to be in a place of real acceptance and optimism but far from it at the moment, just feeling broken, reading a lot, resting and exercising.
Inspiring to read others at this thread, which I never though I would be joining any time soon, yet sounds like my story follows patterns expressed here many times. I want to become better not more bitter. Days before breakup I was listening to Corey Wayne as he has many video s on what to do if she is growing distant, I did try to give space, mirror back her disinterest (although I still contacted as her health had been quite bad)
Day 1.
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