Pretty sure that I am about to get dumped. URGENT

[mikey2012]

D

Okay so I'm just gonna chime in my two cents with my ignorant little brain here by saying that it's all about strength. Which one will make you stronger? A lot of guys say that you have to be the one to end it before she does so that you can walk away as a 'better man'. But the problem that I see with that is that it's akin to quitting your job RIGHT before you are about to get fired, just so that you can tell people "oh I quit" rather than "oh I got fired". The same thing goes with this.

Dumping right before she would potentially dump you is pretty much damage control to protect an already hurt ego. It takes someone with real confidence and high ass self esteem to hear something that would be emotionally destructive towards you and not break down. I know that this is a self-improvement site but not even the vast majority of guys here are strong enough to withstand that. Women desire STRONG men, right? Well what action will make you stronger in her eyes, and in yours?

Agree. Let her dump you . Let her bear the responsibility. Just walk away . Only 1/100 guys will be able to do this . She will then question whether she made the right decision.

 

[zinc4]

Must go on tinder and initiate zero contact man.

Blocking her preemptively sounds good but offers nothing.....just be completely indifferent and watch her squirm.

 

[gettinit]

Well, I must say that this thread being drug up from the deep (2.5 years) certainly proves to me what time can do. She is just a distant memory at this point, fuzzy and one dimensional. Kind of like a good movie with a terrible ending that you remember.

My review:
ZERO interest in ever seeing her again, two stars.

I must say that I have been much happier since I decided to channel surf instead of committing my time to one long movie.

 

[mikey2012]

Thanks for the reply LARaiders85. So, best exit strategy? Preemptive dump or hear her out. Either way, I know that its going to hurt. She is not experienced in relationships and I don't think that she knows how to do this, or is 100% sure. Maybe I am kidding myself about her being sure. Any way to plant seeds of doubt in her mind?

If I dump her, should I call her on the new man BS

Go ghost

 

[mikey2012]

Well, I must say that this thread being drug up from the deep (2.5 years) certainly proves to me what time can do. She is just a distant memory at this point, fuzzy and one dimensional. Kind of like a good movie with a terrible ending that you remember.

My review:
ZERO interest in ever seeing her again, two stars.

I must say that I have been much happier since I decided to channel surf instead of committing my time to one long movie.

this is an important post because the op at that time did not think clearly. but fast fwd 2 years and don’t care. we should remember if we are in this situation and learn from this.

 

[mikey2012]

Like I said, from the outside looking in I would completely disappear and block ( that is a dump ). This is something we all wish we had done with very few people here are capable of doing it in the moment when emotions are involved.

Say nothing about what you know or anything else ever again.

For one thing if you tell her you know she is cheating on you then she will soon rationalize it as well I got caught move on.

If she has no idea what the f*** is going on she's just going to take it as you dumping her for hamster reason she will invent in her own mind so unless she is 100% dead set on this new guy she will completely panic and freak out and we will live vicariously through you and enjoy it because let's face it as woman is not that great of a person although predictable and pretty standard issue based on our experiences.

Yes never tell them you know they have cheated. They will blame you for doing this . This is how women justify cheating. It’s your fault because you were flirting with other girls or you didn’t give them enough attention. Don’t let them have that satisfaction.
Just ghost and move on.

 

[mikey2012]

I am slightly in disagreement with the above options because she is still communicating with you.

Instead of "dumping her", just stop initiating any communication. Trust me, she will wonder why you are not texting her or calling her. She will think there is another hen in the rooster cage and if she is truly interested in you and there is not another guy in the picture, she will break. If she does reach out, keep it simple as far as how you respond. No mushy stuff. Just use the communication to set up the next get together for sechs. Set up the date, play the "Im busy....gotta run but I'm looking forward to seeing you Friday" card.

If there is another guy in the picture, she probably wont say or do anything from this point forward because her attention has shifted from you to him.....women are all about the right now emotions and that is where their attention is shifted to.

Just relax, DO NOT message/text/call/email her and let it play out. This isnt a divorce where one person has to make the call to end it. Just put the entire situation on the back burner unless she reaches out. Trust me on this.

You have to realize that she is an hour away so there is always a chance that she has gained interest in someone closer which takes less work on her part to get what she needs.

I dont care if in 2 weeks, a month, a year you get the urge to text her...DONT DO IT.

Make her chase to evaluate her interest level. And start spinning plates. Find a few chicks closer to you.

Sticky this for anyone in the same situation. I only dumped a girl once and felt bad after. Read the warning signs that a dump is coming. Don’t dump first. Go NC (which is in effect a dump). If she never reaches out, so be it. If she does act distant and cold . If she dumps you don’t even reply . Not even an ok.

 

[mikey2012]

Maybe the mods can put this thread in the hall,of excellence. I’m red reading this since I’m going through the same thing as the op.

 

[soulforge]

OP, you are about to be dumped. NEVER be the dumpee. Always be the dumper. She is in the process right now, even while still technically together with you, of grieving the loss of the relationship. By the time she dumps you (which is a 100% certainty), she will be mostly over it and you will begin your own grieving process.

NEVER be the dumpee. You don't think that she's magically going to change back to how it was, do you? She's already gone. A conversation with her will bury you. Trust me. Men do not profit from such conversations, ever.

1) Tell her in a very short, unemotional way, that the relationship has changed and you're no longer interested in continuing. Avoid a long conversation. It will only weaken you. Tell her in a matter-of-fact way and then let her go.

Read the bold words above 20 times. Do not invest your emotion into it. That is a weakness she will exploit. If you have a long conversation, it's game over.

2) Go ghost. The script has now been flipped and she is shell-shocked. Instead of thinking of all the things that she thought was wrong, she's now thinking of all the things that were right.

3) Allow several weeks to go by. If she begs and cries and carries on to the point where you think it's worth another shot, go for it, but with the distinct knowledge in your mind that she is on probation.

4) If she goes ghost too, then you have properly taken care of business and she was never right for you. You have ridden yourself of something that would have dragged you down for months. You are a free man.

Never be the dumpee. When a man senses there is something wrong, there IS.

I agree with Atom.. This thing is over.. She is distancing herself.. Probably another man in the picture!

Be the DUMPER.. It's usually easier to get over a break up, when you did the dumping.

 

[mikey2012]

I agree with Atom.. This thing is over.. She is distancing herself.. Probably another man in the picture!

Be the DUMPER.. It's usually easier to get over a break up, when you did the dumping.

No need. Just ghost. This isn’t a divorce .

 

[soulforge]

No need. Just ghost. This isn’t a divorce .

How does this work?

OP stays ghost and doesn't say a word, after a couple day she sends him a dumped text.

She makes it official.

OP spends the next 6 months wishing he had dumped her first.

How do you ghost someone, who has already gone?

 

[mikey2012]

OP spends the next 6 months wishing he had dumped her first

Going ghost is a de facto dump. Who cares if its öfficial or not? In your mind she has already been dumped/gone. Read Glassguy’s post.

Why would I spend 6 months thinking why I didn’t dump her first? Why should I? Because of my ego?

She will spend 6 months wondering whether she made the right decision to dump me as long as I don’t react to her dumping me, which I won’t because I already “ghosted”her. Why do I need to make it official? I just disappear. Any idiot will understand sooner or later what happened. Unless you are married or living together you don’t need to notify the other party of you leaving. She isn’t your employer.
So you left her without saying a word. So what? You think its more humane to make it official?? Most dumps take place via text now anyways.

 

[dude99]

How does this work?

OP stays ghost and doesn't say a word, after a couple day she sends him a dumped text.

She makes it official.

OP spends the next 6 months wishing he had dumped her first.

How do you ghost someone, who has already gone?

I agree with this. Dump block. Next. Only then will she feel the sense of loss.

 

[mikey2012]

I agree with this. Dump block. Next. Only then will she feel the sense of loss.

Lol why would she feel loss? She was about to dump him! More like relief .

 

[mikey2012]

You guys are missing the point about being the dumper instead of the dumpee. Atom smasher said it best. What he meant was if your in the game you would have detected this from her at the appropriate time and took the necessary steps to reset the dynamic.
If you cant grasp this concept you may constantly repelling women in your " more then 5 month relationships"

Interactions take maintenance.

I wouldn’t have the time to dump her. Im busy smashing other chicks.

 

[soulforge]

Lol why would she feel loss? She was about to dump him! More like relief .

Exactly she was about to dump him.. And will dump him officialy.. You can't ghost someone who has already gone!

However op can simply send her a surprise dump text message first.. She won't be expecting it.

More than likely she is expecting op to give chase so she can keep him around as Plan B

OP can simply get rid of her, block her and move on... She won't be expecting it.

Girls HATE being the ones getting dumped.

They want to WIN

 

[mikey2012]

Dump officiall? Is that a game? Ghost/disappear is a dump.

 

[dude99]

Lol why would she feel loss? She was about to dump him! More like relief .

Yes. I've been in that position before, a few times and women do not handle being dumped very well. They aren't used to it.

 

[dude99]

If its done to late it won't. Timing is everything.

Yes it is and seeing this thread is 2 plus years old he should have done it back then.