From confident to clown: How my life turned into a living hell

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

She was 28, 4'9, 100 lb, beautiful as scarlet-red blazing sunset, I was 37, 6'0 tall, 225 pounds all muscles, dream body build by the 20+ years of hardcore powerlifting. I am using the past tense because I now became the shadow of the man I used to be, both physically and mentally.

I am typing this as a form of therapy for myself, and a warning to others.
Now this is not fiction, it is really my story. Only the names have been changed to cover the identities.
Read and learn from my mistakes brothers.

Due to post size limitations, this message will cross multiple posts.
If you feel brave enough, dive into my hell. If not, TLDR is in a different post at the bottom.



The Beginning...

It was 2015, I was a really confident, some would say, borderline arrogant man. In my 37 years, I have had hookups and serious women, I always, always got the upper hand with them, and almost made them beg for my attention.
Around Christmas time that year is when I saw her picture for the first time on a popular dating app. I used one of the paid features to explore women in other countries and hers was in a far-flung corner of the world.

The instant I saw her picture, my heart stood still and held its beat.
I don't know what it was, but by looking at her picture, I could already picture her trembling in my arms and wetting the warm sheets of my bed.
To the average guy, she might have looked "cute" but to me she felt really special. I liked her profile wishing and hoping against all odds she would like mine back.

A few days later, I receive a "You got a match notification.” Having forgotten that cute girl, I opened my dating application not expecting anything good. I usually get ugly ducklings or women on the heavy side. So I click on that red blaze, and what do you know, the one match I had in this country, was that "little special girl"..my heart started racing in my chest..should I contact her, or let her contact me? fcuk it...I am contacting her.

It all started by a "hello sweetie" in her native language. She was quick to answer, and from there everything went so quick it is crazy. The conversation seemed to flow like liquid gold, none of us making an effort to impress the other.
Two things she told me stuck in my mind. The first was that the two flaws she despised in a man were lying and cheating. The second was that she hates being pressured and hates men chasing her..She likes to take her time and not feel pressured.
Another thing she told me was that she was fianced to a foreign man before me but that they are terminating their relationship, and she sent me text messages of him being needy and running after her. I found that odd that she would send me screenshot of their conversation, but didn't make anything out of it.

Never in my life, at 37, I have had such a connection with a girl before. She seemed to understand everything about me and I understood everything about her...or so I thought.

After a few months of daily hour-long conversations, I was doing everything right, and I felt like it was time to travel to her country to meet.
Arriving at the airport in that foreign land, I could feel my sweaty palms against the plane's window pane trying to look through the glare to see if I can see the terminal. The plane stops, my heart stops. Trepidation wasn't an option.
What if I was being catfished? What if she didn't look anything like her pictures? What if she didn't like me?

The walk to outside of the customs area where visitors would be waiting with open arms to welcome loved ones, seemed to take forever. But then the automatic doors open, leading me to the visitors’ area...my luggage was heavy, my feet felt heavier.
I walk what seemed like a marathon distance, and not knowing what she looked like in real life..I gave the place a visual sweep...and there, right there, standing on top of her 4'9", dressed in a black shirt with black jeans was my "special little girl."

She was gorgeous, better than I would have imagined, better than my wildest dreams could have ever mustered.
Brown dark eyes, tiny delicate nose, long black silky hair, and one of the most gorgeous lips I have ever seen.
I walk confidently towards her, and not letting her see my nervousness stare her in the eyes for the first time ever, take her by the waist, lift her up, and gave her little delicate lips the most romantic kiss my lips were capable of expressing. It was worthy of a Hollywood chick flick.

Our first night together was amazing. She has the body of my dreams. If God had created a woman specifically tailored to my fantasies, it would be her and no other. She wasn't experienced sexually, but that's ok, I was willing to be her sexual mentor.

I spent a whole month over there, and they were probably the best thirty days of my life. Never have I felt understood like this woman understood me. Never did I feel that much alive as breathing the air of that foreign land.
And then I came back...and we continued our long-distance relationship and all was going great. I would go see her every 3 months for 3-4 weeks and we would have crazy sex and spend our time traveling and having fun. It was the relationship I never thought I wanted by then I couldn't live without.

Like every normal relationship, we had our ups and down, but the first year went with almost no hiccups. I was her rock and she was my joy. She adored me. Always sent me text messages expressing how much she loves me, how much she appreciates me, how much she wanted to be with me. I would wake up every day she would leave me 20-30 messages on WhatsApp texting me her day, how much she missed me, how much she was thinking of me.
Every time I would visit her, and leave, she would ask me to leave her something of mine. My toothbrush, my t-shirt, anything that reminded her of me and that made her feel my presence. She even got my name tattooed on her arm.

We both trusted each other, well we had an arrangement. We discussed our "sexual" needs quite often and did have virtual sex sessions.
But we had an arrangement she proposed after a few months. Afraid of losing me, she proposed I could sleep with any girl I wanted as long as I only sleep with her once, and I don't go in a relationship with her and stay true to my little baby girl. I found it weird when she made that proposal but I never made a big deal out of it.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

The First Strike

I hate Facebook, I hate social media in general. I closed my Facebook account a long time ago, way before this was a "thing,” but her? She had a Facebook account. When I would ask her if she were talking to anyone on Facebook or getting any solicitation from other men, she would quickly say "no, nothing" and I had no reason to doubt her.

One day, after she went grocery shopping, she inadvertently leaves her Facebook account opened on my laptop with her logged in. I resisted looking for about...hmmm... 30 seconds, then I clicked on that blue enveloped on the top.
Jason, Kevin, Nathan, Joe...these were only a few of the guys she was exchanging messages with..The latest message dating from the same day.

I could feel my blood boiling inside my veins, and instead of looking at the messages, I was so pissed that I called her immediately. Big mistake.

Me: "Sweetie, did you receive any messages from any men recently on FB?"
Her: "What?? I don't even use Facebook anymore. It has been 2 months that I haven't even logged in! I swear!"
Me: "Well, that is weird then. Someone must have hacked in your account and emailing guys with half-nude profile pictures"
Her: "What?????? Please do not tell me I have been hacked!!! I will be right over, don't touch anything!"

So curious to what the messages were, I clicked on one of the exchanges, and the system threw an error on me!
I tried again with the same result. I refreshed the inbox, and every single conversation was gone! Poof! Vanished!
She came running in the house, and looked at her Facebook, seeing that her inbox was empty she heaved a sigh of relief.
She swore it wasn't her, that she was hacked...but eventually I confronted her by being firm with her...and she said, yes, it was her...that she never said she was hacked...so what...that was what she actually said!..."so what?"!!!!

She was freaking lying about the lies she lied about!

I yelled at her and wouldn't speak with her for days. I came back to my country and would not speak to her. Eventually I dropped her little ass. I would not look at her messages nor respond to her.


Her Suicide Attempt

It was one rainy Sunday evening. My WhatsApp notification started lighting like crazy. 121 messages in like 10 minutes!
Who was it from? Oh...my little baby girl. Don't open...don't answer....don't open....don't answer....

It was almost a month now that I broke up with her, and she was messaging me every day how much she missed me, how much she couldn't live without me.

fcuk...I opened...

At the end of the 121 messages, the last message was a video message...from the thumbnail I could see her face and something in her mouth...not sure what it was...fcuk it, let's watch.

Staring at my 6" OLED screen, lights dimmed really low, I watched as the girls of my dreams tried to take her own life away.
She started by telling me that she wanted me to feel relief because she cheated on me on Facebook, so the only way was to take her own life.
She then proceeds to take a bottle of drugs to her mouth and she drops all the pills in her mouth...a few seconds later she collapses...and the video cuts....

What the fcuk? How the fcuk did the pills act so fast? Who the fcuk sent me the eerie video clip if it wasn't her??

In panic, I call back....no answer.

2 days later, I receive from an unknown number pictures of my little baby girl lying in a hospital bed. She looked as if she was knocked out or in a coma or something. I wasn't sure.

Who is it? I asked.

Her sister Janet she replied.


The sister

I knew Janet pretty well as we would hangout together with my girl and her family. She was an average run-of-the-mill crazy chick with not a lot going for her. Dating guys left and right, nothing serious.

She started going on and on how her sister was a formidable girl but that has special needs, like a child, she needs to be taken care of and understood properly. "You have to treat her right, I know my sister, she is a good person, she is not a cheater, you just have to handle her delicately like a flower.”

"You know my sister has a lot of guys after her, but she chose you, so you are the lucky one."

And every day for a month her sister would give me status updates about my girl along with advises on how to treat her sister, while the baby girl is still messaging me every day begging to take me back, but while I would chat with the sister, I wouldn't chat with the baby girl.

And one day my baby girl stopped messaging me all of a sudden after months of non-stop texting. So I asked the sister what is up with my baby girl, and she replied "oh, she just made new friends she is hanging out with, don't worry."

Something seemed quite familiar to the "advice giving" sister, I couldn't put my fingers on it. It was in the way she wrote, the way she formulated her phrases, the words she made mistakes with, the words which seemed badly written on purpose...all that seemed weird.

Nonetheless I did not make a big deal out of it until I came back with my baby girl that is. Needless to say, that my trust in her was severely shaken but not totally demolished.

So here we are after two months, back together.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

Strike 2

One day I ask my girl to show me her cell phone data usage (she did not have wifi) so she can prove to me that she is not using Facebook, and indeed she was not using Facebook on her phone, but something really unusual struck me. In the section "tethered connection" there was almost 500mb of data usage!

Knowing a bit about Android OS being a nerd myself, I paused for a second...and it all hit me....This biatch had another phone!

What if she is using Facebook on that other phone using the main phone's 3g connection? Wait...another phone?

Me: "Hi sweetie, I wanted to ask you a question"
Her: "Hello my dearest love, how are you...ask away...I am an open book"
Me: "There is a 500Mb tethered connection on your phone...care to tell me what is that exactly?"
Her (With great confidence): "Oh, sweetie, this is just my sister using my internet as her 3g data was all consumed. Don't worry"
Me: "Are you sure?"
Her: "Yes, I swear on my dead mother's grave!!!"
Me: "Let me suggest another answer. You have a second phone that you installed Facebook on and you are using it. And, tell your sister I said hi to her...oh wait....it was you all along...wasn't it?"
Her:"What???? You have this completely wrong!!! I swear on my soul, on my eyes, on my cat and dog [OK, I am exaggerating a bit] it was my sister using my internet connection!!!!"
Me: "You have 24 hours. Think about how you are going to tell me the truth and say it. After 24 hours if I don't hear the truth, I am gone!"
Her: "Please!!! Please!!! I beg you!!! This is the truth!!! Please!!!!"

I hang up. I was not sure about anything I was advancing, but it was a crapshoot.

A couple of hours later....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing....It was her. My sweet innocent baby.

Her:"I am ready to tell the truth"
Me: "It was you all along pretending to be your sister, yeah?"
Her:"No, I swear!!!!"
Me:"If you called to spew a bunch of lies, don't call me ever again!!"
Her:"OK, it was me"
Me:"And you did install Facebook on that other phone and chatted with other men, even though we discussed never using that website again?"
Her:"Yes...I did....so what?"

The arrogance in her voice when confronted with her lies kills me every time. For those 30 seconds, she becomes so freaking cold and calculating, it's like she is a different animal.

Me:"Great! So what about these new friends of yours that you made while we were apart...is there any male friend in there?"
Her:"Yes, his name is Rogers. We met at a bar, my sister took his phone number for me as she was seeing me depressed and we became friends."
Me:"Did you sleep with him?"
Her:"Never!!! Who do you think I am? An easy chick????"
Me:"Do you still talk to him, maybe on that other phone?"
Her:"Yes. As friends..but I do find him cute...but he does have a girlfriend...anyways I think Rogers is gay but not saying it"

I didn't know what to believe anymore...she was fcuking gaslighting so much that I couldn't tell anymore what was real from what was a lie..I lost all sense of reality. So I decided against all reason to forgive and forget.

The Fall of a Giant

It was in late December 2017 when the bad news struck. I was diagnosed with a chronic disease that needed weekly hospitalization, and that I pretty much have for life...my illness started to drain my energy...My weekly visits to the hospital for hours upon hours upon hours each week, with sickly, dying people brought my morale down.
I could feel both my mental strength and my physical strength leaving my body, month after month after month.
I have a ton of pills to take every day, with horrible side effects, such as depression, mood swings, ED, and these are the least frightening.

My relationship with my baby girl was going great...for some reason after the strike 2, she became more transparent with me, and she ended the friendship with "gay Rogers"..She would always make cute gestures like printing our picture together on her pillow cover, buying coffee cups with our picture together, and seemingly cherishing our relationship.

I would still visit her every 3 months, but I was starting to get fatigued easily, and in bed it was not that great anymore. Although she never complained. I could feel the difference myself. I went from 225 lbs to 195lbs in under a year, and two years later, in May 2019, I was battling depression.

I also started supporting her financially as she lost her job due to her company going bankrupt. So I would send her hundreds of dollars every month for her to buy the necessities and pay rent.

My girlfriend would call me, I would hangup on her. I wouldn’t feel like talking for long hours, I did not have the energy anymore. So for the most part of 2018, I was treating her really cold and distant. And the more distant I got, the more I ignored her, the more she was bat crazy about me.
I also lost almost all my libido. I lost my job, I was losing my house, my car was severely in need of repairs, and I was just lying in bed day in and day out.

I remember thinking that I was at the bottom of the barrel..I wasn't...
I remember thinking that even though my world was crumbling around me, I still had my baby girl...the only thing that seemed to be solid in my life...the only person I can count on to be there for me...that only thing that kept me hanging on...

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

The end of a love story

I remember that day as if it was yesterday. It was the beginning of july 2019, right after I came back from a great month-long vacation with my baby that cost me over 5,000$ on my credit cards...money I couldn't afford anymore.

Her:"We have been together for exactly 3 years and a half now...when are you planning to marry me?"
Me:"What?? What do you mean by marrying you?"

Her and I we discussed the marriage issue quite extensively and I decided against marrying her and try to sponsor her instead without marriage.

Her:"You have 2 weeks to make up your mind..In 2 weeks you tell me your decision"

I did not take her ultimatum too seriously and I thought she must be having "one of those days". We continued conversing normally, being affectionate and all, but one thing I did notice was that she put a picture of us that was underexposed and was almost all black...I did not make a big deal out of it.

Two weeks later, to the day, as if she had punched that day in her calendar, I get her phone call.

Her:"So you made up your mind about our marriage? Is it a yes or a no?"
Me:"That's not how it works sweetie. You don't force someone into marrying you. That doesn't make sense."
Her:"It is a no then"
Me:"Well consider it a no"

She then started to act really distant for a few days, and one day, the girl that would write me hundreds of messages every single day, vanished. I said fcuk it, I am not calling her. Two days later, I could not resist the urge to call her to see what was up.

Me:"Hey sweetie, what's up? Where have you been?"
Her:"Sweetie?? Who's sweetie?? I thought you dumped me!"
Me:"No, I didn't dump you. Where did you get that from??"
Her:"That's what I thought"
Me:"is that what you thought or what you wished for?"
Her:"That is what I wish"

I don't know why, but hearing that phrase ran chills down my spine. It was like she wanted to end our relationship but was too afraid to initiate the breakup so she was doing everything she could for me to dump her.
We hang up, it was surreal, like in a nightmare type of reality. That was it? The love. The passion, the wild sex, that was it? This is how it all ends?

That night I couldn't sleep. I slept in the early morning around 5 am, for a couple of hours, when I woke up at 7 to see if my baby girl had sent me any messages. And for the first time for the last three years and a half that my cell phone had no WhatsApp alerts upon wakening. It felt weird...in a bad kind of way.

I have been in a dozen relationships before, but in every single time, I was the dumper, never the dumpee. That was my first time ever getting dumped. It felt horrible.

For the next week, I basically would not sleep. I would try to contact my baby girl, only to get hanged up on. "I miss you so much sweetie. Give us another chance. Don't let our love go in vain [yeah, disgusting I know]" and she would reply simply with a smiley face.
This girl used to worship the ground I would walk on, my phone is filled with her romantic messages, and the more I seemed displeased or indifferent, the harder she tried.
Now only a couple of weeks after our time together she was acting like a total b*tch! Who the fcuk was this new girl??? Where is my sweet baby girl???

And the more I tried convincing her, the more arrogant she got with me. She was even posting videos on her WhatsApp status on how liberated women attract more men, and how women that are "liberated" walk their boots all over men.

I swear I never, ever, ever, saw this side of her. For 3 years and a half she was the sweetest, most calm, non-confrontational woman I know. It is as if she was transformed into something else...as if she morphed into ExZilla.

I was getting desperate to get her back. I felt a huge void in my life as I was not talking to her anymore. Without me realizing it, I made her the most important part of my day. I went from ignoring her and her needs for a year, to almost begging for her to take me back, using logic to convince her why we should be together. She kept firm on her decision to break up.
My depression got from bad to worst to just plain suicidal. I was fighting with dark thoughts all day long and at night it wasn't any easier. I started thinking about ways to end my life, and that my life was not worth anything without my baby girl...only if I could get her back...everything would get back to normal...I would be a better boyfriend....I promise.

Amidst my delusion, an idea struck me. What if I proposed to her? What if I gave her the thing she wanted more than anything in the last three years? Surely she would come back running. So I called her, and it went something like this.

Me:"Hey sweetie"
Her:"Don't call me sweetie, I am not your sweetie anymore"
Me:"Listen, you are making a big fuss out of nothing"
Me:"Do you have someone in your life?"
Her:"Oh comon, it's been less than 2 weeks that we have been separated, do you think I am that nuts to be with someone?"
Her:"You made me hate men! I don't want to be with anyone anymore! I want to be by myself!! What do you want?"
Me:"I have one important question that I want to ask you"
Her:"What is it?"
Me:"Will you marry me?"
Her:"Don't do that to me..."
*silence*
Her:"......the answer is no"

fcuk me! Never, ever, ever, ever did I think for one second she was going to say no to my marriage proposal. This girl for the longest time I knew her for, she wanted to get married more than anything in the world...and here she was...refusing me..

So I scoured the internet looking for help...and all the so-called "relationship experts" were saying do this thing called "no contact", and wait for your ex to contact you, and if she does contact you always reply in a polite manner.

No contact was initiated. Three days later, after more than a week of trying to reason with her, she texts me "sweetie, I miss you! Are you seeing someone? Me I am still single"..."It is working!" I thought to myself, so I replied politely as prescribed, "me too I miss you, and no I a m not seeing anyone..I am waiting for you...I will wait for you all my life [vomit]"...BIG fcukING MISTAKE.
After that text message she disappeared, only to reappear 2 days later with that exact same "sweetie, I miss you so much! Are you seeing someone?" and I to reply, "I miss you too. Did you change your mind?"....nothing...hoodini has vanished...only to reappear 2 days later missing me.

This routine lasted for a month...Every 2 days...I kid you not. I would get hopeful, and then my hopes would get dashed by her vanishing act.

My self esteem was shattered. My self-confidence was evaporating by the message. I stopped eating, I stopped training, I stopped going out.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

The devastation

Being the very wise man I was, I decided against all advice to travel to her country to meet her in person in order to fix our relationship and to propose to her in a romantic movie-like fashion. I was going to give her the wedding of her dreams. Looking back now, I am not sure how I would have paid for it, I was bankrupt.
So I fixed a date almost a month after our breakup, and I planned to stay there for a month. Since I had no money anymore, I borrowed the money for the tickets and the hotel from my parents, who were against the idea. But I was having none of it.

I wanted my little baby back!

The plane landed. I was nervous as fcuk. My baby girl knew I was coming that day. She knew I was traveling to where she lived to try and fix things. She told me, "when you come and see me, I will know if I still love you, I will know if I want us to be together or stay single..I will feel it..Oh and if we come back together, we are not having sex until we get married!".
She had to be waiting for me at the terminal, like she does every single time, I would pick her up, kiss her and make everything all right again, and we would have passionate sex and everything will be normal. I would treat her right this time, I will not take her for granted anymore. I promise.
I walk outside the customs area, look frantically at the visitors waiting...amongst the signs and the crowd’s chaos, I saw my little baby girl, right there, waiting for me. Even though I am battling depression, I walk slowly towards her with a big smile on my face. Oh wait..that wasn't my baby girl!
Where is she?

My phone rings. "Are you at the airport?" she said. "Yes! I thought you were coming" I replied. "I wasn't sure I wanted to come and see you, but OK, I will come, wait for me".
A couple of hours later, with me waiting at the airport for my girl like a chump I noticed a hot girl that seemed to be looking for someone. She was wearing really skimpy clothes that made her look really cheap, but I didn't care. She started walking in my direction. I thought to myself she might need help or directions or something. I puffed my chest and flexed my biceps expecting her to come and talk to me.

As she was approaching with her tiny skirt and a white blouse that was begging for her breasts to be tucked back in, under all that makeup the traits on her face seemed familiar. These brown eyes, that tiny nose, these delicate lips, that black long hair..It was her! It was my girl!
What the fcuk is she thinking! "Cover yourself," I thought to myself.
When she got close to me, I was ready to pick her up and lift her off her feet.
"Do NOT lift me or kiss me" she yelled at me.
I was so shocked by her proposal that I obliged to her request.
fcuk me. I remember saying to myself. Who was I becoming? What kind of p*ssy am I becoming?? I wasn't recognizing myself.

In the taxi that was taking us to the hotel, she warned me that she wasn't going to sleep with me at the hotel, nor spend the month with me. "I hope you did not come here with hopes of reconciliation". What??? I spent more than 5,000$ to come and fix things, of course, I had high hopes for reconciliation!
"No, I have none", spoken like a fcuking submissive b*tch. "Good," she quickly replied.

Once in the hotel, I start interrogating her. Hours upon hours of why did you leave? Did you stop loving me? Do you want me back?
And then I regurgitated the most vomit inducing speech I had prepared in order to seduce her back into my arms. fcuk me.
Shee looked at me almost as if she had pitied me. But no words came out of her mouth.
"Little sweetie, please tell me...you are acting all weird...is there someone in your life?"
Her: "No, we have broken for a month, what of kind of girl do you think I am ???"
Me: "Please tell me..."
Her: "Well, OK, yes, I have someone. We started dating 2 days ago."
Me: "What????? Why did you not tell me you had someone so I cancel my trip...and why did you not wait 2 more days if you knew I was coming???"
Her: "I wanted to tell it to you face to face"

I didn't know if I should be pissed, angry or heartbroken...I was feeling all 3 at the same time. But I stayed calm, and I told her that I am not fighting for her, and that we both should go our separate ways.
Just at the thought that she was in someone else's arms, I was slowly dying inside. I felt as if my heart shattered in a million pieces. I felt as if she took a knife to my heart and stabbed it until it emptied its blood, and then torn it from my chest and, like a smoker stepping on his discarded cigarette's filter, she crushed it, scrubbing it with her feet.
"Do you know that spot, right here in your chest?" she said as she pointed to my heart. "Does it hurt?"
"Yes" as I had no more strength to voice words anymore I whispered, a tear rolling down my face. "Good," she said as she was leaving the apartment.

The Humiliation

At the beginning, call it stupidity, call it voluntary blindness, I believed that she was lying to me in order to make me jealous and that she had no one new in her life. She lied to me so much in those 3 years and a half that it was a 50-50 toss.

"I miss you sweetie, I miss you so much!" she texted me two days after I landed. I didn't reply. Instead I called a fancy restaurant and reserved a place for two at their best table.
It was around 8 pm when I arrived at her house intending to surprise her and take her out for a special night, since she missed me so much.
I climb up the stairs and knock at the door. She opens the door with the most surprised look on her face..not the good kind of surprised. "What are you doing here?? My boyfriend will be here soon, please go away!!"
I didn't argue, I didn't yell. I felt humiliated. I just left, part me of me destroyed, part of me thinking it was all bull**** and that no one was coming since there was a doubt she really had a boyfriend.

For the next 2 weeks, we saw each other 4 times. She would not wear makeup and would put zero effort into prepping herself. Every time I wanted to see her otherwise, she would reply that she was doing something with her boyfriend, going to the movies, going clubbing, going to the swimming pool, yet every 2 days she would send me a text message how much she loved me and how much she missed me. One message even mentioned how she really wanted to dump that guy, but felt sorry for him as his ex-girlfriend recently left him, so she couldn't do that to him so soon.

When we would see each other, she would be really cold and distant, I would try to hug her and she would resist, I would try to kiss her and she would give me a small friendly kiss...I tried having sex with her and got denied every single time.
To tell you the truth, because of my serious depression and my medication, I did not feel that I could perform and somewhere deep inside me, I felt disgusted by her...but I still loved her.
The other reason I didn't insist or force sex, and man that sounds so stupid to me now, was that she told me that she did not have sex with her boyfriend and that she did not have any sexual desires anymore, so I thought that by not sleeping with her I wouldn't bring her libido back so she sleeps with the other guy. How fcuking dumb was that.

The "I miss you, I love you pattern," continued every 2 days, and I would always reply politely like the relationship gurus advised and I would always try to make a date, which was always refused because of the boyfriend. They seem to see each other every day. And every now and then she would ask me if I was seeing someone, and I would reply in the negative. "Thank you for reassuring me" she always replied in a re-assured voice.
This girl supposedly had a boyfriend but was asking me if I was seeing someone, which reinforced in my mind that she was lying and that she was just trying to make me jealous! And she was really jealous of my whereabouts, so I would always reassure her that I am home and not doing anything to jeopardize us returning back together.

 

[Black Widow Void]

@CaptainNotSoObvious

Apologies (to you and others) for my above snide remark. My response was unwarranted.
It seems like another lifetime ago, but too well, I recall feeling the same as you have currently expressed. Because I've been there, I believe that I can offer you some clarity and a quicker means to get out of this 'funk' I recall it feeling like mourning a death, being in a fog and sort of like a twilight zone.

I'm going to PM you my number. If you choose to decline a phone call, I'll provide a posting follow up.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

Is blogspot broken?

Should I use blogspot and link it from here instead?

Sorry, I am new to all this.

 

[lamath]

Keep going man

 

[Speculator E]

Should I use blogspot and link it from here instead?

Sorry, I am new to all this.

No, you don't need to. He just means there is a lot to read. We have other things to read too.
Could you make a TLDR of each post? It would help more people read your stuff.
And also nobody uses blogspot today. Nobody writes blogs anymore. That's ancient.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Should I use blogspot and link it from here instead?

Sorry, I am new to all this.

I was being a bit of an asz. Welcome aboard and please continue.

 

[jaymbrs]

I don't have much to contribute as I don't date foreign women because I hear there's always an ulterior motive for them i.e. green card, rescuing from their family/life, money, etc. She also sounds like an attention ***** with this social media stuff, but this is also a long distance relationship, which I don't consider them relationships at all. So hard to get a gauge on if she's actually trying to get attention for the fun of it or if it's because she needs supplemental attention since you and her are apart. If it's the latter, you needed to lighten up on her social media usage. As for what she's doing now, she's trying to get back at you for essentially wasting 3 years of her life without the intention of marrying her. From what I hear, foreign women value marriage much more and you pretty much told her she wasn't good enough.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

I was being a bit of an asz. Welcome aboard and please continue.

Thanks for your welcomes. But my long posts are now moderated (too many consecutive posts?) so I am unable to post long posts until they get approved, and then I will resume my story.

 

[Hal9000]

Yeah I'd never date a woman who was probably only with me to get back to America. If life's taught me anything its that any woman can lie about anything at any time and you'll never know. No reason to always have to wonder if I'm just a mule to get her to another country.

 

[Julian]

bro u aint never been an alpha in your life especially falling for this chit at 37 years old.

 

[Black Widow Void]

As I type, I have currently made 281 postings. With near certainty, this will be my longest reply and with the same degree of certainty, I believe that this posting (compared to my previous postings will be the most helpful.

What you’re feeling at the moment, I call a “funk.” It’s that feeling as if you have a head-cold, but you aren’t sick. It’s like mourning the death of someone. It’s a fog. Logic tells us one thing, but it’s like waking up from a dream/nightmare and unable to ‘shake off’ the feelings.

When there’s been an absence of calls, texts, e-mail replies etc.. from the ex, there’s this sudden drive to ‘fix’ things (ie; maybe if I try ___ or ____ that will fix everything).

Let’s start with her behavior immediately following the break up… You got ‘blindsided’ and saw a side of her that you never knew existed. Not a pretty picture or anything you would have expected. Right? Lots of us have been there. In our way of ‘rationalizing’ … we try to understand and sometimes end up placing their behavior based on “something we did.” Nine times out of ten, we didn’t “create this new monster.” The only thing we did was … do something which helped to remove the pretty mask and see beneath that mask.. which isn’t pretty.

Logic would tell us… now that we’ve seen beneath their veil, would we really want to invest any further emotions, time, energy toward someone like this? Logically, we know better. If our best friend was going through this and described the same scenario, we’d tell him to get out fast and don’t look back. But… now that when we’re in that same driver’s seat, it can sometimes be easier said than done.

Think back on a moment in your past. The moment I’m suggesting is one where you’ve looked back on a previous incident and thought to yourself “what was I thinking!!!???” It happens to all of us. We act on impulse and/or emotion. The end result is rarely favorable.

Currently, you are experiencing some of the above. When you decided to acquiesce about the marriage idea, what happened? For starters, it’s an indication that emotions overrode your logic (we’ve all done similar things, don’t feel bad).

But here’s where it gets interesting. Instead of her being happy that you’ve finally come around to her view about marriage, you saw a different side to her. Think about this for a second.

Now that you’ve handed her the cards, did she behave respectfully? Did she appreciate the willingness to make her happy on your part? Did she appreciate the compromise you made on your convictions?

The answer is no. Think about this very hard. You’ve now seen what she is truly made of. And her reaction, behavior etc… is not your fault or of your own doing. Her mask has fallen off and it isn’t pretty. If your friend encountered someone that treated him that way, again, I remind you that you’d steer him in a direction that is as far away from a girl like this as possible.

At the moment, you aren’t in the “what was I thinking” stage. It will take some time for emotions to dissipate. You will probably find yourself looking for excuses to contact her. You may convince yourself that the reason for contact is ‘legitimate’ but she’ll know better and deep down inside you also will know better. Don’t contact her.

Even after all of her behavior (which you wouldn’t even *think* of allowing your best friend to re-experience) you’ll probably find yourself wanting to get back in her good graces. The best advice I can offer is to immediately start writing down all the flaws in this relationship and all the concessions that you’ve made for her. Seriously, write them down!

The reason that I suggest writing thee down is because it will help you to look upon this will less emotion and more clarity. The second reason is because when you back-slide (and you will) you can look back on this listing and get a reality check on things.

At the moment, you are more fixated on how to get her back in your life than my above words. I get that. I’ve been there.

I’ll close by asking; what have you learned so far by her post-break up behavior? Was it pretty? Did it make you feel good? If you want to experience more pain and see her ugly side again, then continue as before. Otherwise, close the chapter.

Once you’ve decided to close this chapter, you may be wondering if she’ll reach out again. Although the chances are highly likely, don’t be optimistic. The only dynamic that will change is that the tables have slowly turned. Yes, it may be good for your pride, but nothing more. Re-entering the situation will only provide a reminder of why things didn’t work out on the first place.

You have nothing to fix in that relationship. At the moment, you’re walking wounded, but the good news is that you’ll heal. This gal sounds like she’s beyond repair.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Thanks for your welcomes. But my long posts are now moderated (too many consecutive posts?) so I am unable to post long posts until they get approved, and then I will resume my story.

I think the system imposes a limit in order to avoid runaway attacks. If I see your stuff in the approval cue I'll approve it, but I think the system might not let you post again until next day.

You can always finish writing in a word document (to keep up your momentum) and post the rest tomorrow.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

As I type, I have currently made 281 postings. With near certainty, this will be my longest reply and with the same degree of certainty, I believe that this posting (compared to my previous postings will be the most helpful.

Thanks Black Widow, you described exactly how I feel.

When I resume the story, I will share my present situation.

I called you and left you a thank you message for your encouragement.

 

[AttackFormation]

I am commenting in "real time", meaning I have not read the entire post or thread yet but am instead commenting on the fly as I read.

Two things she told me stuck in my mind. The first was that the two flaws she despised in a man were lying and cheating.

..........

Another thing she told me was that she was fianced to a foreign man before me but that they are terminating their relationship, and she sent me text messages of him being needy and running after her. I found that odd that she would send me screenshot of their conversation, but didn't make anything out of it.

Ding ding ding.... alarm bells going off, that she so quickly and forcefully says she "despises lying and cheating in men" is a projection of her own behavior, she is on the cluster B spectrum for sure, and her showing you text messages from that other guy this quickly too is another weird behavior.

She wasn't experienced sexually, but that's ok, I was willing to be her sexual mentor.

Haha.... this is what every guy tells themselves. It's always funny to read. I bet she either tried to directly tell you she was inexperienced, or she made strong hints that she was... she wants to give you the image of her that you want.

Actually, I won't even bother making specific commentary on the rest of your posts because the writing on the wall is already clear as day from this beginning alone. From my own experience I can already pick up on her mentally disordered behavior. I will read the rest and maybe make a final comment. It'll be a good story.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

Im really surprised you would date a foreign girl with the intent to marry. Or move there. It doesn't make much sense because obviously if you don't move or marry. It will never happen. This surprised you?

I am not sure I understand the question. If you mean why did I date her if I did not intend to marry her or move there, well, at the beginning it was nothing serious really, but then, as our relationship got more serious, I decided to sponsor her instead of marriage.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

Haha.... this is what every guy tells themselves. It's always funny to read. I bet she either tried to directly tell you she was inexperienced, or she made strong hints that she was... she wants to give you the image of her that you want.

Very good catch. She was a pathological liar and so manipulative that it would not surprise me. She may have acted inexperienced as well.