I think my girlfriend is breaking up with me?

[bizzym]

Genuine feelings will just not fade away just like that, just contact her, hear what she say take your and her feelings into account, and trust your gut to act accordingly.

its not about genuine feelings. You can love someone and still break up. Love and feelings don’t mean crap if you feel like you’re not being valued. when it comes to self respect love doesn’t matter.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You deserve what you get. You told her she wasn't important by your actions so what are you complaining about?

 

[Focal core]

its not about genuine feelings. You can love someone and still break up. Love and feelings don’t mean crap if you feel like you’re not being valued. when it comes to self respect love doesn’t matter.

Obviously you need to know how to relate love, intimacy and feelings 1st before you add anymore garbage again..

Let me help you out.. Compatibility = emotional level = chemistry will born out feelings then grow into admiration and respect and trust will be born out, intimacy will grow throughout the relationship, opposite to love is indifference, intimacy that stop growing will start dying as what you opposed to breaking up.. Hope that clear out your senseless mind a little bit (if theres any hope of it).

 

[Roober]

Agree with @Atom Smasher here.

When a woman says something is important to her, you should listen. You should then assess if it is reasonable as well. I would think that her request sounds perfectly reasonable to any rational minded person.

By negating the importance of her request, you have shown her how little you value her. Think about when a parent misses a kids game, or friends don't come to your gatherings. So maybe the truth is that you don't value her. And that's okay, but don't string her along like you actually do.

As the saying goes, "when there's a will, there's a way". You've shown her the "will" isn't there

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

mom would probably make youi sleep on the couch or different room, im sure she wouldn't kick you out and make you drive home. You shoulda discussed that with your GF first before making a decision.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Yeah i concurr, however in op case his gf turn her back on him like he doesnt exist, relationship is an emotional commitment, she just shut him off! What else could i say without prejudice? If op cave in he handed her over the control of a relationship.. Thats just simp.

I tend to agree with your postings, more so than not, but this one? Oh man... C'mon.

Unlike women, men have a code of honor (or are, at least supposed to) . Among these principles, this includes keeping promises, commitments etc..
Worrying about if he will become some "simp" should be secondary. He has a bigger problem. Judging by the OP's initial posting, he popped in to vent, to get sympathy and some male reinforcement to excuse his behavior.
His persona has an unpleasant stench of femininity, but I digress. His priority should be to reclaim his manhood.

 

[bcude]

One of the big reasons my last LTR led to break up was a very similar situation last christmas where my ex invited me and my dad over. However my ex didn't say it was important to her, but surely it was. We had been arguing for a month before where i had been hiding behind excuses of not really wanting to go and then she yelled at me, belitteled me and disrespected me about how badly i handled that situation so no, i didn't go either after that and she was hurt by it. She was right though (except throwing out ultimatums and disrespect), i had that wake up call coming for me and learned a hard lesson to always be be a man and a LEADER regardless of how i feel instead of hiding behind fear. Still pains me how i used female passive aggression and watch all her respect for me just disappear over night, not to be recovered again.

Bottom line was that i didn't value the relationship with her enough.

 

[bizzym]

One of the big reasons my last LTR led to break up was a very similar situation last christmas where my ex invited me and my dad over. However my ex didn't say it was important to her, but surely it was. We had been arguing for a month before where i had been hiding behind excuses of not really wanting to go and then she yelled at me, belitteled me and disrespected me about how badly i handled that situation so no, i didn't go either after that and she was hurt by it. She was right though (except throwing out ultimatums and disrespect), i had that wake up call coming for me and learned a hard lesson to always be be a man and a LEADER regardless of how i feel instead of hiding behind fear. Still pains me how i used female passive aggression and watch all her respect for me just disappear over night, not to be recovered again.

Bottom line was that i didn't value the relationship with her enough.

curious, you said you didn't value here enough but did you genuinely see a future with her? Or were you just not sold on your ex?

 

[bcude]

curious, you said you didn't value here enough but did you genuinely see a future with her? Or were you just not sold on your ex?

I was honestly confused as hell and immature being in relationships to a degree since i'm mostly a plate spinner so couldn't really tell if she was great or not but i wasn't sold on her for sure. My head said yes but my gut said no. That's one thing i love about relationships though, you learn so much about yourself everytime, i would never have grown so much in one year without that experience. It's priceless.

 

[Epic Days]

Then you shouldn’t have made her your girlfriend. Incredibly stupid. Lead her into something like that and then pulling the aloof fuk buddy.

You’re dumb as a post...or you knew what was going to happen and purposely brought it about.

honesty serves here. You’re a coward.

 

[Focal core]

One of the big reasons my last LTR led to break up was a very similar situation last christmas where my ex invited me and my dad over. However my ex didn't say it was important to her, but surely it was. We had been arguing for a month before where i had been hiding behind excuses of not really wanting to go and then she yelled at me, belitteled me and disrespected me about how badly i handled that situation so no, i didn't go either after that and she was hurt by it. She was right though (except throwing out ultimatums and disrespect), i had that wake up call coming for me and learned a hard lesson to always be be a man and a LEADER regardless of how i feel instead of hiding behind fear. Still pains me how i used female passive aggression and watch all her respect for me just disappear over night, not to be recovered again.

Bottom line was that i didn't value the relationship with her enough.

Agreed with you.. Been involved in something you really dont want is such a stvpid move.. Yeah listen to your gut instimct is best buddy.

 

[vanballmoos]

She sent me this. Isn’t this manipulative af?


I'm sure you think I'm overreacting and I'm being unfair, but I'm not. I just don't think you understand.

I am extremely hurt, disappointed, and embarrassed. Spending Christmas together wasn't just some holiday or a day to spend together. To me it marked a really significant milestone in our relationship. You asked me weeks ago when was the last time I brought someone home for Christmas and I told you it had been years. It has been almost 10 years since I brought someone home to meet my family just in general. I didn't even ask my last ex to meet my family and we dated for a long time. I, however, asked you to meet my family - so think about the significance of that - how much you meant to me more than the others. My dad has never asked to meet any of the men I've dated, but he said he wanted to meet you. Christmas is also his birthday (which I told you) and he would have been really happy to meet you. My entire family would have loved you and you would have loved them. My aunt even was thinking of a welcome/Christmas gift to give you. My mom asked if there was a certain food you liked to eat so she could make it for you since she knew you wouldn't be with your family on Christmas. So no, the wasn't just a holiday for me. This was to me us starting to integrate our lives in a way. See when you truly see a future with someone, especially marriage and kids like we had discussed, you want to include that person in the important things, such as being with family. This was a way of moving our relationship forward. You made a commitment. This was extremely important to me.

Instead, you s*** on it. You made it clear that meeting my family and spending our first Christmas together wasn't worth a 2 hour drive to and from. Because of an inconvenience for you, you in but so many words indirectly told me our relationship isn't serious enough for you to make a sacrifice for me just for one day. You didn't even have the common courtesy to discuss it with me beforehand you just told me what you were going to do instead. We had been talking about Christmas plans for a month and not once did you tell me you had an issue. I even asked you the next morning after meeting your parents if you were comfortable and you got upset saying, "of course I want to meet your family, I'm not a scaredy-cat”. Looking back you must have feigned being upset because it's clear you don't want meet them. You could've told me then that you had an issue. You didn't even give me a chance to try to fix whatever issue you had. It's not like you would've been driving 4 hours just to spend 2 hours with me. I told you to come in the morning and Christmas dinner wouldn't be until 4 then we would leave around 7 PM. Whatever the details are you didn't try to let me fix it. You just made a unilateral decision instead. Instead, you waited a month after discussing the plans, 2 weeks before Christmas that you would be ditching me and my family which was incredibly gutless, incredibly selfish, and demonstrated that your word means nothing.

You asked me weeks ago what my definition of love meant and I told you it's to be selfless. If the tables were turned I would have done this for you happily and no questions asked because it would have been a small sacrifice for the person I cared about. You know what I planned for your Christmas gift? Round trip tickets back home so you could see your parents. I was going to ask Savannah for your dad's schedule since you mentioned he's gone for 3 weeks, to make sure he would be home when you flew out so it would be a nice gift for your parents too. It made me sad to you see you sad. I'd do anything within reason to make you happy. When you're sad I'm sad. When you're happy I'm happy. But you're not selfless. Instead it's about Vanballmoos and what you would rather do. Like you would rather forgo an important milestone in our relationship that you had made a commitment to and instead go be with your friend. You clearly don't want to meet my family and even more clearly you didn't want the relationship to move forward.

Even now when I contacted you about getting the mask so I can make sure it goes with my outfit you ignored me, twice. As if I did something to you but it was you who royally screwed up. Not once during this entire ordeal did you even apologize. Instead you placed the blame on my mother by saying she's petty and now getting mad at me and ignoring me. You couldn't even do the bare minimum and say you were sorry for changing the plans. Again, selfish.

What this all boils down to, and what I realized Friday night which is why I was so angry is I love you but you don't love me. You said just a few days before this when we were in your bed that I had your heart and you'd do anything for me. This clearly wasn't true because you couldn't even spend Christmas with me. I stupidly believed what you said and felt like you loved me. But then I thought, I'm just an idiot. 1. You've never told me you loved me 2. If you did love me we wouldn't be in this situation. A person who loved me even after they screwed up and I got angry would've tried to fix it. Call me, texted me, apologized, showed up at my door, something, anything to try and make it better.

Bottom line is I love you. You don't love me. I care. You don't.

I get it Vanballmoos. You've made it very clear how you feel about me and us. I won't chase you. I won’t try to fix things like I've done in the past since I know you don't feel the same way that I feel about you. And I know you won't try to call or show up at my door like I had hoped either because let's be honest any time we've argued you've never called or try to fix it. Instead, you let time go by and I had to be the one to reach out - which further solidifies that I love you but you don't love me.

Like I said I get it. I won't bother you anymore.

 

[Speculator E]

She sent me this. Isn’t this manipulative af?

Like I said I get it. I won't bother you anymore.

They are all manipulative on some degree. Some better then other. There is no such unicorn HB that doesn't play game.
But what she wrote sounds like how a normal girl would react to what you did.
You seriously playing the NC ignore game here?
What are you expecting to happen?
After a few days of no contact she will come running back into your arms and want to give you amazing sex??

 

[bizzym]

They are all manipulative on some degree. Some better then other. There is no such unicorn HB that doesn't play game.
But what she wrote sounds like how a normal girl would react to what you did.
You seriously playing the NC ignore game here?
What are you expecting to happen?
After a few days of no contact she will come running back into your arms and want to give you amazing sex??

Curious, how is she telling him off and saying she’s done with the relationship manipulative?

 

[Speculator E]

Curious, how is she telling him off and saying she’s done with the relationship manipulative?

I didn't say she was be manipulative. I was just responding to what OP said.
I just said she sounds like a normal girl to me.
I'm not going to psychoanalyze what the girl said.
She's not my girl. I got better things to do.
Haha.

 

[bizzym]

I think you fvcked up big time. Seriously, a woman inviting you to her family gathering, obviously meant a lot to her.

I would send a sincere apology, then do nothing and see what happens.

And it’s her pop’s birthday too smh.
it’s obvious op is grade a a-hole.

 

[Speculator E]

And it’s her pop’s birthday too smh.
it’s obvious op is grade a a-hole.

Not an a$$hole. He's just Evil.
Being Evil he won't have the ability to process constructive criticism.

 

[Focal core]

She sent me this. Isn’t this manipulative af?


I'm sure you think I'm overreacting and I'm being unfair, but I'm not. I just don't think you understand.

I am extremely hurt, disappointed, and embarrassed. Spending Christmas together wasn't just some holiday or a day to spend together. To me it marked a really significant milestone in our relationship. You asked me weeks ago when was the last time I brought someone home for Christmas and I told you it had been years. It has been almost 10 years since I brought someone home to meet my family just in general. I didn't even ask my last ex to meet my family and we dated for a long time. I, however, asked you to meet my family - so think about the significance of that - how much you meant to me more than the others. My dad has never asked to meet any of the men I've dated, but he said he wanted to meet you. Christmas is also his birthday (which I told you) and he would have been really happy to meet you. My entire family would have loved you and you would have loved them. My aunt even was thinking of a welcome/Christmas gift to give you. My mom asked if there was a certain food you liked to eat so she could make it for you since she knew you wouldn't be with your family on Christmas. So no, the wasn't just a holiday for me. This was to me us starting to integrate our lives in a way. See when you truly see a future with someone, especially marriage and kids like we had discussed, you want to include that person in the important things, such as being with family. This was a way of moving our relationship forward. You made a commitment. This was extremely important to me.

Instead, you s*** on it. You made it clear that meeting my family and spending our first Christmas together wasn't worth a 2 hour drive to and from. Because of an inconvenience for you, you in but so many words indirectly told me our relationship isn't serious enough for you to make a sacrifice for me just for one day. You didn't even have the common courtesy to discuss it with me beforehand you just told me what you were going to do instead. We had been talking about Christmas plans for a month and not once did you tell me you had an issue. I even asked you the next morning after meeting your parents if you were comfortable and you got upset saying, "of course I want to meet your family, I'm not a scaredy-cat”. Looking back you must have feigned being upset because it's clear you don't want meet them. You could've told me then that you had an issue. You didn't even give me a chance to try to fix whatever issue you had. It's not like you would've been driving 4 hours just to spend 2 hours with me. I told you to come in the morning and Christmas dinner wouldn't be until 4 then we would leave around 7 PM. Whatever the details are you didn't try to let me fix it. You just made a unilateral decision instead. Instead, you waited a month after discussing the plans, 2 weeks before Christmas that you would be ditching me and my family which was incredibly gutless, incredibly selfish, and demonstrated that your word means nothing.

You asked me weeks ago what my definition of love meant and I told you it's to be selfless. If the tables were turned I would have done this for you happily and no questions asked because it would have been a small sacrifice for the person I cared about. You know what I planned for your Christmas gift? Round trip tickets back home so you could see your parents. I was going to ask Savannah for your dad's schedule since you mentioned he's gone for 3 weeks, to make sure he would be home when you flew out so it would be a nice gift for your parents too. It made me sad to you see you sad. I'd do anything within reason to make you happy. When you're sad I'm sad. When you're happy I'm happy. But you're not selfless. Instead it's about Vanballmoos and what you would rather do. Like you would rather forgo an important milestone in our relationship that you had made a commitment to and instead go be with your friend. You clearly don't want to meet my family and even more clearly you didn't want the relationship to move forward.

Even now when I contacted you about getting the mask so I can make sure it goes with my outfit you ignored me, twice. As if I did something to you but it was you who royally screwed up. Not once during this entire ordeal did you even apologize. Instead you placed the blame on my mother by saying she's petty and now getting mad at me and ignoring me. You couldn't even do the bare minimum and say you were sorry for changing the plans. Again, selfish.

What this all boils down to, and what I realized Friday night which is why I was so angry is I love you but you don't love me. You said just a few days before this when we were in your bed that I had your heart and you'd do anything for me. This clearly wasn't true because you couldn't even spend Christmas with me. I stupidly believed what you said and felt like you loved me. But then I thought, I'm just an idiot. 1. You've never told me you loved me 2. If you did love me we wouldn't be in this situation. A person who loved me even after they screwed up and I got angry would've tried to fix it. Call me, texted me, apologized, showed up at my door, something, anything to try and make it better.

Bottom line is I love you. You don't love me. I care. You don't.

I get it Vanballmoos. You've made it very clear how you feel about me and us. I won't chase you. I won’t try to fix things like I've done in the past since I know you don't feel the same way that I feel about you. And I know you won't try to call or show up at my door like I had hoped either because let's be honest any time we've argued you've never called or try to fix it. Instead, you let time go by and I had to be the one to reach out - which further solidifies that I love you but you don't love me.

Like I said I get it. I won't bother you anymore.

Its clear that shes into you bro, if you value the relationship just confirm with her that you will be there and see what she says, if she just remain silent or say yes, just show up at her door., if she says no then she royally fvcks up, if you doesnt feel that much to this girl, just left it be for other better man for her that she deserves.

 

[Blacksheep]

So my girlfriend and I had a huge fight days ago.

We had planned almost a month ago for me to spend Christmas with her and her family. This would be our first Christmas together and the first time I would be meeting her family. I took her to get some drinks and told her that I needed to tell her something- that I would be going to stay with my friend in NYC from the 23rd-26th (my family lives on the West Coast). She got super pissed. I knew she would be upset but to be pissed seems like an overreaction. I told her the reason why I wouldn't be spending Christmas with her and her family is because her mother is religious and wouldn't want me spending the night so I would have drive down there that day and drive back later. I'm not driving 2 hours to and from, especially on Christmas. I told her I thought this was petty. She flipped tf out. Like REALLY flipped out. She kept saying how I knew spending Christmas together was important to her and how embarrassing it is that her entire family knew I was coming and now how I'm not coming all because I didn't feel like driving down. Then she went on about how what is her mother going to think of me now before she's even met me because I'm no longer coming for Christmas for a stupid reason (not stupid to me). Then she go up, left, got her stuff, and went back home. I tried to go after but she whipped around and told me not to follow her and to go to NY. I haven't heard from her since and it's been days. I've been giving her her space but she was just so angry and it's been days so I don't know if she's broken up with me.

All in all, I feel like she really overreacted.

She is trying to make you feel guilty about that so she can persuade you to do what she wants. Its clear it seems to be important to her, but it may not be important to you.

If you want to stay with your friend, just do it, its your right. And ok, she doesn't like it... its her right too. But she must respect your decision and you also should respect hers.

If this don't happen, it's selfish.

A healthy conversations should be: She said you that she really want you to be with her and that her family would like it but if you really want to do that, she will respect that. Without getting angry or reacting that way. Just telling you what she feel about that.

And btw, since women are emotional... it's kind a normal reaction. It's not that she is evil, it's just that she can't control this kind of emotion or don't have enough awareness about how to handle better with this situation.

Just be careful to don't let it become toxic. If you lost your identity doing everything only to please her, there will be a lot of negative consequences to you. And since she can't put on your side on those situations, I don't think she will do that if she get tired of you and go find another man. Because her behavior with this seems to be selfish.

 

[bizzym]

She is trying to make you feel guilty about that so she can persuade you to do what she wants. Its clear it seems to be important to her, but it may not be important to you.

If you want to stay with your friend, just do it, its your right. And ok, she doesn't like it... its her right too. But she must respect your decision and you also should respect hers.

If this don't happen, it's selfish.

A healthy conversations should be: She said you that she really want you to be with her and that her family would like it but if you really want to do that, she will respect that. Without getting angry or reacting that way. Just telling you what she feel about that.

And btw, since women are emotional... it's kind a normal reaction. It's not that she is evil, it's just that she can't control this kind of emotion or don't have enough awareness about how to handle better with this situation.

Just be careful to don't let it become toxic. If you lost your identity doing everything only to please her, there will be a lot of negative consequences to you. And since she can't put on your side on those situations, I don't think she will do that if she get tired of you and go find another man. Because her behavior with this seems to be selfish.

How the heck is her behavior selfish?