I think my girlfriend is breaking up with me?

[vanballmoos]

So my girlfriend and I had a huge fight days ago.

We had planned almost a month ago for me to spend Christmas with her and her family. This would be our first Christmas together and the first time I would be meeting her family. I took her to get some drinks and told her that I needed to tell her something- that I would be going to stay with my friend in NYC from the 23rd-26th (my family lives on the West Coast). She got super pissed. I knew she would be upset but to be pissed seems like an overreaction. I told her the reason why I wouldn't be spending Christmas with her and her family is because her mother is religious and wouldn't want me spending the night so I would have drive down there that day and drive back later. I'm not driving 2 hours to and from, especially on Christmas. I told her I thought this was petty. She flipped tf out. Like REALLY flipped out. She kept saying how I knew spending Christmas together was important to her and how embarrassing it is that her entire family knew I was coming and now how I'm not coming all because I didn't feel like driving down. Then she went on about how what is her mother going to think of me now before she's even met me because I'm no longer coming for Christmas for a stupid reason (not stupid to me). Then she go up, left, got her stuff, and went back home. I tried to go after but she whipped around and told me not to follow her and to go to NY. I haven't heard from her since and it's been days. I've been giving her her space but she was just so angry and it's been days so I don't know if she's broken up with me.

All in all, I feel like she really overreacted.

 

[Thatfeel21]

Kind of a d1ck move on your part

 

[GrowingPains]

Damn son. I get doing what you wanna do but I'm not sure how I feel about this one.

Christmas is obviously special to her. Sure her reaction is a lot but.. surely you can understand why? It was a serious moment for her. She was excited. It was a big step for her. And you didn't want to sacrifice one day so she got upset. Makes sense to me.

But after many days.. I don't know how you deal with this one. If you just go to NY then you'll find out if she is really that upset. You were obviously willing to risk her being upset so maybe you should just go through with it.

You could talk to her and listen to her (please don't say a whole lot, especially if you get emotional, you'll just dig a deeper hole). Just ask her questions and try to understand whatever you want to understand and answer her questions when she asks you something direct.

Going to her Christmas might not do any good. If she's already blabbed to her family then they, depending on how reasonable they are, have already come up with an image of you. She painted an image of you by complaining, which I'm assuming she has given how long she hasn't spoken to you.

The best you can do is to at least talk to her. But this is just a situation where you need to do what you feel is right.

"Be true to yourself and honest with others."

 

[Skyline]

I mean if she does then this would be a solid reason.

You planned this a month ago with her and she’s already told her family. Then you bail out 2ish weeks before then and already tell her you made other plans.

Then you give her a terrible excuse on why you didn’t want to go even though her telling her mom/family that you’re bailing out is going to make you look terrible.

I would just go and agree and amplify with her reasoning.

 

[vanballmoos]

Damn son. I get doing what you wanna do but I'm not sure how I feel about this one.

Christmas is obviously special to her. Sure her reaction is a lot but.. surely you can understand why? It was a serious moment for her. She was excited. It was a big step for her. And you didn't want to sacrifice one day so she got upset. Makes sense to me.

But after many days.. I don't know how you deal with this one. If you just go to NY then you'll find out if she is really that upset. You were obviously willing to risk her being upset so maybe you should just go through with it.

You could talk to her and listen to her (please don't say a whole lot, especially if you get emotional, you'll just dig a deeper hole). Just ask her questions and try to understand whatever you want to understand and answer her questions when she asks you something direct.

Going to her Christmas might not do any good. If she's already blabbed to her family then they, depending on how reasonable they are, have already come up with an image of you. She painted an image of you by complaining, which I'm assuming she has given how long she hasn't spoken to you.

The best you can do is to at least talk to her. But this is just a situation where you need to do what you feel is right.

"Be true to yourself and honest with others."

So you're telling me I'm screwed either way?

 

[Black Widow Void]

Lately, I've been reading that this millennial generation is entirely self-consumed and has no sense of moral ethics. I was thinking that it was nothing more than silly sensationalism. I guess that I was (at least partly) mistaken.
Judging by your age, posting attitude and perception, you've stereotyped yourself on every negative aspect.
If your girlfriend is around your age, I guess that perhaps there's *is* some hope after all for your generation. She was at least smart enough to serve you with walking papers.

If you really care about this gal, then give her the best gift possible; which is an opportunity to find a new boyfriend.

 

[vanballmoos]

Lately, I've been reading that this millennial generation is entirely self-consumed and has no sense of moral ethics. I was thinking that it was nothing more than silly sensationalism. I guess that I was (at least partly) mistaken.
Judging by your age, posting attitude and perception, you've stereotyped yourself on every negative aspect.
If your girlfriend is around your age, I guess that perhaps there's *is* some hope after all for your generation. She was at least smart enough to serve you with walking papers.

If you really care about this gal, then give her the best gift possible; which is an opportunity to find a new boyfriend.

She hasn't given me my walking papers...

 

[Black Widow Void]

She hasn't given me my walking papers...

I suppose it's all a matter of perception. Something about your initial post (quoted below) just doesn't sound like she's pining away for you. I'm placing my bets that your azz was dismissed.

I haven't heard from her since and it's been days. I've been giving her her space but she was just so angry and it's been days so I don't know if she's broken up with me.

As I mentioned in my above posting. If you care about her, then remove yourself from the equation. It sounds like she was smart enough to do this for you.

 

[vanballmoos]

I suppose it's all a matter of perception. Something about your initial post (quoted below) just doesn't sound like she's pining away for you. I'm placing my bets that your azz was dismissed.



As I mentioned in my above posting. If you care about her, then remove yourself from the equation. It sounds like she was smart enough to do this for you.

So because I haven't heard from her in a few days she's isn't just still angry?

 

[Speculator E]

Lately, I've been reading that this millennial generation is entirely self-consumed and has no sense of moral ethics. I was thinking that it was nothing more than silly sensationalism. I guess that I was (at least partly) mistaken.
Judging by your age, posting attitude and perception, you've stereotyped yourself on every negative aspect.
If your girlfriend is around your age, I guess that perhaps there's *is* some hope after all for your generation. She was at least smart enough to serve you with walking papers.

If you really care about this gal, then give her the best gift possible; which is an opportunity to find a new boyfriend.

I've noticed that too. They are becoming more Evil too.
I noticed the OP is from NYC. Which is where the most Evil of them lives.

 

[Speculator E]

So because I haven't heard from her in a few days she's isn't just still angry?

Depends they can stay angry for a really long time

 

[GrowingPains]

So you're telling me I'm screwed either way?

I don't know that I can tell you anything. I can't say anything definitive nor do I think it would be helpful to.

I can definitely say that I think you need to do what you think I best. And you are the only one who can make that decision. You aren't going to find a 'get my girlfriend back' method here. This is just something you'll have to experience.

Since you are concerned about her distancing herself, I assume you value her. So my best advice is to talk to her. Remain calm and listen to what she says. She may call you names and will definitely be upset with you, but none of this moves forward without talking.

 

[lamath]

Im thinking different than most ppl in this thread.

I think you brought the subject very badly.
When you made the plan did you knew you could not stay at her parents place?


Anyway what is done is done....
Imo you got a good reason, fack driving 2hr to get back home is a pain in the ass, expensive and even dangerous if you have winter condition on the road.

I would nc the **** out of her. Do you see why she is mad at you? This is what would piss me off the most, she is mad because it would make her look bad........not because she really wanted to be with you.
She is all about apearance......

 

[Speculator E]

Im thinking different than most ppl in this thread.

I think you brought the subject very badly.
When you made the plan did you knew you could not stay at her parents place?


Anyway what is done is done....
Imo you got a good reason, fack driving 2hr to get back home is a pain in the ass, expensive and even dangerous if you have winter condition on the road.

I would nc the **** out of her. Do you see why she is mad at you? This is what would piss me off the most, she is mad because it would make her look bad........not because she really wanted to be with you.
She is all about apearance......

Maybe. If she is from NYC too then both of them could be Evil.
I would've been smart about this and tell the girl your car broke down.
Maybe then her parents can pay for the OP's plane ticket because he "really wanted to meet her parents"

 

[bizzym]

Im thinking different than most ppl in this thread.

I think you brought the subject very badly.
When you made the plan did you knew you could not stay at her parents place?


Anyway what is done is done....
Imo you got a good reason, fack driving 2hr to get back home is a pain in the ass, expensive and even dangerous if you have winter condition on the road.

I would nc the **** out of her. Do you see why she is mad at you? This is what would piss me off the most, she is mad because it would make her look bad........not because she really wanted to be with you.
She is all about apearance......

OP if you want to salvage your relationship don’t listen to this guy.

 

[Trump]

We had planned almost a month ago for me to spend Christmas with her and her family. This would be our first Christmas together and the first time I would be meeting her family. I took her to get some drinks and told her that I needed to tell her something- that I would be going to stay with my friend in NYC from the 23rd-26th (my family lives on the West Coast). She got super pissed. I knew she would be upset but to be pissed seems like an overreaction.

“Hey Vanballmoos, I Know we planned one month ago that I would meet your family, but I’m going to stay with my girlfriend from 23rd-26th.”

How would you feel?

I think she underreacted.

I told her the reason why I wouldn't be spending Christmas with her and her family is because her mother is religious and wouldn't want me spending the night

I’m not religious. I wouldn’t allow my daughters boyfriend to spend the night at Christmas.

so I would have drive down there that day and drive back later. I'm not driving 2 hours to and from, especially on Christmas. I told her I thought this was petty. She flipped tf out. Like REALLY flipped out. She kept saying how I knew spending Christmas together was important to her and how embarrassing it is that her entire family knew I was coming and now how I'm not coming all because I didn't feel like driving down. Then she went on about how what is her mother going to think of me now before she's even met me because I'm no longer coming for Christmas for a stupid reason (not stupid to me). Then she go up, left, got her stuff, and went back home. I tried to go after but she whipped around and told me not to follow her and to go to NY. I haven't heard from her since and it's been days. I've been giving her her space but she was just so angry and it's been days so I don't know if she's broken up with me.

All in all, I feel like she really overreacted.

Why didn’t you think of this “driving issue” one month ago before you planned it?

I think she under reacted.

 

[lamath]

OP if you want to salvage your relationship don’t listen to this guy.

What you think he should do?
Calling her and apologizing even if he believe his reasons for changing his mind where valid and even if he thinks she over-reacted.


This would be following someone else point of view this is not what a man should do imo.
This is following not leading....
If he does she is controling the frame not him.

This might fix the problem temporary but not on the long run.

 

[Atom Smasher]

She gets a pass on this one. She is reacting just as females normally do. Women are caught up in a social web and your refusal to drive to visit her and her family on Christmas is massively embarrassing to her.

If you still want this relationship, call her, tell her you understand how she feels, and tell her you’d like to be there. Life’s not about convenience.

Can you describe for us how the flip-out occurred? Was she insulting and belittling to you, or was she more angry and hurt?

 

[vanballmoos]

I don't know that I can tell you anything. I can't say anything definitive nor do I think it would be helpful to.

I can definitely say that I think you need to do what you think I best. And you are the only one who can make that decision. You aren't going to find a 'get my girlfriend back' method here. This is just something you'll have to experience.

Since you are concerned about her distancing herself, I assume you value her. So my best advice is to talk to her. Remain calm and listen to what she says. She may call you names and will definitely be upset with you, but none of this moves forward without talking.

Well yea, I begged her not to leave. Tried to stop her from leaving. Then started walking up to her car before she left then she p

She gets a pass on this one. She is reacting just as females normally do. Women are caught up in a social web and your refusal to drive to visit her and her family on Christmas is a massively embarrassing to her.

If you still want this relationship, call her, tell her you understand how she feels, and tell her you’d like to be there. Life’s not about convenience.

Can you describe for us how the flip-out occurred? Was she insulting and belittling to you, or was she more angry and hurt?

No, no insults or anything. Just angry and hurt.

 

[Focal core]

Im thinking different than most ppl in this thread.

I think you brought the subject very badly.
When you made the plan did you knew you could not stay at her parents place?


Anyway what is done is done....
Imo you got a good reason, fack driving 2hr to get back home is a pain in the ass, expensive and even dangerous if you have winter condition on the road.

I would nc the **** out of her. Do you see why she is mad at you? This is what would piss me off the most, she is mad because it would make her look bad........not because she really wanted to be with you.
She is all about apearance......

I agree with lamath.. Its all about her has zero empathy about you has to drive back and forth so she could have her face saved, if she truly care she would just tell her parents you couldnt make it, and no parent would take it so seriously about that, its just all about her and no room for you.. This is where you could see how genuinely shes into you, if she does she will reach you out and made out with you.. If she isnt she either find an excuse for just blow you away to make way for another guy from her back burner that she been thinking of.

I remember about being in same situation with you, where my girl suggest me to take an hotel so she could come to be with me later after the occasion. Think wise mate.

This could just another girls game to dismissed their bf and reverse blaming you