hey guys
This is my first post here, sorry it will be a long read I think, but I ll try to keep it as sort as possible...
A week ago I found out about this forum and the Rational Male looking for answers about the most ****ed up situation in my life.
So 2 years ago I met this girl...A lot of weird coincidences led to meeting her which fed my ONEitis even more.
We start talking and after a couple of days she tells me she has a boyfriend and she lives with him. I tell her I dont care, I like her so I want to continue talking with her. So we continue. She tells me a lot of personal stuff that supposedly even her boyfriend doesnt know. I tell her some of mine, including a tragic car accident where I lost my girlfriend, when I was 20.
2 weeks in, I see no change on her part, so I tell her that until she clears everything up, we should stop talking.
She implies suicide and goes out at a bar with her friends. I find her there by chance, kinda drunk. They ask me to sit with them. The waitress there buys me a drink, she get jealous and starts grabbing my hand, then my **** under the table.
We leave, make out on some stairs in an alley and she wants me to **** her. I tell her I dont want to start something with her like this, so she better break up first.
Long story short, she doesnt but we continue talking. 2 months later, I tell her once more that we should stop. I go NC for 3 days and find her out once more by chance. Her drunk again, I had a couple of drinks too. We get out, and she wants to **** on a car in an alley again, near her house. Once more I tell her no.
The next days she makes a promise that until my birthday (two months from then) she will either break up or fix her relationship.
Guess what? She didnt do ****.
I find her out at my birthday. We go to my place. We **** and its the best sex I had in my life. Just crazy. She tells me she loves me after. We go on and **** almost every day.
She tells me she is going to break up and...she goes on vacation with her boyfriend a week after.
She comes back I tell her its over.
From then and for about nine months she starts threatening about suicide, tells me I am the reason she wants to kill herself and a ton more **** like that.
She begs me not to leave, comes more times than I can count at my place drunk, punches me then wants to **** me etc etc.
I even just made it in time together with her mother once, before she would hang herself. Her bf not having any idea about all this.
All this time, she told me she just cant break up with him because she loves him and because of what they built together. But she is also telling me that she sleeps on the couch doesnt let him touch her. Didnt have sex with him from before their vacation...Until one day, her being drunk and having smoked some weed she tells me she ****ed with him a couple of times.
I snap out, start talking very badly to her.
The next day her ****ing mother calls me and begs me to go out with them. I go, she tells me some really ****ed up ****, they try to make me believe I am crazy and I made everything out of my mind. The girl tells me once more that she will kill herself If I go, tells me once more she is going to break up. And nothing happens.
I go NC generally and she continues coming by my place once in a while. This goes on for about 4 more months.
One day her friend dies, I am by her side all night and the next ****ing day. I just went home for a couple of hours to take a shower and eat something.
I go back to her and as soon as I arrive, her bf calls her, she picks up the phone, talks really sweet and goes to another room. She comes back, I say goodbye and I just leave. I go NC and she does that two. For two months.
And there she is again, wanting to meet me, comes over to my place again. We ****. The next days I try to chat to see if she is alright. She goes NC. Reads everything but doesnt answer.
Until she says she wants to see me, comes over once more, we **** once more, she cries after. And from then on she talks to me but shows no interest.
She told me she is not as much in love with me anymore, but loves me. This "ended'' for her when I left at the day of the funeral.
She says she doesnt feel anything strong for noone. And she wants to choose what will keep her calm.
I know I am responsible for a lot of my suffering as I am the one who gave in to her coming to my house, or to threatening with suicide. I let her in every time, from fear she might do it, but also in hope that she might change, because I loved her and unfortunately, I still do.
This really ****ed me up, to this day, every time I hear an ambulance my heart races, I wake up, I get anxious.
I am trying to get her out of my mind, but it seems I cant.
I would be grateful for any help or any insight on this.
Sorry for my bad English, its not my native language.
Cheers,
This is my first post here, sorry it will be a long read I think, but I ll try to keep it as sort as possible...
A week ago I found out about this forum and the Rational Male looking for answers about the most ****ed up situation in my life.
So 2 years ago I met this girl...A lot of weird coincidences led to meeting her which fed my ONEitis even more.
We start talking and after a couple of days she tells me she has a boyfriend and she lives with him. I tell her I dont care, I like her so I want to continue talking with her. So we continue. She tells me a lot of personal stuff that supposedly even her boyfriend doesnt know. I tell her some of mine, including a tragic car accident where I lost my girlfriend, when I was 20.
2 weeks in, I see no change on her part, so I tell her that until she clears everything up, we should stop talking.
She implies suicide and goes out at a bar with her friends. I find her there by chance, kinda drunk. They ask me to sit with them. The waitress there buys me a drink, she get jealous and starts grabbing my hand, then my **** under the table.
We leave, make out on some stairs in an alley and she wants me to **** her. I tell her I dont want to start something with her like this, so she better break up first.
Long story short, she doesnt but we continue talking. 2 months later, I tell her once more that we should stop. I go NC for 3 days and find her out once more by chance. Her drunk again, I had a couple of drinks too. We get out, and she wants to **** on a car in an alley again, near her house. Once more I tell her no.
The next days she makes a promise that until my birthday (two months from then) she will either break up or fix her relationship.
Guess what? She didnt do ****.
I find her out at my birthday. We go to my place. We **** and its the best sex I had in my life. Just crazy. She tells me she loves me after. We go on and **** almost every day.
She tells me she is going to break up and...she goes on vacation with her boyfriend a week after.
She comes back I tell her its over.
From then and for about nine months she starts threatening about suicide, tells me I am the reason she wants to kill herself and a ton more **** like that.
She begs me not to leave, comes more times than I can count at my place drunk, punches me then wants to **** me etc etc.
I even just made it in time together with her mother once, before she would hang herself. Her bf not having any idea about all this.
All this time, she told me she just cant break up with him because she loves him and because of what they built together. But she is also telling me that she sleeps on the couch doesnt let him touch her. Didnt have sex with him from before their vacation...Until one day, her being drunk and having smoked some weed she tells me she ****ed with him a couple of times.
I snap out, start talking very badly to her.
The next day her ****ing mother calls me and begs me to go out with them. I go, she tells me some really ****ed up ****, they try to make me believe I am crazy and I made everything out of my mind. The girl tells me once more that she will kill herself If I go, tells me once more she is going to break up. And nothing happens.
I go NC generally and she continues coming by my place once in a while. This goes on for about 4 more months.
One day her friend dies, I am by her side all night and the next ****ing day. I just went home for a couple of hours to take a shower and eat something.
I go back to her and as soon as I arrive, her bf calls her, she picks up the phone, talks really sweet and goes to another room. She comes back, I say goodbye and I just leave. I go NC and she does that two. For two months.
And there she is again, wanting to meet me, comes over to my place again. We ****. The next days I try to chat to see if she is alright. She goes NC. Reads everything but doesnt answer.
Until she says she wants to see me, comes over once more, we **** once more, she cries after. And from then on she talks to me but shows no interest.
She told me she is not as much in love with me anymore, but loves me. This "ended'' for her when I left at the day of the funeral.
She says she doesnt feel anything strong for noone. And she wants to choose what will keep her calm.
I know I am responsible for a lot of my suffering as I am the one who gave in to her coming to my house, or to threatening with suicide. I let her in every time, from fear she might do it, but also in hope that she might change, because I loved her and unfortunately, I still do.
This really ****ed me up, to this day, every time I hear an ambulance my heart races, I wake up, I get anxious.
I am trying to get her out of my mind, but it seems I cant.
I would be grateful for any help or any insight on this.
Sorry for my bad English, its not my native language.
Cheers,
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