Do you have incel friends? How to motivate them?

[DariusTheBartender]

okay so last night in my city there were major Halloween parties (aka slvt fests) going on. My friends are all in their thirties or early forties. All of them have pretty good jobs decent-looking to really really good looking guys. yet I found myself alone with no one to Wing me and I end up calling just an old ex-girlfriend to hang out with. Maybe I was lazy and should have rolled solo but whatever that aside...

I feel like my buddies are hitting the wall, they don't want to go out as much and do what we are designed to do. Should I be looking for new friends here or is there a way to motivate these guys not to be incels and to go out and just do it?

I do have a better success rate than these guys, but I am not better looking than them, I don't make more money, it's just that I have a higher level of game. Most of them are not on forums like this, or reading books or whatever to better themselves in this department. I get that on some level, you know everyone has hobbies other than women, but to me women are as genetic as oxygen. We cannot live without them!

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I've had this same problem for years. I haven't found a solution. I have some incel or near-incel friends. It's not that they're ugly, but they lack confidence and motivation (low T?). Like OP, I can't live without women. These guys seem OK flying solo. I've gone clubbing/bar/conventions/travel... with them, but my success seems to intimidate them rather than motivate them. They're taller than me, but I'm better looking. They've used that (my looks) as an excuse to not bother trying. What I might do, is to dedicate myself to just winging for them. I have a GF so I'm not hunting. I'll update if I get any success or insights.

 

[MatureDJ]

I think this post by Captain Capitalism (Aaron Clarey) explains this quite well:

Yes, Men Do Leave the Market

As many of you know I moonlight at night in a Bruce Wayne/Dark Knight sort of way as a dance instructor. And as I've aged from 23 to my pre...

captaincapitalism.blogspot.com

"Do you mean, do men give up and don't bother trying to find women any more?" I clarified.

She said, "Yes. So do they?"

"Yes" I answered.

She was somewhat surprised at my response. She said, "so they just give up? They don't go out anymore? Don't they want to find somebody? Anybody?!"

"Yeah, more or less."

"That's crazy! How do they ever expect to find anybody?"

I replied, "Well...they don't."

 

[SeymourCake]

I don't have any friends at all.

 

[CBear]

It has to occur within them to get better in different aspects of their lives (theres always something people can work on if they're honest with themselves and have the will to implement/carry it out). Some people like the ones you mention will go out, try to talk to different people, get nothing out of it and then make an excuse that "she wasn't my type/she was boring/she was playing hard to get". They are essentially lying to THEMSELVES so how can a friend who wants to be honest and help do so if they don't even do the same with themselves? Best thing to do as a friend who wants to help them and maintain a fun and positive environment is to go out with them a couple times, try being a wingman (especially if you perceive that you have more knowledge and experience than them that they can benefit from), take notice in how they act and evaluate each night with them to see how they process everything because that says a lot. If they're negative or optimistic. If they're pumped or indifferent. If no progress is being made, it's a lost cause.

Tbh, If they were really motivated and aware of the changes they could make to better themselves, they're in their 30s and 40s, they probably would've accepted it and made the changes by now.

 

[zekko]

If they're really okay with being alone, what difference does it make? More girls for you.

One fellow I know comes to mind that fits the incel category. He is basically an orbiter. He has a few girl friends that he goes out and does things with. I happen to know he would actually like something more with them, but they don't see him that way. The problem with him that I can see is that he just lacks masculinity. He doesn't project strength or any edge, he gives a general impression of weakness. That's what's hurting him, IMO. It's a cliche, but he could benefit from hitting the gym probably. And take a more aggressive, sexual, and proactive attitude.

 

[lamath]

My incel friends are incel because they aim for smv that are too high or they are video game/ netflix addict.

They dont even try to get in shape or dress well, it is sad. They are ok living a mediocre life.

 

[corrector]

I've had this same problem for years. I haven't found a solution. I have some incel or near-incel friends. It's not that they're ugly, but they lack confidence and motivation (low T?). Like OP, I can't live without women. These guys seem OK flying solo. I've gone clubbing/bar/conventions/travel... with them, but my success seems to intimidate them rather than motivate them.

Do they get IOI's or AI's in those environments or are you getting all the attention and they are getting ignored?

They're taller than me, but I'm better looking. They've used that (my looks) as an excuse to not bother trying. What I might do, is to dedicate myself to just winging for them. I have a GF so I'm not hunting. I'll update if I get any success or insights.

They are going the same places you are with them so the only difference between you and them is what is going on in these places. So you are approaching girls while they are not approaching girls, or are they being ignored and getting rude attitudes while you are getting vip treatment with the same girls?

 

[sosousage]

My incel friends are incel because they aim for smv that are too high or they are video game/ netflix addict.

They dont even try to get in shape or dress well, it is sad. They are ok living a mediocre life.

but gaming and netflix is not necessarily worse than having sex with women

PS you can c.um in 5-10min, what will u do during rest of day? waste time shopping clothes or at gym? muscles will leave you one day

 

[corrector]

I feel like my buddies are hitting the wall, they don't want to go out as much and do what we are designed to do. Should I be looking for new friends here or is there a way to motivate these guys not to be incels and to go out and just do it?

I don't accept a definition of incel as not being motivated or not trying, but more defined by rejection or getting poor attitudes from women when you are trying or being burned after going the whole 9 yards, etc.... If they have as much potential of success as you do but are choosing to stay home, and not complaining, then aren't they voluntary celibates? Did they get burned by woman in the past? Do they get nasty rejections from girls in public?

I do have a better success rate than these guys, but I am not better looking than them, I don't make more money, it's just that I have a higher level of game.

But they HAVE a success rate? If you have 8 out of 10 and they have 3 out of 10 then I really don't care about the rate or frequency of success, but more that success is happening for them period. If they are incel then you wouldn't have a better success rate, you would just have a success rate while they would have rejection, or like 0 out of 10. Is that the case here?

Most of them are not on forums like this, or reading books or whatever to better themselves in this department. I get that on some level, you know everyone has hobbies other than women, but to me women are as genetic as oxygen. We cannot live without them!

If they were on forums like then they may become MGTOW-monk mode. Lots of negative threads on here. The term incel is becoming common so it's not really helpful to describe people in such terms unless they are really not trying BECAUSE of getting negative feedback or rejection or being burned out or something.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Do they get IOI's or AI's in those environments or are you getting all the attention and they are getting ignored?

One guy gets an occasional IOI. I see it but he doesn’t. I let him know. But he just seems flabergasted.


They are going the same places you are with them so the only difference between you and them is what is going on in these places. So you are approaching girls while they are not approaching girls, or are they being ignored and getting rude attitudes while you are getting vip treatment with the same girls?

They just won’t interact. Even if I’m chatting up two girls & I need a wing. They either freeze up or act innapropriately. C@ck-blocking me.
sometimes girls will initiate & approach me & ignore them. I’m sure that’s got to be demoralizing.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Do they get IOI's or AI's in those environments or are you getting all the attention and they are getting ignored?

One guy gets occasionsl IOI’s. I see it. He doesn’t. And when I point it out, he refuses to believe it.

They are going the same places you are with them so the only difference between you and them is what is going on in these places. So you are approaching girls while they are not approaching girls, or are they being ignored and getting rude attitudes while you are getting vip treatment with the same girls?

 

[sosousage]

They just won’t interact. Even if I’m chatting up two girls & I need a wing. They either freeze up or act innapropriately. C@ck-blocking me.
sometimes girls will initiate & approach me & ignore them. I’m sure that’s got to be demoralizing.

Find other friends? Also they cant get laid if theres chad nearby

 

[Hamurabimbi]

One of my ‘incels’ is trying. He had a few dates with a woman. I saw his interactions with her. Cringeworthy. He’s a blue-pilled beta AFC. I gave him some tips. Too late. She ghosted him. At least he’s trying.

 

[corrector]

sometimes girls will initiate & approach me & ignore them. I’m sure that’s got to be demoralizing.

When you say ignore them, you mean when they try to interact with them?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Find other friends? Also they cant get laid if theres chad nearby

LOL. Chadlite at best. But you’re probably right. Was at a cafe recently with 3 of my ‘cels. A girl & her wing came by & chatted me up. Both ignored my friends. I grew up with most of these guys & it just sucks watching them rot.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

When you say ignore them, you mean when they try to interact with them?

No. It’s as if they are just furniture. There’s no interaction. Even if I introduce. Just a ‘hi’ and that’s it.

 

[corrector]

No. It’s as if they are just furniture. There’s no interaction. Even if I introduce. Just a ‘hi’ and that’s it.

Do they indicate to you they are frustrated or unhappy with their level of social interaction with women or are they really happy with that? What are their feelings towards women?

 

[zekko]

but gaming and netflix is not necessarily worse than having sex with women

Yeah, I mean if they'd really rather be gaming or whatever, who cares? Unless they're planning on procreating, there's no real need for women outside of validation and companionship. If they can get by without it, far be it from me to tell them it's wrong.

I don't accept a definition of incel as not being motivated or not trying, but more defined by rejection or getting poor attitudes from women when you are trying

Yeah, otherwise it's more of a volcel.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Do they indicate to you they are frustrated or unhappy with their level of social interaction with women or are they really happy with that? What are their feelings towards women?

Hard to tell. None have expressed any anger or resentment towards women. It’s more of a ‘well that’s just the way things are.’ Kind of attitude.