Your opinion on a coworker

[AttackFormation]

Jesus, so many different viewpoints and recommendations here. I really appreciate everyone's feedback, but I'm starting to find that getting more and more into this "game" thing that I'm being less and less myself, and trying to do something just to get results, and that's probably not a good way to go.

Maybe you absorbed that perspective from people on my ignore list or something, I don't know, but at least I routinely propound the opposite of playing any games either with yourself or others. I'm all about an upfront and brutal focus on selfrespect, selfhonesty and what you feel like.

Two men are walking down a street and you have mind reading powers.

- One is thinking "Does she think I'm alpha? does he think I'm alpha? do they think I'm alpha? Is my text alpha enough? Does it look like I'm scarce enough? Am I making her like me enough? Am I doing the right things to please her whims? Am I playing the right games with her like the internet told me "works" with women? Is my line/text/timing/tactic making her wet or do I need to try some other alpha game?"
- The other man is thinking "Am I respecting myself? am I being honest with myself? am I pleasing myself?"

Which one seems the most tranquil and selfassured to you? which one is acting out of a sense of insecurity?

PUA-style "game" is based on insecurity and being phony not just with others but yourself too. In the future I want to make a thread to help establish an antithesis philosophy to PUA-game.

 

[user252009]

PUA-style "game" is based on insecurity and being phony not just with others but yourself too. In the future I want to make a thread to help establish an antithesis philosophy to PUA-game.

That would be amazing. I think everyone is just overloaded with all this crap about gaming and they forget what truly matters. Then again, women always play these games.

 

[andreihaha]

Jesus, so many different viewpoints and recommendations here. I really appreciate everyone's feedback, but I'm starting to find that getting more and more into this "game" thing that I'm being less and less myself, and trying to do something just to get results, and that's probably not a good way to go.

I am, and my day job is not that kind of workplace - I work on my passion and life purpose in my spare time so I have little free time to spare, and I am seeing success in that regard. I should also mention that I'm an introverted person that doesn't actively go out and meet new people.

I get how you feel, it's confusing because a lot of people seem right from totally different points of view.
I like reading opinions on this site not to change myself, but to explore different points of view of different people. Maybe I see an ideea I like and adopt it because if fits MY style. It's a site full of interesting ideas, inspiring people, haters and trolls.

For exemple, Espi made some good points in his posts, but also said "Focus on making money and the women will come. "
I agree with him, but I don't need those women that will come to me for my wealth. I want those who are genuinly interested in me. But everyone is different.

So yes, it is a little difficult to filter through conflicting ideas, but if you do, you can get a lot of value for your money(with is none, so...great!).

 

[AttackFormation]

That would be amazing. I think everyone is just overloaded with all this crap about gaming and they forget what truly matters. Then again, women always play these games.

That's the wonderful thing about playing ZERO games, NO games at all, not with others OR yourself. It takes two to play. Once you stop playing any games, you cannot be played, because you are not participating in the game. It's that simple.

Not everyone will like you, nor does that matter. What you are trying to do is not please others whether they are the woman playing games with you or the internet alphas advising you to play yourself and her... you are focused on finding out who you are, what your wavelength is, and then your actions filter out people who are on different wavelengths. When you do what you feel like out of a solid sense of self and selfrespect, like will go with like.

 

[user252009]

Not everyone will like you, nor does that matter. What you are trying to do is not please others whether they are the woman playing games with you or the internet alphas advising you to play yourself and her... you are focused on finding out who you are, what your wavelength is, and then your actions filter out people who are on different wavelengths. When you do what you feel like out of a solid sense of self and selfrespect, like will go with like.

Wisdom
/thread

 

[derby1]

stop looking at is as games and look at this word "Value".....perhaps you know of a story where you couldn't get rid of a Ford Mustang Or Rs Escort Turbo in the UK....for ****....no one wanted them, you had to give them away.?????

Now suddenly 20 years later there fetching 20k on ebay and everyone talking like there the emperors clothes

this what Unavailability does! make sense....it sends people scouring for your product, it makes people worship and respect, it does some really weird stuff to the human psyche !

the current available you is basically saying "please buy my car pretty please buy my car, well if your still interested contact me when your ready to buy" guess what she has 100 of this men in her inbox

imagine you were the seller of this Ford series 2 escort rs turbo in the UK? you would be like OFFERS!?!?!?!? lmao bittch i dont take offers,
5 others coming to view , catch you soon

OP do you see how your whole personality would change when you are the owner of that car everyone desires?

 

[jimmy_scandal]

Well, the signs so far have been:
- her constantly popping by my office
- giggling at almost anything I say
- surprising me for birthday and baking me something
- looking me up and following me on social media
- initiating contact
- playful physical contact

Based on everything you've written, she is clearly interested and playing a little hard to get, which is perfectly normal.

Give it a third shot. Invite her to something you are already going to yourself. If she doesn't accept, or makes up some excuse, let it go, and just treat her as any other co-worker. But take action, since there is a possibility here.

She is jerking you arround. Her mentioned a 3rd party is disrespectful to you. Proceed as you wish, but know she doesn't desire you.

I guarantee you this guy and all of the other negative knuckleheads don't date. They are just trying to drag you down to their level of misery. Ignore them. Give it a third shot and if it works out great, if not, let it go and move on.

First of all, as no one said it before on the thread, so here it is:
Don't dip your pen in the company ink!

Again, someone who doesn't get out much. Co-workers dating is the norm and has been for a very long time. It is NOT taboo, and never has been, in my experience. There may be some restrictions for supervisor/subordinate dating, but those are routinely ignored. Typical notsosuave bullsh1t pseudo-advice. Regardless of specific pieces of advice: what is the emotional tone of the posters: they are bitter, angry, negative, hopeless. Is that the type of experience you want for yourself?

Nonetheless, keep your eye out for other prospects. If one woman isn't moving forward with you look for others who will. Typically, a man who is physically attractive and has other attractive traits, will not have to wait long to find these women.

 

[user252009]

Based on everything you've written, she is clearly interested and playing a little hard to get, which is perfectly normal.

Give it a third shot. Invite her to something you are already going to yourself. If she doesn't accept, or makes up some excuse, let it go, and just treat her as any other co-worker. But take action, since there is a possibility here.

I told her last I saw her to let me know if she wants to do something this week, as I asked her twice and it didn't work out, so the ball's on her court, I don't think I'll actively ask her again.

 

[Mazer]

She doesn’t need to go out with you because you have been giving her free attention at work. Pull back and see if she chases but to me, it sounds like you are headed straight to the friend zone on current path.

 

[Suave88]

Hi guys,

Good to be on board, thanks for having me. I’ve been following some online coaching YouTube channels for some time and have learned quite a lot, but still struggling a bit with women, the question below is for a specific one. This girl is a new coworker of mine, and we see each other daily, and when we don’t, we’ll shoot a few DMs over IG - she found me there and regularly follows my posts and reacts to my stories. We’re in different departments and we don’t report to each other or are each other supervisors, so no problem there, even the work policies are OK with it. There’s been a spark since we’ve met, she also knew when my birthday was (I told her once), so her and another coworker surprised me with some goodies; when her birthday came, I surprised her back with a nice gesture, she said that it totally made her birthday and told everyone about it.

Apart from hanging out after work with other coworkers on two occasions, I asked her out for a drink or something two times, and she couldn’t make it once because she was slammed with work (didn’t offer alternative then), and second time she was sick (for a fact, I saw that the next day), and this time she mentioned that we could get together this week, but she didn’t offer a specific day, so I just told her to let me know if she wants to get together and left it at that. She also mentioned that we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well, so that’s the confusing / weird part. Why would she want to have another female coworker there? Other than that, the signs of attractions are very much there, we broke the touch barrier, she always giggles, etc.

What’s your take on this? My current approach is not to initiate contact, but always reply and act as if nothing changed in person, still being charming and flirty, but not pursuing and definitely not asking her out again until she mentions it first.

How old are you? If she wants to go out with another coworker, she does not trust in you yet. This has happened to me, and I don't see it as a problem. Is it your first date with her? No problem. It is normal.

 

[Suave88]

Well, the signs so far have been:
- her constantly popping by my office
- giggling at almost anything I say
- surprising me for birthday and baking me something
- looking me up and following me on social media
- initiating contact
- playful physical contact

Has she asked you where are you from or has she asked you if you are married or dating someone?

 

[user252009]

Has she asked you where are you from or has she asked you if you are married or dating someone?

She knows a bit about me and I about her (she told me about her family and childhood etc.), and she said herself first time we were hanging out outside of work that she's single, but never asked if I dated anyone.

 

[user252009]

Reminds me of something religious/moral girls do - they have this idea that the guy needs to work (kinda like a dog) to achieve her lol. They feel uncomfortable and like it’s unwise to be one on one because they may get too close and get attached without a commitment from the guy first.

Maybe the girl is normal. In that case you don’t have to worry about the above. But I’ve dealt with this crap before! It’s crazy.

Yeah I'm not gonna do that, not worth it.

 

[andreihaha]

Again, someone who doesn't get out much. Co-workers dating is the norm and has been for a very long time. It is NOT taboo, and never has been, in my experience. There may be some restrictions for supervisor/subordinate dating, but those are routinely ignored. Typical notsosuave bullsh1t pseudo-advice. Regardless of specific pieces of advice: what is the emotional tone of the posters: they are bitter, angry, negative, hopeless. Is that the type of experience you want for yourself?

Nonetheless, keep your eye out for other prospects. If one woman isn't moving forward with you look for others who will. Typically, a man who is physically attractive and has other attractive traits, will not have to wait long to find these women.

Haha!
Dude, read my whole post and tell me what was negative about it.
And telling me dating co-workers is the norm and a smart idea shows me how much experience you have: none.
I have dated someone at work once and it went to hell. That was the case for every workplace relationship i've seen in years. People dating and working together changed their jobs because it's not healthy to spend all day with each other. On what planet have you been living on?
Also I just put it first as a disclaimer, he's free to do as he wishes.

 

[Shrubber101]

Remember women have a hive mind. She's getting alot of influence and advice from her co workers which is affecting her behaviour.
At work, sexual politics blend with work place politics.
When you meet someone outside of that, there's alot less flakiness i.e influence from the other hens.
Don't persue her. Just let the attraction I.e her perception of you build up (assuming there is any to begin with) and eventually her attraction will supersede any kind of peer influence.
I have neve persued coworkers but from my experience, given enough time, some women at work will just fall for you becouse of regular proximity to you and, for whatever reason, you get their hamster spinning.
I've worked with women for years and while they flirt etc, I don't reciprocate. Eventually they'll give me their number out of the blue one day and within days, I'm banging them.
Just chill. Like the man says, you can't negotiate desire but if a woman does desire you, she'll crawl over broken glass to get to you. If this girl is into you then just kick back and let her figure out why and when she wants to bang you and she will let you know.

 

[user252009]

Just chill. Like the man says, you can't negotiate desire but if a woman does desire you, she'll crawl over broken glass to get to you. If this girl is into you then just kick back and let her figure out why and when she wants to bang you and she will let you know.

That's the plan. Cheers

 

[Suave88]

Hi guys,

Good to be on board, thanks for having me. I’ve been following some online coaching YouTube channels for some time and have learned quite a lot, but still struggling a bit with women, the question below is for a specific one. This girl is a new coworker of mine, and we see each other daily, and when we don’t, we’ll shoot a few DMs over IG - she found me there and regularly follows my posts and reacts to my stories. We’re in different departments and we don’t report to each other or are each other supervisors, so no problem there, even the work policies are OK with it. There’s been a spark since we’ve met, she also knew when my birthday was (I told her once), so her and another coworker surprised me with some goodies; when her birthday came, I surprised her back with a nice gesture, she said that it totally made her birthday and told everyone about it.

Apart from hanging out after work with other coworkers on two occasions, I asked her out for a drink or something two times, and she couldn’t make it once because she was slammed with work (didn’t offer alternative then), and second time she was sick (for a fact, I saw that the next day), and this time she mentioned that we could get together this week, but she didn’t offer a specific day, so I just told her to let me know if she wants to get together and left it at that. She also mentioned that we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well, so that’s the confusing / weird part. Why would she want to have another female coworker there? Other than that, the signs of attractions are very much there, we broke the touch barrier, she always giggles, etc.

What’s your take on this? My current approach is not to initiate contact, but always reply and act as if nothing changed in person, still being charming and flirty, but not pursuing and definitely not asking her out again until she mentions it first.

So, you have asked her out twice now, but first, she was busy and then, she was sick.
So now, when you asked her out for a third time, she wants to go out but needs the company of a coworker. I don't see a problem here. This is normal.

What I dont like is that she does not ask personal questions to you or you don't tell us.
I dont have a good feeling about it. How long have you known her?
If after this first date, she goes out, and you ask her again next week, but again she wants to bring a coworker, then forget about her.

 

[user252009]

What I dont like is that she does not ask personal questions to you or you don't tell us.
I dont have a good feeling about it. How long have you known her?
If after this first date, she goes out, and you ask her again next week, but again she wants to bring a coworker, then forget about her.

We do talk about personal things

 

[Suave88]

We do talk about personal things

List a few questions she has asked you?

 

[user252009]

List a few questions she has asked you?

Um no