really need some help right now

[Bigempty]

hey guys.....i used to (rarely) post here under a different name in the past but ended up leaving due to life, basically.

so im not a complete afc that doesnt know whats what but i still got my ass handed to me

im a mess right now....emotionally mostly and i just lost my job today to boot..the past few years have been ups and downs but mostly its just been my trying to keep my head above water...i was depressed, slow on work and basically just monk mode involuntarily.....still i somehow manage to meet a chick and get her hooked on me....hot cougar just turned 44 this summer but great bod, pretty face etc.....shes a married chick that cant stand her husband anymore and basically just looking for dlck. that was my first mistake. i used her to allevaite some of the loneliness and void of being depressed....she didnt know tho. i put up a good front and she got hooked on me...calling me all the time etc. she tried to get me to meet a couple of times which i would turn down because of her awful off putting behavior. attention seeking, using jealousy tacticts etc...she seemed to enjoy the power struggle between us because it quickly became a cycle...id get annoyed, freeze her out and she would start chasing me HARD. shed start blowing up my phone, begging me to meet up with her to bang, enticing me with paying for everything etc...the weekend of her birthday she had begged me days prior to go see a live performance with her which she got a vip package for us etc and i turned her down....as bad as i wanted to go, i just wasnt in the position....mentally financially etc i think thats where everything really went down hill after but she kept chasing anyway....now its mid august and things are worse than theyve ever been but i still asked her to finally meet me which she turned me down for.....fast forward and we get into one last big epic fight. i said the some of the meanest things ive ever said to another human being to her to get her mad so she can leave me alone and eventually i feel that shift in energy from her where shes not as keen anymore....a week ago she blocks me on fb after calling me immature for having blocked her the many times id try to get rid of her and move on....hasnt unblocked me yet but i know she will eventually...

last important detail....theres going to be an event near my old area which i had planned to attend regardless of her and i recently found out she is also attending....im going no matter what but wondering the best course of action when bumping into her....theres a few ways it can play out and they basically revolve around how i react....be cool and polite and keep the engagement to the minimum or be happy, upbeat and pretend none of it ever happened....shes social so i know for a fact shes gonna come up to me and greet me like nothing....

im also riding a wave of motion and coming off an "up" point so i did manage to meet a new girl who as far as i can tell, isnt lookin to mess around. i know all the predictable responses im gonna get about marrieed women, cougars etc so i dont need to hear any of that. i need real life answers not theory and philosophies. and if you ask me what i want? id say just a bang for all my trouble and id be good. theres no future with this broad at all but im not gonna lie and say i didnt catch feelings because of all the time i invested in her.

thanks for taking the time to read this ****. im a mess right now

 

[Bigempty]

She’s already getting it from somewhere else.

You’re not even in the game anymore and you’re not climbing back in.

Stop thinking about it and move on.

yea thats def what my gut is telling me also but thats why im asking how to handle if she shows up to that event....my opinion of her isnt the best and im not gonna run away like a coward just cause shes there but id like to know the ideal way to handle it when she comes up to me to finally "meet me"

 

[Bigempty]

What does it matter how it goes down? Whether you walk from the encounter feeling like a champ or stupid as hell, you’re still nothing to her either way.

Just go enjoy the event. You’re wasting energy on this.

a little too extreme

theres lots of variables at play that can cause for an interesting encounter and post encounter. its not so black and white. this is real life.

anyone else with an opinion on who best to handle a run in? its set to take place in less than a month

 

[Bigempty]

There were variables at play. Past tense. It’s over.

Right now, you’re planning an encounter a month away with a woman who has already found your replacement.

I’m not the one being extreme here, but I will happily bow out and let someone else advise you.

Good luck.

she still called me and told me she missed me etc a couple days before the block and spoke to me politely and normal as if nothing happened....she was expecting me to reciprocate the i miss you etc but i was polite and neautral without being rude...my indifference just agitated her more because i did not contact after that which resulted in the block....she has no control over my actions and blocking me was the only way to feel like she still had some kind of power over the situation....regardless if shes talking to or ****ing someone else, i have no serious interest in her other than a lay but the point is clear that there are still feelings there. negative or otherwise. whos to say when she sees me she wont get overwhelmed with emotion after the past year of this emotional roller coaster. and a month away is no time at all. it might as well be this weekend. i have my new girl which is a real prospect but this story isnt over yet which why im asking how to play it. its ok to say you dont know also

 

[Bigempty]

@fastlife

@BeExcellent could use a chicks perspective

 

[Bigempty]

If your life is such a wreck, and you're unemployed, shouldn't you be looking for work, instead of trying to sneak another ride on the emotional roller coaster. That just sounds like toxic levels of estrogen, which is the last thing a depressed man needs in his life....more estrogen. You're confusing the cause for the cure.

who said i wasnt? last year was very bad, super slow work...this work it picked up tremendously but like i said, im coming off that high point and slowing down a bit again....thats besides the point at this moment i just shed light on it to explain the situation and my mind set a bit better. the depression went away. im back in the gym, quickly getting back in shape, fixing myself up. hell the reason i met the new girl was because of that and she was the one that opened me (dont understestimate good vibes) anyway im asking for help how to handle that encounter. thats ltierally it at this point

 

[Bigempty]

Fine. You win. I’m just clueless.

But here’s what I do know:

I know this is a married chick dying to cheat.

I know She hasnt been saving herself just waiting for you for...what was it...nearly a year now?

I know she has probably caved to bad sex with her husband and good sex from a few other guys by now.

I know you have this back and forth, up and down thing with her only because she comes to you for guaranteed attention when someone else is done with her, which is all she has seemed to get from you so far anyway.

Maybe that’s all she wants because she turned you down flat when you finally did try to hook up.

I know in your world you believe she has fallen hard for you.

I know you are waiting for advice you want to hear because you can’t let go.

And I know I’m not going to give it to you.

Good luck.

nah not at all. this chick is a teacher with a young daughter and i can tell shes completely new to this cheating thing. shes super clumsy in many ways and doesnt have the time to be cheating around as carelessly as you think. not to mention the rightfully untrusting and very AFC husband.....i got her to open up compltely with me. shes not the first sexually bored cougar i deal with. my mistake was fukcing up and catching some feelings.

so no, why would i "let go" when im literally telling you im gonna bump into her again?

so hard to give an honest opinion on best way to handle that?

"you shouldnt care how it goes down" is just a cop-out and more wannabe dj philosophy

i need real answers

 

[Bigempty]

So the depression and unemployment were low points that drove you into the relationship with the Cougar, or were they the results of that relationship? Your timeline in your original post was confusing.

Either way, you should avoid her.

If you just have to do it, though, taking the new girl as your date is probably your best shot at renewing her interest, if you're as hooked on drama as it seems.

yea im a bit scatterbrained right now but no, i was depressed before this girl. what i meant to say was that the reason this even went on for so long was because i was using this chick as a distraction and company from the depression and loneliness...i wasnt even that into her early on tbh....but feelings happen when you carry on for too long. i thought about taking my new girl but i honestly dont need to...she knows already im seeing someone and always assumed i was seeing several other girls even tho i was honest about that not being true...i really dont care if women think i can or cant get other women because the truth is that i can...even in my lowest points in life ive attracted women...and thats not a brag, its just a fact...im not hookeed on the drama...its just the feelings that im trying to overcome and battling my ego thats telling me im "losing" or "lost" because nothing came of this...ive tried so many times to get rid of this chick before i had the feelings and she kept weasling her way back into my life one way or another. next thing i know its too fking late.

im not here trying to come off as some alpha wanna be dj. im a flawed man just like everyone else here. im not too proud to admit that. i made a mistake and fked around with a chick i shouldnt have. it happens to everyone. just someone tell me how to handle when we run into each other. thats all im asking

 

[Bible_Belt]

You care too much. It doesn't really matter how you act, until you get over that problem. The moment you lost her was when you lost your cool and said whatever horrible things you said. It's not what you said, it was the demonstration that your feelings for her were greater than your control over yourself. That's not attractive.

 

[Bigempty]

You care too much. It doesn't really matter how you act, until you get over that problem. The moment you lost her was when you lost your cool and said whatever horrible things you said. It's not what you said, it was the demonstration that your feelings for her were greater than your control over yourself. That's not attractive.

definitely. not arguing any of that

i dont want to hear the faults. i know exactly all the times and where i fcked up. im better now than i was before though still trying to shake off whatevers left. i know i can keep cool in her presence thats not the issue. id just like to know how it should be played? i was planning to just wing and go with whatever i felt in the moment which i think is gonna be a cool, cordial detachment. unless theres a better way?

 

[Alvafe]

dude she was a older woman who wanted to ahve sex with you, pretty much you found a sugar mama and didn't ride it, so why caring now?

first thing to do is see how your finances are, I would say do something now you never had much time, like a travel or a hobby or studying something new, anything your finances can take, unwind, relax and then come back to fight more and restart your life, if you are on red take a day off to just relax, then start working.

this moment you shouldn't care much about a loose cougar, even if you do meet her, make it civil and only IF she come to talk with you

 

[Bible_Belt]

definitely. not arguing any of that

i dont want to hear the faults... id just like to know how it should be played? i was planning to just wing and go with whatever i felt in the moment which i think is gonna be a cool, cordial detachment. unless theres a better way?

How to play it is to overcome your faults. How would you act if you didn't care? If it were me, I'd try to fvck her in a closet at the party. That would be me truly giving zero fvcks, other than the one in the closet, that is. Whoever you were when she met you is the person to be.

 

[Bigempty]

How to play it is to overcome your faults. How would you act if you didn't care? If it were me, I'd try to fvck her in a closet at the party. That would be me truly giving zero fvcks, other than the one in the closet, that is. Whoever you were when she met you is the person to be.

thats more like it

 

[Bigempty]

anyone else with any advice on the encounter? or thoughts on the situation?

 

[lamath]

anyone else with any advice on the encounter? or thoughts on the situation?

Imo best strategy is social proof like a king. But you need to know lots of ppl there and also be very outgoing. Bringing a **** load of friends and having a good time can help.

Not easy to do however, faking indifference is really hard.

 

[Bigempty]

Yeah I got advice:

When a guy tells his male friends that he met a chick, the first thing they ask is, "What does she look like?"

When a girl tells her female friends that she met a guy, the first thing they ask is, "What does he do for a living?"

Do this make you realize that finances are far more more important than females right now?

i understand where youre coming from, but this does not apply in this situation. i only brought my work situation up because its not at a place im satisfied yet...i didnt intend to come off as a broke loser lol and regardless, this isnt some chick looking for a relationship. she was just looking for good dlck which she told me flat out in the beggining "i look like i could give her"

im just like that tho, if i dont feel good about myself, i feel like my vibes are off and i dont even want to go out much less deal with women. im easily demotivated when if im not reasonably satisfied with how things are going. work is going to pick up again. its temporary and part of the nature of waht i do.

so no advice on the encounter itself?

 

[FruitLoops]

From what i have been able to understand, you are still feeling for her, maybe hoping for her to come back, regretting for whatever stuff you said, hoping to travel back in time.
Here is what i feel:
1. This broad isnt worth the squeeze anymore. The moment you said stuff to her, it was over. Stop beating yourself up over this. She deserved every single word you said to her.
2. I know our mind plays these dirty tricks where it keeps reminding you of all the past stuff and makes you feel guilty about it. Try and keep yourself busy with something, anything.
2. In the event that you are attending, if possible go with your friends. It will help take your mind off her.
3. If you two bump into each, stay calm and talk like you would to any other guy at the event. Wear a f**king smile on your face. Show her that you are better off without her.
4. I would recommend going MGTOW for a while and concentrate on building yourself. I know this phase. It wrecks you mentally and impacts your physical health as well. Find a decent. Work on yourself, go to gym maybe or find some outdoor activity. I know it might sound cliche, as most of them would have suggested the same. But it helps. Trust me it does.

 

[Bigempty]

Future encounter between Female and Bigempty:

Female: "So what do you do for a living?"

Bigempty: "I'm unemployed right now but only because I'm at a place where I'm not satisfied yet...I don't intend to come off as a broke loser."

See how that works for you.

Also, you speak 80% and listen 20%.

You should listen 80% and speak 20%.

Swing and a miss....Jesus has this place really gone this far down hill when even known veteran posters are hostile....

Anyone else wanna take a crack at it?

 

[Bigempty]

From what i have been able to understand, you are still feeling for her, maybe hoping for her to come back, regretting for whatever stuff you said, hoping to travel back in time.
Here is what i feel:
1. This broad isnt worth the squeeze anymore. The moment you said stuff to her, it was over. Stop beating yourself up over this. She deserved every single word you said to her.
2. I know our mind plays these dirty tricks where it keeps reminding you of all the past stuff and makes you feel guilty about it. Try and keep yourself busy with something, anything.
2. In the event that you are attending, if possible go with your friends. It will help take your mind off her.
3. If you two bump into each, stay calm and talk like you would to any other guy at the event. Wear a f**king smile on your face. Show her that you are better off without her.
4. I would recommend going MGTOW for a while and concentrate on building yourself. I know this phase. It wrecks you mentally and impacts your physical health as well. Find a decent. Work on yourself, go to gym maybe or find some outdoor activity. I know it might sound cliche, as most of them would have suggested the same. But it helps. Trust me it does.

Thank you...I needed to hear the part about her deserving whatever I said...I know deep down it’s true. She’s garbage

Don’t worry, I’m already on the upswing of “MGTOW” so I’m doing the opposite...I was in exile too long already and now I’m back....I literally just wanted to attempt to get a lay out of this possible....don’t care if she’s fukced other dudes since then. The feelings have mostly been purged....and knowing myself...Getting the lay will completely kill them for good. A lot of our arguments were simply due to the sexual tension from not being able to easily hook up what with all her daughter stuff, being a teacher and the husband

 

[FruitLoops]

Thank you...I needed to hear the part about her deserving whatever I said...I know deep down it’s true. She’s garbage

Don’t worry, I’m already on the upswing of “MGTOW” so I’m doing the opposite...I was in exile too long already and now I’m back....I literally just wanted to attempt to get a lay out of this possible....don’t care if she’s fukced other dudes since then. The feelings have mostly been purged....and knowing myself...Getting the lay will completely kill them for good. A lot of our arguments were simply due to the sexual tension from not being able to easily hook up what with all her daughter stuff, being a teacher and the husband

Dont bother yourself with the past stuff. Whatever happened is now in the past. The arguments, endless fights, overthinking.. bury it and move on. Take charge of your life and move forward. Dont look back.