Hello,
I wound myself up in a pretty sticky situation, and I would like some advice how to turn the situation around.
After 4 years of relationship with a girl who always stood by my side I got the "I don't know what I want, i need time". This girl was always prioritizing me, and has been always faithful, alltough I haven't been the most faithful, to be honest. I always exercised the chasing game and had some affairs, but she doesn't know it for sure. She saw me talking online with other girls and she called me out on that in numerous occasions but I would always make something up. Being secretive with my phone was a big deal and she would have liked me to be more honest and tell her if I am chatting with someone rather than being secretive. In the last months of our relationship I started really slacking around (no more dates, we didn't really go on trips anymore, no more , our interactions being more and more scarce and not really spending quality time, only sex and some talking. I admit this is my fault due to work exhaustion, affair and the beginning of an addiction, depression, leading to just shutting myself down emotionally and minimizing interaction. Also, prior to breakup I lashed out at her as I bottled up anger and frustrations in me. She did close an eye to it but after 2 weeks she decided to end it all. She stated on numerous occasions that she doesn't feel prioritised (didn't introduce her to my parents due to having a very strange family with a concentration on ethnic differences, also going usually my way, being incosiderete and not taking her with me to most of the events I attended) and that we have some issues we have to solve but I always brushed these matters off saying I don't want to talk about it. I messed up really bad.
The thing is that I realised that I became a mess and started working on myself, also I want to repair this situation somehow. We talk daily, we didn't do no contact, and also 2 days after the breakup I acted kinda needy. I explained the struggles I had and opened up to her (the thing she wanted from me but i didn't do it). 2 months have past and she still doesn't know what she wants, we interact only via messages and we see each other but only near her home, she always found an excuse to go out with me. She says she loves me and doesn't want to lose me, but she doesn't seem to want to really end it all (I told her to end it if she really wants to break up, I am mature enough to accept this decision, but she said that she said that this is not the case, she needs time) She knows that in my book staying just friends is not an option, also she told me that she is afraid that we'll be back in this situation later on if she decides to give it another shot, also she stated that we are too different, as she accepts too much and I am too choleric.
Is there a way to untangle this mess and show her that things will be better this time? Is there a way to regain attraction, respect and trust once damaged?
I wound myself up in a pretty sticky situation, and I would like some advice how to turn the situation around.
After 4 years of relationship with a girl who always stood by my side I got the "I don't know what I want, i need time". This girl was always prioritizing me, and has been always faithful, alltough I haven't been the most faithful, to be honest. I always exercised the chasing game and had some affairs, but she doesn't know it for sure. She saw me talking online with other girls and she called me out on that in numerous occasions but I would always make something up. Being secretive with my phone was a big deal and she would have liked me to be more honest and tell her if I am chatting with someone rather than being secretive. In the last months of our relationship I started really slacking around (no more dates, we didn't really go on trips anymore, no more , our interactions being more and more scarce and not really spending quality time, only sex and some talking. I admit this is my fault due to work exhaustion, affair and the beginning of an addiction, depression, leading to just shutting myself down emotionally and minimizing interaction. Also, prior to breakup I lashed out at her as I bottled up anger and frustrations in me. She did close an eye to it but after 2 weeks she decided to end it all. She stated on numerous occasions that she doesn't feel prioritised (didn't introduce her to my parents due to having a very strange family with a concentration on ethnic differences, also going usually my way, being incosiderete and not taking her with me to most of the events I attended) and that we have some issues we have to solve but I always brushed these matters off saying I don't want to talk about it. I messed up really bad.
The thing is that I realised that I became a mess and started working on myself, also I want to repair this situation somehow. We talk daily, we didn't do no contact, and also 2 days after the breakup I acted kinda needy. I explained the struggles I had and opened up to her (the thing she wanted from me but i didn't do it). 2 months have past and she still doesn't know what she wants, we interact only via messages and we see each other but only near her home, she always found an excuse to go out with me. She says she loves me and doesn't want to lose me, but she doesn't seem to want to really end it all (I told her to end it if she really wants to break up, I am mature enough to accept this decision, but she said that she said that this is not the case, she needs time) She knows that in my book staying just friends is not an option, also she told me that she is afraid that we'll be back in this situation later on if she decides to give it another shot, also she stated that we are too different, as she accepts too much and I am too choleric.
Is there a way to untangle this mess and show her that things will be better this time? Is there a way to regain attraction, respect and trust once damaged?
