I am crushed and I don't know what happened

[rz11]

Hi guys, a newbie here. I am going to be brutally honest here with my situation. I'm 27, great physical shape, I have a PhD in Artificial Intelligence and I am the typical guy that get attention from women. Unfortunately, all that doesn't make this thing less painful. So the thing is I've been with this girl for over 10 years, yep, since I was 17. At first, I wasn't all that interested in her and that made her pursue me like crazy. A couple of months later and I started to get attached to her emotionally and you know how things change at that moment: less intimacy, more drama, and sex is used as a negotiation tactic. At that point I said "enough of this sh*t!" and I started to learn about dating, relationships, etc, but none of that content was pure Red Pill. That worked and I got her back, a couple of months later same story but this time I take the Red Pill. That was three years ago.



I have to be honest and say that even though I knew that I should have a rotation of women I had all my eggs in one basket with her. I know, bad way to go. But anyway, my acting was really on point, pure Alfa, over this past three years the sex was over the roof, no drama, she comes to my house when I say so, usually once or twice a week and she ****s my brains out. Constantly talking about marrying me, wanting kids with me and all that. I know she wanted me to be her boyfriend, something that I didn't do because the number of problems that brought me in the past, things were great using plate theory even with just one plate. So 4 months ago she stopped texting me. I thought that was, of course, a tactic to have me cave in and summit, which of course I didn't do. I went about my life thinking that she would be back as submissive as always.



This time I was wrong. I saw her the other day and I know she has a new boyfriend. The dude is a Beta Male Provider because in less than a month the guy is meeting her parents planning to go live with her and all that crap. Regardless of the situation, I feel crushed because of the number of years I have with this girl, and also I believe I did everything by the book. Until the last day, she was all over me and couldn't wait to come to my place to have sex. I know about hypergamy, and I know that this could be an epiphany phase so I would understand what she did. What I don't know is if a girl could be over a guy who she has so much attraction like that and never look back? or she just using that dude for security?.



I have to admit It hurts like a mf. I know I should go date other women and all that but I just want to know the opinion of more experienced guys on this situation. She is 23 btw and I never sent her a text from the point she ceased contact. Thanks to all of you in advance and sorry for the long text.

 

[backseatjuan]

Please care to do the math for me. She is 23. You are 27. You two dating for 10 years.
23 - 10
is 13

So you was 17 and she was 13?

 

[rz11]

Please care to do the math for me. She is 23. You are 27. You two dating for 10 years.
23 - 10
is 13

So you was 17 and she was 13?

Not dating until she was 16 (legal age here in Spain), but she made clear the interest in me when she was 13. I mean that we have a thing (platonic for a while) since she was 13 not that we dated for that period. Not proud about that but I am being honest here with you guys. Also I think she knew more than me even at that age.

 

[marmel75]

The game used to get a woman is not the game used to keep a woman.

 

[rz11]

I wouldn't call what we did "dating" until she was in college but I understand what you say. Don't put much attention on that, even her mother loves me to this day and she knew about us since the beginning.

I never let her be the center of my life so I was always focus on my career, hobbies, physical shaper, etc. She was a great compliment, but that doesn't make it less painful when she left. Also, sometimes I think that maybe I should agreed to a more serious relationship with her, but I don't know.

Thanks a lot man.

Wow, I live in Spain, I can date a 16 year old?

Whatever the case, accept it's over and don't worry about dating other chicks if you're not feeling it. Give yourself some time to recover.

The fact is you were and are both young. Most people aren't going to settle down starting at that age and not think about the road less traveled. The good news is you've got a 10 year long LTR under your belt at the fresh age of 27. Now you can start working on other facets of personal development as a man. You're off to a great start by avoiding any texting or contact. How she reacts (or doesn't) is out of your control, so forget about that part of it and start working on yourself, what you want to do with your life, career, etc. The world is your oyster.

 

[rz11]

The game used to get a woman is not the game used to keep a woman.

Totally agree. But I think I did a pretty good job keeping her for 3 years mad in love with me without committing to a serious relationship. What I don't know is what I could have done different

 

[AJ84]

Totally agree. But I think I did a pretty good job keeping her for 3 years mad in love with me without committing to a serious relationship. What I don't know is what I could have done different

There’s the problem, you kept her hanging for three years and the vast majority of women want a committed relationship after several months of dating a guy they are into.

Cudos for keeping it going as long as you did, but you can’t expect women to just hang around wasting their life waiting on a guy that won’t commit, and it sounds like she had enough of waiting.

 

[Spaz]

Plenty of men come here saying they're 'crushed' (I fvcking hate that feminine sounding word when it comes from a man) but before I offer my opinion I need to know what so great about her.

Can you list down 20 things that's great or outstanding about her?

 

[Julian]

U will never get over it bro and thats ok. U had a prime piece of ass u didnt go exclusive with and now its gone. It hurts cuz u have history and familiarity.

 

[rz11]

There’s the problem, you kept her hanging for three years and the vast majority of women want a committed relationship after several months of dating a guy they are into.

Cudos for keeping it going as long as you did, but you can’t expect women to just hang around wasting their life waiting on a guy that won’t commit, and it sounds like she had enough of waiting.

I know she had enough of waiting, and I also kind of expected that, but I did not want a committed relationship because I know familiarity destroys the chemistry and also I feel like I would be compromising to make her happy. The thing I don't get is how she could be with a guy that has no chemistry with her and doesn't drive her crazy as I did. If she had gotten one of those alfas I could understand but I don't understand how the hell she got that dude.



Thanks man, it means a lot.

 

[rz11]

Plenty of men come here saying they're 'crushed' (I fvcking hate that feminine sounding word when it comes from a man) but before I offer my opinion I need to know what so great about her.

Can you list down 20 things that's great or outstanding about her?

Yeah, crushed it may no be the word. I am from Spain and that was the first English word I came up with to describe my situation. But I agree it is not an accurate one, maybe "bothered" would be.

Nope, 20 might be a lot. She is hot, she was into me like crazy for the past three years, easy-going, feminine and sex was great. I realize that the problem is mostly due to my emotional investment that the qualities that she possessed.

Your message is making me feel better already

Thanks a lot

 

[rz11]

U will never get over it bro and thats ok. U had a prime piece of ass u didnt go exclusive with and now its gone. It hurts cuz u have history and familiarity.

Agree, but I feel it would hurt a lot more in the long run if I compromise. Who knows.

"It hurts cuz u have history and familiarity."

Totally. I can get hotter women in a week, but with her I have a long history so it is way different.

I like to talk to you guys. I don't have a lot of positive masculinity examples in my life so I am doing the best I can, so talking to men like you its a real insight.

 

[Spaz]

She is hot, she was into me like crazy for the past three years, easy-going, feminine and sex was great.

Plenty of women can do that and are doing it, I'd say perhaps in the region of 99. 7% with the right man.

The 0.3% is reserved for the retards and crazies.

You can't come up with 1 single outstanding thing she's done or has?

If you can't then she ain't so special after all.

Being crushed for something that's normal and not even special sounds kinda...childish.

 

[RangerMIke]

Dude, if she was really that fvcking great you would have committed to her years ago. There was a reason why you didn't end up with her... whatever that 'reason' was it will not have changed.

I lose women all the time, they drift off mostly because I will not commit to them. Often they end up with other dudes and I'm not going to lie it bothers me but I never let any chick "crush' me... that's just stupid, She's just a chick. Anytime I start fretting over it, I force myself to remember WHY I didn't commit to her in the first place. What @Spaz is suggesting does make sense, because if you sit down and think about all the things you like about her you'll figure out that she really wasn't anything special.... Then you can start pitying the dude she is with now.

Forget about the past... because it is what it is and you can not change it: don't worry about the future because no one can predict with absolute certainly. Just live in the present and go get other chicks. When ever you start thinking about this chick, stop... that's right just fvcking stop thinking about her, focus on other things and just push her out of your mind.

One more thing... STOP thinking that you are 'crushed' you are NOT crushed... your soon to be lifeless body is not bleeding out under a bolder that fell on you. When you start saying this kind of cr@p to yourself, you are sowing the seeds of a self-full-filling prophesy. You become what you believe, rather than thinking you are 'crushed' flip the script and start thinking you are "free'.

 

[highSpeed]

U will never get over it bro and thats ok. U had a prime piece of ass u didnt go exclusive with and now its gone. It hurts cuz u have history and familiarity.

And look at how they turn on and off their emotions like a light switch. One day she's f*cking his brains out and the next day, she's gone, like they were never anything. That's cold man, ice cold.

 

[rz11]

Plenty of women can do that and are doing it, I'd say perhaps in the region of 99. 7% with the right man.

The 0.3% is reserved for the retards and crazies.

You can't come up with 1 single outstanding thing she's done or has?

If you can't then she ain't so special after all.

Being crushed for something that's normal and not even special sounds kinda...childish.

I never said that she was that special, I suppose I have her somewhat idealized because the time I spent with her and the fact that she is now with another dude.

I am bothered not crushed, my fault.

Man, I wish I could have somebody like you as a big brother to kick me in the ass when I am acting like a *****.

 

[AJ84]

I know she had enough of waiting, and I also kind of expected that, but I did not want a committed relationship because I know familiarity destroys the chemistry and also I feel like I would be compromising to make her happy. The thing I don't get is how she could be with a guy that has no chemistry with her and doesn't drive her crazy as I did. If she had gotten one of those alfas I could understand but I don't understand how the hell she got that dude.



Thanks man, it means a lot.

Sounds like she did a lot to make you happy based on how you described her, but you are not willing to compromise to do the same and that’s honest, that’s how you feel, and there’s no law that says you have to be in a committed relationship with her or anyone else. But most women don’t stick around if they want a committed relationship and you don’t.

Perhaps your niche will be more for causal dating. Relationships actually do require some compromise from both sides so don’t set that tone with women, keep it upfront about being causal and that it won’t be a committed relationship and take it from there.

If you try to get her back it will change the dynamic and she will expect you to be different in the relationship. If you really can’t compromise to make her happy, then let her go and be happy with someone else, why should she waste her value on someone who won’t reward it with a committed relationship, especially if other guys will (beta or not)? Women don’t do these things and expect nothing, no one is that giving, not even her. Contrary to popular red pill belief women aren’t content to just serve their boyfriends needs without any consideration to their own. No human is content with not having their needs and desires met.

Again, if you don’t want to offer a lot, that’s fine, but don’t expect a lot back and then you will be less surprised and less disappointed.

 

[rz11]

Dude, if she was really that fvcking great you would have committed to her years ago. There was a reason why you didn't end up with her... whatever that 'reason' was it will not have changed.

I lose women all the time, they drift off mostly because I will not commit to them. Often they end up with other dudes and I'm not going to lie it bothers me but I never let any chick "crush' me... that's just stupid, She's just a chick. Anytime I start fretting over it, I force myself to remember WHY I didn't commit to her in the first place. What @Spaz is suggesting does make sense, because if you sit down and think about all the things you like about her you'll figure out that she really wasn't anything special.... Then you can start pitying the dude she is with now.

Forget about the past... because it is what it is and you can not change it: don't worry about the future because no one can predict with absolute certainly. Just live in the present and go get other chicks. When ever you start thinking about this chick, stop... that's right just fvcking stop thinking about her, focus on other things and just push her out of your mind.

One more thing... STOP thinking that you are 'crushed' you are NOT crushed... your soon to be lifeless body is not bleeding out under a bolder that fell on you. When you start saying this kind of cr@p to yourself, you are sowing the seeds of a self-full-filling prophesy. You become what you believe, rather than thinking you are 'crushed' flip the script and start thinking you are "free'.

Not "crushed", "bothered" I need to change that fvcking word. This morning I was in the gym listen to a song called "Crushed" by Parkway Drive and I believe that is why that was the first thing that came up to my mind . I lost that girl before for months and I had no clue if she was gonna come back or not, so it is not my first time in this situation so definitely not "crushed". Have to improve my English grammar.

Yeah, I am free now, and I have a lot more SMV now that I had a couple of years ago. Being on vacation in the same place that her and having to see her with another dude is what I don't like. But you are right, I have no control over that.

 

[AJ84]

Not "crushed", "bothered" I need to change that fvcking word. This morning I was in the gym listen to a song called "Crushed" by Parkway Drive and I believe that is why that was the first thing that came up to my mind . I lost that girl before for months and I had no clue if she was gonna come back or not, so it is not my first time in this situation so definitely not "crushed". Have to improve my English grammar.

Yeah, I am free now, and I have a lot more SMV now that I had a couple of years ago. Being on vacation in the same place that her and having to see her with another dude is what I don't like. But you are right, I have no control over that.

Go meet women and have fun best way to move on is moving on.

 

[rz11]

Sounds like she did a lot to make you happy based on how you described her, but you are not willing to compromise to do the same and that’s honest, that’s how you feel, and there’s no law that says you have to be in a committed relationship with her or anyone else. But most women don’t stick around if they want a committed relationship and you don’t.

Perhaps your niche will be more for causal dating. Relationships actually do require some compromise from both sides so don’t set that tone with women, keep it upfront about being causal and that it won’t be a committed relationship and take it from there.

If you try to get her back it will change the dynamic and she will expect you to be different in the relationship. If you really can’t compromise to make her happy, then let her go and be happy with someone else, why should she waste her value on someone who won’t reward it with a committed relationship, especially if other guys will (beta or not)? Women don’t do these things and expect nothing, no one is that giving, not even her. Contrary to popular red pill belief women aren’t content to just serve their boyfriends needs without any consideration to their own. No human is content with not having their needs and desires met.

Again, if you don’t want to offer a lot, that’s fine, but don’t expect a lot back and then you will be less surprised and less disappointed.

Agree. But in my experience with this girl when I compromised something the relationship didn't have the same spark, the sex lost quality and more drama emerged. Also, I had less time to invest in my career, hobbies, family, and friends who been there since day one and never left because some expectation hasn't been met.