Is she playing me, not that interested, or playing hard to get?

[mercutio1976]

Hey DJs, could use some help here. I'm in my early 40s, decent looking guy, good shape, been a pretty good player all my adult life. Have had some great successes. However, I don't feel like I'm as physically attractive as guys in their 20s anymore. But I'm still doing ok.That's a little background on me.

So Wednesday night I go out to this dating website singles meetup in NYC. 100 people there of all ages. I'm at the bar getting a drink and this cute 20 something woman comes up to me asks me if I'm part of the meet up, where do you live etc etc. SHE hits on ME. Great!. We end up chatting most of the night and she asks me all these qualifying questions, how old are you? where did you grow up? etc etc. We talk about who we are and what we are looking for. We seem to be a great match. She is throwing IOI (indicators of interests) all over the place. Finally after about 40 minutes of convo I ask her for her number. She says oh I can't give you my number but do you have KIK? No I don't (but I end up installing it next day). She goes on to explain that her number is linked to my INstrgram etc etc. I say ok np. why don't we correspond through the dating website. she agrees and finds my profile right there in front of my and sends me a message. "Meoooow". Next she says this to me "I'm GENUINELY interested in you. When you have time, please read my profile IN FULL, and then email me on there if there are no dealbreakers and you are really interested in pursuing this". I respond "Great will do". we part, and I go home. So I want to make it clear that she was really pursuing me and initiating things.

So I do not read her profile that night or respond on the dating website. I wait until noon the next day (Thursday). And by that time she has sent me a photo like. Oh great, even more signs she is really interested. Almost like she is nudging me. So I read her profile IN FULL. It's all good. I send her the email on there stating I read the profile would love to continue and meet up soon for drinks and dinner. She replies within the hour saying, "I would really like that" and goes on to say that there is a small chance she is free Friday night or for sure on Tuesday. All going great so far. I thought she was hinting that she wanted to get together Friday but was too afraid (of rejection) to come straight out and say it. So I reply that yes I can make Friday night work let me know when you can confirm. And that is where the oddness started.

So about 4 hours later (6pm) on Thursday she sends me a KIK message saying she's "50/50 for Friday" because she has a photo shoot in the morning (she works as a model? no idea) and then her old roommates and her were going to have a garage sale during the day depending on the weather, etc etc etc. Sounded like a lot of BS to me. It really kind of hurt. If she is SO excited about me as she had been communicating, why now the non-committal reply? ODD. So I replied to that saying, "let's just shoot for next week, I need a little more excitement lol". Something to that effect. Then she continues to text me a few times last night about other stuff. Then her last text, which came out of the blue (not prompted by anything I wrote) "My entire weekend is up in the air because of the weather. If it's too hott people want to reschedule things. if it rains people want to reschedule, (etc etc) so if we hangout it will last minute. OR we can set Tuesday night to hangout". This was around 12:40am. I have not responded.

My question to all you great DJ is, IS THIS woman not that interested in me? Why is she playing this non-committal game all weekend? My interpretation of her behavior is....It seems like I'm #4 choice and if ALL her other plans fall through, she's got me on the backburner. That is why she is keeping me on string for the weekend, just in case. So if that is the case I feel like I need to walk away. Or am I wrong? What do you think she is doing and how do I deal with this?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I didnt read all your stuff. Your too into her. Women know who they desire. Never be their option. Deal with women whose spreading their legs.

 

[nismo-4]

Second place is first loser.

When she said she was 50/50 you shoulda withdrawn the offer. And don't call her until 2 weeks later.

A woman's true interest doesn't come out until it's time to actually date.

 

[Kotaix]

You're jumping thru hoops for her by installing kik (which is used for sexting) and you've allowed her to put you into the space (social media) where she can get validation without putting in any effort. You're not showing much value by doing that and being hurt by rejection like that is something you need to get over.

I think she's genuinely interested in you, but you need to propose a time and place, if she flakes then ghost her. She wants you to lead her. You said you want excitement, you better set an exciting date.

 

[mercutio1976]

Thanks Kotaix. So I should not have installed KIK? How should I have handled all that? And what did you mean about she can get validation..

she sent me this message today out of the blue "You appear to be much hard to communicate with online that in person. I just got back from shoot, going to take a nap" etc "Hope you are having a really great Friday"..
I replied that I had busy morning with work and lets shoot for Tuesday.
Would love to know what I"m doing right/wrong.

 

[GrowingPains]

Mannnnnnnnnnnn , y'all boys got me fvcked up this morning.

Tell her 'here's my number, let me know when you're free. I don't use apps to communicate' and stop playing her game.

Then (or just cut to the chase and say) 'let's go to ABC at 1:23 on Tuesday. Lemme know if that works for you'. Or you can wait 2 weeks and try again.

'If you're confused, she isnt' - @Glassguy

'I lead. She follows. Or next.' - @DEEZEDBRAH

Get it together fam.

 

[Kotaix]

Thanks Kotaix. So I should not have installed KIK? How should I have handled all that? And what did you mean about she can get validation..

she sent me this message today out of the blue "You appear to be much hard to communicate with online that in person. I just got back from shoot, going to take a nap" etc "Hope you are having a really great Friday"..
I replied that I had busy morning with work and lets shoot for Tuesday.
Would love to know what I"m doing right/wrong.

What you're doing wrong is worrying about what you're doing right/wrong. Women don't want your insecurity. Do what you want to do, lead her, and if she likes it, she'll want more. If you live by good principles you'll never have to worry about doing something wrong.

For the record, I don't think you're doing anything wrong if she's reaching out to you like that. But get out of your own head. Stop overthinking things and learn to go with the flow. I know it's hard, but learn to let go of a train of though when you start to overthink things.

If you want to see her in person, tell her you're more interested hanging out in person. Online interaction is for orbiters.

 

[mercutio1976]

@Kotaix - That is great advice about not jumping through her hoops. Man I need to get back to the fundamentals. My game is "ok:" but not great. I need to make it great. Why is it that these women say they are submissive and want a Dominant guy and then they try to top from the bottom? They want to dictate everything. Get Kik, you can't have my number, i'll let you know if I can get together this weekend, etc etc etc. They all seem to do that. I don't understand it.

 

[GrowingPains]

@Kotaix - That is great advice about not jumping through her hoops. Man I need to get back to the fundamentals. My game is "ok:" but not great. I need to make it great. Why is it that these women say they are submissive and want a Dominant guy and then they try to top from the bottom? They want to dictate everything. Get Kik, you can't have my number, i'll let you know if I can get together this weekend, etc etc etc. They all seem to do that. I don't understand it.

Sh!t tests.

 

[mercutio1976]

@GrowingPains - AMEN. LOL. But sometimes I can't tell ****test from "she's just not that into me". Sometimes behavior can be interpreted as ****test or just lack of interest. hard to tell?

 

[Glassguy]

Mannnnnnnnnnnn , y'all boys got me fvcked up this morning.

Tell her 'here's my number, let me know when you're free. I don't use apps to communicate' and stop playing her game.

Then (or just cut to the chase and say) 'let's go to ABC at 1:23 on Tuesday. Lemme know if that works for you'. Or you can wait 2 weeks and try again.

'If you're confused, she isnt' - @Glassguy

'I lead. She follows. Or next.' - @DEEZEDBRAH

Get it together fam.

This is the ONLY advice I agree with on this thread.

OP- You never LED her. Period.

She replies within the hour saying, "I would really like that" and goes on to say that there is a small chance she is free Friday night or for sure on Tuesday.

Your response should have been "I am busy Friday as well. Lets get together Tuesday at 8pm at such and such place. My number is _____. See you there".

Instead SHE dictated the communication.

1.) Didnt give her number and forced YOU to go on some shyte app. Already lost frame. I would have taken her phone, put my number in and said "when you change your mind about texting, let me know" (with a smirk of course) and I would have walked away. I guarantee you the chick would have texted me in the next 5 minutes.

2.) Read #1 again. It would have solved all of your problems.

I seriously dont give 2 fvcks about OUTCOME. I care 100% about ME and what I AM GOING TO DO.

A chick can tag along or hit the fvckin bricks. Weed them out early if they dont want to let you be a man and lead.

Dont want to give me your number? No problem. Have fun on your dating app. Not my style. C-ya.

Finally after about 40 minutes of convo I ask her for her number

The only think you are spot on about is the "finally". 40 minutes? Wtf? How are you going to remain mysterious and seductive if she knows all about you in 40 minutes?

I think you were selling her on how great you were (beta move) and talking your fvcking head off.

3-5 minutes, get her number and move on. If she searches you back out, invite her to your place. If not, go grab more digits.

Your only chance now is this:

Text her "See you Tuesday at such and such place. 8pm". You are not asking questions, you are making a statement.

If she acts iffy, withdraw the offer and ghost her. If she accepts and shows up, shut your fvcking mouth this time and let her talk away and get her back to your house.

Stop trying to be "different than the bad boys". They want bad boys who will fvck their brains out.

Every. Time.

 

[GrowingPains]

@GrowingPains - AMEN. LOL. But sometimes I can't tell ****test from "she's just not that into me". Sometimes behavior can be interpreted as ****test or just lack of interest. hard to tell?

The difference between the two is a moot point. If you read and understand GlassGuy's post, you'll understand that it doesn't matter if you're able to determine if something is a sh!t test or not - you should respond the same way to both situations:

I seriously dont give 2 fvcks about OUTCOME. I care 100% about ME and what I AM GOING TO DO.

You respond to sh!t tests by doing what you want to do. Which is what you should be doing in the first place. Her responses to your actions reveal her interest. Realize that I said 'her responses', right now you're letting her lead.

 

[Trump]

Your response should have been "I am busy Friday as well. Lets get together Tuesday at 8pm at such and such place. My number is _____. See you there".

You can’t say you are busy Friday AFTER she has said she is busy Friday. That’s hilarious.

“Would you like to go drinks this week?”
“Sure, I’m open any day except Friday.”
‘Yeah I’m busy Friday too. How about Thursday?”

Come on.

A chick can tag along or hit the fvckin bricks. Weed them out early if they dont want to let you be a man and lead.

Dont want to give me your number? No problem. Have fun on your dating app. Not my style. C-ya.

Doesn’t matter if it’s your style or not, You have to adapt accordingly.

‘I don’t want to give my number, how about dating app?”
“Splendid, here is my profile. Chow.”

Do what she is comfortable with and hit on the next girl. You don’t want to force things down her throat.

The only think you are spot on about is the "finally". 40 minutes? Wtf? How are you going to remain mysterious and seductive if she knows all about you in 40 minutes?

I think you were selling her on how great you were (beta move) and talking your fvcking head off.

3-5 minutes, get her number and move on. If she searches you back out, invite her to your place. If not, go grab more digits.

Maybe she spent 40 minutes with him because SHE was so in love.

Your only chance now is this:

Text her "See you Tuesday at such and such place. 8pm". You are not asking questions, you are making a statement.

If she acts iffy, withdraw the offer and ghost her. If she accepts and shows up, shut your fvcking mouth this time and let her talk away and get her back to your house.

Stop trying to be "different than the bad boys". They want bad boys who will fvck their brains out.

Every. Time.

Every man wants to f their brains out. It’s just how you go about it.

Sosuave advice: ‘Listen bvtch, you should consider yourself lucky that I chose you and you are getting my sweet gift. I’m going to f you and you are going to take it like a little slut. It’s going to come at you hard and fast so be ready. You will put your body in any position I tell you to. And do not kiss me during the act of sex. If you kiss me I will pull your head back so your tongue will get out of my mouth. I will kiss you only when I feel like it.”

Rock on!

 

[Alvafe]

she didn't said she was sure on tuesday? take that day then or put another day you can, if someone tells you she is not sure on such day, you don't get anything on that day, you can't commit to something you are not "sure", if she can't make it, find someone else, plus its OLD, you can't put much stock on this

 

[Glassguy]

You can’t say you are busy Friday AFTER she has said she is busy Friday. That’s hilarious.

“Would you like to go drinks this week?”
“Sure, I’m open any day except Friday.”
‘Yeah I’m busy Friday too. How about Thursday?”

Come on.



Doesn’t matter if it’s your style or not, You have to adapt accordingly.

‘I don’t want to give my number, how about dating app?”
“Splendid, here is my profile. Chow.”

Do what she is comfortable with and hit on the next girl. You don’t want to force things down her throat.



Maybe she spent 40 minutes with him because SHE was so in love.



Every man wants to f their brains out. It’s just how you go about it.

Sosuave advice: ‘Listen bvtch, you should consider yourself lucky that I chose you and you are getting my sweet gift. I’m going to f you and you are going to take it like a little slut. It’s going to come at you hard and fast so be ready. You will put your body in any position I tell you to. And do not kiss me during the act of sex. If you kiss me I will pull your head back so your tongue will get out of my mouth. I will kiss you only when I feel like it.”

Rock on!

Like all negative people do, you're good at exagerrating lol

 

[Glassguy]

The difference between the two is a moot point. If you read and understand GlassGuy's post, you'll understand that it doesn't matter if you're able to determine if something is a sh!t test or not - you should respond the same way to both situations:



You respond to sh!t tests by doing what you want to do. Which is what you should be doing in the first place. Her responses to your actions reveal her interest. Realize that I said 'her responses', right now you're letting her lead.

Exactly.

Guys that dont get this....well.....they just dont get it. If you spend some time and research their threads it's all negative and they arent good with women.

Go figure

 

[backseatjuan]

What kind of normal woman would go to a dating meet or website. She's there for a reason, and that is not because she has problems finding a man. You haven't fcked her, and she is manipulating you already with all that bullsht. She wants you to focus on winning her. She is not ready for healthy relationship, even healthy sexual relationship. This sort of thing will end up in you spending money for several dates, more than 3, perhaps more, before there will be lousy sex. Leave her to her own devices. Final offer, and if she says no she can fck off, tell her to meet you at a bar near you next time you are free, and any other day that she is free. Fck her.

Playing you and not that interested as well.

 

[Tilex]

Why is it that these women say they are submissive and want a Dominant guy and then they try to top from the bottom? They want to dictate everything. Get Kik, you can't have my number, i'll let you know if I can get together this weekend, etc etc etc. They all seem to do that. I don't understand it.

She says oh I can't give you my number but do you have KIK?

I believe that's a Frame test.

It's such an easy test to fall for because you think she's showing interest, but she's not giving you jack sh!t.
Gotta keep a dominant frame and not give into her power grab.
Abundance mentality helps in these types of situations.

If she says: I can't give you my number, then you say:
"If you can't give me your number, then I can't give you my time". And just walk away.
Don't even say "goodbye" or "see ya" or "nice talking to you"
Walking away dead silent and ignoring her, forces her into a submissive position.
If she refuses to submit to you then it's her loss.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Woah, first there was class warfare, now there's gender warfare.

 

[mercutio1976]

******UPDATE*************

First thanks a million for everyone's input. It all helps.
My update over the weekend with this chick is this:

So I ended up responding to her 50/50 message from original post saying "let's just get together on Tuesday. I'll send you the plan when I have it". She ends up texting late that night some banter about her photo shoot blah blah blah. Then she texts "You still up"? This is around 11:30pm on Thursday. I reply that yeah I'm still up and over at a friends (I actually was). We text back and forth for a bit. Then she texts again that her weekend is up in the air and IF we DO hangout it will have to be last minute (unsolicited info). I don't reply and go to bed.

Next morning 11:30am Friday, she texts me (I still haven't replied) she says, "you appear to be much harder to communicate with online than in person lol. I just got back from the early morning photoshoot. i did great. going to take a nap. hope you are having a great Friday"

I reply a few minutes later "Congrats on the photoshoot. Sorry had a crazy morning with work. Let's plan on getting together Tuesday night. I'm looking forward to it."

She texts me about 8 hours later (still Friday) about random stuff, (that she is doing a yard sale, details about the photo shoot etc (unsolicited info).
I reply with some get to know you questions. We go back and forth until about 11pm and I then I go fall asleep.

Next day (SAturday) I text her good morning (no reply but...) she texts me around 5pm and asks me if I've been to this certain Art studio before that that she is "crushing" on me and how I'm the only one in quite some time who has sparked her interests (oh wow, very nice I'm thinking). I reply with some witty banter and then she replies by asking, although saying sorry for the short notice, but asks if I'd like to go to that art studio with her tonight (Saturday) as one of her friends is having an exhibit. I reply with pleasantries but no sorry already got plans (now I"m feeling the interest and could be in the drivers seat. woo hoo). She replies "no worries, have a good night".

Then later 10:45pm still Saturday night she texts that she is in Manhattan not too far from me and is heading back home around midnight but would you like to come out for one drink and see me? She tells me she has on a cute pink dress. I was actually home at the time but totally wiped and did not want to go meet her and start drinking around 11:00pm. So I replied that I would have loved to and looking forward to seeing her but I am working on some music stuff with friends and can't make it (she knows I play guitar). I do also say that I could get together Sunday night if you are free for a few hours. She replies to the message saying "oh create something beautiful. that is awesome. hugs." I reply "thanks. hugs". NOTE that she did not at all address my invitation for Sunday night! I felt bad saying no TWICE to her in the same day so I thought I'd offer her Sunday night (it seemed she couldn't wait to see me even though we still have plans on Tuesday night). But after her 50/50 crap all weekend and then we made plans for Tuesday, I knew I couldn't drop everything and go see her last minute just because she asks. Would have dropped my value.

I text her good morning around 10am this morning. Nothing. have not received a reply yet.

What gives? Is this chick a total wackjob or what? Did I do the right thing? Why is she now not responding to my good morning text? One day she's telling me the whole weekend is up in the air and she can't make any defininte plans, then she is asking me out twice last minute, then next day she is not replying to my text. ugh. It's 6pm in NYC. Any advice would be great! Thanks DJs.