How did I become an AFC again?

[DariusTheBartender]

Ok... I'll make it as short as possible.

Years ago went thru the divorce machine, got red pilled, work out 6 days a week, own businesses, have a cool job, no kids, meet women w ease... I've slept with over 100 women including some great threesomes, some almost half my age. I'm late thirties.

3 months ago I met a girl. The sex was the best I've ever had. I feel like an AFC saying this but remember... over 100 women... I feel like this carries some weight... the girl had more red flags than a Chinese communist parade... bad w money, on anxiety meds, too many stories that indicated monogamy was not in her history (I know I'm hypocritical here), daddy issues etc. But the sex was great so I decided I'd have fun with her... and didnt want to get attached...

But for the first time in almost a decade I found I really liked her... not love... but definitely was considering being monogamous... which is a far cry from my history the last 10 years. I had true feelings I thought didnt exist in me anymore. But not love.

Anyway... some dating red flags.. she took way to long to text back sometimes, didnt want my help moving, brought up that if we were sleeping w other people we would use condoms (we did not with each other, I have a vasectomy so all good there), anyway we had plans to go away this past weekend... and over the last 9 or so days I saw the writing on the wall w her not responding to my texts or boring answers. I didnt see her this weekend and knew in my bones it was over. I slept with one woman Friday and an old girlfriend Saturday. Sunday night I saw she removed me from social media.

Ok... if anyone is still reading....

Why did I fall for this girl? I feel like it was 90 percent sex and shallowness as she was hot even though the red flags were nuclear.

Did I screw up? We never had the exclusive talk... In the blue pill days I got so screwed over and missed so much life I refused to stop seeing other women until we had the talk.

Last... of course how did I become an AFC again? Even after double sex on the weekend w one new and one old (a usual way I've tried to "forget" a crush) I'm still depressed... cant function... haven't been on a forum like this in years. I love women so much but is this truly their power that no matter how far we come in life that risk of being where I'm at will always be there?

Maybe I deserve it for all the woman I prob screwed over the last decade. Anyway... thanks for any insight.... I got thick skin if you rip on me I will take it as true advice not trolling or banter.

Thanks.

 

[soulforge]

I know how you feel man... I am currently in the same situation.

Met this chick... RED FLAGS through the roof.. Fantastic sex, and she was hot.. Ex model.

I ended it with her yesterday... Feel like shyte now..

In the beginning I had absolutely no intention to have a relationship with her.. But somehow I got emotionally sucked in, and started wanting to be with her.

Now its over.. It kinda sucks.. Bruv she was like a drug in your system, you need to go cold turkey

 

[Robert28]

The ones that are the worst for you are the ones that suck you in without you even realizing it. I was there a few months ago in the same boat, hell I snuck behind all of yalls backs to still see her as “friends” and I NEVER do that. I totally went against everything and every rule I had with her lol Usually when a girl says “let’s be friends” I tell them to get fvcked but when she said it I knew she meant something different so I went along with it. She was really like a drug, I couldn’t walk away, I went NC but she’d always chase and I’d always give in.

 

[Toddz]

Has daddy issues and is on anxiety meds = not relationship material

You don't have feelings for her. It's simply lust and your ego not letting her go.

Be grateful for the sex and time you had with her. If you want any to have any chance of seeing her and enjoying her again then go complete no contact and let her reach out to you. They always do if you banged them good.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Happens to all of us with the right girl under the right circumstances. Great sex, high attractiveness, and just enough lack of investment on their part to keep us on the hook. Can also be coupled with them pushing whatever buttons we have that we may not even know about (especially if it's related to parental dynamics from childhood).

If it's a very rare thing then don't beat yourself up over it. It'll pass in time.

 

[DariusTheBartender]

Happens to all of us with the right girl under the right circumstances. Great sex, high attractiveness, and just enough lack of investment on their part to keep us on the hook. Can also be coupled with them pushing whatever buttons we have that we may not even know about (especially if it's related to parental dynamics from childhood).

If it's a very rare thing then don't beat yourself up over it. It'll pass in time.

Well said

 

[DariusTheBartender]

Actually all the replies are pretty spot on. Thanks men. Glad I found this forum.

 

[DariusTheBartender]

You don't have feelings for her. It's simply lust and your ego not letting her

Also sounds spot on

 

[Epic Days]

Maybe I deserve it for all the woman I prob screwed over the last decade. Anyway... thanks for any insight.... I got thick skin if you rip on me I will take it as true advice not trolling or banter.

Yeah don’t do this. It wasn’t the sex. Sex was just the tool.
The feminized part of you was still in you. The part you were raised with.
She was successful with her natural manipulations.

 

[Kotaix]

Very few men can resist great unsoliticed sex + chick treating you like a god. I'm starting to think it's biologically ingrained for men to want to protect and provide, it certainly has parallels in other species.

Stop thinking with the "deserving" mindset. The morality you display isn't going to be shared by women.

 

[Mazer]

The 100 women you slept with, were they below this woman in terms of looks? If you are sleeping with nothing but HB 6’s and a 9 comes along, you just might develop the oneitis. But after sleeping with 100 women I would feel like God and wouldn’t give two shyts about another chick.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If you make priority of a woman or situation that treats you well beneath your worth it can force you back into an AFC frame. Dont do it. Man stays safe by:
1. Females choose. Deal with ones who desire you
2. Female must invest
3. Sex early and often. She must desire your sexual validation

 

[DariusTheBartender]

The 100 women you slept with, were they below this woman in terms of looks? If you are sleeping with nothing but HB 6’s and a 9 comes along, you just might develop the oneitis. But after sleeping with 100 women I would feel like God and wouldn’t give two shyts about another chick.

I'm not gonna say I slept with all 10s. Definitely an occasional drunk night here and there but average 7 to 9s and occasionally a 10. But she definitely was not the hottest. Honestly for me dirty sex makes a girl hotter. In terms of looks she's in my top 20 percent. But sex... she's number 1.

 

[GrowingPains]

You're a human (not a red pill robot, news flash! ). You have feelings. You liked something about her. I agree with @oldmanofthesea .

That's all there is to it man. But it's over now. Internalize your mistake (which is mainly about not truly acknowledging the red flags) and forgive yourself.

Next.

 

[Dash Riprock]

the girl had more red flags than a Chinese communist parade... bad w money, on anxiety meds, too many stories that indicated monogamy was not in her history (I know I'm hypocritical here), daddy issues etc.

Did I screw up?

I'm perplexed...

Read your first quote and then your second one.

The bigger question is WHY the F would you want to give your treasure--your time and commitment--to someone who is so ill-deserving?

There never is just one answer as to why a woman dumps a guy or pulls back as there are a number of moving parts. But my guess is that it's a combination of:

-psychological issues, sounds Cluster B/BPD-esque
-inability to commit/pair bond
-bored because she "had you" rather than working for you--no challenge
-your communication (even subconsciously) of the fact that you were into her more than she was into you

Hey, no one is perfect, not even Dash (shocking I know...) but the list above is a toxic soup. I had one like this once. We had 3 go-arounds, and each time she got more and more crazy until she finally went ballistic over a benign event so I dumped her on the spot and never talked to her again. But, she was hot, fun, whimsical and could have sucked me in had I not identified her"type" and kept her around as fun only. We've all been there at some point.

Good luck.

~Dash

 

[RickTheToad]

Has daddy issues and is on anxiety meds = not relationship material

You don't have feelings for her. It's simply lust and your ego not letting her go.

Be grateful for the sex and time you had with her. If you want any to have any chance of seeing her and enjoying her again then go complete no contact and let her reach out to you. They always do if you banged them good.

You'd be surprised how many ladies are on anti-anxiety meds these days...

Op, you need some distance. You obviously have some sort of feelings with her. Step back and reorganize your thoughts. Whatever you do, don't chase.

 

[Brooks]

bored because she "had you" rather than working for you--no challenge

Hey Dash,
When a man wasn’t a challenge in the start, say for the first bunch of months, can a man become a challenge to regain her interest? Or will she spin out and go dramatic because it’s different than the original scenerio which was presented?

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Hey Dash,
When a man wasn’t a challenge in the start, say for the first bunch of months, can a man become a challenge to regain her interest? Or will she spin out and go dramatic because it’s different than the original scenerio which was presented?

Become distant. We can’t stand that and will chase. This means don’t initiate sex, texting, calls, etc. I cannot resist a man that ignores me! lol

 

[Dash Riprock]

Hey Dash,
When a man wasn’t a challenge in the start, say for the first bunch of months, can a man become a challenge to regain her interest? Or will she spin out and go dramatic because it’s different than the original scenerio which was presented?

It's possible with an attitude change (becoming a Challenge after being a non-challenge) but often the toothpaste is already out of the tube and it's very hard reversing course. Better to start anew with someone else.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Become distant. We can’t stand that and will chase. This means don’t initiate sex, texting, calls, etc. I cannot resist a man that ignores me! lol

I'd agree with this as a plan of recourse, but as I mentioned, it's low- probability. Much harder to re-attract than just start over with someone new.