I Messed Things Up With Her.. I Think

[soulforge]

Yes! I think this is a huge issue in many relationships. I made a rule “no discussing the relationship, feelings, or anything of any consequence over text.” Not only do i have to tell guys this rule (it should be common sense) but i have to constantly remind them. As in “let’s talk about this in person not here” sometimes over and over. they forget.

Is talking over the phone okay? As a little distance between us

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Is talking over the phone okay? As a little distance between us

Of course, sure. I have a hierarchy. Person first, video chat second, audio next and never text. To me it’s way better to stay silent and think than to have those text misunderstandings.

For full disclosure a man taught me this. lol. I would get all emotional and send walls of texts. Always made the issue worse and behind the keyboard i can be more caustic. He would call me in the middle of it and i would soften right away. Harder to be a ***** to someone’s face (same with forums). Plus he would instruct me to calm down, breathe and listen to him instead of spouting off. We tend to just vomit our emotions when we have a reaction. That’s so harmful for the partnership.

On this one, i do think men need to take the lead. We can be train wrecks with commutation when clouded.

 

[flowtheory]

She is playing victim now!

I just need to know what my next move is...

She is still messaging me, but not like the usual...

Do i play along? Or just ignore her, till she starts treating me with some respect?

Only read to page three but that was more than enough.

My friend. You are Haemorrhaging your power. And she is taking it all from you and leading the relationship straight in to the ground because she knows you have no autonomy over yourself and so she doesn’t trust you. She doesn’t trust your masculinity, so in turn she cannot be feminine. Instead she is resorting to games and power.

You keep blaming her. Chalking it up to her immaturity. Which she may be. But hmthats not our concern. You’ve unraveled completely.

You are not leading your own life. You’re seeing every single actionnor word as an issue. Complete insecurity within your own self.

You need to look within and figure this one out. Because no matter what she says or anyone here advises you to do, it won’t last long because you’re in a taking paradigm; but you think you’re the giver. Your emotions are all over the place, because your seeking her validation.

You need to take some space from this woman and do some intrinsic work and understand abundance.

You say you understand what people here are saying, but you don’t.

 

[soulforge]

Only read to page three but that was more than enough.

My friend. You are Haemorrhaging your power. And she is taking it all from you and leading the relationship straight in to the ground because she knows you have no autonomy over yourself.

You keep blaming her. Chalking it up to her immaturity. Which she may be. But hmthats not our concern. You’ve unraveled completely.

You are not leading your own life. You’re seeing every single actionnor word as an issue. Complete insecurity within your own self.

You need to look within and figure this one out. Because no matter what she says or anyone here advises you to do, it won’t last long because you’re in a taking paradigm; but you think you’re the giver. Your emotions are all over the place, because your seeking her validation.

You need to take some space from this woman and do some intrinsic work and understand abundance.

You say you understand what people here are saying, but you don’t.

I am leading my own life... In the 3-4 months of seeing her, never argued once.

I think sometimes I take being firm and boundaries too far.

I feel the need to stop crappy behaviour, and don't rationaly think things through.

I think the calmer... Firm but rational approach is what I need to apply.

And if the other person doesn't want to adhere to my boundaries then I simply move on.

 

[lamath]

I am leading my own life... In the 3-4 months of seeing her, never argued once.

I think sometimes I take being firm and boundaries too far.

I feel the need to stop crappy behaviour, and don't rationaly think things through.

I think the calmer... Firm but rational approach is what I need to apply.

And if the other person doesn't want to adhere to my boundaries then I simply move on.

Good introspection man


But need to have more control over your emotion.

 

[flowtheory]

I am leading my own life... In the 3-4 months of seeing her, never argued once.

I think sometimes I take being firm and boundaries too far.

I feel the need to stop crappy behaviour, and don't rationaly think things through.

I think the calmer... Firm but rational approach is what I need to apply.

And if the other person doesn't want to adhere to my boundaries then I simply move on.

It’s about holding on to your sovereignty and giving from your place of wealth. If she’s doesn’t want to answer her phone, so be it. That’s her choice.

There’s nothing wrong with calling a girlfriend to wake her up if she is needing assistance. That’s a relationship and that’s what you desired. You WANTED to give to her and that’s sweet. But if you’re doing it because you feel you should? Then that’s different.

The problem here is that she didn’t do as you wished when you wanted. So your suffering began when she was evasive. So that means your happiness is dependent on her to a degree. You’re not giving simply because of abundance; you had an expectation of reciprocity that she would answer.

You scorned her over her sleeping and not answering. You then nagged her like a parent would that she didn’t wake up, as opposed to simply being non reactive, staying in your core, and letting her lead her own life.

Your goal with women should be to simply give your value, enjoy time, set up fun and exciting dates, and give your full masculine and sexual energy to them. If you’re doing this in a non needy or dependent fashion, she will nurture that (also giving).

If she doesn’t nurture what you give (your value). The. That’s when you withdraw your time and attention and go whereyour value is appreciated.
If she does something that doesn’t align with your values, that’s when you communicate a boundary.

 

[soulforge]

Good introspection man


But need to have more control over your emotion.

My problem generally is CLOUDED thinking... I get angry and take chit too seriously.

I need to calm down, think clearly and rationaly... I think SS has helped me in some areas, but in other areas I have become far too TOUGH on woman.

I need to think clearly.. Instead of going into a rage, I need to assess the situation and then form a decision.

If I feel like my boundaries have truly been violated, then I should simply withdraw attention S&D and then calmly express my displeasure with a womans behaviour.

 

[soulforge]

It’s about holding on to your sovereignty and giving from your place of wealth. If she’s doesn’t want to answer her phone, so be it. That’s her choice.

There’s nothing wrong with calling a girlfriend to wake her up if she is needing assistance. That’s a relationship and that’s what you desired. You WANTED to give to her and that’s sweet. But if you’re doing it because you feel you should? Then that’s different.

The problem here is that she didn’t do as you wished when you wanted. So your suffering began when she was evasive. So that means your happiness is dependent on her to a degree. You’re not giving simply because of abundance; you had an expectation of reciprocity that she would answer.

You scorned her over her sleeping and not answering. You then nagged her like a parent would that she didn’t wake up, as opposed to simply being non reactive, staying in your core, and letting her lead her own life.

Your goal with women should be to simply give your value, enjoy time, set up fun and exciting dates, and give your full masculine and sexual energy to them. If you’re doing this in a non needy or dependent fashion, she will nurture that (also giving).

If she doesn’t nurture what you give (your value). The. That’s when you withdraw your time and attention and go whereyour value is appreciated.
If she does something that doesn’t align with your values, that’s when you communicate a boundary.

If she doesn't take my call... Fair enough... I shouldn't get pizzed about it.. This is where I went wrong.

However if a chick is on a regular basis missing you're call, then I suppose that is an issue that has to be raised with her.

 

[flowtheory]

However if a chick is on a regular basis missing you're call, then I suppose that is an issue that has to be raised with her.

If she’s missing it and not reaching back or, she isn’t nurturing what you give (your value). And so you wouldn’t continue to give value to someone who doesn’t appreciate your abundance. So you would then remove your time and attention

 

[soulforge]

If she doesn't take my call... Fair enough... I shouldn't get pizzed about it.. This is where I went wrong.

However if a chick is on a regular basis missing you're call, then I suppose that is an issue that has to be raised with her.

I think it is also my lack of trust in woman that contributes to getting pizzed at them so easily.

She doesn't take my call? I assume she must be taking DIKS... I just don't trust them.

I definitely intend to work on myself and try to remain rational and chilled.

If in the future a woman genuinely crosses the line... I will defo no rage at her.

I will simply calmly let them know.what they did... And remove attention or just end it.

 

[lamath]

My problem generally is CLOUDED thinking... I get angry and take chit too seriously.

I need to calm down, think clearly and rationaly... I think SS has helped me in some areas, but in other areas I have become far too TOUGH on woman.

I need to think clearly.. Instead of going into a rage, I need to assess the situation and then form a decision.

If I feel like my boundaries have truly been violated, then I should simply withdraw attention S&D and then calmly express my displeasure with a womans behaviour.

This is a very good starting point, got to say that sometime i do the same in some situation.
I often want to fix the problem right away, and i get piss and more piss the longer it takes.

 

[flowtheory]

I think it is also my lack of trust in woman that contributes to getting pizzed at them so easily.

She doesn't take my call? I assume she must be taking DIKS... I just don't trust them.

I definitely intend to work on myself and try to remain rational and chilled.

If in the future a woman genuinely crosses the line... I will defo no rage at her.

I will simply calmly let them know.what they did... And remove attention or just end it.

I think you don’t trust yourself. And you project that mistrust on to women.

 

[lamath]

I think it is also my lack of trust in woman that contributes to getting pizzed at them so easily.

She doesn't take my call? I assume she must be taking DIKS... I just don't trust them.

I definitely intend to work on myself and try to remain rational and chilled.

If in the future a woman genuinely crosses the line... I will defo no rage at her.

I will simply calmly let them know.what they did... And remove attention or just end it.

SS is not the best place to learn to trust women.

Ss poster do not always reflect the reality because most ppl coming here are doing so because they have seen or experience the worst from.women.

 

[soulforge]

This is a very good starting point, got to say that sometime i do the same in some situation.
I often want to fix the problem right away, and i get piss and more piss the longer it takes.

I know what you mean... But I think we need to pick our fights carefully.

If your girlfriend is regular not taking your call, then something is up. Must be a reason for that.

Best not to lose you're chit.. Maybe approach the issue in a firm but very calm way... See what kind of answer she gives you.

If she misses your call, once in a while.. Then I suppose we need to let that shyte go.

Just don't put yourself in a stupid situation like I did.

 

[soulforge]

SS is not the best place to learn to trust women.

Ss poster do not always reflect the reality because most ppl coming here are doing so because they have seen or experience the worst from.women.

Exactly... I have become very jaded towards woman since I joined SS

Any odd behaviour from a woman, I just jump to the conclusion that she must be lying about shyte.

I think watch and observe is the key.

If a woman is a liar or a cheat, give her time.. Eventually she will reveal her true character.

 

[sazc]

@soulforge I just wanted to point out that, 3 to 4 days later (or whenever it was) you have a different perspective on how you reacted.

Use that information to assist yourself in delaying responding next time (whatever the situation). Now you know that, given some time (even if it's one day) you can see things differently and possibly formulate an response that will not only be constructive, but also clearer in communication.

Next time a situation upsets you, remember to slow your response down.

I had to learn this too (the hard way) The approach i try to take now is to ONLY address an issue when I have calmed down (and am back in control of my emotions)

 

[soulforge]

@soulforge I just wanted to point out that, 3 to 4 days later (or whenever it was) you have a different perspective on how you reacted.

Use that information to assist yourself in delaying responding next time (whatever the situation). Now you know that, given some time (even if it's one day) you can see things differently and possibly formulate an response that will not only be constructive, but also clearer in communication.

Next time a situation upsets you, remember to slow your response down.

I had to learn this too (the hard way) The approach i try to take now is to ONLY address an issue when I have calmed down (and am back in control of my emotions)

I am more than willing to admit where I went wrong..

Even though she contributed towards the situation, I shouldn't have let it break my frame.

If it was a one off isolated incident, then I should have shrugged it off.

What doesn't help is.. The fact that I don't trust her much.

What I should have done is remained calm.. Like you said Sazc, take some time out to calm my emotions.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

A couple of days ago, she asked me to ring her occasionally early in the morning, so she can get out of bed and do some excercise..

Yep, bruh you just been shieite tested by the chick to see if you are an alpha thunderc8ck or your the little beta puppy wagging your tail that will follow every move she commands of you and you failed miserably.

Never give to chicks shiete like this. They always try men with things like this. She is accountable and responsible for her own time and life. If she fails at motivate herself to go to the gym then fine. That up to her, and it surefire fricking no way your job to do it.

and like Backseatjuan says:

It is called nesting, she is trying to push you into relationship with her.

She is sheite testing you for that and trying to see if you will fall into the trap.

 

[Robert28]

I HATE those “text me to wake me up” requests. Last girl that did that to me I went out and bought her ass a new alarm clock. Sorry but when I wake up I’m not trying to stumble around to call you first thing, I gotta take a piss and other stuff. Sorry, buttercup but you are not first thing on my mind in the mornings.

 

[soulforge]

Yep, bruh you just been shieite tested by the chick to see if you are an alpha thunderc8ck or your the little beta puppy wagging your tail that will follow every move she commands of you and you failed miserably.

Never give to chicks shiete like this. They always try men with things like this. She is accountable and responsible for her own time and life. If she fails at motivate herself to go to the gym then fine. That up to her, and it surefire fricking no way your job to do it.

and like Backseatjuan says:

She is sheite testing you for that and trying to see if you will fall into the trap.

I get what you're saying Bruv... She probably asked me to do it, because its more like a GF or Boyfriend thing to do.. Push towards a relationship.

She asked me weeks ago, I only called her twice... Never again though!