I Messed Things Up With Her.. I Think

[soulforge]

What I mean is kinda like what you already did - decide not to call her in the mornings anymore. BUT do it in a reasonable manner.

It's PERFECTLY appropriate to let her know you've realized that, if she's going to take working out seriously, SHE needs to be motivated enough to get her own arse out of bed, so you arent going to call her in the morning (that's a boundary)

before you blow up on ppl/women/etc take a breath and figure out what you are feeling, and then figure out what boundary you need to set so this doesnt happen again. Take enough time so you feel calm when you address it. You are striving to find someone whom will give you a peaceful relationship (plate or LTR) so be one side of the relationship that is calm when the sh1t hits the fan

I just felt annoyed about the fact, that she asks me to call... Then her phone doesn't even wake her up. I suppose it isn't loud enough.

What was the point of asking me then... If she will simply sleep through my calls.

But I should have remained calm... and simply told her I won't be waking her up again.

The problem is, she has made a MASSIVE deal out of this... completely blamed me, and gone into victim mode.

Her behaviour towards me is not pleasing me... Imagine how bad she will be the next time an issue arises.

This is why I have ruled her out as LTR

If she doesn't want to see me again... so be it

 

[sazc]

@soulforge yea and, on the flip side, you deserve to be treated with respect - not just by having someone pick up the phone (or whatever it is) but by having someone respond to your concern/anger in a reasonable manner.

She should be saying to himself "he's upset because he went out of his way for me and I need to respect his feelings" NOT making this into an episode of "as the world turns"

If this is the way she handles herself, you are better off moving on, you deserve better

 

[lamath]

I just felt annoyed about the fact, that she asks me to call... Then her phone doesn't even wake her up. I suppose it isn't loud enough.

What was the point of asking me then... If she will simply sleep through my calls.

But I should have remained calm... and simply told her I won't be waking her up again.

The problem is, she has made a MASSIVE deal out of this... completely blamed me, and gone into victim mode.

Her behaviour towards me is not pleasing me... Imagine how bad she will be the next time an issue arises.

This is why I have ruled her out as LTR

If she doesn't want to see me again... so be it

Ever tought about her true intention when she ask you to do this?

This is a very strange request.

 

[sazc]

Ever tought about her true intention when she ask you to do this?

This is a very strange request.

she's lazy, co dependent and she doesnt really want to work out.

If she really wanted to work out se would have gotten her own arse out of bed to do it. This way (as she did) she can blame @soulforge for not working out if he dint call, or she int hear the phone, or whatever

 

[soulforge]

@soulforge yea and, on the flip side, you deserve to be treated with respect - not just by having someone pick up the phone (or whatever it is) but by having someone respond to your concern/anger in a reasonable manner.

She should be saying to himself "he's upset because he went out of his way for me and I need to respect his feelings" NOT making this into an episode of "as the world turns"

If this is the way she handles herself, you are better off moving on, you deserve better

You are right... I just felt like an idiot at the time for taking on this request from her.

I tried to explain myself to her a little by sending her some text messages, but I noticed she was sending back only ONE word replies.

Why communicate with someone who will sulk and close down discussion with one word.

I can assure you... She has lost exclusivity with me forever!

And if I don't ever hear from her again, then I should be thankful that her problem solving skills have been revealed now... than later.

 

[sazc]

A woman is either going to mold to a mans behavior or she won’t. If she chooses to do so, it will typically happen earlier on in the relationship as she gets accustomed to a mans demeanor and how he handles things, when her interest is at its highest. It is for the remainder of the relationship that she will understand the likely outcome, your demeanor, if she were to behave in certain ways.

When you react with confusion, suspicion, games, power struggles etc early in, always scheming your moves play by play, that is what the woman will mold to, and you’re going to get the same in return.

You have broader issues to work on here, beyond just this girl.

interesting. essentially her response/intonation mirrored his because his was the model.

I dont completely subscribe to the idea that the other party will mirror, b/c we all have potentially differnt ways of dealing with issues, but I can see how mirroring might occur in someone with little restraint

 

[soulforge]

Ever tought about her true intention when she ask you to do this?

This is a very strange request.

Bruv she isn't very motivated fitness wise... Where as I am extremely motivated and get out of bed for the gym at 5am most days.

I just thought i would help her get more motivated... but it went all wrong.

 

[sazc]

Bruv she isn't very motivated fitness wise... Where as I am extremely motivated and get out of bed for the gym at 5am most days.

I just thought i would help her get more motivated... but it went all wrong.

yea, you cant do that.... you cant change anyone. if fitness/taking care of oneself is important to you, plate all women that dont meet the criteria and keep your options open for one that does

 

[soulforge]

A woman is either going to mold to a mans behavior or she won’t. If she chooses to do so, it will typically happen earlier on in the relationship as she gets accustomed to a mans demeanor and how he handles things, when her interest is at its highest. It is for the remainder of the relationship that she will understand the likely outcome, your demeanor, if she were to behave in certain ways.

When you react with confusion, suspicion, games, power struggles etc early in, always scheming your moves play by play, that is what the woman will mold to, and you’re going to get the same in return.

You have broader issues to work on here, beyond just this girl.

I'm not sure what you mean... I am n

she's lazy, co dependent and she doesnt really want to work out.

If she really wanted to work out se would have gotten her own arse out of bed to do it. This way (as she did) she can blame @soulforge for not working out if he dint call, or she int hear the phone, or whatever

Or she was in bed fuking someone and i disturbed her lol...

Either way, the red flags are many... I will make sure I compose myself in the future and simply refuse silly requests.

 

[soulforge]

What I mean is kinda like what you already did - decide not to call her in the mornings anymore. BUT do it in a reasonable manner.

It's PERFECTLY appropriate to let her know you've realized that, if she's going to take working out seriously, SHE needs to be motivated enough to get her own arse out of bed, so you arent going to call her in the morning (that's a boundary)

before you blow up on ppl/women/etc take a breath and figure out what you are feeling, and then figure out what boundary you need to set so this doesnt happen again. Take enough time so you feel calm when you address it. You are striving to find someone whom will give you a peaceful relationship (plate or LTR) so be one side of the relationship that is calm when the sh1t hits the fan

So seeing as she made the move yesterday and reached out to me... Even though the message was simply to tell me she is going to bed early... And goodnight x

Should I be the one to reach out today? Or let her keep reaching out.

She may end things if I don't make any effort at all.

 

[Spaz]

She may end things if I don't make any effort at all.

Listen well soulforge as I won't be saying this twice.

You acted full retard (as in whiny little b1tch, needy as fvck etc) with the phone call thingy.

In that regard you subconsciously relayed to her ur neediness, insecurities, temper tantrums, etc.

And she is subconsciously reacting towards it by not responding as you wished or as you used to.

Sometimes a woman will ask a man to do stupid shiet, she knows it's stupid, she might even ask you to fall on ur knees in public to prove ur love.

But the moment you do it then it's the moment she loses all respect for you.

Because subconsciously she knows she is bullying you.

If you can't stand up to her then how can she expect you to stand up for her when a more dominant man bullies her?

Don't blame her, its within her biological frame to seek a strong man, almost all women does this shiet subconsciously without even thinking it through.

It's up to the man to lead and know when to say NO when women tries to bully them into submitting.

In this case, attraction is lost because respect is no longer there and when there is no respect there can be no admiration, when both admiration and respect is lost, there can be no love/attraction.

Move on bro.

Do you understand now?

 

[soulforge]

Listen well soulforge as I won't be saying this twice.

You acted full retard (as in whiny little b1tch, needy as fvck etc) with the phone call thingy.

In that regard you subconsciously relayed to her ur neediness, insecurities, temper tantrums, etc.

And she is subconsciously reacting towards it by not responding as you wished or as you used to.

Sometimes a woman will ask a man to do stupid shiet, she knows it's stupid, she might even ask you to fall on ur knees in public to prove ur love.

But the moment you do it then it's the moment she loses all respect for you.

Because subconsciously she knows she is bullying you.

If you can't stand up to her then how can she expect you to stand up for her when a more dominant man bullies her?

Don't blame her, its within her biological frame to seek a strong man, almost all women does this shiet subconsciously without even thinking it through.

It's up to the man to lead and know when to say NO when women tries to bully them into submitting.

In this case, attraction is lost because respect is no longer there and when there is no respect there can be no admiration, when both admiration and respect is lost, there can be no love/attraction.

Move on bro.

Do you understand now?

I get what you are saying... However I don't feel like I really submitted to her in anyway.

She made this request to me a while ago, and I only called her twice..

Once last week and once this week, when all this shyte blowed up.

As for your other point.. Your right, even though I was pizzed about her not taking the call...

I should have remained rational, cool and collected and simply told her later, that she needs to wake her own azz up.

I won't be making that mistake ever again.

However she is still messaging me.. I have stepped back & dropped all contact with her.

Yes her tone isn't the same, but it still seems like she wants to continue communication with me.

 

[Medina]

There is a difference between maintaining "respect" and losing your center

You lost your center. Which is not masculine. And she now feels uneasy with you

In a calm manner - "Hey I don't appreciate that, it's not cool" and then move on

That's how you draw boundaries (if you absolutely have to)

At this point you have to see her in person and rekindle the vibe

 

[sazc]

@soulforge what you do depends on what you want. I think it's reasonable to take this knowledge and attempt to move forward with her and see how it goes, if that's what you want to do

 

[soulforge]

@soulforge what you do depends on what you want. I think it's reasonable to take this knowledge and attempt to move forward with her and see how it goes, if that's what you want to do

Feel a little torn.. In one hand I have feelings for this chick.

In the other hand.. The long term prospects seem pretty disastrous.. Way too many red flags she has.

Even if she drops off and we don't salvage anything, more than likely its for the best.

Better to break up now 3 months in.. Than break up 12 months down the line.

It doesn't help that the sexualy chemistry between us is fukin insane.

 

[sazc]

Feel a little torn.. In one hand I have feelings for this chick.

In the other hand.. The long term prospects seem pretty disastrous.. Way too many red flags she has.

Even if she drops off and we don't salvage anything, more than likely its for the best.

Better to break up now 3 months in.. Than break up 12 months down the line.

It doesn't help that the sexualy chemistry between us is fukin insane.

My experience has taught me that, once you see a real red flag, get out. Otherwise you are wasting time.

Last guy I dated displayed a real red flag at 6 months. We broke up at 2.5 years because that same flag, and other flags, continued to show. It just was who he was. I wasted 2 years. The sex and the good times were great. The bad times sucked

She's dealing with you being upset by playing victim and trying to make your feelings, your fault. That's not constructive communication.

 

[jaymbrs]

She asked you to do something for her and essentially wasted your time. I would react the same way you did. I would also not do that anymore, advise her to sleep earlier or set multiple alarms and grow up. Then move forward.

 

[Atom Smasher]

What ever happened to simply talking about it face to face and resolving it one way or the other?

All this texting and cloak and dagger is ridiculous. I would just meet up, bring it out on the table and resolve it.

A man should never live day-to-day in limbo. She might be waiting for you to be a man and handle it with her. If you feel you overreacted, tell her that. If you don't think you should be her wake up service, tell her that. Get it all out in the open and next day taste freedom from the drawn-out stress of the situation.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

What ever happened to simply talking about it face to face and resolving it one way or the other?

All this texting and cloak and dagger is ridiculous. I would just meet up, bring it out on the table and resolve it.

A man should never live day-to-day in limbo. She might be waiting for you to be a man and handle it with her. If you feel you overreacted, tell her that. If you don't think you should be her wake up service, tell her that. Get it all out in the open and next day taste freedom from the drawn-out stress of the situation.

Yes! I think this is a huge issue in many relationships. I made a rule “no discussing the relationship, feelings, or anything of any consequence over text.” Not only do i have to tell guys this rule (it should be common sense) but i have to constantly remind them. As in “let’s talk about this in person not here” sometimes over and over. they forget.

 

[soulforge]

What ever happened to simply talking about it face to face and resolving it one way or the other?

All this texting and cloak and dagger is ridiculous. I would just meet up, bring it out on the table and resolve it.

A man should never live day-to-day in limbo. She might be waiting for you to be a man and handle it with her. If you feel you overreacted, tell her that. If you don't think you should be her wake up service, tell her that. Get it all out in the open and next day taste freedom from the drawn-out stress of the situation.

Atom I did try to open up a conversation with her by text, but I got back only one word replies..

Maybe a discussion is due, I kind of believe we are both to blame.

Her for making such a dumb request which she clearly cannot adhere to.

My fault was getting annoyed about it & rightfully so.. However I should have kept my cool and simply refused to call her again.

I am VERY worried though.. There will be other times when I will have to call her out on her behaviour... What if she reacts like this again?

What if she takes things to another level and sabotages the relationship.

Then I have to consider the other red flags.. Her apparent occasional cocaine use!

Is she seeing dealers to buy it? Are the dealers pushing for sexual favours.

What if she goes on a night out, and is getting high as a kite.

Its seems like her freinds use it too, so how the hell is she ever going to drop the habit?

Also... Who reaches out to who?