I Messed Things Up With Her.. I Think

[oldmanofthesea]

Ok I'll give you the answer.....

People must be accountable for themselves. Or at worst, a friend. But never a partner. It puts the partner into a reward/punish position which she will end up resenting very quickly, and you will also come to resent it, just as you already have. It basically turns you into a parent which is a recipe for disaster. You aren't her parent, she's an adult and can take care of her own sh*t without you trying to parent her, even if neither of you see it that way, that's the way it will go.

 

[soulforge]

Ok I'll give you the answer.....

People must be accountable for themselves. Or at worst, a friend. But never a partner. It puts the partner into a reward/punish position which she will end up resenting very quickly, and you will also come to resent it, just as you already have. It basically turns you into a parent which is a recipe for disaster. You aren't her parent, she's an adult and can take care of her own sh*t without you trying to parent her, even if neither of you see it that way, that's the way it will go.

I get ALL that..

But what do I do moving forward?

Text her a simple, hey hows your day been?

See how she reacts to that?

Or let her reach out? Which she may not do.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

The alarm is not the problem now.

The problem is, she is not happy about me telling her that asking me to call her, then not taking my call was illogical.

She is playing victim now!

Forget about logic with women when we are doing things to manipulate you. They aren't logical and we will always try to justify why we are right and you are wrong (the collective we). She’s playing the victim and still controlling and manipulating you. I would observe her reactions and make your decision based on that. Do you want to deal with that or not. It’s up to you. You are also an adult and need to decide your next action, not us.

 

[soulforge]

But look at how you’re reacting to all of this.

Questioning your own decisions.

Wondering what she will do next.

Wondering what you should do next.

A woman will mold to the man she is with. If you’re not solid and leading, you’re going to get a mess on your hands like this.

It’s ok to do nice things. It’s ok to be courteous. But you don’t fall into pieces the moment things don’t go perfectly.

You just keep rolling, and keep this in mind the next time she asks for something like this.

A man is a bowling ball. She is the pin. You don’t have to maneuver all over the place to get the job done. Just keep yourself on a straight path.

I get ALL that.

But she seems distant... Do I send her a message just ask how her day has been?

Even though I got a one word text earlier back from her... Or do I just leave her be?

 

[Alvafe]

The alarm is not the problem now.

The problem is, she is not happy about me telling her that asking me to call her, then not taking my call was illogical.

She is playing victim now!

wow a woman being illogical? that never did happen before

serious now was not you then a month ago asked about the same thing about being in a LTR with a girl and we said it was better not? its the same girl? too much drama to waste time wondering you know

 

[soulforge]

Forget about logic with women when we are doing things to manipulate you. They aren't logical and we will always try to justify why we are right and you are wrong (the collective we). She’s playing the victim and still controlling and manipulating you. I would observe her reactions and make your decision based on that. Do you want to deal with that or not. It’s up to you. You are also an adult and need to decide your next action, not us.

So the last text I got from her was a simple OK xx

Even though I tried to explain myself to her.

Do I reach out again? With a hows your day been? To test the waters?

Or simply leave her be... And let her reach out?

And if she doesn't reach out... Then simply ghost her.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

So the last text I got from her was a simple OK xx

Even though I tried to explain myself to her.

Do I reach out again? With a hows your day been? To test the waters?

Or simply leave her be... And let her reach out?

And if she doesn't reach out... Then simply ghost her.

No replies. Let her come to you. If she wants you, she will. Stop chasing. You said your peace, let it go.

 

[soulforge]

No replies. Let her come to you. If she wants you, she will. Stop chasing. You said your peace, let it go.

Well I sent her a couple of text messages earlier in the day, explaining that it wouldn't work for me to wake her up for exercise.

I also mentioned that it wasn't her fault that she slept in... but I only got a one one word reply... OK xx

I haven't heard anything from her tonight so far... Should i reach out again?

Or let her come to me... end of the day this has been turned into a shyte storm by her.

 

[lamath]

Well I sent her a couple of text messages earlier in the day, explaining that it wouldn't work for me to wake her up for exercise.

I also mentioned that it wasn't her fault that she slept in... but I only got a one one word reply... OK xx

I haven't heard anything from her tonight so far... Should i reach out again?

Or let her come to me... end of the day this has been turned into a shyte storm by her.

Dont double txt man
Id go with S&D

Things should settle down fast enough
If she cant get over this little incident she is not exclusivity material.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Well I sent her a couple of text messages earlier in the day, explaining that it wouldn't work for me to wake her up for exercise.

I also mentioned that it wasn't her fault that she slept in... but I only got a one one word reply... OK xx

I haven't heard anything from her tonight so far... Should i reach out again?

Or let her come to me... end of the day this has been turned into a shyte storm by her.

You didn’t help stop the storm. That’s why i like alpha men that have stopped me in my tracks and called me out. Helped me see i was being a c*nt and to stop playing immature games. Be a man, stop reaching out to her.

 

[soulforge]

Dont double txt man
Id go with S&D

Things should settle down fast enough
If she cant get over this little incident she is not exclusivity material.

This is what I mean bruv... A minor thing has been turned into a shyte storm by her... Almost a power struggle.

I sent her a couple of messages to try to ease the tension... but I got back a simple OK xx one word reply.

I don't want to be texting her, while she can't be bothered saying more than one word.

Maybe silence and distance is the only option now.

She wanted a relationship with me, yet she can't get over something like this? What would the future be like.

 

[soulforge]

You didn’t help stop the storm. That’s why i like alpha men that have stopped me in my tracks and called me out. Helped me see i was being a c*nt and to stop playing immature games. Be a man, stop reaching out to her.

That is exactly what I did, just simply told her, why ask me to ring if you can't hear your phone?

My fault is, I shouldn't have said anything to her... and simply kept quiet and never called her again.

I don't think reaching out to her will help the situation... I tried by text to ease the tension... Its upto her now if she reaches out.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

It’s up to YOU now if you accept her back into your life and what behavior you will and won’t accept.

 

[soulforge]

It’s up to YOU now if you accept her back into your life and what behavior you will and won’t accept.

I just don't want a woman in my life, who will take a matter so seriously that she ends up sabotaging the relationship.

What about the next time I have to call her out on something? Am I going to have this situation all over again.

She also uses Cocaine occasionally she claims... What if I told her not to hang around with drug users or go to drug dealers? Is she going to react like this again.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

I just don't want a woman in my life, who will take a matter so seriously that she ends up sabotaging the relationship.

What about the next time I have to call her out on something? Am I going to have this situation all over again.

She also uses Cocaine occasionally she claims... What if I told her not to hang around with drug users or go to drug dealers? Is she going to react like this again.

Well i do think relationships are work and they CAN be worth it. Especially if both parties are younger, you basically are teaching one another your boundaries and how you expect to be treated. Both ways. But if she has too much baggage or issues then it probably isn’t worth working together on a relationship. You need to start with a quality person and try to stay away from train wrecks. That’s just my opinion. Drug abusers usually have deeper, underlying issues that you cannot work with.
So yeah, it’s up to you if it’s worth it. People can and do change but it takes awareness and a willingness to want to be a better person. Sorry but this chick seems immature, selfish (which is fine to a point but not totally in relationships) and unaware. You could probably do better. Stay focused on yourself and keep your expectations and standards high.

 

[lamath]

This is what I mean bruv... A minor thing has been turned into a shyte storm by her... Almost a power struggle.

I sent her a couple of messages to try to ease the tension... but I got back a simple OK xx one word reply.

I don't want to be texting her, while she can't be bothered saying more than one word.

Maybe silence and distance is the only option now.

She wanted a relationship with me, yet she can't get over something like this? What would the future be like.

Imo this is a indication of poor problem resolution skills. Not something you want i a ltr.

She is making you feel guilty. She knows what she is doing.

 

[soulforge]

Well i do think relationships are work and they CAN be worth it. Especially if both parties are younger, you basically are teaching one another your boundaries and how you expect to be treated. Both ways. But if she has too much baggage or issues then it probably isn’t worth working together on a relationship. You need to start with a quality person and try to stay away from train wrecks. That’s just my opinion. Drug abusers usually have deeper, underlying issues that you cannot work with.
So yeah, it’s up to you if it’s worth it. People can and do change but it takes awareness and a willingness to want to be a better person. Sorry but this chick seems immature, selfish (which is fine to a point but not totally in relationships) and unaware. You could probably do better. Stay focused on yourself and keep your expectations and standards high.

I just feel annoyed with myself for telling her off...

I should have simply left it at that... And never called her in the morning again.

I just need to know what to do moving forward?

I guess we are both to blame here.. I have tried easing the tension.

But I don't think I should continue reaching out.

 

[Dash Riprock]

So been seeing her 3-4 months.

Yes some red flags she has, but I have been assessing her, without rushing in head first.. Watch and observe is my policy.

I gave her exclusivity recently too.

Here is where I think I furked up..

A couple of days ago, she asked me to ring her occasionally early in the morning, so she can get out of bed and do some excercise..

She said she struggles to get up, so me waking her up makes sense.

I rang her this morning and she didn't pick up the phone.. I waited an hour and called back, again she didn't pick up.

3 hours later she sends me a text message apologising & stating she slept through my calls and didn't hear the alarm either.

I called her up, and I have to admit I was a little pizzed off.

I simply said, why ask me to ring you, if either your phone isn't set to loud enough to wake you? Or your just not going to wake up because you sleep so deep.

To me it just seemed illogical, that I am trying to wake someone up who doesn't even hear the phone.

After the phone call, I could tell she seemed miffed off about me telling her off.

I have to admit, I feel bad about saying anything to her... I should have just rang her, she didn't pick up, just get on with my day, and make a point not to call her again.

She seems angry about it, and her text message back to me, have been very limited.

Maybe she is expecting me to apologise or to CHASE her.

I should have stayed quiet or simply not bothered ringing her at all.. Not my job to act like your alarm clock.

Her last text message to me was a simple...Ok Xx

If she doesn't message me tonight or tomorrow, should I just ghost and move on?

I feel like she is making a drama out of this or testing my frame.

Dude, you've been on SS for awhile now. WTF?

Girl: Ring me occasionally early in the morning, so I can get out of bed and do some exercise.
Dash: Do you have a phone with an alarm or alarm clock?
Girl: Yes....
Dash: Best you use it. I'm a very busy man and can't play "wake up service guy."
Girl: <no response, silent>
Dash: Let's get drinks at X on Y date, time.
Girl: Maybe <mad now>
Dash: Ok, gotta go. See ya.

Either she calls me and accepts my date and we go out and have fun or she's an irresponsible AW looking for a daddy not a bf and I dump her. Win-win either way.

 

[guru1000]

I sent her a couple of messages to try to ease the tension... but I got back a simple OK xx one word reply.

It's not your job to ease the tension from one who is attempting to manipulate you. Instead, you should exacerbate the tension. She tested you because she saw a cupcake who will soldier to her beck and call, and she was right.

I informed you three times not to entertain exclusivity with this girl because of her questionable character and questioned you as to why you go exclusive with EVERY girl including your last three knowing they were all broken. And all your relations end the same way; with them abusing you or breaking up with you, and then you go from the "General Discussion" right back to the "No Contact" thread.

And here you go again ... Round Three. When will you learn that your exclusivity is a treasure not to be given freely to anyone?

I will not advise you on this one. I will wait for her to manipulate you and have her way until she drops you or the disrespect is so great you must walk away. Then I will be here to set your mind correct, and you will never again accept exclusivity from the unworthy.

 

[soulforge]

It's not your job to ease the tension from one who is attempting to manipulate you. Instead, you should exacerbate the tension. She tested you because she saw a cupcake who will soldier to her beck and call, and she was right.

I informed you three times not to entertain exclusivity with this girl because of her questionable character and questioned you as to why you go exclusive with EVERY girl including your last three knowing they were all broken. And all your relations end the same way; with them abusing you or breaking up with you, and then you go from the "General Discussion" right back to the "No Contact" thread.

And here you go again ... Round Three. When will you learn that your exclusivity is a treasure not to be given freely to anyone?

I will not advise you on this one. I will wait for her to manipulate you and have her way until she drops you or the disrespect is so great you must walk away. Then I will be here to set your mind correct, and you will never again accept exclusivity from the unworthy.

Guru I totally took on board your advice... However I wanted to observe what I was dealing with here.

My gut instinct does not sit well with her.. Especially now that I have seen, how she has taken something a rational person could easily resolve and turned it into such a big deal.

I can assure you, I will absolutely not give her exclusivity.

Infact she just messaged me this...

I hope you had a good day.. I am really tired and off to bed soon.xx

The difference is... No babe.. No direct question about hows my day been etc..

This is ALL power games now...

As far as I am concerned, she is not relationship worthy.. And moving forward, I won't even entertain the idea.