Plate Has A Male Freind Stopping Over At Her House!

[Fireballs]

Lol at having to tell a girl it’s wrong to have guys stay over

She already knows it’s wrong

You set boundaries by your actions (dump/ghost), not your words

 

[soulforge]

This is what I meant. Why drop her? So you have a better option, great. Keep this one around in the outer orbit (if you still desire to fvck her). To drop her means she meant something to you, as she is that important that you feel a need to drop.

Your particular need to drop her shows a sense of violation. You feel violated because you were entertaining her for exclusivity and then she showed her colors to the contrary. The problem in such a case is you, not her, for entertaining her for exclusivity so soon.

Consider all women you meet a friend. Enjoy their company. Encourage their slut-dom so she can run rampant in your presence. After allowing her months of total freedom (to do whatever she desires), IF she behaves within your standards, then, and only then, you can entertain a thought of exclusivity. But never feel a sense of violation as that would mean you were entertaining an LTR too soon without really knowing who she is.

I don't want to see any exclusivity talk from you for any girls in the next 3-4 months. And keep them ALL as friends should you desire to see them.

Your right Guru... I'll keep smashing, and give her all the freedom she wants.

This is what I meant. Why drop her? So you have a better option, great. Keep this one around in the outer orbit (if you still desire to fvck her). To drop her means she meant something to you, as she is that important that you feel a need to drop.

Your particular need to drop her shows a sense of violation. You feel violated because you were entertaining her for exclusivity and then she showed her colors to the contrary. The problem in such a case is you, not her, for entertaining her for exclusivity so soon.

Consider all women you meet a friend. Enjoy their company. Encourage their slut-dom so she can run rampant in your presence. After allowing her months of total freedom (to do whatever she desires), IF she behaves within your standards, then, and only then, you can entertain a thought of exclusivity. But never feel a sense of violation as that would mean you were entertaining an LTR too soon without really knowing who she is.

I don't want to see any exclusivity talk from you for any girls in the next 3-4 months. And keep them ALL as friends should you desire to see them.

Thanks for the Wake Up call Guru.. You are right.. Why waste a nice piece of Ass!

Observe from a distance.. If she doesn't meet LTR standards... Keep in outer orbit.

 

[zekko]

Lol at having to tell a girl it’s wrong to have guys stay over

She already knows it's wrong

How is it wrong? They're not in an exclusive relationship. I'm sure guys here aren't naive enough to think all the women they encounter are virgins.

Suppose this girl just got done dating Dash Riprock. He has made it clear he believes opposite sex friends are okay, and he will not tolerate any jealousy about it. He is one of many men who think this way. In her mind, maybe she doesn't think it's the best idea, but believes this is the way men want to operate.

@BeExcellent has talked about her male friend that she hangs out with. I don't believe in this sort of behavior in an exclusive relationship, but clearly a lot of people do. So I certainly don't think she will just automatically know it is wrong, especially when she's just a plate to begin with.

 

[BeExcellent]

It’s a trust thing. I stayed alone overnight twice in the past with close friends of my man’s for example.

Once was with a close friend of my ex husband, slept in different rooms, no funny business at all.

Last fall my boyfriend flew home a day before me from an out of state vacation where we had stayed with his best friend. Again, slept in different rooms (obviously) and no funny business.

I’ve got male friends who are truly platonic and there is no attraction between us. I have other male “friends” who would have an agenda given the opportunity. I see it as my job to know the difference and maintain proper boundaries.

I like my man to meet male friends who are truly friends. I like them to know each other and for my man to feel comfortable with that friendship.

If my man is not cool with male friends I’m respectful of my man for the most part. I’m not crazy about men having female friends either really...for the same reasons guys here talk about. I go out with desirable men. It’s not lost on me that other women see him as desirable...just as my guy sees that other men have desire for me...

But it all boils down to trust.

With a non-exclusive plate? Not sure there’s grounds to think you have a say. You aren’t exclusive so you both can do whatever.

You can’t expect the chick to act like a girlfriend when you treat her as an option. That might work for a while as she tries to show she’s LTR worthy...but with any woman worth having? She’ll get wise & either move on altogether or keep her own options open.

 

[highSpeed]

It’s a trust thing. I stayed alone overnight twice in the past with close friends of my man’s for example.

Once was with a close friend of my ex husband, slept in different rooms, no funny business at all.

Last fall my boyfriend flew home a day before me from an out of state vacation where we had stayed with his best friend. Again, slept in different rooms (obviously) and no funny business.

I’ve got male friends who are truly platonic and there is no attraction between us. I have other male “friends” who would have an agenda given the opportunity. I see it as my job to know the difference and maintain proper boundaries.

I like my man to meet male friends who are truly friends. I like them to know each other and for my man to feel comfortable with that friendship.

If my man is not cool with male friends I’m respectful of my man for the most part. I’m not crazy about men having female friends either really...for the same reasons guys here talk about. I go out with desirable men. It’s not lost on me that other women see him as desirable...just as my guy sees that other men have desire for me...

But it all boils down to trust.

With a non-exclusive plate? Not sure there’s grounds to think you have a say. You aren’t exclusive so you both can do whatever.

You can’t expect the chick to act like a girlfriend when you treat her as an option. That might work for a while as she tries to show she’s LTR worthy...but with any woman worth having? She’ll get wise & either move on altogether or keep her own options open.

I'd honestly say it's highly unlikely that if you said to one of those guy friends, "Hey, would you bang me please?" that at least one of them wouldn't oblige you. I've often wondered whether females play dumb on this or simply cannot understand that you may be friends with a guy, you may not have attraction to him but most guys, most guys I know wouldn't waste much time on a woman that they didn't have some desire to bang.

Now maybe the timing isn't right for him. Maybe he's married or has a serious LTR that he's either not quite ready to give up or would get hammered for some reason if he did. Maybe he thinks you'd turn him down and whatever fantasy he has about someday getting it on with you would be dashed. Whatever the reason or combination of reasons are, make no mistake about it, his "non-attraction" to you only goes so far as whether or not you'd sleep with him in that moment. Guarantee, I'll say it again, guarantee at least one of your male "friends" would jump your bones if you gave him the chance or signaled the interest to him in any way.

 

[zekko]

I still don't see why it's so wrong for her to see a male friend when she's only a plate anyway.

 

[soulforge]

I still don't see why it's so wrong for her to see a male friend when she's only a plate anyway.

We talked about exclusivity only last week

 

[marmel75]

We talked about exclusivity only last week

Talking about it and being exclusive are two different things.
I'd just say this isnt helping her case and leave it at that. No reason to get emotional over it...

 

[Robert28]

We talked about exclusivity only last week

I know you probably know this but what she said last week doesn’t matter now. I talked the same exclusivity **** with a girl for 3 days and it was like the conversation never happened a week later and we never dated exclusively. It’s crazy how fast it changed.

 

[Spaz]

It’s a trust thing. I stayed alone overnight twice in the past with close friends of my man’s for example.

Once was with a close friend of my ex husband, slept in different rooms, no funny business at all.

Last fall my boyfriend flew home a day before me from an out of state vacation where we had stayed with his best friend. Again, slept in different rooms (obviously) and no funny business.

I’ve got male friends who are truly platonic and there is no attraction between us. I have other male “friends” who would have an agenda given the opportunity. I see it as my job to know the difference and maintain proper boundaries.

I like my man to meet male friends who are truly friends. I like them to know each other and for my man to feel comfortable with that friendship.

If my man is not cool with male friends I’m respectful of my man for the most part. I’m not crazy about men having female friends either really...for the same reasons guys here talk about. I go out with desirable men. It’s not lost on me that other women see him as desirable...just as my guy sees that other men have desire for me...

But it all boils down to trust.

With a non-exclusive plate? Not sure there’s grounds to think you have a say. You aren’t exclusive so you both can do whatever.

You can’t expect the chick to act like a girlfriend when you treat her as an option. That might work for a while as she tries to show she’s LTR worthy...but with any woman worth having? She’ll get wise & either move on altogether or keep her own options open.

There's no such thing as a unisex brain.

Hence ur perception is feminine and any man who thinks similarly is thus exposed to feminine thought patterns.

When the true form of femininity and masculinity interacts it exposes itself to one another then there can be no true bonding because its vastly different with the exception of sexuality.

The common meeting point between feminity and masculinity is always sex.

Women like to think its possible for men to have platonic relationships with a woman but its a lie and a dream.

Men can never be truly platonic with women, maybe he thinks so at 1st, maybe sometimes he can convince himself but in the end it always pulls him towards viewing her as a sexual being.

There can be no true platonic relationship between a male and a female. It's is a lie and a fantasy at best.

 

[Spaz]

and stop trapping yourself into exclusivity with every damn girl you meet.

He can't really help himself there, it's like asking a cat to bark when all he wants to do is meow.

His capacity to love and express it is at supernatural levels.

My advice is NOT to temper ur capacity to love BUT refocus it to not just women but other facets within ur life.

Just redirect some of it to perhaps music, poetry, or some form where you can express it and receive it at the same time.

No women can truly provide the love you need as ur capacity to love exceeds any woman's ability.

You need to search a balance.

 

[guru1000]

Where would you draw the decision-line between:
1. Overtly telling her you don't like what she's doing and that if she does it (or does it again if it already happened), you're gone
2. Taking your approach I quoted above

Solid question. Back in the day we would have dozens of threads spanning tens of pages just on this very subject of boundaries. Much can be written on the topic, so I’ll keep it short.

I had always taken an overt boundary post-exclusivity position. My position slightly evolved over time in relation to its effectiveness.

Here, Soulforge is not exclusive with the girl. She is in a vetting/rehearsal stage. Such an act to permit a male friend sleeping over demonstrates she is not good LTR raw material (in relation to many other women who would not allow such a thing).

IF I am not exclusive, I tell them nothing. They are in an evaluation period—auditioning for exclusivity—so I give them enough rope to hang themselves which allows me to watch them run rampant fully, unrestricted, and within their own desires. Here I won’t openly judge them because by judging, I would be shaping their behavior (think chameleon). I just simply observe to evaluate. If, over some time, they exhibit great behavior, then I consider their LTR eligibility.

Here, I would welcome such an act, as I can use it to as a negotiable tool to buy more non-exclusive time when she presses for exclusivity.

Post-exclusivity, such an act might be a deal breaker for me depending on my time investment simply because I have many other options who wouldn’t dare entertain such an idea. But for a man not so willing to walk away or with more time invested in the relation, an overt boundary here is perfectly acceptable and would likely do the job by eradicating her attempted manipulation right there (assuming the act is not prompted by her lack of desire). Some have argued that overt boundaries in such an instant makes you appear insecure. I replied worrying about appearing insecure is insecure. Boundaries in such a context makes her aware of what will or will not be tolerated to keep you around.

The exceptions to overt boundaries usually deal with acts prompted by her lack of desire, such as less sex, less affection, more time wanted to hang out with her gfs, etc. In such an instant, I would give her space (S&D) to allow her desire to expand seemly by her own volition.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Brilliant... Covers all the scenarios, thank you!

 

[lamath]

Solid question. Back in the day we would have dozens of threads spanning tens of pages just on this very subject of boundaries. Much can be written on the topic, so I’ll keep it short.

I had always taken an overt boundary post-exclusivity position. My position slightly evolved over time in relation to its effectiveness.

Here, Soulforge is not exclusive with the girl. She is in a vetting/rehearsal stage. Such an act to permit a male friend sleeping over demonstrates she is not good LTR raw material (in relation to many other women who would not allow such a thing).

IF I am not exclusive, I tell them nothing. They are in an evaluation period—auditioning for exclusivity—so I give them enough rope to hang themselves which allows me to watch them run rampant fully, unrestricted, and within their own desires. Here I won’t openly judge them because by judging, I would be shaping their behavior (think chameleon). I just simply observe to evaluate. If, over some time, they exhibit great behavior, then I consider their LTR eligibility.

Here, I would welcome such an act, as I can use it to as a negotiable tool to buy more non-exclusive time when she presses for exclusivity.

Post-exclusivity, such an act might be a deal breaker for me depending on my time investment simply because I have many other options who wouldn’t dare entertain such an idea. But for a man not so willing to walk away or with more time invested in the relation, an overt boundary here is perfectly acceptable and would likely do the job by eradicating her attempted manipulation right there (assuming the act is not prompted by her lack of desire). Some have argued that overt boundaries in such an instant makes you appear insecure. I replied worrying about appearing insecure is insecure. Boundaries in such a context makes her aware of what will or will not be tolerated to keep you around.

The exceptions to overt boundaries usually deal with acts prompted by her lack of desire, such as less sex, less affection, more time wanted to hang out with her gfs, etc. In such an instant, I would give her space (S&D) to allow her desire to expand seemly by her own volition.

Stuff like this should be in the bible imo

Thanks

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Stuff like this should be in the bible imo

All the stuff in the bible is quite old. There are a few guys here who have been dishing out solid advice in replies, and in original threads that should really be added.... the bible needs a refresh. @Atom Smasher ? Any plans to do anything like this?

 

[soulforge]

Well

Solid question. Back in the day we would have dozens of threads spanning tens of pages just on this very subject of boundaries. Much can be written on the topic, so I’ll keep it short.

I had always taken an overt boundary post-exclusivity position. My position slightly evolved over time in relation to its effectiveness.

Here, Soulforge is not exclusive with the girl. She is in a vetting/rehearsal stage. Such an act to permit a male friend sleeping over demonstrates she is not good LTR raw material (in relation to many other women who would not allow such a thing).

IF I am not exclusive, I tell them nothing. They are in an evaluation period—auditioning for exclusivity—so I give them enough rope to hang themselves which allows me to watch them run rampant fully, unrestricted, and within their own desires. Here I won’t openly judge them because by judging, I would be shaping their behavior (think chameleon). I just simply observe to evaluate. If, over some time, they exhibit great behavior, then I consider their LTR eligibility.

Here, I would welcome such an act, as I can use it to as a negotiable tool to buy more non-exclusive time when she presses for exclusivity.

Post-exclusivity, such an act might be a deal breaker for me depending on my time investment simply because I have many other options who wouldn’t dare entertain such an idea. But for a man not so willing to walk away or with more time invested in the relation, an overt boundary here is perfectly acceptable and would likely do the job by eradicating her attempted manipulation right there (assuming the act is not prompted by her lack of desire). Some have argued that overt boundaries in such an instant makes you appear insecure. I replied worrying about appearing insecure is insecure. Boundaries in such a context makes her aware of what will or will not be tolerated to keep you around.

The exceptions to overt boundaries usually deal with acts prompted by her lack of desire, such as less sex, less affection, more time wanted to hang out with her gfs, etc. In such an instant, I would give her space (S&D) to allow her desire to expand seemly by her own volition.
[/QUOTE


Well guys.. Last night in a DRUNKEN state, she admitted this man who stops over at her house, means too much to her, for her to let him go.

She also claimed that she makes a terrible long term girlfriend.

She also complained about her making most of the effort to travel and come see me.. Even though I have offered to cover her fuel cost at times.

Probably the alcohol was talking here, but my feelings are not good about this woman.

When a chick admits she is bad relationship material, then you know it is game over.

Does the fact that she was drunk matter?

 

[soulforge]

Well guys.. Last night in a DRUNKEN state, she admitted this man who stops over at her house, means too much to her, for her to let him go.

She also claimed that she makes a terrible long term girlfriend.

She also complained about her making most of the effort to travel and come see me.. Even though I have offered to cover her fuel cost at times.

Probably the alcohol was talking here, but my feelings are not good about this woman.

When a chick admits she is bad relationship material, then you know it is game over.

Does the fact that she was drunk matter?[/QUOTE]

 

[soulforge]

Well in a DRUNKEN state, she claimed this man means too much to her.

She also biched and moaned about her having to do all the travel to come see me.

She also cannot see me again for another two weeks due to a family event, which means I have to work around her timetable.

She was drunk.. Not sure what to make of all this shyte!

She even claimed she does not enjoy sex at all...

Damaged goods here.

Should I dump her Ass? Or keep around as plate?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Well in a DRUNKEN state, she claimed this man means too much to her.

She also biched and moaned about her having to do all the travel to come see me.

She also cannot see me again for another two weeks due to a family event, which means I have to work around her timetable.

She was drunk.. Not sure what to make of all this shyte!

She even claimed she does not enjoy sex at all...

Damaged goods here.

Should I dump her Ass? Or keep around as plate?

Does not enjoy sex with ANYONE? There are alot of em out there like that nowdays

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@soulforge ummm your meant to mean more than some gay male friend.. male and females cannot be friends.. end of story.. if she wants male friends she loses you. If she wants you she loses her gay male friends.. theres no compromise in this situation. Its either you or him. If he meant so much to her? Guess what hes already fukd her. Its the truth.. females only get like that with family or someone they fukd.