Plate Has A Male Freind Stopping Over At Her House!

[soulforge]

True I have never been comfortable with this idea of girls with male friends.. ESPECIALLY ones that sleep over at her house.

I think I will leave her strictly in the SMASH and move on category.

Something feels off... Especially with her being very keen for me to meet him.

Maybe she wants me to meet him, so I can give her the GREEN LIGHT so he can carry on seeing him.

Maybe she wants me to see, that he is of no threat.

The general vibe I got off her was, that she wanted me to KNOW about this guy.

She didn't need to tell me shyte, yet she called me up about him.

 

[sosousage]

True I have never been comfortable with this idea of girls with male friends.. ESPECIALLY ones that sleep over at her house.

I think I will leave her strictly in the SMASH and move on category.

Something feels off... Especially with her being very keen for me to meet him.

Maybe she wants me to meet him, so I can give her the GREEN LIGHT so he can carry on seeing him.

Maybe she wants me to see, that he is of no threat.

if she was your plate only you wouldnt care

 

[SoSuave666]

if she was your plate only you wouldnt care

Very true.

Also, women generally don’t flaunt dudes like this out that they are actually sleeping with unless they feel threatened. She knows whoever this guy is would bang her in a nano second. As a matter of fact, all three of you know it. So she’s telling you for one of two reasons:

1. She is using dread game on you to get you jealous and become more exclusive
2. She feels threatened and is flaunting in your face that she’s ****ing someone else.

If she wanted to slyly cheat (and I use this term loosely bc she is a “plate”) on you she wouldn’t be so obvious about it. She’s just say she’s going on a girls night out or some ****.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Well, I absolutely don't think he should allow it. Not if he plans to move toward an LTR anyway.
Better to hash it out now, so he knows what he's dealing with. If she is adamant about keeping male friends, he can cut her off and just keep her at plate status.

We used to debate these situations here all the time. Some say it's fine that they have male friends, others think it's risky behavior for LTRs. I happen to be in the latter group. Even is the guy is truly only a friend, this opens up the excuse for her to hang out with any guy she wants to, whenever she wants. All she has to do is say "He's just a friend". I know couples who operate like this, but like I said IMO it's a hazard. Might not bite you in the @ss for 10 years down the line, but it can always bite you.

Its bad for respect. Very bad. The exception is an old friend staying with both of you every few years.

 

[lamath]

True I have never been comfortable with this
I don't like the black and white approach most ppl are preaching.
Since she is only a plate atm i would

Well she took that picture and had her face cropped out.

She's projecting to you through a series of events (or texts) and in turn manipulating ur perception, what you wrote in the above quote is seeded by her narratives.

Best you put on ur thinking hat otherwise you'd be promoted into a higher level within the White Knight order.

I agree with this, cropping herself out of pic is werid af.

Keep your frame, it does seems like she is trying to manipulate your perception one way or the other.
Might also be using this to push her LTR agenda forward with you.

So im thinking having a talk about her male friend with you, might exactly be what she want.

Overall i think you need to take this as no big deal and as something that is making you less interested in her.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Whats your opinion guys.

She claims he is an EX business partner.. She has known him for twenty years or more. She claims they are strictly freinds.

She is out with him tonight having a couple of drinks, and he will be stopping at her house TONIGHT

She called me tonight and told me all about him... She wants me to meet him very soon.

She also claims they meet up only 2-3 times a year and sleep in separate rooms!

The CRAZY thing is.. She is pushing for a relationship with me.

Do I let this chick know, she needs to DROP the male freinds living at her house.... Or just LEAVE things be as they are!

OP, you are having a total knee-jerk reaction. Is this really the way of the DJ? No.

She's allowed to have platonic friends just like you, right? You don't own her. So you're considering dumping her because she has a male friend and he needs a place to stay. So what. Sorry OP, this wreaks of insecurity. Until she gives you an ACTUAL REASON to distrust her, and we all know what they are, allow her to live her life like you'd want her to do for you.

I have 3 platonic female friends I've known for 15-25 years. Every once in a while we have drinks and/or dinner. I enjoy each's friendship and company and conversation on a different level. They are in town, but if they were out of town, they could stay with me no problem in my spare bedroom. I really wouldn't care if a gf got mad. They are my friends and that's it.

C'mon man. DJ up. Be confident and employ IDGAF. Who gives a f*uck who her "friends" are.

 

[backseatjuan]

^except @soulforge is not dumb enough to think it’s platonic.

 

[zekko]

^except @soulforge is not dumb enough to think it’s platonic.

Yeah, that attitude works fine if she is just plate, but not if he's considering her for LTR status. That whole "I don't care if a boyfriend got mad, they're my friends" spiel puts the friends above the relationship. This can cause problems down the road. Again, fine for plates, not for LTRs.

 

[backseatjuan]

Yeah, that attitude works fine if she is just plate, but not if he's considering her for LTR status. That whole "I don't care if a boyfriend got mad, they're my friends" spiel puts the friends above the relationship. This can cause problems down the road. Again, fine for plates, not for LTRs.

Ok man ok @soulforge I am not rat but you are anonymous enough...... you message me on whtasyp you did had. 3 some. And then on forums nada......if you ever wondered why we dont messageeach othet lately...you fcking lied man... anyway don’t do moress ne, i do t worth it.... whatever man... dont be afraid of me, yea im a hacker fcker i fck ur fcker.... you gave infi I fall nd and sht.... anyway.

Yea

I di not come naider you consider her ltr, cus you afe smart...

))))


Cus shes a poe
Rb star???

She is a plate))))

 

[Desdinova]

If you have to sit your woman down and tell her that having dudes staying at her house is unacceptable then you have already lost.

I don't see it as a win/lose situation. If the woman already comes with the opinion that she can do as she pleases with any guy in the name of "trust", then you're not going to change her mind or fix her. She's already a piece of crap. Unfortunately, the only way you can find this out is by spending time with her. Sometimes they'll tell you right off the hop that their best friend is a dude, but other times you won't find out until you're months in. If you want a LTR, you should immediately ditch her when you receive this information.

 

[Alvafe]

all this talk and no one mentioned the basic one.

she knows going out 1x1 with another guy is not ok, she knows that guy want to dip his pen on her,
don't matter if he is a nice guy a spineless dude, or is paying buck to ahve sex with her because he is her sugar daddy.

all this tells you she is not LTR material, sorry guys, lets get real here a girl who this kind of sh!t is not ltr, even more the whole she was not talking with him for a long time then out of blue try to push for LTR? I find it suspicious at the very least, and wouldn't even consider the LTR push

 

[YourGreatestFear]

I have 3 platonic female friends I've known for 15-25 years. Every once in a while we have drinks and/or dinner. I enjoy each's friendship and company and conversation on a different level. They are in town, but if they were out of town, they could stay with me no problem in my spare bedroom. I really wouldn't care if a gf got mad. They are my friends and that's it.

Believe me, if your gf loves you then she would be completely fine even if you fcked those friends. In fact inside her head she part of her beliefs what you actually fcked them. And I'm almost sure what those friends will be willing to sleep with you if given a chance. Men and women ARE different. Women are much more willing to share high quality man, even while being exclusive with him. But it doesn't work other way around. Ideal situation is when you have cool LTR who is exclusive with you, while you fcking other women and she accepts this. But the problem of OP is what you shouldn't care about your PLATE fcking other dudes. Role of a plate is to be convenient and fck you whenever you want, not to be exclusive with you or building family.

 

[zekko]

she knows going out 1x1 with another guy is not ok

Not necessarily. Remember, she's been pushing for commitment. She likely knows soulforge is seeing other women, and likely having sex with them. So why SHOULDN'T she have dinner with a friend? She may even be sending the message "if you want this, better lock it down".

Besides which, society sends the message that it's okay to have opposite sex friends. Dash Riprock above is fine with it, for instance, and he's well versed in the red pill. I know many couples who see opposite sex friends. It's an individual choice. It's not for me, but people do it.

That's why I don't see this as a dealbreaker right off. I think there needs to be a discussion on what the expectations are within an exclusive relationship. If they can't agree at that, THEN it's time to pull the rip cord. IMO.

 

[soulforge]

I agree with this, cropping herself out of pic is werid af.

Keep your frame, it does seems like she is trying to manipulate your perception one way or the other.
Might also be using this to push her LTR agenda forward with you.

So im thinking having a talk about her male friend with you, might exactly be what she want.

Overall i think you need to take this as no big deal and as something that is making you less interested in her.

I cropp

Ok man ok @soulforge I am not rat but you are anonymous enough...... you message me on whtasyp you did had. 3 some. And then on forums nada......if you ever wondered why we dont messageeach othet lately...you fcking lied man... anyway don’t do moress ne, i do t worth it.... whatever man... dont be afraid of me, yea im a hacker fcker i fck ur fcker.... you gave infi I fall nd and sht.... anyway.

Yea

I di not come naider you consider her ltr, cus you afe smart...

))))


Cus shes a poe
Rb star???

She is a plate))))

Yo chill Bruv... I got this all under construction control... I just met this chick off pof... Big ass titties.. I'm moving on to another chick... Too much drama with this one!

 

[guru1000]

Your history @soulforge shows that you jump into one exclusive relationship to another (red flag for you BTW) without vetting your contenders properly. Herein is a perfect example. Between being intermittently too busy for you and a male friend sleeping over, she disqualifies herself as an LTR prospect. Period.

So what do you do? Absolutely nothing. She just bought herself more time as a plate, and when she prompts exclusivity again, just tell her straight, "I was considering it, but this male friend sleeping over thing has me questioning. Let's see how it goes." She'll try to justify it. Then Reply, "OK, I understand, no worries."

Do not entertain an LTR with her. Just enjoy her. DO continue dating, and stop trapping yourself into exclusivity with every damn girl you meet.

 

[soulforge]

Your history @soulforge shows that you jump into one exclusive relationship to another (red flag for you BTW) without vetting your contenders properly. Herein is a perfect example. Between being intermittently too busy for you and a male friend sleeping over, she disqualifies herself as an LTR prospect. Period.

So what do you do? Absolutely nothing. She just bought herself more time as a plate, and when she prompts exclusivity again, just tell her straight, "I was considering it, but this male friend sleeping over thing has me questioning. Let's see how it goes." She'll try to justify it. Then Reply, "OK, I understand, no worries."

Do not entertain an LTR with her. Just enjoy her. DO continue dating, and stop trapping yourself into exclusivity with every damn girl you meet.

Wise words Guru... I'm actually on the verge on dropping this one.

Have a better option in place!

 

[guru1000]

Wise words Guru... I'm actually on the verge on dropping this one.

Have a better option in place!

This is what I meant. Why drop her? So you have a better option, great. Keep this one around in the outer orbit (if you still desire to fvck her). To drop her means she meant something to you, as she is that important that you feel a need to drop.

Your particular need to drop her shows a sense of violation. You feel violated because you were entertaining her for exclusivity and then she showed her colors to the contrary. The problem in such a case is you, not her, for entertaining her for exclusivity so soon.

Consider all women you meet a friend. Enjoy their company. Encourage their slut-dom so she can run rampant in your presence. After allowing her months of total freedom (to do whatever she desires), IF she behaves within your standards, then, and only then, you can entertain a thought of exclusivity. But never feel a sense of violation as that would mean you were entertaining an LTR too soon without really knowing who she is.

I don't want to see any exclusivity talk from you for any girls in the next 3-4 months. And keep them ALL as friends should you desire to see them.

 

[Alvafe]

Not necessarily. Remember, she's been pushing for commitment. She likely knows soulforge is seeing other women, and likely having sex with them. So why SHOULDN'T she have dinner with a friend? She may even be sending the message "if you want this, better lock it down".

Besides which, society sends the message that it's okay to have opposite sex friends. Dash Riprock above is fine with it, for instance, and he's well versed in the red pill. I know many couples who see opposite sex friends. It's an individual choice. It's not for me, but people do it.

That's why I don't see this as a dealbreaker right off. I think there needs to be a discussion on what the expectations are within an exclusive relationship. If they can't agree at that, THEN it's time to pull the rip cord. IMO.

and risk her possible LTR with a dude?
guys I had female of our group who always tend to gravitate around me, I don't care much for her other then friendship, because she is from the social group, but here is the deal every single time someone would take a pic of me, she would walk and stay out of sight, and return after it, every single time, its a pretty sure issue she don't want to be seen around another guy 1x1 so she won't spoil her chances with someone else, and that behavior was not the first time I saw, only the last girl I saw this

course we could be talking about a dumb chick who thinks then showing herself with other men would push some jealousy on the other guy she likes more, and hell I saw that happen, and this even worked for her(figures), but if she thinks he have options, and know he wouldn't never lower himself with a girl who do this you do belive she would risk it?

I know both of issues could be on the line but that line was already mentioned by you guys, I do belive the OP is savvy enough to take both points and try to see what would benefit him more, but I do belive we here trust she shouldn't be rewarded with the LTR status, keep her as a plate and have fun

 

[Roober]

True.
If you have to sit your woman down and tell her that having dudes staying at her house is unacceptable then you have already lost. I have had long term plates drop all orbiters and changed their social media profile pic to a photo of when they were a baby so guys wouldn’t be sending them messages. I didn’t even ask but they already knew it was the right thing to do if they want exclusivity.

Agreed! This is not even a conversation that should ever come up. If a woman wants exclusivity, there is an unwritten mutual understanding that friends of the opposite sex generally taper downwards to nothing.

Regardless of what the either person looks like, he always wants to fvck her. She knows she always has the option to fvck him. It's not a good dynamic for any relationship to have that exist between a partner and an outside person.

Since you guys are currently not exclusive, I dont see a problem with what she is doing. If you entered a relationship, you shouldn't even need to have that conversation. If you did, then that is an obvious difference in values.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Between being intermittently too busy for you and a male friend sleeping over, she disqualifies herself as an LTR prospect. Period.

So what do you do? Absolutely nothing. She just bought herself more time as a plate, and when she prompts exclusivity again, just tell her straight, "I was considering it, but this male friend sleeping over thing has me questioning. Let's see how it goes." She'll try to justify it. Then Reply, "OK, I understand, no worries."

Where would you draw the decision-line between:
1. Overtly telling her you don't like what she's doing and that if she does it (or does it again if it already happened), you're gone
2. Taking your approach I quoted above