FRAME DISINTEGRATING INTO OBLIVION IN PRESENCE OF EX - HELP!

[thealphabeta]

I'm 25 years of age and 8 weeks ago broke up with my 26 year old girlfriend (first relationship) of approx. 1 and a half years as an AFC beta that failed more than enough **** tests and lost my frame early on.

We met up again last week twice.

Within those 8 weeks I rigorously studied game theory, read The Rationale Male and applied what I'd learnt with great success. Maintaining frame and getting girls in my bed wasn't an issue although I didn't meet any that compelled me to such a degree that my ex had.

What I noticed is that within her presence a couple days ago it's almost as if all that I'd learnt went to ****. I returned back to an anxious, hesitant frame. I literally feel like I can't be myself around her. Potentially its the prior conditioning of me pedestalizing her as "the dream girl" and the subsequent fear of being perceived as inadequate or unworthy that cripples my true extroverted self.

We both confessed that we still love each other.

Do you guys think in some cases there are certain women that you'll always have a sense of anxiety induced expressive restriction around because of a mismatch in personalities or is it only and always an inherent reflection of a lack of confidence and insecurity within the man's character?

It could also stem from an intuitive feeling that she isn't as committed. Any comparative stories or advice and potential ways to break free some this plight? apart from the usual lift weight, focus on yourself and read. I don't have problems in the slightest with other women, although I don't care about them either. tyxoxo

 

[wjh]

Why are you hanging around her to begin with? Why were you both in a position to "confess" that you still love each other?

But, to your question, it's as simple as you're just not authentically confident. Holding a "frame" is a matter of pretending you're confident, which you can do with new people who don't know the real you, the real you is a weaker person and you know she knows that about you. New people don't know you well enough to know you're actually not confident, so this game you're playing with people can work with them, temporarily at least.

 

[thealphabeta]

Why are you hanging around her to begin with? Why were you both in a position to "confess" that you still love each other?

But, to your question, it's as simple as you're just not authentically confident. Holding a "frame" is a matter of pretending you're confident, which you can do with new people who don't know the real you, the real you is a weaker person and you know she knows that about you. New people don't know you well enough to know you're actually not confident, so this game you're playing with people can work with them, temporarily at least.

HAHA, I appreciated your forwardness. She left a polaroid photo of myself on my windscreen and wrote on the back of it "not a day goes by". I reciprocated by sending a link to essentially the song we fell in love to (can you feel the cringe?).

We spoke a few days later, decided to meet up the same night and we hung out for 4 hours. We both agreed to not see each other for two weeks and I ran into her in the street a week later. She was resenting the fact that one of the topics I brought up that night was polyamory and that I hadn't considered how that'd make her feel (she is extremely selfish). I basically told her to stop crying, grabbed her and we passionately kissed in the parking lot. We then grabbed some green tea and after that is where I could feel the angst and tension within my own mind.

Part of me feels she more so loves how I validate her rather than actually loving me whether that's unconscious or not. On the phone before we met back up that first night, she also said just promise you won't leave me like that again because when we broke up I completely dropped off the raider (I told her that was a selfish notion and she agreed). Before I left I said "when are you going to show me your new place". she responded "can I get back to you".

 

[thealphabeta]

Holding a "frame" is a matter of pretending you're confident, which you can do with new people who don't know the real you, the real you is a weaker person and you know she knows that about you. New people don't know you well enough to know you're actually not confident, so this game you're playing with people can work with them, temporarily at least.

Also, I genuinely haven't had the anxiety/lack of confidence issues with other women. Even those that are attractive. I think that's because I don't feel a greater connection so there's nothing to lose so to speak. I generally dont even consider holding a frame with other women because I genuinely dont give a ****. It's literally this one girl, because she is the only one that makes me feel this way, thats the whole point. You could argue that it's an artificial confidence but why is it this one girl that makes me feel this way?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Also, I genuinely haven't had the anxiety/lack of confidence issues with other women. Even those that are attractive. I think that's because I don't feel a greater connection so there's nothing to lose so to speak. I generally dont even consider holding a frame with other women because I genuinely dont give a ****. It's literally this one girl, because she is the only one that makes me feel this way, thats the whole point. You could argue that it's an artificial confidence but why is it this one girl that makes me feel this way?

Because through the connection shes not valueing you. Shes "using" you thru the connection. The new women may value you and arent degrading you. Your ego is trying to make it work with the one your not successful with.

 

[thealphabeta]

Because through the connection shes not valueing you. Shes "using" you thru the connection. The new women may value you and arent degrading you. Your ego is trying to make it work with the one your not successful with.

ok, so if she values me so little, why put the photo with the note stating "not a day goes by" and promise me to never leave like that again after 8 weeks?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

ok, so if she values me so little, why put the photo with the note stating "not a day goes by" and promise me to never leave like that again after 8 weeks?

Women show they value us sufficiently by giving us puzzy. Talk is cheap.

 

[SoSuave666]

ok, so if she values me so little, why put the photo with the note stating "not a day goes by" and promise me to never leave like that again after 8 weeks?

She says that BECAUSE she values you so little. She thinks she has you won over and is trying to entrap you to love her forever. If a girl said some **** like that to me, I’d respond “can’t make any promises” then switch the subject to something playful and fun

 

[AJ84]

Lots of assumptions based on little background information on the relationship prior to the break up. What we know is that he is hung up on this girl and she seems to be conflicted about being with him but is sending annoyingly mixed signals.

What was the context of the break up and who initiated it?

Also, you mentioned polyamory and that she reacted to that with resentment due to her “extreme selfishness”.

More info on these two things may help us understand where she may be coming from.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The dissapearance of your power with her vs the other women is a surefire clue that shes not into you. There is some physics of emotions and relationship in play here. Im confident her c0ck hangs strong around you because youve submitted and she doesnt have to fvck you. Ignore her and focus on babes who are into you and actively giving you puzzy. With this babe stop looking for clues she desires you. The only worthwhile clue is her fvcking. And its not going to happen because she has your balls.

 

[speed dawg]

Classic ONE-itis, we have all had it at one point or another.

I predict this girl is going to chew you up and spit you out before it's all over, because you keep going back to her. If you just absolutely cannot get over her, I suggest you do this - up your frame (fake, temporarily, I don't care how) enough to f*ck her one last time. Do some crazy sh*t like nut on her face then just get up and leave. Then don't talk to her anymore. It will help your pride and ego. Of course this is all likely null and void since you told her you loved her. You're nothing more than an orbiter right now and you're about to find out how cold and ruthless women can be, once she finds another guy who makes her wet. Just imagine her bouncing on that guy's c*ck, maybe that will help you rid yourself of the one-itis virus. Forget the future guy, heck I guarantee you she's ran through at least one, maybe two c*cks since you all broke up the first time, no doubt about it. All the stuff you did to her? That did it too. Are you visualizing this? Is this sinking in yet?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Classic ONE-itis, we have all had it at one point or another.

I predict this girl is going to chew you up and spit you out before it's all over, because you keep going back to her. If you just absolutely cannot get over her, I suggest you do this - up your frame (fake, temporarily, I don't care how) enough to f*ck her one last time. Do some crazy sh*t like nut on her face then just get up and leave. Then don't talk to her anymore. It will help your pride and ego. Of course this is all likely null and void since you told her you loved her. You're nothing more than an orbiter right now and you're about to find out how cold and ruthless women can be, once she finds another guy who makes her wet. Just imagine her bouncing on that guy's c*ck, maybe that will help you rid yourself of the one-itis virus. Forget the future guy, heck I guarantee you she's ran through at least one, maybe two c*cks since you all broke up the first time, no doubt about it. All the stuff you did to her? That did it too. Are you visualizing this? Is this sinking in yet?

He can fvck her if he changes the game. But he cant be into her. Shes not even in the rotation. Get your balls back by fvcking woman into you. Her time and attention has zero value because shes not fvcking.

 

[Robert28]

The dissapearance of your power with her vs the other women is a surefire clue that shes not into you. There is some physics of emotions and relationship in play here. Im confident her c0ck hangs strong around you because youve submitted and she doesnt have to fvck you. Ignore her and focus on babes who are into you and actively giving you puzzy. With this babe stop looking for clues she desires you. The only worthwhile clue is her fvcking. And its not going to happen because she has your balls.

I’ve been in his position before, we all have at one time or another. You could upgrade with a much better looking girl who sleeps with you every day but then there’s always that one girl like the OP mentions that you just can’t do anything right and it’s in your head.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I’ve been in his position before, we all have at one time or another. You could upgrade with a much better looking girl who sleeps with you every day but then there’s always that one girl like the OP mentions that you just can’t do anything right and it’s in your head.

The girl that he fvcks daily doesnt even need to look better. As long as your sexually attracted it will get your head right. A steady source of puzzy keeps you from fantacizing about women who arent putting out.

 

[Robert28]

The girl that he fvcks daily doesnt even need to look better. As long as your sexually attracted it will get your head right. A steady source of puzzy keeps you from fantacizing about women who arent putting out.

Well in my case it was a girl I’d been in a relationship with and had, had sex with and was hung up on her for a long time. I slept with a lot of other girls after her but she always knew how to reach out and pull me back in. I was weak as fvck and I had a hard time shaking her I guess.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Well in my case it was a girl I’d been in a relationship with and had, had sex with and was hung up on her for a long time. I slept with a lot of other girls after her but she always knew how to reach out and pull me back in. I was weak as fvck and I had a hard time shaking her I guess.

Whats your recommendation for a brother in that position?

 

[Serenity]

She left a polaroid photo of myself on my windscreen and wrote on the back of it "not a day goes by". I reciprocated by sending a link to essentially the song we fell in love to (can you feel the cringe?).

Please no more, the cringe is too strong!

 

[btownbuck2012]

It’s because her initial impression of you was that of a beta. At that point she’s a lost cause as far as you’re cocerned. Doesn’t mean all women will see you like that. Meet new women with your new frame. That’s the only cure. Forget about this chick.

 

[Robert28]

Whats your recommendation for a brother in that position?

Don’t reveal so much about yourself to a woman because she will use it as ammo later on. She knew what buttons to push with me cause we knew each other inside and out and that was a mistake on my part. I got too comfortable around her when we dated. Best advice I can give is go through it once and you’ll learn all the hard lessons you need after that. Failure is the best teacher, just don’t do it again.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Don’t reveal so much about yourself to a woman because she will use it as ammo later on. She knew what buttons to push with me cause we knew each other inside and out and that was a mistake on my part. I got too comfortable around her when we dated. Best advice I can give is go through it once and you’ll learn all the hard lessons you need after that. Failure is the best teacher, just don’t do it again.

Basically stay on your purpose. More selfish with your time and business. Be a guy....