Avoid alpha males or take them on?

[Medina]

Went clubbing last night with a co-worker (male) and met all of his male friends

Most of them were cool but eventually I was introduced to the "alpha" of the group

There was an awkward vibe immediately

He knew I wasn't low value. And both of us were the only married men there

He made all the group decisions and I wasn't exactly in a position to argue

Long story short - the whole thing was fvcking awkward and I hated it

Has anyone been in a position like this? How should you handle it?

 

[Spaz]

Depends, if it's a naturally dominant man or a fake who is posing as one.

If u r indeed a dominant man in new settings then you will ensure that you remain unnoticed until it's too late for another dominant to counter ur growing sphere of influence.

Covertly increase ur sphere of influence 1st, this should come naturally for you. It's an inevitable path of a dominant.

Other dominants shall come to respect ur skills and attempt to bring you closer - this is good.

If it's a man posing as a dominant then it's a b1tch contest, some drama shiet and that's up to you to take it all the way or dismiss it.

 

[Mike32ct]

Go out solo and avoid the group pissing contests.

 

[Mike32ct]

Just don't do what he says. If he says" we are going over to such and such a place now, say "not me, I'm out."

You make your own decisions.

Yes, it’s really about not being told what to do. If you don’t like solo, then go out with one chill buddy who won’t force you to do stuff you don’t want to.

It seems like everything was fine UNTIL the coworker introduced him to the larger group.

Or tell the coworker, “I would rather just hang out with you, not your buddies. If they are going to be there, I’d rather not go.”

 

[RangerMIke]

Just don't do what he says. If he says" we are going over to such and such a place now, say "not me, I'm out."

You make your own decisions.

Yep... if he suggests something you don't want to do, just leave. Also.... if he is suggesting something interesting, don't say no because you don't want to appear to be going along. Bottom line, do and go along with things you want to do and don't worry about what people might think.

 

[Roober]

Its bound to happen from time to time, and it's a great opportunity to determine where you stand with other men.

I would suggest actually making nice with the guy. Ask him personal questions that other people dont. Get under his skin. Understand him. Once you do this, you can easily make alternative suggestions for doing things. When you approach this tactfully, you'll find that their dominance is just a notch below yours. It's a genuine covert display of dominance. Typically it turns into "hey roober. You got any ideas?" To which all decisions from that point forward are mine or the groups together.

However, if I am being honest, the subtle undertone you exhibit sounds like the "fake alpha" @Spaz described. The awkward vibe is likely due to your jealousy of his position, and not so much a clash of leaders butting heads.

You don't always have to be in front to lead. You dont always have to make decisions to lead. There is nothing wrong with going along for the ride and leading from the rear.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

bro straight up agree and amplify everything they do and any power trips they pit on you lolol

"alpha" males are actually beta males..

if they try and get you to do things they want just submit and act really small as if youre their slave and oh so weaker with so much lower status and in turn makes them look like such a tool.

throw random girls at them and blatantly say this is my alpha friend and I'm the beta.. point and him "alpha" point at yourself "beta"
lololol

if he's trying to act tough and dominant start yelling omg guys the alpha is here everybody listen this is important everybody alpha make comin threw... hahah

and yeah this stuff I've done in real life and played off right you can really fvck these guys over.

if they get mad and try to fight you it makes them look even more beta

 

[Who Dares Win]

You have 3 options here:

1)Get along with the group till you get close enough to the other members and only once you are part of the crew and there are general agreements with the others you can suggest your own plans and let those similar to you follow with that.

2)If option 1 doesnt work or you have no time for that just leave, you're not a woman or a herd creature that cant live outside the group, this is one of our few advantages in social settings.

3)Manipulate, convince the "leader" that doing X is the best thing and let him push it to the group, he keeps his pride and you get your results.

What doesnt work and makes no sense is an open struggle about whos more cool and dominant, awfully most men have more ego than brain.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Alphas are high functioning betas, take them on

 

[Seattle4Life]

That's why I'm going to stay sigma for life. Every guy that is concentrated on being alpha around other men will be in fact a slave of many things.

That's what I'm saying. I barely talk to other guys. I like my space.

 

[wifehunter]

Most club guys are after the poonani, and will see you as competition. Not exactly a good attitude for having a good time, unless you know verbal judo. Subtle 'small d!ck' jokes only last so long, then you need to 'bug out'.

 

[Spaz]

That's what I'm saying. I barely talk to other guys. I like my space.

Space to contemplate is fine but space because of low social skills is not.

Men need to mingle with other men in order to be greater.

In OP's case, if it was me, when I'm at a pub or club, I'm there to relax and enjoy some time with the boys - get some good bonding going, do some naughty stuff etc.

All this talk about Alpha is nonsensical to me. If u r truly a dominant man then this won't even come up as you're been "training" since the day u r born, it will be fluid and there won't even be a need for this thread.

 

[lamath]

Imo thinking about how to.handle an Alpha is a waste of time.
You do your own things and what you like to do, dont bother with the other guy.
This is not a competition on who is the most alpha.

 

[Murk]

Most importantly, this is NOT YOUR GROUP.

There's no way you show up for the first time in my group and try to run the show, that would get everyone's back up and thinking you're a d!ckhead who would not get another invite out with us. Don't you have any social savvy at all?

Just play your position. So what if he made the decisions, were they legit good ideas? You're just a co-worker tagging along with a group of actual friends who have chosen to be around each other and have obviously elected this guy as the leader, you have the status of a plum.

An ACTUAL alpha would not make this thread, because they would not expect to be shot calling on on the first time in a new group. You can assert some dominance, push back a little, but bro you felt uncomfortable/awkward because you were intimidated, which is kind of feminine.

 

[Seattle4Life]

Space to contemplate is fine but space because of low social skills is not.

Men need to mingle with other men in order to be greater.

In OP's case, if it was me, when I'm at a pub or club, I'm there to relax and enjoy some time with the boys - get some good bonding going, do some naughty stuff etc.

All this talk about Alpha is nonsensical to me. If u r truly a dominant man then this won't even come up as you're been "training" since the day u r born, it will be fluid and there won't even be a need for this thread.

I don't have time to get involved in petty little fights with little boys who are still so immature that they need to go around convincing everyone how tough/"alpha" they are.

 

[Spaz]

I don't have time to get involved in petty little fights with little boys who are still so immature that they need to go around convincing everyone how tough/"alpha" they are.

And who is asking you to do that ?

 

[zekko]

I think when new guys stat learning PUA Bro Theory, they are probably better off with the attitude that they should take it all with a grain of salt. Otherwise you get this situation where maybe they know just enough to be dangerous, and you get this silliness about wanting to go around butting heads with other "alphas" when you're actually still wet behind the ears.

This stuff really isn't all black and white, sometimes the hard, sharp corners need to be rounded off a bit for it to be useful. In other words, you need to learn to calibrate your social interactions, as RSD would often say. Some compare PUA rules to training wheels, which can be dispensed with once you learn the proper mindset and philosophy.

On the other hand, sometimes blind belief in this stuff gives some guys the confidence to take action that they've never had the nerve to before. And that's a positive thing, even though I've never been a fan of deluding yourself, for whatever the reason. I think there are ways to take a positive attitude without deluding yourself.

 

[allancc3]

Anyone trying to convince anons on the internet that they are an alpha, is not an alpha.

 

[Medina]

Anyone trying to convince anons on the internet that they are an alpha, is not an alpha.

No one ever said they were an alpha

This thread was meant to be about how to handle one

One that was particularly annoying

But for some reason many are pretending they've never seen one

Or been intimidated by another human being ever

So who is convincing who of what now? On the anon internetz

 

[allancc3]

And actual alpha's don't throw tantrums on the internet when they get called out for their b.s. Just sayin'