How Effectionate Are You In A LTR?

[soulforge]

I find myself to be quite reserved in a relationship, in the sense that I don't mind occasionally telling her I love her, but I won't be constantly putting her on a pedestal.

This has got me thinking.. Maybe I should try to be more loving in my LTR's in order to create a stronger bond with her.

I usually let the woman show the effection, and try to find a balance which is usually 70% her 30% me.

Maybe this is why some relationships,.don't last, because we don't create a strong enough loving bond with them.

I don't know man.. I just find it difficult to love these hoes lol.

 

[sosousage]

hoes are best

 

[fanatic22]

Funny, I reached the opposite conclusion. I found that being affectionate was reducing my ex’s attraction to me and probably helped cause the downfall. I’m very reserved with my plates now and on the rare occasion that I compliment them they literally can’t hide their happiness.

 

[soulforge]

Funny, I reached the opposite conclusion. I found that being affectionate was reducing my ex’s attraction to me and probably helped cause the downfall. I’m very reserved with my plates now and on the rare occasion that I compliment them they literally can’t hide their happiness.

Exactly why I try not to be too effectionate.. It generally has the opposite effect. Crazy right?

Infact I intend to carry out an experiment with the next girl.. I will show as little effection as possible, make myself less available.. And keep one foot out of the door at all times.

Every girl I ever met, claimed her ex treated her like garbage.. Yet she gave 10 years of her life to him, and even spat out a couple of kids..

I guess the saying, treat them mean, keep them keen has some validity to it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Extrememely. Ill make the stick up their azz hate everyone think they are always right selfish public angry at my public displays of love.

 

[AJ84]

Exactly why I try not to be too effectionate.. It generally has the opposite effect. Crazy right?

Infact I intend to carry out an experiment with the next girl.. I will show as little effection as possible, make myself less available.. And keep one foot out of the door at all times.

Every girl I ever met, claimed her ex treated her like garbage.. Yet she gave 10 years of her life to him, and even spat out a couple of kids..

I guess the saying, treat them mean, keep them keen has some validity to it.

But you’re saying that some of your relationships don’t last and you are wondering if this has something to do with it, hence the post.

It’s about having balance towards showing that she means something to you (if she does) without implying that she means everything to you.

I know most guys here are adverse to treating women nicely but why would a woman emotionally invest in a stoic, cold man who treats her indifferently over a man who treats her well? No sane woman of value is going to choose that.

If showing affection towards a girl ever feels forced or uncomfortable to you, it could be that you don’t like her enough to feel a deeper connection, or, you have built up enough walls around your heart so that letting you barrier down feels scary and vulnerable, an understandable feeling that lots of men and women have.

If you just want to keep things casual, then none of that really matters but if you want more then you usually have to give more, which isn’t always easy and always involves risk. Not for everyone, and casual dating is not a bad option for men who really can’t or won’t emotionally invest.

 

[Billtx49]

Of the mindset here that the woman should lead with affection from the start or she just isn’t feeling it for you. Once she’s clear about her feelings you can eventually be also…

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Of the mindset here that the woman should lead with affection from the start or she just isn’t feeling it for you. Once she’s clear about her feelings you can eventually be also…

Agree

 

[Billtx49]

Agree

Yes, her way of letting you know she wants to go further down that road…

 

[Crown]

I tried both:
In my current LTR I started as "a player", then escalated to be come the "lover" and then after 1 year, I became cold and tried to be more distant.
From what I noticed, she is much more in love when I myself am the "lover". Since girls are solipsistic, you need to give them a reason to be happy and this cannot be done by being distant. For her to be happy, you need to be happy yourself.
Now I don't say being always "happy" and "joyful" is the way to go, because there are moments where you need to be cold and lead the way. It is up to you to know the exact moment.
Another important point is to cultivate mystery and uncertainty, without them love cannot exist.

 

[Murk]

I’m very affectionate, in general, with everyone, very tactile human.

Hugs, kisses, words of affirmation, physical touch (read about the 5 love languages), I love to connect and be close.

Life is too short for not experiencing connection and bonding imo, might be weak, but that’s me.

Most girls love that and have drawn them to me and quickly develop feelings which is not always a good thing if I’m not really feeling it.

Sara on the other hand, pretty sure this repelled her, but that’s on her not me, I won’t change. I will make a conscious effort to withhold affection moving forward tho.

Things that are rare and scarce you crave more, which is why I was so hung up on Sara, she gave nothing, I had to keep chasing, hoping for a glimpse of affection, it was/is like a drug. She basically played me as if she were alpha and I were a 6.5/10 plate - the only saving grace, is that is just how she’s wired and it wasn’t intentional, I know this for a fact due to her previous and current relationships with people in general. She can’t show emotion or caring, feels it’s weakness.

Valuable life lesson I learned this month about withholding affection sometimes. I’ll be more selfish moving forward maybe?

 

[soulforge]

I tried both:
In my current LTR I started as "a player", then escalated to be come the "lover" and then after 1 year, I became cold and tried to be more distant.
From what I noticed, she is much more in love when I myself am the "lover". Since girls are solipsistic, you need to give them a reason to be happy and this cannot be done by being distant. For her to be happy, you need to be happy yourself.
Now I don't say being always "happy" and "joyful" is the way to go, because there are moments where you need to be cold and lead the way. It is up to you to know the exact moment.
Another important point is to cultivate mystery and uncertainty, without them love cannot exist.

Yes agreed.. Loving towards them is fine.. However occasionally let them down.. Occasionally disappear for a night.. Sometimes be unclearabout your feelings towards her

 

[logicallefty]

I’m not all that affectionate with my LTR’s anymore. Once in a great while I will be. My GF now has tried to Pressure me into being more romantic but once she realized it wasn’t going to get her anywhere I think she gained more respect for me for keeping Frame and being true to who I really am.

I do enjoy making humor out of the situation though. Just yesterday we were driving in my truck and I told her “I love you so much. I want to profess my feelings for you in a song because I often cannot find the words to tell you how I feel.” She said “Oh great!” Like she knew something was coming. It was. The song I played for her “Zz Top - You got me under pressure!” She said “yep i knew it!”. And shook her head while I was laughing hysterically!

 

[soulforge]

I’m very affectionate, in general, with everyone, very tactile human.

Hugs, kisses, words of affirmation, physical touch (read about the 5 love languages), I love to connect and be close.

Life is too short for not experiencing connection and bonding imo, might be weak, but that’s me.

Most girls love that and have drawn them to me and quickly develop feelings which is not always a good thing if I’m not really feeling it.

Sara on the other hand, pretty sure this repelled her, but that’s on her not me, I won’t change. I will make a conscious effort to withhold affection moving forward tho.

Things that are rare and scarce you crave more, which is why I was so hung up on Sara, she gave nothing, I had to keep chasing, hoping for a glimpse of affection, it was/is like a drug. She basically played me as if she were alpha and I were a 6.5/10 plate - the only saving grace, is that is just how she’s wired and it wasn’t intentional, I know this for a fact due to her previous and current relationships with people in general. She can’t show emotion or caring, feels it’s weakness.

Valuable life lesson I learned this month about withholding affection sometimes. I’ll be more selfish moving forward maybe?

Bruv it depends on the woman... In my own personal experience, nearly every woman I ever met, gave the best years of her life, to the man who treated her like crap.

Your ex witheld her effection for you? Look how you became addicted to her.. You lost your self confidence and worth.

She put a spell on you bruv.. You wanted what you couldn't have!

It should have been the other way around.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Exactly why I try not to be too effectionate.. It generally has the opposite effect. Crazy right?

Infact I intend to carry out an experiment with the next girl.. I will show as little effection as possible, make myself less available.. And keep one foot out of the door at all times.

Every girl I ever met, claimed her ex treated her like garbage.. Yet she gave 10 years of her life to him, and even spat out a couple of kids..

I guess the saying, treat them mean, keep them keen has some validity to it.

For dysfunction.

Yes agreed.. Loving towards them is fine.. However occasionally let them down.. Occasionally disappear for a night.. Sometimes be unclearabout your feelings towards her

Like a man. 95% of ladies will be ungrateful to a 100% reliable dude.

 

[zekko]

Yes agreed.. Loving towards them is fine.. However occasionally let them down.. Occasionally disappear for a night.. Sometimes be unclearabout your feelings towards her

I frigging despise the idea of playing games in a relationship. If she needs me to act like a jackass in order to like me, she knows where the door is. On the other hand, maybe I'm naturally more of a jackass than I want to be lol.

To answer your question, I would have to say "It depends on how much I like her". Like you, I'm naturally inclined to be more reserved. So I find I do better when I open up a bit and become more expressive. Not with words or big, romantic gestures, but with more hugs and touching (do people still say "kino"?). Stuff like that. Don't tell her, show her. Like I said, I'm naturally reserved so it's unlikely I'm going to take it too far anyway.

 

[Designer Man]

Wore my heart on my sleeve and it got me nowhere. Her interest level dropped and I looked like a begging *****. Completely and utterly beta.

 

[soulforge]

I frigging despise the idea of playing games in a relationship. If she needs me to act like a jackass in order to like me, she knows where the door is. On the other hand, maybe I'm naturally more of a jackass than I want to be lol.

To answer your question, I would have to say "It depends on how much I like her". Like you, I'm naturally inclined to be more reserved. So I find I do better when I open up a bit and become more expressive. Not with words or big, romantic gestures, but with more hugs and touching (do people still say "kino"?). Stuff like that. Don't tell her, show her. Like I said, I'm naturally reserved so it's unlikely I'm going to take it too far anyway.

I'm naturally not a douch guy.. I'm tough when I need to be, but generally quite a compassionate person... However I feel like, sometimes us guys have to adopt the persona of a fukin C@nt in order to keep a woman around lol

 

[AJ84]

Yes agreed.. Loving towards them is fine.. However occasionally let them down.. Occasionally disappear for a night.. Sometimes be unclearabout your feelings towards her

That move sounds like a sh*t test to me, which is fine everyone tests to some extent, but purposefully doing or not doing something to evoke a desired behaviour, thought or feeling is a sh*t test. Just want to be clear on that and again, not saying it’s wrong per se, but that’s what it is.
May be better to use that sh*t test when she does stuff that she should know would piss you off, like disrespecting you. Basically not reward crap behaviour.

 

[soulforge]

Wore my heart on my sleeve and it got me nowhere. Her interest level dropped and I looked like a begging *****. Completely and utterly beta.

what did you learn from this? Never give your heart to a woman that easily.. Make that hoe work for it.. and if she doesn't.. move onto the next one

bruv believe me... Woman do not appreciate chit that you do for them.. Just keep there puzzies tingling and its all good