Canceled second date

[Djjead12]

So I went out with a girl Sunday I met online. She’s 29 I’m 33. Had a good time she was already referencing future dates, qualifying herself to me in multiple ways etc. I’ve dated long enough to know she had interest .. I’d say overall her interest was a 7/10. Very attractive girl..
We had talked about our schedules on the date and only days we both had free were tues. I suggested we hang out Tuesday and she agreed. Messaged her next day to set plans and asked to see if she’d want to order in and watch a movie. She said we could at her house but then counter offered to get drinks instead or go eat somewhere. I said I didn’t mind coming over but it was up to her if she wasn’t comfortable with that. Then she went silent . Finally during afternoon on Tuesday I said we could get drinks instead because she still hadn’t responded.. and that the movie idea wasn’t code for hooking up. (I think this maybe why she went silent .. thinking I was just trying to bang her) She texted back a few hours later and said she was going to pass on drinks and had a busy week but was free Sunday. So how do I reply to her offer to hang out Sunday? If she was that interested she wouldn’t have canceled but also counter offered with another day to hang out.

 

[backseatjuan]

Tell her you have plans for Sunday you hanging out with your friends. Then hit her up sometime next week.

 

[Mazer]

If she had enough interest she would have not ignored you and still gone out with you for drinks even if she thought you were trying to nail her. Plus every woman knows that the guy is trying to sleep with them. My gut is telling me this one is done and you should move on but accept the date if you are free on Sunday. Don’t be surprised if she flakes. Or you can do what backjuan mentioned. Good luck, let us know how it turns out.

 

[Djjead12]

If she had enough interest she would have not ignored you and still gone out with you for drinks even if she thought you were trying to nail her. Plus every woman knows that the guy is trying to sleep with them. My gut is telling me this one is done and you should move on but accept the date if you are free on Sunday. Don’t be surprised if she flakes. Or you can do what backjuan mentioned. Good luck, let us know how it turns out.

I just replied. Understand thanks for letting me know. Didn’t even respond to the date offer. If I don’t hear from her in a couple days I’ll say I’m free on Sunday at a certain time to get drinks. If she dips again I’m done

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I try not to set dates while on a date because I want them to wonder a bit, if I will call or will be interested in seeing them again. But if you do set one, like you did, try to set everything right then and there (time and place) so you don't need to text later.

Asking to order in and watch a movie might be a bit forward unless you were getting the DTF vibe from her on your first date. What you said after that, plus the double texting after she went silent made you look really unsure of yourself and not confident. I suggest you own whatever you say and don't apologize or make excuses for it. Avoid giving girls advanced permission to turn you down. It again shows lack of confidence (IE:" it's ok if you aren't comfortable with that"), because she knows she can say no without your permission and if you suggest she might say no, it communicates that you think she probably will say no, or that you are used to hearing no from women. It also puts you in a bit of a pleaser role (whatever you want or don't want, I'll agree to your highness).

She probably got spooked from the movie suggestion and then your pandering apologetic response to her counter further killed her interest (plz don't take that as an insult.... I've done the same thing myself). Her Sunday suggestion was likely just to soften the rejection, and isn't genuine. I'd not respond to her and move on unless she reaches back out again.

 

[Robert28]

This was so easy and you messed it all up. Now you come off as pushy. Whatever she countered with for the second date you should have taken and ran with it. You can always get invited back to her place after the date if you don’t act like the only thing on your mind is sex sex sex. Take the date she offered Sunday and charm the crap out of her, offer to pick her up this time that way you’ll have to drop her off and likely get invited inside.

 

[Djjead12]

I try not to set dates while on a date because I want them to wonder a bit, if I will call or will be interested in seeing them again. But if you do set one, like you did, try to set everything right then and there (time and place) so you don't need to text later.

Asking to order in and watch a movie might be a bit forward unless you were getting the DTF vibe from her on your first date. What you said after that, plus the double texting after she went silent made you look really unsure of yourself and not confident. I suggest you own whatever you say and don't apologize or make excuses for it. Avoid giving girls advanced permission to turn you down. It again shows lack of confidence (IE:" it's ok if you aren't comfortable with that"), because she knows she can say no without your permission and if you suggest she might say no, it communicates that you think she probably will say no, or that you are used to hearing no from women. It also puts you in a bit of a pleaser role (whatever you want or don't want, I'll agree to your highness).

She probably got spooked from the movie suggestion and then your pandering apologetic response to her counter further killed her interest (plz don't take that as an insult.... I've done the same thing myself). Her Sunday suggestion was likely just to soften the rejection, and isn't genuine. I'd not respond to her and move on unless she reaches back out again.

No I agree. Movie idea was bad to begin with. I should have just said let’s get drinks at so and so time. And I agree I shouldn’t have double texted but at same time didn’t want to give wrong impression. That’s where it’s tough in early stages because girls are different. Some would have been fine with it others could be turned off by it. Silence told me she was turned off by it

 

[Djjead12]

This was so easy and you messed it all up. Now you come off as pushy. Whatever she countered with for the second date you should have taken and ran with it. You can always get invited back to her place after the date if you don’t act like the only thing on your mind is sex sex sex. Take the date she offered Sunday and charm the crap out of her, offer to pick her up this time that way you’ll have to drop her off and likely get invited inside.

Ya I get it looking back. Tbh I didn’t think going to her place was a big deal. I have many second dates at a girls place or at my place but that’s where it comes down to the girl and their comfort level. Some are ok with it others aren’t. And that’s where it gets hard sometimes. What works for one girl doesn’t always work for another.

 

[Robert28]

Ya I get it looking back. Tbh I didn’t think going to her place was a big deal. I have many second dates at a girls place or at my place but that’s where it comes down to the girl and their comfort level. Some are ok with it others aren’t. And that’s where it gets hard sometimes. What works for one girl doesn’t always work for another.

it just takes practice on how to make women feel comfortable around you. I wish I had $1 for every woman that said to me "you make me feel comfortable around you, it's hard to explain" or something to that effect. Not all women but I would bet 80% of the ones ive been out with in the last 5 years have told me this.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

So I went out with a girl Sunday I met online. She’s 29 I’m 33. Had a good time she was already referencing future dates, qualifying herself to me in multiple ways etc. I’ve dated long enough to know she had interest .. I’d say overall her interest was a 7/10. Very attractive girl..
We had talked about our schedules on the date and only days we both had free were tues. I suggested we hang out Tuesday and she agreed. Messaged her next day to set plans and asked to see if she’d want to order in and watch a movie. She said we could at her house but then counter offered to get drinks instead or go eat somewhere. I said I didn’t mind coming over but it was up to her if she wasn’t comfortable with that. Then she went silent . Finally during afternoon on Tuesday I said we could get drinks instead because she still hadn’t responded.. and that the movie idea wasn’t code for hooking up. (I think this maybe why she went silent .. thinking I was just trying to bang her) She texted back a few hours later and said she was going to pass on drinks and had a busy week but was free Sunday. So how do I reply to her offer to hang out Sunday? If she was that interested she wouldn’t have canceled but also counter offered with another day to hang out.

Lol @ 7/10 & & & very attractive.

6/10 is barely cute enough to smash.

Moving on, reframe "Sunday at XYZ" + "but only for a bit. I got a early morning."

Scarcity of your time is GOAT STATUS.

The presupposition is that, you are a high value man, on top form, in your prime, and you have options. Never articulate the following yet, it should be implied even if you don't have a strady squeeze.

Spin plates. Chain gun cold approach. Have options.

Last year, i next a solid 8.5 age 29 and a 7.5 age 28.

Kuz, this is epiphany phase. 30 is gross.

Your operandi is as follows :

New girls are turning 18, 19 20 21 EVERYDAY.

3 OUTINGS AND SMASH OR NEXT.

 

[Bullbearpig]

I agree with not setting dates while on dates. I always try to setup second dates at my place too though. The way I do it is something like this after a day or two from the first date:

Me: I'd like to see you again, when are you free?
Her(if she's interested): Well I'd like to see you again too, I'm free on Tuesday.
Me: Tuesday works...My place for dinner around 6:30?
Her: Sure, what's your address and what can I bring?

That's exactly how my last date went. If she didnt feel comfortable coming to my place, no big deal i would have just said ok and picked a bar to go to instead. It sounds to me like your chick has other dudes she's interested in though too, Which is no surprise.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@Djjead12 you f****d up... You should of agreed to the drinks instead of telling her you didn't mind and said it was up to her. You gave her the power in that scenario so she decided to play a game with you. Never surrender your power just go with the flow.

 

[Dynamited]

Move on dude. If a girl likes you but she's not ready for the next step, she will still be responsive and not ghost you. Let her be and go date other girls. If she likes you enough, she will get in touch again.

 

[backseatjuan]

7/10 IL means you have 1 point to go for sex to occur. Which is why she declined and suggested Sunday, implying date me more.

 

[Glassguy]

I suggested we hang out Tuesday and she agreed

You never set a date while on the first date. Ever. If she suggests you doing something with her on a particular day, tell her that you will check your schedule and let her know if you're free.

Finally during afternoon on Tuesday I said we could get drinks instead because she still hadn’t responded

You back peddled and she knows it. When she went silent I would have went silent too. You are chasing, not pursuing. If a chick wants me to come over and "watch a movie" and later changes it to "lets go get drinks", more than likely I will bail out. I am into going forwards, not backwards.

So how do I reply to her offer to hang out Sunday?

She canceled the last date. So dinner or drinks are OUT!

Invite her over to YOUR place. Zero effort because thats what she deserves.

"Gonna watch this new movie and have a couple of drinks at my place Sunday around 7. Why dont you join"

Simple as that.

 

[Glassguy]

If I don’t hear from her in a couple days I’ll say I’m free on Sunday at a certain time to get drinks. If she dips again I’m done

If she doesnt respond to your next offer, why would you ever reach out again?

 

[sazc]

She wasn't DTF when you tried to pull her to yours on the second date. After giving sone thought to the idea that you were not interested in getting her into a position to bang, rather than going out and getting to know who she is, she's decided to distance herself from someone who presented himself as if he was looking for a lay, not a human.

It happens. If you haven't already done so, invite her out one more time. OUT, not to your place. If you aren't interested in anything but getting her into your bed, you may as well move on, she doesn't seem to be about that.

 

[flowtheory]

Always set the scene at your own place if you’re going to do the movie at yours move. You didn’t read her well enough to pull her back to yours so soon. Meaning you engaged her, but not in a congruent sexual manner towards your second date.

Go out with her on Sunday with the intention of just going out with her. Revamp the connection, because you’ve marked yourself as someone with an ulterior motive or duplicitous than what you originally presented on the date in person.

If the date doesn’t happen on Sunday, let it go and learn from it. Either way, learn from it.

 

[Robert28]

Man I’ve had girls start flaking on the damn 4th date before. Everything was going fine (or seemed to be but I’m sure I missed some signs) and I got cancelled on twice for the 4th date. What’s weird is she initiated the 4th date and the second time she cancelled she used her kid as an excuse “too late to go out I have to put my kid to bed”, which was weird because her kid was wide ass awake at 10:30 most nights and yet 8 was too late to go out? lol Looking back thoug she became distant after the 3rd date and the conversations just weren’t the same, almost seemed forced. I dunno how wenlost our chemistry because things really were going well. My guess is she met someone else and I went ghost after that last cancel so I’m sure she will show back up later on.

 

[flowtheory]

Man I’ve had girls start flaking on the damn 4th date before. Everything was going fine (or seemed to be but I’m sure I missed some signs) and I got cancelled on twice for the 4th date. What’s weird is she initiated the 4th date and the second time she cancelled she used her kid as an excuse “too late to go out I have to put my kid to bed”, which was weird because her kid was wide ass awake at 10:30 most nights and yet 8 was too late to go out? lol Looking back thoug she became distant after the 3rd date and the conversations just weren’t the same, almost seemed forced. I dunno how wenlost our chemistry because things really were going well. My guess is she met someone else and I went ghost after that last cancel so I’m sure she will show back up later on.

Everything is stupidly unpredictable within the first 5 dates with women. Especially nowadays with the availability of dating apps at finger tips. And people wanting to be snipers about investing their emotional investments; couple all of that with hypergamy and It’s no joke.
I assume women are seeing minimum 3 men in reality when I go out with them on the first 5 dates. Then they pick the best one; for now. And they still have orbiters for the first 2-3 months. Guaranteed. Albeit, she will never touch any of those orbiter guys, but rest assured she’s not just gaining validation from you.

It’s why abundance mentality is so important while not being needy. Diversify interests, time and attention. Women don’t show us who they really are until about 3-6 months after exclusivity.