Don’t know what to do

[RickTheToad]

IDK guys she seems a cheerful slvt to me and I d use her as such whio looking around. Probably bad advice for Flo as he s caught feels.

So he just gets hurt more down the line. Rip the bandage off now and start the healing process. It's obvious he cares for this one.

 

[RickTheToad]

This is the best advice in this thread.


If it were me, in a very confident no BS tone, I would talk with her and open with something like:

"Sally, I've been thinking about your "dates" (and they are, don't let her use her conniving, "Oh, he's just a friend" BS that you'll almost certainly get from her--BIGGEST cop out in the female playbook) with the guys you previously met on dating sites. I'm a bit confused as to why you feel compelled to meet them, again, for what appears to be another date when you and I are dating exclusively. It may be ok with some guys, but it's not ok with me. So feel free to go out on the dates and have a good time, but if that's your choice, I don't think we should be exclusive any longer. I'd still like to see you, but just know, like you, I'll be seeing other people too."


PS- A girl I was dating a number of years ago pulled the same crap with a guy at work she was incandescently talking about and having what I call an emotional affair with. I went over to her place unannounced, said my piece and walked out. His name came up 95% less and her IL went up. That was within our first year of dating. We ended up staying together for 9 years and a lot of it was due to the standards I set early on. I was tested on many occasions and usually used the "Some guys might be ok, with it but I'm not" angle. It always worked.

Agree. I didn't something similar, but ended it instead. Can't stick with a lady I cannot trust.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Agree. I didn't something similar, but ended it instead. Can't stick with a lady I cannot trust.

Yeah, that's where it's a judgement call on your part. Usually I give them a chance to correct the behavior. Unless it's a recurring violation, then I dump them. Some are also really clueless and naive and NEED to be told you won't stand for it. They honestly don't know they're doing anything wrong, so it's often premature to dump them.

 

[guru1000]

@Dash Riprock not good advice.

She does not desire him for respect to thrive, hence her behavior. Overt Boundaries are for behaviors she is not aware are disrespectful. It’s a question of her awareness. She is aware that dating OLD men is disrespectful hence her openness to alleviate guilt. Her acts derive from Desire to date these men, not unawareness of the act.

You cannot negotiate desire. You can create space permitting that desire to grow. Hence, the advice to dump.

This is OP’s fourth thread on this one girl regarding disrespectful behavior with each thread getting worse in its severity. This is long overdue. Dump.

 

[Dash Riprock]

This is the best way to delay the inevitable. She is just going to take her pathological behavior underground. I don't know about you but I wouldn't even view a 9-year relationship as a success, I'd rather have nine one-year relationships.

Of the 9-year relationship, the first 3 were great, second 3 good-to-fair, the last 3 apathetic and ambivalent. Yeah, I wish I could have the last 3-4 years back. But who's perfect? Not me. BUT, the whole thing did teach me huge lessons. BTW, we never married (smart huh?) so when we split it "cost" me $0.00. Oh wait, she took the salad tongs that weren't hers so it cost me $5-$6.

 

[Dash Riprock]

This is OP’s fourth thread on this one girl regarding disrespectful behavior with each thread getting worse in its severity. This is long overdue. Dump.

Didn't know this.

Yes, if it's repeated disrespectful behavior, you must dump and walk.

Then the * next to my previous post is for first-time violators only. I usually give them a chance to correct the behavior, THEN walk, if it continues.

 

[lamath]

@Dash Riprock Overt Boundaries are for behaviors she is not aware are disrespectful. It’s a question of her awareness. She is aware that dating OLD men is disrespectful hence her openness to alleviate guilt. Her acts derive from Desire to date these men, not unawareness of the act.

This is a very good guideline to follow when we have to chose between word or actions towards a lack of respect.

 

[Bullbearpig]

DUMP THAT *****!

 

[RickTheToad]

Yeah, that's where it's a judgement call on your part. Usually I give them a chance to correct the behavior. Unless it's a recurring violation, then I dump them. Some are also really clueless and naive and NEED to be told you won't stand for it. They honestly don't know they're doing anything wrong, so it's often premature to dump them.

Depends on a man's options and how much he wants to be with this lady. It also matters on the violation. I've given a pass previously, the lady apologized, then wanted to change up the relationship. I said no, and good bye and then she backtracked Asked why? I said, you killed it. She asked can I still contact you? I said, no reason to converse any longer. She finally said, if you change your mind, I'm here. my last text was I will not. Wasn't worth the squeeze anymore for me. I reached my limit.

 

[RickTheToad]

@Dash Riprock not good advice.

She does not desire him for respect to thrive, hence her behavior. Overt Boundaries are for behaviors she is not aware are disrespectful. It’s a question of her awareness. She is aware that dating OLD men is disrespectful hence her openness to alleviate guilt. Her acts derive from Desire to date these men, not unawareness of the act.

You cannot negotiate desire. You can create space permitting that desire to grow. Hence, the advice to dump.

This is OP’s fourth thread on this one girl regarding disrespectful behavior with each thread getting worse in its severity. This is long overdue. Dump.

Oh, I didn't know this was the fourth time either. I thought this was the 1st wave. Flow, just leave. You''ll be doing yourself and your heart a favor. She may try to convert you into a orbiter, so it's best to block all communication as she may try to pull on your heart strings.

 

[sazc]

This is the same chick who doesn't like your penis because it is circumcised.

Now she's attention seeking/shopping around with the ex's

She's on her way out

 

[Atom Smasher]

She's gone. The very fact that she is seemingly unaware that it is inappropriate to be dating other men (why on earth does he have to explain it to her?) while in a relationship disqualifies her for a quality man.

OP, you've got a worthless AW on your hands. Time to get your power back and deal.

 

[GrowingPains]

Flow. Bro...

In the words of the HodgeTwins... "She gone man... She gone.."

If you haven't figured it out after 3 pages of advice... There's only two things for you to do, brother.

Tell her what's up (which isn't gonna work, she knows what she's doing. She's already successfully revealed that you're gullible).

Split. Dump her. Do the dash. Leave the b!tch. Move on.

The main thing you need to do in any case is to question why you're even having trouble with this situation. You're being dumb. And I'm not saying that to start anything with you. I'm saying it to you because you're not saying it to yourself - and someone needs to (others here have tried too). It's like you're dancing around the issue and you know for a fact that you're being disrespected. Are you insecure? Are you needy? Do you have things going for you? Why are you allowing yourself to be utterly disrespected? And as someone else pointed out, she knows she's disrespecting you. That's why she reassured you and says all that stuff. It's manipulative. She's actively addressing your concerns and keeping you from making your own realizations so that you don't see the situation for what it is.

"I don't know why she's doing this, it's not like her. She's not like that". Yes, she is. How do I know? BECAUSE SHE'S DOING IT. Damn cuz wake up.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

She can't even comprehend that he exists in a meaningful way. It's like the way you view an outdated cell phone or something. you sort of get careless with it because you don't really mind if it breaks because you want to buy a new one anyway, but you can't quite justify throwing it away at the moment.

@LARaiders85 all I can say is ouch

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@LARaiders85 seriously that hit deep because what you just said was the 100% honest truth.. females always act disrespectful when they're on their way out. They normally come back with no contact 95% of the time but ouch that hurt me and I'm not the OP

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@LARaiders85 all we can do is try and give him advice and help him see the big picture and take off those rose tinted glasses he has on. We have all been there. And some of us are still there at times. But in all seriousness it's all up to him but rest assured he's in good hands here.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@flowtheory serious bro she is disrespectful as f**k when a woman is truly interested in you she is only talking to you, you are pretty much the centre of her universe. Kinda how a beta male views a woman. Serious check her **** or bounce there the best 2 options you got.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@LARaiders85 I believe 60% of us are here for the same reason. I too unfortunately had a absolute creature of a girlfriend when I joined this site. Worst one yet. Then again my new girlfriend has some issues but not like the OP girl he is seeing. I'd just ghost her to be honest.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes, we all learn the hard way. The GF that brought me to this site was exactly like this woman.

Someone brought us all here. Did you fvck with her later after getting your game corrected? I take it that vulnerability has been corrected.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@mrgoodstuff I know that comment wasn't intended for me to answer but I feel the need too.. I sure as hell didn't lol I ran far away and blocked her attempts to contact me.