My new mindset with dating and women

[backseatjuan]

6'4" fit good looking, another dude here is 5 foot something, average, but makes six figures @bigdave17 which is a great equalizer (literally if he goes to Armenia or Russia and tells everyone he's American, makes six figures, has two houses, and a career, chicks will throw themself at him, approach, escalate, and fvck, all on the first date), you both have the same problem though, and it's the same problem that I had and in some ways still have it, you are looking for a relationship. Women look for a relationship, women date men, fck men, and try and find that one that suits her the best for her sexual market value, when a man doing that, and at that from the get go, sht, I want a relationship, that's when you come across as total opposite of what you have, which is good looks and great future.

Thing you said about girls with advanced degrees, that's because they suit your beta male mentality the most. You'd think they want a serious relationship as well would you. There is a safety in that thought.

Two videos that will set you straight, link link

 

[marmel75]

The problem is with those women lol. This was from a while ago, but I was dating a Mexican woman in her early twenties, I was 27 at the time, and during the time we went out she had an attitude. I had enough of it and said to her "If a 6'4", fit and attractive white dude who doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs isn't good enough something is wrong". Anyway, we ended up calling it quits and she ended up going out with this dude who was almost a foot shorter than me and covered in tattoos. After seeing that her statement of me being too "boring" made sense lol despite the fact I took her mini golfing, hiking, etc. and was actually nice to her.

The only women I met that actually had a lot of potential were those who weren't single, I had a couple I met at my gym who were taken that actually mentioned being free/available and were open to spending time with me despite having bfs.

No bro...its you. Look how you try to justify "why" they should be interested as if you are looking at car features when buying a car.

Attraction doesn't work like that. And if you are so attractive then you must be doing something really unattractive that is causing them to lose interest. What that is i dont know but until you figure it out you will be in the same boat.

If I had to guess its your desperation and approval seeking that is turning them off.

 

[Glassguy]

OP, I think your "I don't give a fvck" attitude is better than the opposite extreme of extreme caring and betaism, but as was said above by @oldmanofthesea , you don't want to overdo it or they will sense that too. You gotta find that happy medium. Go out with women WANTING to be there and caring that you are there right now, but not NEEDING to be there. Care about the night, have a great time, but don't try to picture her as your wife or girlfriend. It's all about the moment, right here and now.

Another thing that fit's this context is my old Beer Theory:

How is this extreme any better than the other extreme?

When you get the same poor results with many different women, the problem isn't them its YOU.

2 good posts right here ^^^^^

I will go a little deeper to what Logically said:

Abundance + Outcome indifferent + multiple options = IDGAF mentality that comes across as FUN/Charismatic/Positive energy

Disappointment + Stuck on how women treated you in the past + expectations of things going poorly due to past women = IDGAF that comes across as severely negative energy.
Let that sink in.

I am 41 yrs old. I have always been very social, chatty, witty, seductive and very charismatic. I have never had to work on that stuff. I can make friends with anyone and anyplace. Male of female. I can be overt or covert and I am very good at reading people and their body language. Especially women.

The entire "dating" process should be to utilize what your strengths are and work to improve your weaknesses. There are no "bad" dates in my life. I may find some people who are just looking for someone different that me and thats ok. I am who I am.

You expect to be disappointed in every woman you meet (your words) because you had high expectations of women in the past and things didnt work out. Stop hanging on to that and punishing yourself (and your dates) over what someone else did or how someone else acted.

I expect to have fun and enjoy myself on every date. My outcome indifference is this: If we mesh and things go smoothly, great. If we dont and we just arent each other's type, no problem. This chick has a social circle and friends that I can use later to my benefit. Its a win/win.

Marmel is right- extremes are NEVER good. To be very good with women you need to have positive vibes and attitude but also not be a pushover. Being very balanced is key.

 

[Mike32ct]

You’re probably confusing them in a sense, but it’s not so much your fault.

They see essentially a tall Chad. So they stereotypically assume you’ll be this outgoing life of party extrovert bad boy F-boy.

But you’re a highly intelligent introvert quiet clean cut “deep” sort of guy.

This “conflict” will fry the hamsters of a lot of Staceys*.

My advice to intelligent introverted guys is to use you natural strength: interacting with people one on one. Don’t try to “work a room.” Talk to one person at a time, and see if you click. If you want to keep an IDGAF attitude, that’s fine; but be careful not to come across as cold or pissed off.

*Attractive bar/club chicks.

 

[Ranger]

It actually does. Maybe it's the way you're defining it. IDGAF and Abundance Mindset should be the backdrop in all his interactions with her.

Not that he doesn't care about her, it's good if he does. Have fun, plan fun things, get out, drink, s*ex her up, all that stuff. BUT, he shouldn't give a f*uck (IDGAF) if she flakes, dumps him, goes back to Chad the ex, whatever. Most guys would get all freaked out, start chasing, crying, or posting desperate messages on SS. If you truly have the IDGAF mindset, and it takes time to develop (took me years), it's shoulder shrug, and ok, next batter up. That's it.

Now that is the right way to use IDGAF.
But it’s not really that as you are pointing out. Abundance mindset is not IDGAF.
If she blows out of there or flakes. An abundance mindset if she doesn’t contribute to your life then it’s an entirely different frame.

If a man truly doesn’t GAF....then why is he there?
Some of these guys have a different definition than what we are talking about.
IDGAF is MGTOW.
These guys apply it stupidly because of the PUA garbage. Approach? Sure. Flakes? Sure. If she gets rickety? Sure. Then by all means IDGAF.

On a date building intimacy? Intimacy is a vibe. What? The guy IDGAF’s about intimacy? IDGAF about her trusting you? IDGAF about sex with her?

IDGAF is applied across the board without a grain a sense connected to it. Now THAT’s dumb as a post. Some of these guys are trying to get out of nerd’dom. IDGAF is a pretty $hitty way of teaching them. It’s used as some kind of mantra mindset to get past rejection I think. Whomever thought it up didn’t really think through that $hit.

Men take things literally. Not conceptually until they’re deprogram enough to think with the concepts. Sometimes this site makes them worse.

 

[Ranger]

True Dash.

Ideally this is what a man should learn to acquire.

It's unfortunate that those in the passive quadrants are more susceptible to being hurt as opposed to those in the dominant quadrants hence the proliferation of passives in the forum.

That was exactly my point. IDGAF actually wrecks a lot of guys.

 

[thelad]

Damn right you should change your mindset in dating or thinking of pulling a woman locally. What Ive found out is you really need to screen them. One girl was checking me out one ugly other looks girl next door(supervisor ) - but without putting myself up for rejection or blow back.. ive checked em out by FB without even saying hello to them one is a LEZZY and the other is just a hypergamous one. saw a beta licking after her it was fun watching... they are waitresses though. now Ive taken the time to assess they are actually only 5s....shocking change of vision.

 

[thelad]

honestly do try to have an abundance mindset but when so many women are just not what I am looking for it is hard to change that pattern of thinking.

you mean too many ugly ones LOL

 

[mrgoodstuff]

you mean too many ugly ones LOL

Ugly ones can have a good body and they can have good puzzy. If you are walking to work a good running cash car is better than the BMW that you cant afford to get today. Do what you have to do till you can get what you want.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The handsome guy game with the checklist and being stuck on a hot girls is not a good strategy. Its Bigdave17. Play in the minor leagues first. The hot girls will notice a dripping with abundance man whose plating 6 and 7's and not thinking about them.

 

[Ranger]

7's are minor league? Damn...

Don’t look at it like you’re trying to get to the major leagues. Lol

If she makes my dik hard? She’s in.
Cute girls and sexy girls are 6-8. There’s some nice tight bodies in that group. In fact, most of the tight bods are in there. Below that there’s a lot of tuba’s and scary girls.

A serious 9 would barely work up a sweat at the gym. She hates sweating. Ask one. I know one rather well. They are good for jamming and that’s where it ends.
Think about it. Men have paved her way in life. She’s never been rejected in an interview for a real job. Nearly every good looking woman you see is a 6-8.
There’s some fives with an a$$ and legs that won’t quit. There’s one in my office. She’s a workout queen.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Don’t look at it like you’re trying to get to the major leagues. Lol

If she makes my dik hard? She’s in.
Cute girls and sexy girls are 6-8. There’s some nice tight bodies in that group. In fact, most of the tight bods are in there. Below that there’s a lot of tuba’s and scary girls.

A serious 9 would barely work up a sweat at the gym. She hates sweating. Ask one. I know one rather well. They are good for jamming and that’s where it ends.
Think about it. Men have paved her way in life. She’s never been rejected in an interview for a real job. Nearly every good looking woman you see is a 6-8.
There’s some fives with an a$$ and legs that won’t quit. There’s one in my office. She’s a workout queen.

The point i was making and howiestern reinforced to me that if your not having success in the more CRITICAL, harder NEGGING, "hotter" babes to lower your target a bit. They eventually will take notice to a guy having his way and slaying less "hot" babes a man whose dripping in sexual abundance due to his choices. Alternatively he could bigdave17 against a highly critical "9" and have all his swag and sexual energy REDUCED so that he is less attractive to all. We should be around those who celebrate us.

 

[Ranger]

Until she turns feminine she means nothing. You can watch them make the switch right in front of you.
Only a masculine, free from the imperative man, can do it consistently. She becomes a girl again.
It doesn’t mean she’s not an executive any longer or suddenly isn’t an office manager any longer.

You’ve accessed who she really is. Busting through that social veneer and painted on persona.
That “social tone” is the only thing between you and what you desire of her. It has been honed with years of practice and is forever altering and changing based on what the social “ideal” for what a woman is described as. She must fit in. It’s her biology. She molds to the social climate for survival.
There is also her individuality in that social veneer (social tone).

A masculine man can bust through it with presence. The PUA has to mold to it, to a degree, to find what works. He is also not himself because he has to change to suit that woman. In the end, the PUA, is a chump because he neglected himself and thought that to be a man he had to be like another or emulate some ideal.

All he needs to do is free his mind. His mind is locked into the social construct from birth. He is trapped. He cannot see.

You must be the exact opposite. A free agent who does not answer to the social construct and spits on it whenever he can.

 

[thelad]

Actually going lower SMV is good practice to get higher ones but that's if you can waste your time on them...but then again action breeds more action.

 

[thelad]

She molds to the social climate for survival.

Also designed for females. even over here in the UK.

 

[fastlife]

I just expect to be disappointed with every woman I meet, which I am, and because of this I just don't care anymore lol. I go out with my friends at least once a week and maybe I talk to a ***** but they are just so boring I can't even be bothered. I was out with one of my friends and he wanted to talk to these pair of girls so I acted as his wingman. The girl I was talking to was a 7-8 blonde girl who was a premed major. Anyway, she was so stuck on herself, was honestly one of the most one sided conversations I have ever had. I grew bored and pulled out my phone to check the time and my text messages and remember seeing the look on her face as she awkwardly looked down and away, as if she was shocked I wasn't showering her with attention. She quickly excused herself after that and I remember the sense of relief I got from being removed of her presence.

I bolded the parts of the OP I found problematic.

• It's not a girl's job to keep you entertained. She is there to experience you. I'll say it again: SHE IS ONLY THERE TO EXPERIENCE YOU.
• The quality of your interactions with a girl is a DIRECT reflection of the quality of your interaction with yourself. Have you ever experienced a time in your life when everything was just going your way? When you felt awesome & were having fun? Those are the times in your life you meet the 'best' girls--but that's just a side effect.
• By the same token, if you feel bored, disappointed, etc. when interacting with a girl, what does it say about your current experience of yourself? Why? They're the exact same girls lol--the cool ones, the fun ones, the boring ones, etc. They are all the same girls.
• Why are you letting girls lead the interaction? Lol. No sh1t the convo's gonna be boring--talk about what YOU want to talk about. But you don't know what you want to talk about, because you haven't fully realized WHO you are beyond, Well, I'm 6'4 and hawt and well, I deserve pretty girls. Bro, start living your fvcking life and stop waiting for things to happen to you.
• If girls consistently fail to live up to your expectations, what is more likely to be fvcked up, the girls you meet or your expectations for what they should be? Ok, maybe a little bit of both, but you can't change female behavior on the meta level but you can change your expectations. And, overtime, women will adhere to your expectations of them.
• If you want hotter girls, better go out & find them. If you want to meet a lot of hotter girls, better go out a lot.

 

[guru1000]

IDGAF is the sub-context frame. There's a duality.

For appearances, you put forward all the actions: Approaching, #, setting the date, hitting her emotions, leading, sex. The sub-context is not GAF.

There lies the distinction.

 

[Dash Riprock]

If a man truly doesn’t GAF....then why is he there?

I think you're taking IDGAF too literally. It's kind like debating who's the best all-time running back in the NFL. I say Walter Payton (because he is/was), you may say Jim Brown, and another guy says Emmitt Smith. We could make plausible arguments for all three. So, IDAGF can mean different things to different people.

Here's what it means to me:

I thought I wrote a pretty good explanation of my definition of IDGAF/Abundance Mindset (AM) in my prior post, but I'll try to clarify. IDAGF doesn't mean you don't care about women or dating. I have the IDGAF/AM attitude and I do care about women and dating. I ask women out and meet them online and IRL all the time. I date them, have fun, f*uck a good number of them, and some stick around a while. Others fly the coop for a multitude of reasons. Now here's IDGAF in action: IF one flies the coop, I don't really give a f*uck because I have the Abundance Mindset (they are related) which means another one is right around the corner. And they usually are after a few OLD messages or cold approaches or whatever. Plus, women aren't the focal point of my existence. My life, goals, health, family, friends, etc, are.

Women are the side of mashed potatoes on a Thanksgiving dinner plate loaded with all the traditional foods. They are just one portion or side dish. Where guys get into (massive) trouble is that they make women the huge chunk of turkey on the plate or worse yet, a plate with only turkey and nothing else. They are the beta, AFC, and MGTOW guys.

Does an NFL team quit and forfeit the game after one turnover? No, they regroup and give it another go. They say an NFL QB has to have "select amnesia" and forget about his last bad play because he's going to be out there again in a few minutes and cannot dwell on past mistakes. And we can't either. We also have to have a mindset of positive expectations and outcome. And if things don't go our way (which they won't most of the time), we employ IDGAF/AM, we learn and get better. Not cry, pout, freak out, and dwell on all our mistakes.

It's the same thing in dating. You cannot let bad experiences cloud your perspective and expectations. Subconsciously it actually might if you dwell on failures too much. We become what we think about most often, so what do you think about when it comes to women? That you're a failure, or, that you're one f*uck of a prize and if the woman can't see that, IDGAF/AM, next batter up. So, you need to be proactive and say to yourself, "IDGAF if she leaves, cheats, flakes, whatever. That's part of the game and I understand it." "And, I have the Abundance Mindset so there will be another, probably better, woman right around the corner." And slowly you become the man you want to be.

MGTOW, in my book, is defeatist in that you are giving yourself permission to quit. Yes, quitting is REALLY EASY. SUCCESS is not. That's why in the US, there are more mobile homes than 10,000 square foot homes and more people in poverty than millionaires. Thank god for quitters. And that's most people. It clears the path for me to achieve my goals; less bodies for me to clear out of the way. The quitters are walking on the side of the road or just sitting on the side of the road and I'm in the express lane doing 75 MPH.

Hope that helps.

~Dash

 

[Ranger]

I think you're taking IDGAF too literally. It's kind like debating who's the best all-time running back in the NFL. I say Walter Payton (because he is/was), you may say Jim Brown, and another guy says Emmitt Smith. We could make plausible arguments for all three. So, IDAGF can mean different things to different people.

Here's what it means to me:

I thought I wrote a pretty good explanation of my definition of IDGAF/Abundance Mindset (AM) in my prior post, but I'll try to clarify. IDAGF doesn't mean you don't care about women or dating. I have the IDGAF/AM attitude and I do care about women and dating. I ask women out and meet them online and IRL all the time. I date them, have fun, f*uck a good number of them, and some stick around a while. Others fly the coop for a multitude of reasons. Now here's IDGAF in action: IF one flies the coop, I don't really give a f*uck because I have the Abundance Mindset (they are related) which means another one is right around the corner. And they usually are after a few OLD messages or cold approaches or whatever. Plus, women aren't the focal point of my existence. My life, goals, health, family, friends, etc, are.

Women are the side of mashed potatoes on a Thanksgiving dinner plate loaded with all the traditional foods. They are just one portion or side dish. Where guys into (massive) trouble is that they make women the huge chunk of turkey on the plate or worse yet, a plate with only turkey and nothing else. They are the beta, AFC, and MGTOW guys.

Does an NFL team quit and forfeit the game after one turnover? No, they regroup and give it another go. They say an NFL QB has to have "select amnesia" and forget about his last bad play because he's going to be out there again in a few minutes and cannot dwell on past mistakes. And we can't either. We also have to have a mindset of positive expectations and outcome. And if things don't go our way (which they won't most of the time), we employ IDGAF/AM, we learn and get better. Not cry, pout, freak out, and dwell on all our mistakes.

It's the same thing in dating. You cannot let bad experiences cloud your perspective and expectations. Subconsciously it actually might if you dwell on failures too much. We become what we think about most often, so what do you think about when it comes to women? That you're a failure, or, that you're one f*uck of a prize and if the woman can't see that, IDGAF/AM, next batter up. So, you need to be proactive and say to yourself, "IDGAF if she leaves, cheats, flakes, whatever. That's part of the game and I understand it." "And, I have the Abundance Mindset so there will be another, probably better, woman right around the corner." And slowly you become the man you want to be.

MGTOW, in my book, is defeatist in that you are giving yourself permission to quit. Yes, quitting is REALLY EASY. SUCCESS is not. That's why there are more mobile homes than 10,000 square foot homes and more people in poverty than millionaires. Thank god for quitters. And that's most people. It clears the path for me to achieve my goals; less bodies for me to clear out of the way. The quitters are walking on the side of the road or just sitting on the side of the road and I'm in the express lane doing 75 MPH.

Hope that helps.

~Dash

I only mentioned it because there are a lot of men here who misconstrue it to apply across the board. I don’t need any help. I’m pretty straight on it. It’s a $hit term.

 

[sangheilios]

No bro...its you. Look how you try to justify "why" they should be interested as if you are looking at car features when buying a car.

Attraction doesn't work like that. And if you are so attractive then you must be doing something really unattractive that is causing them to lose interest. What that is i dont know but until you figure it out you will be in the same boat.

If I had to guess its your desperation and approval seeking that is turning them off.

Perhaps, but I honestly do feel that most of the problem is with them. Last year I was on date with a girl that I met when I was out with friends, was having a really good time with her. Anyway, right in the middle of the date she randomly asked me how many relationships I've had and when I deflected the answer she drilled into it. I had another women I was on a date with make a remark about how I'm probably seeing a ton of women, she said it in a sarcastic and light hearted way but she probably legitimately felt that.

I'm basing this off of more current issues, issues that I had years ago were a result of just not walking away from dumb women.