What’s the policy when under the influence? What the hell do I do?

[nicksaiz65]

Hey guys. I never thought about this before, but what’s the policy for hooking up with girls while under the influence? I might be in serious trouble, and I don’t know what to do.

Me and a girl and a friend hung out last night. So with the girl, I had made out with her before. We were all really drunk, and hanging out. I decide to escalate things. So I’m making out with her, and we eventually move to the floor. She seems to be enjoying it. I eventually lift her bra and start sucking her tits and she’s moaning so I think she’s enjoying it. She’s also fingering herself at the same time and moaning so I had no reason to suspect anything was wrong.

At one point I try to move her hand to have sex with her but she doesn’t let me. So I stop because I don’t want to do anything if I don’t have consent.

But then I get a call the next day with her asking me what happened. She says her ribs are really sore and she has a hickey on her boobs(I did not mean to do that at all. I was extremely drunk.) She asks what happened last night. I ask her where she is because I want to talk in person. But she sounds like she’s about to cry and says she has to go, then hangs up in my face.

What even happened? Did I do anything wrong? I didn’t think I did. What do I do from here? What do I say to her? I’m so bad at these things. I need you guys’ advice really badly. I don’t want her to think I assaulted her, and as stupid as this might sound, I don’t want to lose our friendship.

Please give me advice guys. I’m confused and I don’t know what to do.

 

[Serenity]

I ask her where she is because I want to talk in person.

This would definitely sound like something bad happened, should have just casually told her you had a good time together.

Did I do anything wrong?

Doesn't sound like it. She was fingering herself ffs, obviously showing signs of enjoying it. When she denied penetration you respected that. I'd say you acted correctly.

What do I do from here?

Don't panic, the last thing you want is to make it seem like you did anything wrong. You must be confident that you didn't do anything wrong, because you really didn't.

What do I say to her?

This one's tough. If you put in a lot of effort explaining things, then that in itself may make you look guilty of wrongdoing. If she contacts you then bring up the topic and just tell her what happened, no "let's meet face to face" or any delay. Like "hey, you asked what happened that night" then describe in simple terms your actions AND her response to it, not forgetting your reaction to when she didn't want to have sex. Don't go out of your way trying to contact her, maybe try giving her a call and if she doesn't pick up or call back then let it be and hope nothing comes of it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey guys. I never thought about this before, but what’s the policy for hooking up with girls while under the influence? I might be in serious trouble, and I don’t know what to do.

Me and a girl and a friend hung out last night. So with the girl, I had made out with her before. We were all really drunk, and hanging out. I decide to escalate things. So I’m making out with her, and we eventually move to the floor. She seems to be enjoying it. I eventually lift her bra and start sucking her tits and she’s moaning so I think she’s enjoying it. She’s also fingering herself at the same time and moaning so I had no reason to suspect anything was wrong.

At one point I try to move her hand to have sex with her but she doesn’t let me. So I stop because I don’t want to do anything if I don’t have consent.

But then I get a call the next day with her asking me what happened. She says her ribs are really sore and she has a hickey on her boobs(I did not mean to do that at all. I was extremely drunk.) She asks what happened last night. I ask her where she is because I want to talk in person. But she sounds like she’s about to cry and says she has to go, then hangs up in my face.

What even happened? Did I do anything wrong? I didn’t think I did. What do I do from here? What do I say to her? I’m so bad at these things. I need you guys’ advice really badly. I don’t want her to think I assaulted her, and as stupid as this might sound, I don’t want to lose our friendship.

Please give me advice guys. I’m confused and I don’t know what to do.

What did the friend do?

 

[lamath]

From what you wrote you did nothing wrong, this is prob a awkward misunderstanding. Its a very good thing it did not get farther.

How much under the influence was she?

 

[Billtx49]

Well you were pretty far gone if she got a breast hickey. Girls don’t need quite that much suction around the areola and nipple area. Seduction usually goes better when you’re not wasted…
“then hangs up in my face” isn’t a good after the event sentiment from her…

 

[The Duke]

Buyers Remorse! Trying to justify her bad behavior in her head. Did she tell you she had a boyfriend?

 

[backseatjuan]

The rule of thumb is not to get that much fvcked up. But if you are with a girl that is this drunk, they pretty much do it all the same way. They are all hot for whatever reason, and when the time comes down to it, it's like a mythical slvt defense mechanism kicks into gear right on your eyes, it's normal. Well what can you do, stick your d1ck out, and slap her face with it and let her svck it, that will soften her up, then you can stick it into her. At this point you have to realize brain no longer resisters reality, next morning you will remember that one last part of the evening you were still conscious and then it's all blank.

For me, depending how much I eat during drinking, it takes 1.5 to 3.0 liters of vodka divided by two, because I don't drink alone. For a girl it would be less.

You have to realize something else, entire next day is a hungover day. During this day it's best to have a drink or two to feel better. Things will be emotional and stuff, because your brain literally shrank during drinking, and now you have pressure within your skull. Anyone in this condition will have his doubts and some remorse for whatever the fvck happened last night, not just with girl. It could have been two grown men #nohomo.

You always say this one thing, we had a good time, everything alright, don't worry about it.

 

[nicksaiz65]

The rule of thumb is not to get that much fvcked up. But if you are with a girl that is this drunk, they pretty much do it all the same way. They are all hot for whatever reason, and when the time comes down to it, it's like a mythical slvt defense mechanism kicks into gear right on your eyes, it's normal. Well what can you do, stick your d1ck out, and slap her face with it and let her svck it, that will soften her up, then you can stick it into her. At this point you have to realize brain no longer resisters reality, next morning you will remember that one last part of the evening you were still conscious and then it's all blank.

For me, depending how much I eat during drinking, it takes 1.5 to 3.0 liters of vodka divided by two, because I don't drink alone. For a girl it would be less.

You have to realize something else, entire next day is a hungover day. During this day it's best to have a drink or two to feel better. Things will be emotional and stuff, because your brain literally shrank during drinking, and now you have pressure within your skull. Anyone in this condition will have his doubts and some remorse for whatever the fvck happened last night, not just with girl. It could have been two grown men #nohomo.

You always say this one thing, we had a good time, everything alright, don't worry about it.

Okay. She said she wanted to talk to me tomorrow. So I’ll go do that in the evening.

But can you help me with what to say to her? I don’t want her to think I took advantage of her drunkenness or anything. Do I just be honest? Should I just be like “I made out with you, you were fingering yourself, I gave you a hickey by mistake, I wanted to fvck you but you didn’t want to do so then I stopped?” I don’t know how to handle this conversation.

Also, I had said I don’t want to lose our friendship over this. Cause she’s honestly super cool to hang out with. But would it ever be possible for me to turn this into a Lay after this situation? I really enjoy hanging out with her, but I don’t wanna deliberately friendzone myself.

And how am I gonna handle this conversation in general? Do I be totally honest, drop my guard 100% and pour my heart out? Or do I play it cool? Is it wrong to hook up with girls when you’re both drunk? What would a Don Juan do here?

Sorry this is so many questions but I swear sometimes I just don’t know how to relate to people.

 

[nicksaiz65]

What did the friend do?

He was asleep

 

[mrgoodstuff]

He was asleep

In the same room?

 

[nicksaiz65]

This would definitely sound like something bad happened, should have just casually told her you had a good time together.


Doesn't sound like it. She was fingering herself ffs, obviously showing signs of enjoying it. When she denied penetration you respected that. I'd say you acted correctly.


Don't panic, the last thing you want is to make it seem like you did anything wrong. You must be confident that you didn't do anything wrong, because you really didn't.


This one's tough. If you put in a lot of effort explaining things, then that in itself may make you look guilty of wrongdoing. If she contacts you then bring up the topic and just tell her what happened, no "let's meet face to face" or any delay. Like "hey, you asked what happened that night" then describe in simple terms your actions AND her response to it, not forgetting your reaction to when she didn't want to have sex. Don't go out of your way trying to contact her, maybe try giving her a call and if she doesn't pick up or call back then let it be and hope nothing comes of it.

Hey bro, thanks. This sounds great. I thought that I played it right. So she called me and she wants to talk to me tomorrow. That’s fine.

I guess I need to just play it cool. So I totally explain what happened? Just honestly with no tricks? As in “you started hugging me, so I started making out with you, you were moaning and fingering yourself, I wanted to fvck you but then you didn’t, so I stopped right then and there?”

I guess this is just an ethical issue so it’s bugging me. It’d be different if I weren’t drunk, but I was drunk as hell too. I guess the question is should there be a point where if a girl’s super drunk, I say “no I’m not fvcking her?”

I just don’t want her to think that I took advantage of her.

I already asked this question, but is there any chance of me ever Banging her after this? We’re honestly really cool friends so I don’t want to lose that. But at the same time I don’t want to relegate myself to the friendzone and be like “ok we can hang out but I’m never touching you again.”

 

[nicksaiz65]

In the same room?

Yeah but we were in opposite ends of the room. He passed out drinking. We were on the couch and he was on the bed. It was a lit night I suppose

 

[nicksaiz65]

The only thing that’s really bugging me is is there a too drunk to consent? I never really thought about the ethics behind this. I mean, we were both drunk, but still.

I do hope that we can work this out cause I’ve never been in a situation like this before. She told me that I was one of her best friends while she was drunk too.

Although my friend told me that I’m good, just like you guys said. Because I started, she let me keep going and then when she wanted me to stop, I stopped.

My gut is telling me that saying “I don’t want you to think I took advantage of you” is a really bad idea.

Is she ever going to be comfortable just hanging with me after this?

 

[backseatjuan]

Dude, realize this, at this point in time that b1tch, friend or whatever you call her, could have a plan in her mind to record your ass and bring the confession to police and claim rape. So what you do is the following, you record your conversation, and you say this. "Well you were pretty drunk, I was drunk too, you were all over me, told me how much you love me, and what you wanted to do with me. I was saying we are just friends, and I would never take advantage of you in this condition. But you kept insisting. You began kissing me, touching me inappropriately. At one point I just gave in and we made out. We did not have sex. I couldn't bring myself to having sex with you while you were drunk. As far as your rib being sore, you fell at one point. Listen girl, you should not get this drunk ever again, you can not drink."

I'll reintegrate, be sure to record this convo.

Memorize the lines, say only this, don't say anything else. Also say we had good time, nothing bad happened, relax, I got your back, and take her out for whatever fun if she feels for it. Keep repeating the same thing over and over if that b1tch acts silly, nothing bad happened, you should not get this drunk ever again, you can't drink.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Dude, realize this, at this point in time that b1tch, friend or whatever you call her, could have a plan in her mind to record your ass and bring the confession to police and claim rape. So what you do is the following, you record your conversation, and you say this. "Well you were pretty drunk, I was drunk too, you were all over me, told me how much you love me, and what you wanted to do with me. I was saying we are just friends, and I would never take advantage of you in this condition. But you kept insisting. You began kissing me, touching me inappropriately. At one point I just gave in and we made out. We did not have sex. I couldn't bring myself to having sex with you while you were drunk. As far as your rib being sore, you fell at one point. Listen girl, you should not get this drunk ever again, you can not drink."

I'll reintegrate, be sure to record this convo.

Memorize the lines, say only this, don't say anything else. Also say we had good time, nothing bad happened, relax, I got your back, and take her out for whatever fun if she feels for it. Keep repeating the same thing over and over if that b1tch acts silly, nothing bad happened, you should not get this drunk ever again, you can't drink.

Yup. That’s exactly what I’m worried about. I hear this shyt happens all the time. I can’t let myself get caught up in this, I have an academic future. Plus, if I get thrown in jail, I’ll never be a Don Juan. For something I didn’t even do.

Recording the conversation is a really good idea. Of course my fvcking phone microphone would be broken though. Fvck my phone. I really need to bite the bullet and just buy a used one off Facebook or something.

I appreciate the advice. Y’all always have my back when I don’t know what the hell to do in life.

 

[backseatjuan]

Nah, buy a cheap recorder, even if it's a micro cassette recorder it still good, more reliable than a phone mic. You could get a call while phone recorder is on and it will turn off. Put the file after this into your phone and carry with you, just in case, so you can always pull it out and play it to police if there are any questions. But don't worry, if you do what I said there won't be a bad story.

Plus keep the file on your computer, upload it to your google files, and send it as an attachment to yourself over e-mail. Keep it for 10, 20 years, don't lose it. On your phone for 1 year is good enough.

This is my man is why it is good idea for the future to have reptilicus installed on your rooted android phone.

I'm in Russia, people drink for fun here, rape accusations over crap like this are almost unheard of, but stuff does happen. I mean, for all you know, you could be drinking, having fun, that girl leaves and gets raped by someone, how you prove you're not a camel? You pull out your phone and replay whatever you had going on, that's your prove.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Nah, buy a cheap recorder, even if it's a micro cassette recorder it still good, more reliable than a phone mic. You could get a call while phone recorder is on and it will turn off. Put the file after this into your phone and carry with you, just in case, so you can always pull it out and play it to police if there are any questions. But don't worry, if you do what I said there won't be a bad story.

Plus keep the file on your computer, upload it to your google files, and send it as an attachment to yourself over e-mail. Keep it for 10, 20 years, don't lose it. On your phone for 1 year is good enough.

This is my man is why it is good idea for the future to have reptilicus installed on your rooted android phone.

I'm in Russia, people drink for fun here, rape accusations over crap like this are almost unheard of, but stuff does happen. I mean, for all you know, you could be drinking, having fun, that girl leaves and gets raped by someone, how you prove you're not a camel? You pull out your phone and replay whatever you had going on, that's your prove.

Yeah man, thanks for the advice. In America, girls lying about rape is actually pretty common. They get buyers remorse and then claim rape. Many men have had their lives ruined over this crap.

Does that Reptilicus program run on iPhone? I don’t have an Android.

I’ll make sure to buy a small recorder when I run by Walmart today. That could help me out. But like you said, I don’t think it’ll turn out badly.

Also, for the future, when I’m laying on top of these petite type girls, I really don’t need to use my full weight on them. Especially as I continue to lift more and more.

But if I could ask you just a couple more questions:
1.) I know she’s gonna press me on what happened when we were fooling around. Do I bring up how she was fingering herself, moaning, and whispering “oh fvck” under her breath? I’ll definitely mention how I didn’t fvck her. Like I know you answered that question but if she continues to press me, how many details should I divulge?
2.) I’m sure I can recover my friendship with this girl, but do you think I’d ever be able to fvck this girl after this? I don’t even know. If my SMV was just higher I probably wouldn’t even be dealing with this issue because I’d barely get any pushback to me escalating.

 

[backseatjuan]

It works on iPhone but not 100%, that's why Android is better, gotta switch just for this.

You tell her nothing bad happened, you made out, she wanted sex, you said no. She fell down because she's drunk. If she doesn't know how to drink why she drinks. That's all you say. Nothing about how she fingered herself, etc. Why make her feel bad about herself. How she fell down? You don't remember, I think she went to bathroom or something.

 

[nicksaiz65]

It works on iPhone but not 100%, that's why Android is better, gotta switch just for this.

You tell her nothing bad happened, you made out, she wanted sex, you said no. She fell down because she's drunk. If she doesn't know how to drink why she drinks. That's all you say. Nothing about how she fingered herself, etc. Why make her feel bad about herself. How she fell down? You don't remember, I think she went to bathroom or something.

That sounds like an awesome plan. Thanks dude. I’ll talk with her tomorrow like she wanted.

As for the vibe, I’m not gonna act like I’m at court or at a funeral. After we have our talk, I’m gonna make it light hearted and fun, then I’m going home.

Idk how I’m gonna handle possibly ever hooking up with her in the future. If I do, it will be 100% sober lol.

 

[backseatjuan]

For the vibe - find a vase at your crip or talk to a tv, why the fvck do you drink if you don't got a handle on your ass!