I feel good

[Glassguy]

How long was the marriage? This has to be my least favorite trait of women is how they will waste enormous amounts of your time... By the time she decided to leave (probably well before the five months)you would have already been over the whole fvking thing. Just pure selfishness, no other word for it.

In short relationship it might not even take you a week to get over them except for their prolonged breakup technique the doubles the length of a relationship in some cases. in fact you probably never would have attached to begin with! Ive had at least one relationship where the last nail in the coffin emotionally was intense love bombing in the last month where she new DAMN well she was leaving.

Your post is great though it is DJ Bible Worthy

I was "with" her a total of 12 years. We dated for a year and a half in college. It was the baseball player/cheerleader relationship. We broke up and our paths crossed again 5 or so years later. Dated for a year and got married. Married a total of just short of 9 years.

I saw the writing on the wall. I had mentally checked out before the word "divorce" came out of her mouth. Once it did, I wasted no time getting my attorney together and getting it all drawn up.

As soon as she saw that I was mentally done and physically back on the prowl, she tried to make amends and come back. I told her to fvck off. It got to the point of her showing up at my business unannounced and making a scene because I wouldnt take her back to meeting at a local restaurant for lunch to discuss a few loose ends before the divorce.......and her having a fvcking mental breakdown in front of everyone because I was holding steady to getting the divorce over and done with and I totally resisted her attempt to "talk about us" in terms of working it out.

Fvck that. I have stated many times that I dont like to burn bridges. I lit that mother fvcker, threw gas on it and stood back smiling as she squirmed and cried to come back. No thanks.

The #1 thing that I learned in that ordeal was this: A woman has 3 sides. A loving, feminine and respectful side. A scorned bytch side and an indifferent side.

I know fully realize that a woman's attraction level/interest level determines which side you get and when you get it.

Thats why I like to spin multiple plates and keep them in the loving and feminine side as long as possible before I have to cut them loose. I dont care to much for the other 2.

Too many guys have this fantasy/fairy tale about women being this lovey dovey bullshyte in the beginning when attraction is high. They go beta and do things that causes the woman to lose attraction (and respect) and begin to be treated horribly and dont understand why.

I understand it perfectly fine. Thats why I will tap into a woman and utilize her for as much as it benefits me and then cut them loose before it gets to the sides of her that I dont care too much for.

 

[Glassguy]

The reason I go NC so severely is not so much that it helps you heal faster (it does of course) but to completely avoid listening to the absolutely insane backwards rationalizations, victim mentality, and total absence of logic in what they are saying at that time. Its really disgusting to hear, if I wanted to hear that I'd strike up a conversation with a paranoid schizophrenic on the streets.

On the flip side if she was on the pedestal in ANY way and you are a man of logic and reason, she will be well off the pedestal by the time her rantings and ravings are completed.

No contact should never be used to "get her back". It should be used for moving on. Like I said, a woman has 2 sides that you dont want to see and be around that take place near the end of the relationship and soon there after. Its best to avoid her mixed signals, brain teaser texts, etc., and just pull away and focus on you, your hobbies/goals/happiness, get your mojo back and get back on the dating saddle.

NC works EVERY time in getting yourself back in order immediately following a tough break up/divorce as long as you are doing it for yourself alone.

 

[Glassguy]

We need a way to screen for this side early. The type of women that has a decent second side in the solipsism detachment phase is the only type you want for LTR but havent found a way to detect that other than being broken up with lol. I made a thread on it before, this is the ultimate empathy test.

I think the better route to follow is this:

Every woman is capable of it. Every. Single. One.

Understanding that nothing lasts forever. Milk that cow for all its worth and then trade it in on a better model. That is why spinning plates and not getting totally invested in one chick works so well.

We all know (or should know) that a woman WILL chase as long as you always remain a catch and the best option that she has. As soon as you start showing large amounts of emotional investment with a woman, catch the feels, they lose interest.

The trick is to keep them strung along chasing which is hard to do. In a way it sort of sucks because it shouldnt be that hard to have a good relationship with one woman, have great sex and a deep level of respect for one another where this stuff doesnt happen.

But this is what the dating game has came to because of women wanting to be of equal value to men, the demasculinization of men, social media, OLD and all the options women now have.

Nearly every break up comes down to a lack or respect (when the man acts beta or shows to have caught feelings), immediately better options (social media, OLD, etc) or they have masculine frame and the guy doesnt submit. Thats it.

Avoid those things and keep them in a submissive state for as long as you can. Thats how you win the game.

 

[lamath]

As soon as she saw that I was mentally done and physically back on the prowl, she tried to make amends and come back. I told her to fvck off. It got to the point of her showing up at my business unannounced and making a scene because I wouldnt take her back to meeting at a local restaurant for lunch to discuss a few loose ends before the divorce.......and her having a fvcking mental breakdown in front of everyone because I was holding steady to getting the divorce over and done with and I totally resisted her attempt to "talk about us" in terms of working it out.

This has been my situation for 3-4 month now.

Im very polite and civil towards her(got 2 kids together so no choices)however in most interaction we have she try to pick fight and argue with me.
When it happens i just hang up or leave, I never give her a reaction.
I dont get it, does she thinks thats gonna make me wanna come back to he?

Every time this happens im happier than ever to not have to accept this **** anymore.

 

[Glassguy]

The issue i have with "AWALT" is that it degrades the screening process. As similar as women are, its a spectrum of severity. No way every single woman you've dated treated you exactly the same at the end. So yes, any woman is capable of this at a basic level and your screening is never perfect so any woman you date could even be capable of the most extreme versions of this sort of devaluation/discard, BUT there are still things we can do to do risk management. To put it this way, sure all women are capable of this but some women are capable of not doing it too.

Of course they have not all treated me the same. Hell I am still very good friends with numerous ones that I put in the friends zone. Some were mad as hell.

I am not advocating to degrade the screening process. You have read my posts on here over the years. I screen heavily. There are certain requirements (looks, personality, education, financially stable) that must be met for me to even be interested in as a plate.

While spinning them, that is the time that I primarily use for screening. Cant screen a woman that you are not seeing. And like you said, screening is never perfect. But I am also realistic as to how a woman will probably act under certain circumstances when things end. They will either be in my friend zone or want no part of it and go nut job/scorned bytch. At which I could care less either way because I am done with them as a LTR candidate.

I am not opposed to LTRs. I have had several since my divorce 5 years ago and had a few before my former marriage. I screen more now than I ever did before because I have more to lose if I end up in a LTR. I plan for the best worst and hope for the best if you will. I just know that every woman has those sides to them. Every one. If I know things are going in the toilet I normally bounce before it gets to that point to preserve her as a back up option or orbiter.

 

[Glassguy]

This has been my situation for 3-4 month now.

Im very polite and civil towards her(got 2 kids together so no choices)however in most interaction we have she try to pick fight and argue with me.
When it happens i just hang up or leave, I never give her a reaction.
I dont get it, does she thinks thats gonna make me wanna come back to he?

Every time this happens im happier than ever to not have to accept this **** anymore.

You ALWAYS have choices.

Depending on your kid's ages, they can walk themselves out to your car or her car and into the other's on drop off/pick up times.
When things are still fresh like they are in your situation its best to limit communication unless its crucial and obviously something that has to be done.

With time things will settle down, you will have moved on and her the same, you will both realize the sun comes up every morning and cooler heads will prevail.

Until then, do your thing, get on that pvssy train and keep it hush hush. Enjoy yourself when the kids are away and be a good dad when they are with you. That should be one of your purposes.

 

[sh-rewd]

First thing, thank you to everyone for the support, advice, and comments. It truly blew me away at the end of 2018 / beginning of 2019. The support within this community, the insight and the members here are ****ing great.

It is now a little over a year and a half since we separated. Reflecting back upon who I was then and who I am now puts a big ****ing smile on my face. 2019 was about working on myself, everything else second. This is my mentality now. I’m always doing something to make myself feel better, be more intellectual and socially tuned. I listened to 19 audiobooks in 2019, previous decade a big fat 0.

February 2019 I started dating. I went the online route for some time. Hooking up with a few women I met. But dating wasn’t really my focus, but it was nice to have this type of fun once in a while.

I manned up and did my first approach in the gym I workout in. I had her number in 5 minutes and we have been dating since. If it does not workout whatever, I don’t care. My women isn’t me. She is apart of my life, but not my life.

I have enough money saved for 10 months living expenses. I completed an insurance certification. I left the job I hated in May, **** do I feel good about it. It probably aged me by 5 years. I have a great relationship with my mother and brother. Better then ever because I worked on it, being passive doesn’t get **** done.



I could go on and on, but there is no need to. I’m not the only success story in these forums.

Lessons I have learned:

Your attention is always on you, scraps for everyone else.

Self improvement is ongoing. You are NEVER done, never ****ing ever.


See the two lessons above.



-D

 

[mrgoodstuff]

My wife of 16 years (we've been together that long, married for 5) told me Christmas Day she wants to separate. Yeah I'm a little distraught, but whatever. We are living in separate rooms right now.

I just finished signing a lease on my new apartment an hour ago, and I move tomorrow. I purchased all my furniture, kitchen crap and other essentials. I'm packed and ready to go.

She is going out for New Years Eve, and just left our apartment. Before she left, she asked me for a hug not once but twice. I politely declined the first time, she asked again and I said no again. She asked why, I said because it is my choice.

I feel better.

Incredible amount of self respect.