The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Ené]

Day 1

I did not get dumped, but I will not accept disrespectful behavior anymore. So I told her "I will not make you to choose" and hung up.
She has a few important things in her possession that I need to get back.
It has been more than 36 hrs without hearing from her. It hurts a lot, knowing that the things we used to do together (almost everything) for the past 2 years, will not be there anymore.
She is important in my life, but my dignity and self-respect is more important.

I am going on vacation back to my country by myself for the Hollidays but planned to return the 31st to spend New year's with her. I guess I will be by myself.

How do I go about getting my items back (there are personal items, not gifts to her).

Thank you.


-Ené-

 

[NSX-R]

You continue to break no contact. Every time you have a small success of 5 days NC you break it. Let me give you a little advice:

You are a ***** in her eyes. You blocked her on social media? ***** move. You are going NC? ***** move. You are thinking about her all the time? ***** move. You write her a long text? ***** move. You are exuding terrible behavior, and not only is she and all her friends aware you are a *****, but most likely everyone around you can sense it too.

Now on to the good news: NC is for no one but yourself. You are the master of your own feelings. Feelings CAN BE CHANGED and they can be changed very quickly...if...just like anything else...you dedicate yourself to it. Every day you wake up, your first thought should be "I'm the ****ing man. Here are all my good qualities." Then you list them out. Set goals for yourself to accomplish that day and take great pride in checking them off the list and accomplishing things completely unrelated to anyone but you.

You are not in a place where you can approach women. If you go out on the weekends a bit of liquid courage may make things easier, but you're absolutely in no state of mind to have any real success with a woman. So you focus on yourself instead (which you should always do anyway). You blocked her on social media? Fine, stick to it. Better yet, get your ass off social media for a bit. Unplug yourself from all the social masturbators hunting for internet karma.

Put yourself first. It's the only way to become better. I ****ing miss the days of my first breakup that brought me to this site. I was so motivated for self improvement that I dropped weight, got a better job, and grinded on my purpose. You have no idea the power you have right now after a break up to make yourself a better man. It's time to take the power back in your life.

Idc what she believes me to be . I live in a different country anyway . Her friends , social circle do not affect me . I was mostly visiting my home country for business issues once per month. Last month was the last time i went and i wont be back for a long time . I wanted to be more serious with her . I guess this couldn’t work because the woman was a biatch with a lot of complex issues . The longest nc i went was 15 days . No response from her during that time and propably hooked up with a couple of guys in that time . Anyway , you might be right for the first part .

Other than that , i do fck a lot of females . Even when i was back in my home country, my ex went to her grandparents for 3 days and i fcked 2 different women in this time gap . I’m attractive enough and rich enough to attract any female out there . I work my a$$ off though from morning till night 7 days a week and manage 1 hour of gym everyday to enjoy all these qualities. I’m not into social media as every average folk in here . I’m done with this shyt long time ago.

That’s what i did here . I put myself first . I didn’t like her games and i wanted some answers and a solution. Since she couldn’t provide one , i did it as a man .I blocked her because I don’t want fb and insta to pop up stories and make me burn again from the inside . I had a weak spot for that one i admit , the first one was with the woman that brought me here but that time it was just in my head and moved on very easily . Right now it stung hard but i know how to use it as a fuel for something better . As i said in my earlier posts , there must be some other guy in the picture.

Some wise guy here said , if you swallow the red pill , you enter the rabbit hole and you never come back . My focus was to be a high quality guy and fck as many females i could . Perhaps my old afc guy in there wanted something stable but it’s as you said , I’m not ready yet for something like this and I don’t believe with my current lifestyle to ever be ready for something like this . I always had the power and still have the power , but that woman was too little for me . I’m the winner here .

 

[bobafatt]

so i had a phone call from her today, she was balling her eyes out crying, i asked her what she wanted and she asked to speak to me, I should of just put the phone down but its difficult when the girl you spent 2 solid years with is in tears.

She said she was finding everything really difficult that i was her best friend and she loved me so much, She didnt know why she was phoning me but said she was really emotional at the moment and didnt know why. She then went on to tell me that she had fallen out with her mom and sister over christmas - something that always happens..Big family issues there which i know all about..Finally the penny dropped...So this is why youre ringing me i asked - she laughed and said i was the only person to make her laugh when she was upset.

I told her that it wasnt my problem any more and that she had a new boyfriend to confide in, Bareing in mind 2 days earlier she posted a merry christmas picture on facebook with her and the new man, now shes contacting me telling me all this about how she feels...bla bla bla!

I gave her some quick words of advice, told her to leave her place and go to her new boyfriends - she told me she didnt want to see him and that she was going to see mates. The conversation ended.

Then i get another call about an hour later from her apologizing for calling and that she didnt mean any disrespect by it - she didnt want me to think that she was using me. I kinda showed indifference and told her not to worry and have a good rest of her xmas but it was best that we both not chat like this especially when she is in a new relationship - she agreed and said she didnt want to disrespect him either - told her that was find and then that was it.

 

[NSX-R]

Around 12 days of ending everything with her . Banged an older plate of mine and met a new female which is very attractive . I feel so much better and finally returning into my senses. So glad i ended things with her .
I believe i did it with the best way . I have no need for her but many distractions like photos and social media could make it harder for me . Glad nothing like this is there to distract me anymore .

I strongly believe she didn’t mind breaking any connection with me. I was soo much better and way beyond her league. She knew that and I’m sure about it . Anyway normally she should had chased me . Fell too much for a single woman . Not ever again .

Gonna post again if anything changes.

 

[rAFCOliver]

Today marks 1 month, ruined no contact after the work Christmas party where she came back with me after deciding to flirt with everyone in front of my face. So theoretically it’s 20 days.

Heavily invested into myself, reading the book of Pook was an eye opener for me, especially changing my mindset towards women and working on myself.

Since I decided to end it, it was a huge jump for me to overcome as I had to rearrange my social lifestyle as I was devoted for the past 9 months. One big thing that helped me was I made a list of all of the negative things that happened in the relationship, her negative traits and I read that when I start to think about her.

Since leaving her, I’ve reconnected with many friends, I’m far more social, confidence is growing daily, I’ve shedded 14lbs, got a new wardrobe. Onwards and upwards.

 

[fidel]

Sorry, if this is the wrong thread, but how does no-contact work in long distance relationships? So my new girlfriend of six months started acting distant when it comes to messaging and all like a week ago, fairly big change in behavior from her. She moved to a different city for a work project 3 months ago which will last around 6 months, or that's what she says.

Given she went cold a week ago with no messages whatsoever, I decided to wait and not do anything about it. My insecurity made me log into the dating website through which we met three days ago and surprise, surprise, she was online this week. So I just read this thread and went no contact too.

So, now three days after I log into the dating website, I suddenly get the first messages from her in a week. Not sure if it's because she noticed I was online too or whatever, but I don't care. Like the OP said, she's so far sent two messages 30 minutes apart. So, that anxiety thing must be kicking in, which is so funny. I still haven't responded to her messages from 3 hours ago, so when's the best time to reply? Let her go through an entire night without a response? I hate playing these drama games, but it's necessary once in a while.

Cheers!

 

[fidel]

There's nothing for you to win, the game is over. She's actively looking for new men to date. You're not some cuck right?

So, forget about it and just not reply? She got in touch right?

 

[rAFCOliver]

The 27th Day.

Returned to work on the 3rd of Jan, unfortunately because I work with my Ex, I see her briefly 4-5 times throughout the working day (I don't engage in any conversation unless she's directly passing and I just smile and say Hi). The saving grace is that she works on a different floor that I have to pass to go to different departments. I've really struggled as of late, even though when I do spot her she does look like **** and dejected, I can't help but think about the good times.

I'm really pleased this site exists as I've identified some toxic traits I have, thus resulting in my contribution to the breakup. Towards the end of the relationship, I lost my frame, became an emotional doormat and wasn't the original guy at the start of the relationship. However the only reason I morphed into some clingy beta male with heavy insecurities is because she was pulling away heavily without explanation so I compensated by chasing, giving her too much attention, being constantly available and too sensitive.

The only thing I miss is the companionship and nothing else. Then when I want to text her I think, "Jesus Oliver, if you crawl back, you'll instantly be disrespected at work, you'll be dangling by a thread, walking on eggshells" and what for, just to have someone to text and spend time with? Nah, you can get someone else, someone better.

I've deleted my dating apps, I'm not ready to get back out there yet and I know this maybe frowned upon (i.e go out and spin plates and you'll quickly forget she existed"), Its because I still have a long way to go, especially to regain my former confidence, humour and care free attitude. I've decided that I'm dedicating the next 3 months to me, reverting to my former confident self however vastly improved. This site has helped me massively from reading Pooks literature, I'm halfway through the DJ Bible which has helped me identify my mistakes that I've made in this past relationship.

 

[rAFCOliver]

30 Days in, half way.

Having a brutal day currently. Hearing rumours from colleagues that she’s getting into a relationship with this single father co-worker that has awful personal hygenie nor is attractive. Currently taking this into too much consideration and letting my thoughts get the better of me. I just think her disrespect is appalling and I feel ready to verbally lash out and voice my opinion.

If this doesn’t get better, I’m going to have to give up my position at work, which I’ve worked incredibly hard for just to get her out of my life.

 

[Spaz]

30 Days in, half way.

Having a brutal day currently. Hearing rumours from colleagues that she’s getting into a relationship with this single father co-worker that has awful personal hygenie nor is attractive. Currently taking this into too much consideration and letting my thoughts get the better of me. I just think her disrespect is appalling and I feel ready to verbally lash out and voice my opinion.

If this doesn’t get better, I’m going to have to give up my position at work, which I’ve worked incredibly hard for just to get her out of my life.

A soft pvssy has that much power over you ?

You must be softer then a soft pvssy to give up a hard earned position in ur workplace....

 

[rAFCOliver]

A soft pvssy has that much power over you ?

You must be softer then a soft pvssy to give up a hard earned position in ur workplace....

You’ve got a point and I can only blame myself considering I got into a workplace relationship. She’s been doing a lot lately to trigger a reaction from me. I guess it’s still raw and I’m being to sensitive to the smallest actions. I’ll probably laugh at these posts in another month.

 

[Spaz]

You’ve got a point and I can only blame myself considering I got into a workplace relationship. She’s been doing a lot lately to trigger a reaction from me. I guess it’s still raw and I’m being to sensitive to the smallest actions. I’ll probably laugh at these posts in another month.

Convince ur ego that she is a nobody and she will be a nobody.

 

[rAFCOliver]

Convince ur ego that she is a nobody and she will be a nobody.

I’ll give it a shot, easier said than done however.

 

[Spaz]

I’ll give it a shot, easier said than done however.

Reinvent urself even if you need to take on a new identity to achieve it.

 

[rAFCOliver]

34 Days Down

Pretty up-and-down week at work, saw her far more frequently than I wanted too but thats going to happen.

However! The weekend hits and I'm feeling great. Weighed myself today and I've lost a total of 16lbs since the split.

Not only that, I'm enjoying going through the DJ Bible and just wished I discovered this years ago. I feel like a very slow, but great progression is being made.

I'm regaining my confidence back at work and in general and you know what? I feel fantastic.

Days go by, sometimes hard, sometimes easy but the one major takeaway I can say to myself is I'm a far better man than I was before. Without the split, I wouldn't have identified certain toxic traits I have, how sometimes I can be too nice and available, it makes me cringe to think how I was! Well, not anymore. I've dodged an absolute bullet as she has shown her true colours since the breakup. Let her crack on.

 

[SoSuave666]

Reinvent urself even if you need to take on a new identity to achieve it.

Many people do this. Slim Shady was Marshall Mathers' alter ego. David Goggins created "Goggins." It's a way of separating from yourself, and looking intimately at who you are and saying **** that, stop being a *****. Very powerful stuff.

 

[rAFCOliver]

37 days.

It feels like a switch has gone off inside me, I hardly care about her anymore. Purchased Rollos book which is proving to be a fantastic read.

One thing I’ve noticed is she constantly stares at me if I have conversations with co-workers and it’s incredibly obvious to see. I owe her nothing, I’m improving by the day. It feels like I’ve had a breakthrough.

 

[GrowingPains]

37 days.

It feels like a switch has gone off inside me, I hardly care about her anymore. Purchased Rollos book which is proving to be a fantastic read.

One thing I’ve noticed is she constantly stares at me if I have conversations with co-workers and it’s incredibly obvious to see. I owe her nothing, I’m improving by the day. It feels like I’ve had a breakthrough.

Sounds like you're starting to focus on yourself and not her. Good for you man, keep at it.

 

[rAFCOliver]

42 days.

Feeling absolutely great. Heavily invested in work, the gym and participating in a lot more social events with friends/family. I’m in the best shape I have been for a while. Had a few nights out, with a new confidence and I’m in the best position ever. Looked back on my original post which brought me to this site and some on this thread and I can gladly say I’m so much better, and fully over her.

 

[rAFCOliver]

45 days.

Nothing much to report. All is fine. Work has been going alright, she’s tried to grab my attention a few times and I just don’t entertain her. Going away for the weekend with friends so it’s going to be a heavy one, looking forward to practicing my newly acquired skills.