How do you guys overcome all the obstacles?

[bigdave17]

I went out tonight for black Wednesday and literally didn't see a single opportunity to approach a woman without a billion obstacles in the way.

Saw this super cute Italian girl and she was there with 2 friends and talking to a million different dudes all night long. Zero opportunity there to approach without a million obstacles in the way

How do you guys overcome everything in your way? it's crazy how hard dating is as a male.

What's insane here is that I'm easily in top 5% or men in looks and body and I still have zero chance. I can't imagine how impossible this stuff is for avg men

 

[lamath]

You should still be out.
Its too early i am on east coast its 1 am here,

 

[zekko]

I went out tonight for black Wednesday and literally didn't see a single opportunity to approach a woman without a billion obstacles in the way.

A billion? That is a lot of obstacles to overcome.

Saw this super cute Italian girl and she was there with 2 friends and talking to a million different dudes all night long

A million different guys? Damn, what an attention ho.

Zero opportunity there to approach without a million obstacles in the way

A million is a lot.

What's insane here is that I'm easily in top 5% or men in looks and body

 

[bigdave17]

You should still be out.
Its too early i am on east coast its 1 am here,

I was out for 3 or 4 hours tonight


absolute garbage. Didn't see one remotely decent opportunity

 

[RedScorpion]

Why don't you check out these two threads. Guy has the same problems and thoughts as you - lots of quality advice there.

https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/i-went-out-to-a-little-house-party-tonight.253590/
https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/how-do-90-of-men-out-of-college-say-23-30-meet-someone.253519/

Seriously though, you've been told 'the answer' many times over. You're inconsolable.

The only way is for you to learn for yourself.

 

[Alvafe]

try using a tank next time, work well on obstacles

 

[Serenity]

How do you guys overcome everything in your way?

I realized it was all in my head, that there's nothing physically preventing me from going up to someone and start talking. When I first started doing it I often meditated with the intent to clear my mind before going out, remove all those distracting thoughts or at least make myself able to overlook them. I don't need to meditate anymore, got better mental control nowadays, probably as a result of my meditation.

I remember one of the first times I cold approached. I was just out with my female cousin at a club, no intention that night of doing pick-up. She jokingly told me to approach some random girl at a nearby table sitting there with her friends, I just said "ok" and went over there. Went for some talk, it was slightly cringy when I look back on it, but my game wasn't good yet. The point wasn't to win, it wasn't to avoid awkwardness, the point was to just do it. I had no plan as I approached, didn't know what to say or do and you're probably feeling that anxiety just reading this. I had to come up with something to say on the spot, which my mind had all the motivation in the world to do, it was worse awkwardly walking away or saying nothing. I left myself no choice. She was polite, but I could detect that she wasn't interested. Even though I didn't get her I was happy about it, because I gained experience, I could use that to be better next time.

What was the negative consequence of doing that? Nothing! Absolutely nothing bad came from it. I just did the approach, didn't get the positive outcome (getting the girl) and then everything was like before I did it except I was satisfied with defying those imaginary obstacles.

There was a lot of mental obstacles for me, but I just disobeyed it and walk right through it. Don't dwell on them, decide before going out what impulses you should listen to and when they appear you immediately act upon them. Don't allow your mind the time to even come up with excuses, don't think just act. You like a girl? Don't think, just approach.

 

[Mike32ct]

I have always gone out early. I’m of the opinion that, if the women are surrounded by sausage, you got to bar/club too late.

Notwithstanding, with your looks, you need to approach anyway and BigDave-MOG those MF-ers.

 

[sazc]

Blah blah blah blah blah, same merry go round, broken record, between 3 and 5 pages, troll, tenacity, blah blah blah blah blah

 

[lamath]

Blah blah blah blah blah, same merry go round, broken record, between 3 and 5 pages, troll, tenacity, blah blah blah blah blah

I agree i really do believe that Dave biggest problem is his attitude and way of thinking

From his past post i feel like he is getting a bit desperate, and is trying too hard.

In love being desperate/trying too hard is a big SMV downer

 

[lamath]

I realized it was all in my head, that there's nothing physically preventing me from going up to someone and start talking. When I first started doing it I often meditated with the intent to clear my mind before going out, remove all those distracting thoughts or at least make myself able to overlook them. I don't need to meditate anymore, got better mental control nowadays, probably as a result of my meditation.

I remember one of the first times I cold approached. I was just out with my female cousin at a club, no intention that night of doing pick-up. She jokingly told me to approach some random girl at a nearby table sitting there with her friends, I just said "ok" and went over there. Went for some talk, it was slightly cringy when I look back on it, but my game wasn't good yet. The point wasn't to win, it wasn't to avoid awkwardness, the point was to just do it. I had no plan as I approached, didn't know what to say or do and you're probably feeling that anxiety just reading this. I had to come up with something to say on the spot, which my mind had all the motivation in the world to do, it was worse awkwardly walking away or saying nothing. I left myself no choice. She was polite, but I could detect that she wasn't interested. Even though I didn't get her I was happy about it, because I gained experience, I could use that to be better next time.

What was the negative consequence of doing that? Nothing! Absolutely nothing bad came from it. I just did the approach, didn't get the positive outcome (getting the girl) and then everything was like before I did it except I was satisfied with defying those imaginary obstacles.

There was a lot of mental obstacles for me, but I just disobeyed it and walk right through it. Don't dwell on them, decide before going out what impulses you should listen to and when they appear you immediately act upon them. Don't allow your mind the time to even come up with excuses, don't think just act. You like a girl? Don't think, just approach.

Meditation is a good suggestion
Also visualization, guided imagery, mindfulness like many athlete do to deal with performance anxiety will help change fears into future possibilities.

 

[Murk]

You are obviously not top 5% for looks Dave or you would attract women effortlessly.

You make threads saying "I'm only average" "I'm a 7.5" and now you are saying top 5%.

Just admit it, you think you're a solid 8/9 - but you're actually a 6.

Keep crying mate.

 

[lamath]

Dave i like the way you are not taking ppl replies personal and the wrong way.


So dont take the following personally


I think your perspective is flawed on many things and the way you rationalize everything and the constant use of numbers make me think of someone with some light aspect of Asperger/Autism

I might be completely wrong, but thats how you come across


Here is a few trait for

• Difficulty seeing “parts-to-whole” and “whole-to-parts” relationships
• Prefer technical/factual information over abstract
• Inappropriate behaviour given the social situation (e.g., speaking too loud in place of worship)
• Exaggerated emotional response to situations (e.g., tantrums when asked to something that they don’t want to do)
• Superior ability to focus on favourite activity or area of interest (e.g., spends hours mastering video game to the exclusion of other pastimes)
• Despite a desire for friends, difficulty in initiating or maintaining close relationships
• Problems reading non-verbal or social cues or understanding/using social rules
• Very socially naïve and as a result are often taken advantage of, rejected, or bullied
• Social contact may be directed by them (e.g. play is “on their terms” or not at all)
• Poor (or intense) eye contact, atypical use of gestures and flat or inappropriate facial expressions
• One-sided conversations, and little ability for “small talk”
• May appear overly shy or overly extroverted, but inappropriately so
• Unaware of others’ thoughts, feelings or perceptions resulting in inadvertently appearing rude or inconsiderate
• Literal interpretation of communication from others
• Avoidant of social contact or events, and may experience heightened anxiety in social situations
• Communication is used for delivering information or requesting, not as a way of interacting socially

 

[sazc]

Someone cant judge is own looks in an objective way.
Your mother opinion dont count lollllll

Also some more factor can affect the way women sees you (how you dress, body language, posture, eye contact and even how you smile)

Eric Estrada!

 

[RangerMIke]

You have the wrong mindset, that is your ONLY obstacle. You are going out with the INTENT to get a chick, when your INTENT should be to go out and have fun. Go do stuff you enjoy doing and if you meet a chick, great... icing on the cake... if you don't find a woman that interests you... no problem you are having fun anyway.

You are putting WAY too much value on chicks, this puts you in a needy mindset that is not attractive.

 

[spinich]

Look in the mirror. And see the biggest obstacle of all. You.....

 

[Dr.Suave]

Ignore the obstacles and go TAKE what you want. If you wanna cold approach just do it but remember IDGAF attitude, be outcome inddiferent.

 

[bigdave17]

Absolutely not, not even close. Not even top 20%

you said I was around a 7/10

If you think 20% of the male general public is anywhere near a 7/10, you're smoking crack

Go into the general public dude. Our idea of a good looking dude - in shape, decent face, lean, dressed nice is like 5% of dudes. The online idea of a chad is 1 in 10,000

this reminds me of people who think 100K is average...you look up the stats and only 1% of men between 25-35 make 100K.

 

[Von]

I realized it was all in my head, that there's nothing physically preventing me from going up to someone and start talking. When I first started doing it I often meditated with the intent to clear my mind before going out, remove all those distracting thoughts or at least make myself able to overlook them. I don't need to meditate anymore, got better mental control nowadays, probably as a result of my meditation.

I remember one of the first times I cold approached. I was just out with my female cousin at a club, no intention that night of doing pick-up. She jokingly told me to approach some random girl at a nearby table sitting there with her friends, I just said "ok" and went over there. Went for some talk, it was slightly cringy when I look back on it, but my game wasn't good yet. The point wasn't to win, it wasn't to avoid awkwardness, the point was to just do it. I had no plan as I approached, didn't know what to say or do and you're probably feeling that anxiety just reading this. I had to come up with something to say on the spot, which my mind had all the motivation in the world to do, it was worse awkwardly walking away or saying nothing. I left myself no choice. She was polite, but I could detect that she wasn't interested. Even though I didn't get her I was happy about it, because I gained experience, I could use that to be better next time.

What was the negative consequence of doing that? Nothing! Absolutely nothing bad came from it. I just did the approach, didn't get the positive outcome (getting the girl) and then everything was like before I did it except I was satisfied with defying those imaginary obstacles.

There was a lot of mental obstacles for me, but I just disobeyed it and walk right through it. Don't dwell on them, decide before going out what impulses you should listen to and when they appear you immediately act upon them. Don't allow your mind the time to even come up with excuses, don't think just act. You like a girl? Don't think, just approach.

Obstacle appears when you remove your eyes from the Goal.

Since collège (18years old) i have been working on myself. Its all in the head.

More after coming here in 2016. I realized that my mentality and growth in socialisation had been insecure/needy/beta/narcissitc and total lack of self-confidence and positiveness.

What i did to overcome this?
I had a goal: meet women and feel good about myself.

How? Everytime my mind would think negatively or say "dont do it" ... I did the reverse (i went to talk and to do it)!

Results: i had alot of date and in 2 years had more fun/sex than in entire life.

Info: you know you come from a place of negativity, your brain automatically reject everything that's good for you. So dont listen, do the opposite, do the reverse in actions of what your brain/heart tells you until you become confident and good from all the wins.

You have the external attributes to win, you have a goal. Do it.

BTW: if the girl is surrounded and you go up to her to seduce her... Your SMV will skyrocket and she'll get horny from your confidence.

Why? So few guys have the guts to make a move to a group of women.

Women are the reverse of Guys mentally. So do the unlogical and it will work.

Include:
You have to do it for yourself and fun (it's not work).. Like Ranger said

 

[Serenity]

How? Everytime my mind would think negatively or say "dont do it" ... I did the reverse (i went to talk and to do it)!

This is exactly what I did! My mind would make up excuses and all sorts of negative thoughts, then I'd catch myself doing it and straight up defy it. Kinda like when someone says "I bet you can't do it" and you respond "oh yeah? We'll see about that".

The mind can't be trusted. We are not our thoughts, we are not even our emotions, just as we are not our senses. We are the attention that supervises it and we can by choice exert control. This gives us a choice to accept or reject our own thoughts, like the thought that it's hard to do something.

Another thing I have discovered is how nervousness and excitement is the same base emotion, but with different thought patterns. The first is negative and the other is positive, all the difference lies in the interpretation of the feeling.

I think psychology, NLP and the "inner game" stuff is severely underrated when men talk about getting women. It has made a huge difference to me and any other who has internalized it.