Do you bring up that her online dating profile is still online?

[AJ84]

I agree with much of this. The game you use to get you into a relationship at some point doesn't work anymore to maintain the relationship.

Yeah, at some point you have to let your guard down and take that risk if what you are looking for is a relationship. It’s not easy and I think most of us would prefer some absolute certainty before being vulnerable (especially if we’ve been burned before) but it doesn’t work like that, unfortunately lol.

I think for many women when deciding to move things towards a relationship, they are going to base that on some level of comfort and trust, in addition to his masculine energy that compliments her feminine energy and how he makes her feel.
When she doesn’t know where she stands with him, it’s going to be hard to have that comfort and trust and it’s going to be hard to feel good about the situation. I think that would be a natural reaction for any of us.

 

[AJ84]

Warped beyond belief.

1. She is leading him to believe she is invested in him when she is not.

2. The way high IL women obtain more affection is by asking for it and pushing for LTR, not by meeting new men. He is acting the same as when he attracted her.

3. He got onto OLD bc he suspected she was being disingenuous.

The woman is initiating all the contact, cooking for him, introducing him to her family, asking for his guidance on stuff, sending sexy pics and having regular sex with him. If this is low interest, what is high interest?

He is also still online too is he not? So what does that say about him LA? They both still have an online dating account and she is making more of an effort than he is according to what he is posting so really, if anyone should be wondering what the other’s intentions are it should be her.

 

[AJ84]

Like come on: ‘hey I’m not really making an effort. Why is she keeping her options open when I am not making an effort?’

That’s how I’m seeing this.

 

[Ranger]

The woman is initiating all the contact, cooking for him, introducing him to her family, asking for his guidance on stuff, sending sexy pics and having regular sex with him. If this is low interest, what is high interest?
.

Yeah, She’s good to go. I challenge the initial intent of “looking for the golden girlfriend” frame.
I think it does leave him wide open for a thrashing. It’s the wrong model. This in itself will eventually be his undoing. Not because she is evil or a bad person. She may even be cool as fuk.
He is not ready for a “relationship”.

 

[AJ84]

1. Women do that with placeholder men they date. Completely common.

2. why can't your brain understand that he only logged in bc his gut said she was being disingenuous? This is some crazy blame shifting time travel sh1t

Oh LA, ok, so what do you advise him to do. Dump her because she still has an online dating account even though he himself also still has an online dating account?
So only he is allowed to have this account open and she supposed to close her account and put all her eggs in the basket of a man who is telling us he is not making much of an effort with her?
Scratching my head here....

 

[AJ84]

Yeah, She’s good to go. I challenge the initial intent of “looking for the golden girlfriend” frame.
I think it does leave him wide open for a thrashing. It’s the wrong model. This in itself will eventually be his undoing. Not because she is evil or a bad person. She may even be cool as fuk.
He is not ready for a “relationship”.

I agree. Maybe he was burned a lot before so it would be understandable to be guarded but I don’t think he’s in a place yet to consider a relationship and the giving and risks that it would involve, which is nothing bad against him, it’s just where he is right now that’s all.

 

[RickTheToad]

-What is it about her profile being online reappearance on match that bothers you?
Just seemed strange. That is all. It gave me an uncomfortable feeling.

-Are you afraid that she may drop you for a perceived upgrade once a branch is lined up?
Always a possibility.

-Are you afraid if she meets someone else that you won’t do better (for now)?
No.

-Beyond the packing heat cop, do you have other plates in the bullpen?
Not right now.

-Aside from dating, how else is everything in your life going?
Very well.

-Do you see your family and friends when you’re not with her?
Yes.

-Do you have and thrive in your hobbies/interests?
Yes.

-Are you genuinely happy with your life?
Yes.

-Are you kicking a$s and taking names at work/business?
Always.

-Are you still in shape physically?
Yes. Workout 3 - 4 days a week.

-Are you eating well?
Yes. Very conscious on what I eat.

 

[Glassguy]

Just keep banging her. Have fun when the 2 of you go out and then have great sex. Thats it.

Unless you are a relationship chaser the rest of it doesnt matter. If she has her OLD profile still active, doesnt matter. You will either keep having fun dates and good sex to the point she starts bringing up the relationship talk (Ex: what are we?, are you seeing anyone else?, etc) or eventually the flame will die out. Either way you are scoring now so keep on keeping on. The relationship aspect will be brought up by her over time if it gets there. Dont lose sleep if it doesnt.

What I would do is this: Pay attention to her actions (her OLD profile being active) but not bring it up. That is a needy move IMO. Just pay attention to it. And you are still on the OLD site too so who cares. At this point you are not exclusive so if she has another date this week there is nothing you can do about it. Control your actions and not hers. You should still be chatting with and seeing other women so to not put all of your eggs in this very shaky basket.

 

[RickTheToad]

Female prespective: You’re saying that you don’t initiate texts, you give her ‘nibbles’ while she shares stuff with you, she said you’re hard to figure out but seems to be trying understand where she stands with you by reaching out, asking your opinion on things etc.
And you’re not giving much by your own account.
So why the hell would she not keep her options open? If she isn’t really sure after three months?
People are commenting on her low interest (the woman who is cooking, texting and sexing you regularly - low interest ok) but honestly all I see is your low interest so is it any wonder here that her profile is still up? Why would you not consider how your own behaviour may be influencing hers? If you actually like her, Initiate some texts, give a bit a more than a nibble?
Otherwise why should she hang on to something that she may not be sure of? Would you?
And you’re still on the site too no? You’re logging in so I assume so. So.....there’s that...

I've cooked for her a number of times. I've listened to her talk about her day and life. We do things together. I wasn't on the site as I hid my profile. Her, not so much.

 

[17 shots]

I wouldn't pay it any mind. Some women literally just get on there when they're bored. They aren't like us where every time we get on we're looking for action

 

[marmel75]

I've cooked for her a number of times. I've listened to her talk about her day and life. We do things together. I wasn't on the site as I hid my profile. Her, not so much.

This is what women call being emotionally unavailable.

 

[soulforge]

I hadn't logged in a for a few weeks, but last time I did, her profile was not online. For some reason I just got the urge to check, so I logged in again and her profile was visible. I know we've only been seeing each other for almost 3 months, and we did discuss if either was having sex with others, so she said no. I am a little taken back. Do I just let it slide and pay no attention? She's been texting me for a few hours already, I've not responded as I am a bit shocked. My mind is telling me I cannot bring it up as it's a pvssy move, but not sure what to do? I did look at her phone when she was with me for a few days, but no notifications. I am assuming she's smart enough to turn off notifications before she comes by. She also spent yesterday cooking for me as well. I know, as recently as two weeks ago, she wasn't active, but again, it bothers me.

Low interest.. She is keeping her options open!

My long term plate soon to be girlfriend removed herself from online dating within two weeks of dating.

She gives me her phone all of the time, the only thing she has is Facebook and I don't give much fuks about that.

3 months in you say? Yup she is defo keeping options open.

If she is showing as ONLINE on a dating site, then without a doubt she is talking to other dudes, receiving Dik pics from them.

Who knows what she will do next.. Maybe go on a date?

 

[The Duke]

Female prespective: You’re saying that you don’t initiate texts, you give her ‘nibbles’ while she shares stuff with you, she said you’re hard to figure out but seems to be trying understand where she stands with you by reaching out, asking your opinion on things etc.
And you’re not giving much by your own account.
So why the hell would she not keep her options open? If she isn’t really sure after three months?
People are commenting on her low interest (the woman who is cooking, texting and sexing you regularly - low interest ok) but honestly all I see is your low interest so is it any wonder here that her profile is still up? Why would you not consider how your own behaviour may be influencing hers? If you actually like her, Initiate some texts, give a bit a more than a nibble?
Otherwise why should she hang on to something that she may not be sure of? Would you?
And you’re still on the site too no? You’re logging in so I assume so. So.....there’s that...

Glad you pointed this out, I had similar thoughts. If you want someone to commit, you have to be willing to commit or move in that direction as well. From what OP has shared, it seems that she has shown more interest in something more than he has.

 

[AttackFormation]

I hadn't logged in a for a few weeks, but last time I did, her profile was not online. For some reason I just got the urge to check, so I logged in again and her profile was visible. I know we've only been seeing each other for almost 3 months, and we did discuss if either was having sex with others, so she said no. I am a little taken back. Do I just let it slide and pay no attention? She's been texting me for a few hours already, I've not responded as I am a bit shocked. My mind is telling me I cannot bring it up as it's a pvssy move, but not sure what to do? I did look at her phone when she was with me for a few days, but no notifications. I am assuming she's smart enough to turn off notifications before she comes by. She also spent yesterday cooking for me as well. I know, as recently as two weeks ago, she wasn't active, but again, it bothers me.

Ok, so you've been seeing each other for 3 months and you were still logging into OLD a few weeks ago. You then for some reason, complain that she's done the same thing you just said you did. And then you've not actually told us if you like her or not, what you want from her, and what context you feel that puts both of your behaviors in for you.

Honestly you confuse me more than a woman ever could hope to. I don't understand what, if any 'problem' as such at all? that you're trying to communicate.

 

[AJ84]

I've cooked for her a number of times. I've listened to her talk about her day and life. We do things together. I wasn't on the site as I hid my profile. Her, not so much.

Then talk to her about it. If you feel that it’s at the point where there is no need for her (and you) to have an account online then express that, because that’s what seems be bothering you. If she seems resistant to that then you have more clarity about her intentions and how much she is keeping her options open.

She’s limited by what you say and do, she’s not a mind reader so I’m assuming she has no idea that this is even an issue.

If you don’t bring it up with her then how is communication going to work in this potential relationship, if that’s where you want this to go?

The other option is to withdraw, which, if she is keeping her options open, will confirm in her mind why she should.

I don’t get why some guys have such an issue with communicating what is bothering them with a girl they are dating. It doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you have boundaries that you want her to be aware of.

I wonder how many guys messed up a good thing by withdrawing and stepping up some ‘game’ rather than actually communicating with the girl when an issue arose.

 

[AttackFormation]

I don’t get why some guys have such an issue with communicating what is bothering them with a girl they are dating. It doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you have boundaries that you want her to be aware of.

Two reasons:

1) They think expressing boundaries overtly is more likely to be counter-productive than make a difference, because it just lets her know what to hide and you'll see her actions and thus level of respect for you anyway (this is me).

or,

2) They've read online by "alphas" that you're not "alpha" if you want someone to be your girlfriend and you make it happen (or if you want someone to be your girlfriend period). If you want it then you have to sit and wait for her to do it, or you're beta. At the same time "alphas do what they want" and "men are direct".

 

[HankHill]

if you want to bring it up then bring it up. I can promise it makes you look insecure as fvck tho which is very unattractive.

See I have a problem with this. My ex (3+yr LTR) used to throw the 'insecurity' label at me because I wasn't ok with her going out for drinks with her ex. I told her, it's not insecurity it's out right disrespectful to me. I'm territorial and loyal and expect the same from a woman who wants more than a romp with me.

LTRs are a bit different than this early dating situation though. Rick, is your profile still up?

For now I'd say don't invest too much emotionally but keep going as if nothing has happened because her actions (from what you've described) do say that she's into you, right now. When she brings up the exclusivity thing at that point you can define what that means to you. Although, she has to be a gf/LTR material before you go that route.

 

[marmel75]

See I have a problem with this. My ex (3+yr LTR) used to throw the 'insecurity' label at me because I wasn't ok with her going out for drinks with her ex. I told her, it's not insecurity it's out right disrespectful to me. I'm territorial and loyal and expect the same from a woman who wants more than a romp with me.

LTRs are a bit different than this early dating situation though. Rick, is your profile still up?

For now I'd say don't invest too much emotionally but keep going as if nothing has happened because her actions (from what you've described) do say that she's into you, right now. When she brings up the exclusivity thing at that point you can define what that means to you. Although, she has to be a gf/LTR material before you go that route.

Why? His actions say he doesnt want to be exclusive and isnt interested in it, but he somehow expects her to be exclusive? I mean it makes so little sense to me I dont even know what the discussion is about.

Either he wants to be invested in a relationship or he doesn't. He doesn't get to play both sides of the card while holding her to only playing one.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

See I have a problem with this. My ex (3+yr LTR) used to throw the 'insecurity' label at me because I wasn't ok with her going out for drinks with her ex. I told her, it's not insecurity it's out right disrespectful to me. I'm territorial and loyal and expect the same from a woman who wants more than a romp with me.

LTRs are a bit different than this early dating situation though. Rick, is your profile still up?

For now I'd say don't invest too much emotionally but keep going as if nothing has happened because her actions (from what you've described) do say that she's into you, right now. When she brings up the exclusivity thing at that point you can define what that means to you. Although, she has to be a gf/LTR material before you go that route.

Why didnt her ex go to drinks with another female? If he was really a friend he would come visit the both of you as a unit.

 

[AttackFormation]

Why? His actions say he doesnt want to be exclusive and isnt interested in it, but he somehow expects her to be exclusive? I mean it makes so little sense to me I dont even know what the discussion is about.

Either he wants to be invested in a relationship or he doesn't. He doesn't get to play both sides of the card while holding her to only playing one.

^ That's this OP in a nutshell to me lol

It's no wonder she said he's "hard to figure out". Even when he's supposedly laying it out, I still don't understand if he has his own will and if he does, what it is and how he relates that to what's going on. OP to me is like a rudderless abandoned ship with its communications knocked out.