How to handle the end?! Need advice :)

[Boxerr1]

So, my girlfriend and I have just broken up. It was her idea not mine but I accepted in the end. Although I made it clear I wasn’t convinced, and that we should try again, she didn’t want to give me another chance. She said it was too late. I had almost broken up with her myself a few times also.

Story

We met online in the middle of 2017 on a housemate site as we were both looking to move into a new shared place! We met up for dinner and got along well and agreed to find a house together with another girl.

We eventually found a 3 bedroom house. Before we moved in, she needed a place to stay for a couple of weeks so I let her use my apartment while I was travelling for work.

Shortly after we all moved into our new house together. Within 2 weeks of moving in together we started sleeping together. After a few months of the same this turned to casual dating and then more serious dating (we stopped see other people)

Early this year, we had a massive argument which was very very messy (police involved). That same day, she immediately moved out and we cut contact completely.

A couple weeks later after it all settled we both were missing each other a crazy amount (no contact at all after she moved out) and so our other housemate surprised me one night when she brought her over. It was an incredible moment. That night we made up and became boyfriend/girlfriend.

We then dated for 6 months after that, however it was bumpy with extreme highs and lows. Her close friends didn’t like me because they didn’t think I treated her right. During this time we both did stupid things but mine were a little worse and harder to understand - I’d say and do stupid things too often and never show her any emotion to her, compliment her, apologise etc. I had a lot going on in life outside the relationship and so did she.

The last two weeks were rough and we hadn’t had sex at all during it.

Two saturdays ago I said something to her out of frustration which was really bad (told her if she keeps acting like she does I’ll cheat on her). Later that night we talked and almost broke up (I was an emotional mess as I was very drunk), but so was she. We agreed to meet during the week for dinner to talk about it.

I knew it was over. During the dinner last week we held hands, kissed, touched and flirted a lot (she’s often commented when I starred at her that “this isn’t helping!!”) but at the end she said she didn’t want to continue. I apologised for the first time ever for the things I’d done and she was surprised. I tried to change her mind (a mistake, I know!) but it was pointless. She said during the dinner she still wanted to still see me (as friends with benefits - according to her closest friends it’s the best sex she’s ever had) but I said it wasn’t a good idea.

After dinner, I asked if she wanted to come over to **** one last time and she didn’t hesitate at all. It was as always, EXTREMELY good, however she was crying a lot. She didn’t want to stay the night and left. I made it clear if we break up that I don’t want her in my life again.

I deleted her on Facebook and Instagram that night (she knew I would). A few days later she unfollowed me on Instagram and a few days after that (yesterday) she blocked me there (she probably saw me tagged somewhere). She said she would be very uncomfortable seeing me with other girls. She still has photos of me on her profile.

Us

She’s 23 and I’m 26. I’m highly successful in my career and girls seem to find me attractive (tall, muscly etc). She was always very jealous. She’s outgoing and energetic but recently been down because she has no money, a lot of debt and doesn’t know what she wants to do in life. We are opposites in some areas like this.

Advice?

Truth is I’m still madly in love with her and she said she still was with me also. That night when I was an emotional mess was a turning point for me - I opened up a lot but she said it was too late.

I still would like another chance with her (I probably don’t deserve it) but she feels hurt by things I’ve done and wants to move on, despite openly telling me she’s still madly in love and crazy attracted to me.

I felt like she was lying to herself while breaking up with me - almost forcing herself to override her deep love and crazy level of attraction for me. Almost being too logical.

Apart from no contact, what other things would you recommend to make her re-evaluate her thoughts/miss me enough? I turned down being friends with benefits but was this a good move? Would it have been better to continue having sex to keep the emotions there?

As I said there was a turning point for me when I was drunk and emotional and it had changed me for the better, but too late.

Questions:

• How do you deal with a breakup where love and attraction are still at peak levels?
• Was declining the option of being ‘friends with benefits’ a good choice?
• How do I proceed from here to somehow get her back? (We have many mutual friends. She still has large items at my house and also has some of mine but I’ve been on no contact and am blocked in places).

 

[marmel75]

People who are in love with someone dont break up with them. That's just Lip service from her. Obviously there is a need or needs she has that you were not able to meet which has led to this point.

It sucks and it will take time but things will get better.

 

[Billtx49]

How do you deal with a breakup where love and attraction are still at peak levels?

• How do I proceed from here to somehow get her back?

Realize that you are the only person that currently feels that way…

You don’t, you logically put her in your rear view mirror, and go find a better girl for you…

 

[Boxerr1]

Things would be easier for me if I can convince myself that she doesn’t, but our mutual friends say otherwise.

It also doesn’t help that she was out with her close friend (who hates me a lot) the night before. Everytime they hang out my ex gf would have this weird grudge on me the day after.

She still has a fridge at my house. As we broke up I offered to have it delivered to her house. She made excuses saying it is too complex to move and that the only person who can do it is her dad (who will be in the city at the end of December).

 

[Spaz]

Women r strange creatures. When they r madly in love, all logical thoughts flies out the window - no exceptions.

You could be the biggest baddest jerk ever and they'll still stick with you.

It's when they fall out of love but still cling on to some memories that they act as you're described.

Best for you to move on, bury or at least control that emotionalism within you - it degrades ur manhood and it's not an attractive trait.

 

[Boxerr1]

Well I did act like a jerk often which is the main reason for this ending. Her friends planted the seed in her mind and I didn’t do much to stop it from growing!

The no contact is hard but i know I can maintain it. I feel when/if contact is broken I may catch up with her for a coffee and slowly progress it back up again if I still feel strongly about her. ****ing her again won’t be a challenge - it’s coming back and showing her the change I want her to see.

She was also creating a painting for me which she was working on for weeks. She said she wanted to finish it and give it to me but I told her not to.

 

[Spaz]

With this mindset, you're going 2 be in a lot of hurt, react as an AFC and then she'll drop you ASAP.

That's my prediction. Well I'm actually lying, I know it's going to end up that way.

Seen it countless of times, it only works with single mom's and women over the wall.

Wishing you luck with ur choices.

 

[Boxerr1]

With this mindset, you're going 2 be in a lot of hurt, react as an AFC and then she'll drop you ASAP.

That's my prediction. Well I'm actually lying, I know it's going to end up that way.

Seen it countless of times, it only works with single mom's and women over the wall.

Wishing you luck with ur choices.

I get that and I agree the chances are against me for this. At best I could become fwb but I’d need to cut all emotion which I doubt I could do (well not yet anyways).

The only reason I think it could work is because of the way we broke up - I’ve never been in a situation like that when her body language, tone of voice, eye contact and all indicators were that she was heavily attached and attracted to me, yet her words spoke otherwise. It was weird.

We would be eating, then stop, stare at each other and make out passionately in the middle of the restaurant during that last dinner! Would be much easier if we ended it in a normal way or hating each other!

 

[Spaz]

A man who has too much emotions will always hv trouble with women. For her it's like being in a relationship with another woman with a d1ck.

You hv to control that lover boy passions. Ur looks alone is not enough to sustain a relationship.

What you need is 2 build a more masculine character.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Questions:

• How do you deal with a breakup where love and attraction are still at peak levels?

Love is a fantasy. It's a delusion like a crazy person, a schizo thinking they hear voices. It's not real life. All but a biological response to oxytocin and your projecting a ideal onto a woman who is incapable of being. Furthermore, you need tough love. Women breakup for 1) be single as in, skiing down cawk mountain or 2) wants a specific ****.

But a tombstone. Put her name on it. She is dead to you. Go n/c. It's over. Go get girls. Thinner, hotter, younger.

Was declining the option of being ‘friends with benefits’ a good choice?

Inability to cut ties at any point, pump the breaks, and go get new girls is key. This is the disconnect between a man's ideal in a woman versus reality.

• How do I proceed from here to somehow get her back? (We have many mutual friends. She still has large items at my house and also has some of mine but I’ve been on no contact and am blocked in places).

You never date in your circle. You never make the bone head move of bringing women I to your social circle outside the odd outing. You then blur lines and when it implodes, she will monkey branch and mistake your friends as for hers.

There is no getting her back. She is proceeding with getting a good stabbing. You getting her back then makes you a cuck. If you are still pursuing despite cuck status, you then brought the entire story onto yourself. If you have options, "love" becomes irrelevant. It's about time you cut the ****, grow a pair of nuts, and go get baeeeeeees.

The best vengeance is in creating a life worth remembering. Women aren't your purpose. You must lose all the b/s. It's about the transitory stuff. It's about transcending who and what you are.


Women are not going to absolve you of your burden of performance nor your pursuit of purpose in this life. For a short period, you can fill the void with a woman but it's a bandaid. It's a crutch. True liberation is standing on your own two feet.

The best revenge is to crush it. To begin your hero's journey zeroed out. Start from ground zero or below. Go slay some dragons. Face your demons. All your insecurities will surface now. Integrate your shadow.

I am on my path in life. I am going places. Women can come with or get left behind.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I get that and I agree the chances are against me for this. At best I could become fwb but I’d need to cut all emotion which I doubt I could do (well not yet anyways).

The only reason I think it could work is because of the way we broke up - I’ve never been in a situation like that when her body language, tone of voice, eye contact and all indicators were that she was heavily attached and attracted to me, yet her words spoke otherwise. It was weird.

We would be eating, then stop, stare at each other and make out passionately in the middle of the restaurant during that last dinner! Would be much easier if we ended it in a normal way or hating each other!

Which is why, it's a foolsmate. A fwb is a good idea for plates you spin. Not the girls reproach of hoping for white picket fence.

The same thing she did with you, she will be doing with other men, as in pleural. More then one. Blame ****ty game, low test, and a culture that promotes cratered SMV.

If you actually step up, in three years time, you can get a better option, top form SMV, 18-23. Said woman is +3yra older, heavier, closer to the wall.

There's no sweeter feel then running into train wrecks from your past. If I were to guess, likely she us single mom status by then. Good riddance.

#nextSet

 

[Bingo-Player]

ive been through something similar , its a horrendous feeling that cannot be described and cannot be reasoned with

you'll need to refer to the old analogy that women are like cats

when you are over affectionate or in this case over emotional they tend to run away from you

if you are calm and collected they will usually eventually return to their rightful owner (you)

i shut my GF out in the cold for 4 months when we went through something similar no social media , no texting , no snapchatting , no socialising with mutal freinds nothing

and my case was even worse because there was another EX of hers involved

sure enough after around 3-4 months she was begging for me back i left it around 5-6 months before i started communicating with her again

we are back together now and it left me in a very powerful position and i really do get away with murder because from that point onward she knew i would dissapear at any sign of disrespect ,

every cloud has a silver lining

unfortunately you are going to need to ride the next few months out dont socialise with mutual friends and delete her off all social media

if she eventually comes back then you will know shes serious , if she doesn't then you've dodged a potential bullet anyway

 

[Glassguy]

This woman seems incredibly toxic, as does your short relationship with her.

Did anyone else find it concerning that they didnt start sleeping together until after she had moved in with him?

I am smelling total beta AFC.

OP if you are as attractive and successful as you say you are, drop this chick like its hott and go date other women.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This woman seems incredibly toxic, as does your short relationship with her.

Did anyone else find it concerning that they didnt start sleeping together until after she had moved in with him?

I am smelling total beta AFC.

OP if you are as attractive and successful as you say you are, drop this chick like its hott and go date other women.

Gawd damn.

 

[sph21]

Her close friends didn’t like me because they didn’t think I treated her right.

Women are herd creatures. They influence each other. Your ex gf is no exception. Her decision to dump you was partially influenced by her close friends.

During this time we both did stupid things but mine were a little worse and harder to understand - I’d say and do stupid things too often and never show her any emotion to her, compliment her, apologise etc

Basically, you became boring. Women love to to feel anything except feeling bored. Desdinova wrote a very good post explaining it: The Inner Workings of Women: Emotion

Lastly, words are unreliable when used to determine whether she's madly in love with you or not. Her action by blocking you on social media is a clear sign of what her real intention regarding your relationship.

By the way, have you read "fifteen lessons" written by Pook? His 3rd lesson is to judge by actions, not by words. If you start judging her by her actions, then you'll stop confusing about what her words mean to you. You'll save lots of your time from wondering whether she still in love with you or not.

 

[Boxerr1]

This woman seems incredibly toxic, as does your short relationship with her.

Did anyone else find it concerning that they didnt start sleeping together until after she had moved in with him?

I am smelling total beta AFC.

OP if you are as attractive and successful as you say you are, drop this chick like its hott and go date other women.

Well I didn’t want to sleep with her to begin with, and neither did she, because we were going to live together and it was not a smart idea. After a few drinks together that idea came crashing down.

She knows I will be able to move on easily (get more girls). I even slept with our other housemate, who is now her best friend, during the time we lived together and she was always insecure about that.

Yes I was a little nicer to her towards the end of the relationship but I always had a “jerk” vibe which would lead to many arguments. I never complemented her appearance or said overly nice things - it was as if I still had the pickup artist mindset and didn’t transition to being in a relationship (whatever that looks like!).

Thanks for the advice everyone. I’m not going to wait around for anything with her and will move on and see other women. But, if the opportunity presents itself from her side I will play it by ear. I’ll remain on no contact!

 

[Spaz]

Women are herd creatures. They influence each other. Your ex gf is no exception. Her decision to dump you was partially influenced by her close friends.


Basically, you became boring. Women love to to feel anything except feeling bored. Desdinova wrote a very good post explaining it: The Inner Workings of Women: Emotion

Lastly, words are unreliable when used to determine whether she's madly in love with you or not. Her action by blocking you on social media is a clear sign of what her real intention regarding your relationship.

By the way, have you read "fifteen lessons" written by Pook? His 3rd lesson is to judge by actions, not by words. If you start judging her by her actions, then you'll stop confusing about what her words mean to you. You'll save lots of your time from wondering whether she still in love with you or not.

Pa khabar org indon skrg?

Byk kecelakaan tetapi kuatkan semangat ya.

 

[Soflobro#3]

Love is a fantasy. It's a delusion like a crazy person, a schizo thinking they hear voices. It's not real life. All but a biological response to oxytocin and your projecting a ideal onto a woman who is incapable of being. Furthermore, you need tough love. Women breakup for 1) be single as in, skiing down cawk mountain or 2) wants a specific ****.

But a tombstone. Put her name on it. She is dead to you. Go n/c. It's over. Go get girls. Thinner, hotter, younger.




Inability to cut ties at any point, pump the breaks, and go get new girls is key. This is the disconnect between a man's ideal in a woman versus reality.



You never date in your circle. You never make the bone head move of bringing women I to your social circle outside the odd outing. You then blur lines and when it implodes, she will monkey branch and mistake your friends as for hers.

There is no getting her back. She is proceeding with getting a good stabbing. You getting her back then makes you a cuck. If you are still pursuing despite cuck status, you then brought the entire story onto yourself. If you have options, "love" becomes irrelevant. It's about time you cut the ****, grow a pair of nuts, and go get baeeeeeees.

The best vengeance is in creating a life worth remembering. Women aren't your purpose. You must lose all the b/s. It's about the transitory stuff. It's about transcending who and what you are.


Women are not going to absolve you of your burden of performance nor your pursuit of purpose in this life. For a short period, you can fill the void with a woman but it's a bandaid. It's a crutch. True liberation is standing on your own two feet.

The best revenge is to crush it. To begin your hero's journey zeroed out. Start from ground zero or below. Go slay some dragons. Face your demons. All your insecurities will surface now. Integrate your shadow.

I am on my path in life. I am going places. Women can come with or get left behind.

I think that love feeling is just insecurity or something similar

 

[Soflobro#3]

Well I did act like a jerk often which is the main reason for this ending. Her friends planted the seed in her mind and I didn’t do much to stop it from growing!

The no contact is hard but i know I can maintain it. I feel when/if contact is broken I may catch up with her for a coffee and slowly progress it back up again if I still feel strongly about her. ****ing her again won’t be a challenge - it’s coming back and showing her the change I want her to see.

She was also creating a painting for me which she was working on for weeks. She said she wanted to finish it and give it to me but I told her not to.

How did you act like a jerk? Sounds to me like she was using you. A woman who loves you will sacrifice a lot for you. Sounds like you did all the sacrificing here.

 

[Soflobro#3]

W

Well I didn’t want to sleep with her to begin with, and neither did she, because we were going to live together and it was not a smart idea. After a few drinks together that idea came crashing down.

She knows I will be able to move on easily (get more girls). I even slept with our other housemate, who is now her best friend, during the time we lived together and she was always insecure about that.

Yes I was a little nicer to her towards the end of the relationship but I always had a “jerk” vibe which would lead to many arguments. I never complemented her appearance or said overly nice things - it was as if I still had the pickup artist mindset and didn’t transition to being in a relationship (whatever that looks like!).

Thanks for the advice everyone. I’m not going to wait around for anything with her and will move on and see other women. But, if the opportunity presents itself from her side I will play it by ear. I’ll remain on no contact!

Wtf