Dealing with suspected cheating

[cutthecrapdammit]

My question is - How do you handle dealing with wife who you think cheated, but you have no conclusive proof?

I made the mistake of confronting her without definitive proof.....I began reading tomassi & kay too late to know stfu.

I've been on the self improvement program, lifting, eating better, reading everything I can find on married red pill sidebar.

I'm running the MAP, improving myself to the point where I'll be fine or better off if this marriage ends, by mine/hers/mutual decision.

In the mean time - it is gut wrenching, and while I accept and believe in the red pill, after being blue pill my entire life - I'm unplugging and it hurts.

Advice wanted

 

[marvinlfloresq]

Well, I have not been married. I have been cheated on and it hurts to find out. Its like you feel love & betrayal at the same time. Gut wrenching.

It happens, don't take it personal. After all we are all fragile people. You already jumped the gun at making an accusation, so, the dynamic has changed big time. At that level, you need to just ask the right questions. Get a bottle of wine, and ask. Not directly, but, is she happy in the marriage? Tell her why you suspect her of cheating. Give her the little you may have. Sorry but you need to start thinking back, did she ever express discomfort? Was there an event or fight recently? Has your sex life decline?

Are you ready to hear the truth if something is happening? These are the things to focus on, before you keep moving. Are you a calm person, is there kids involved? Can you forgive her and work at "what" made her take this route. If you are patient, and she still has interest in you, she will open up.
Something I painfully learn, is that the courtship never ends. People fall out of love for what ever reason. Take day by day now.

 

[highSpeed]

Well, I have not been married. I have been cheated on and it hurts to find out. Its like you feel love & betrayal at the same time. Gut wrenching.

It happens, don't take it personal. After all we are all fragile people. You already jumped the gun at making an accusation, so, the dynamic has changed big time. At that level, you need to just ask the right questions. Get a bottle of wine, and ask. Not directly, but, is she happy in the marriage? Tell her why you suspect her of cheating. Give her the little you may have. Sorry but you need to start thinking back, did she ever express discomfort? Was there an event or fight recently? Has your sex life decline?

Are you ready to hear the truth if something is happening? These are the things to focus on, before you keep moving. Are you a calm person, is there kids involved? Can you forgive her and work at "what" made her take this route. If you are patient, and she still has interest in you, she will open up.
Something I painfully learn, is that the courtship never ends. People fall out of love for what ever reason. Take day by day now.

Those are all nice pie in the sky type of advice, did you get that from a hallmark card?

Number one, what does he hope to learn? Yes, I let him f*ck me right in the a$$. Hmm boy, good stuff to have that image rolling around in your head. No recovering from that, no matter how much booze or therapy you goto. You're always going to have that image of her in your head as long as you are together.

Two, what is there to recover? Yep, she cheated, great, now let's fix this mess? Are you serious? What is there to fix? Even if you could "fix" it, how could you ever trust her. Sorry honey, this is going wrong. Oh, oh, she might cheat again. Gee, she's been late at work all this week, I wonder if anything is going on. I mean, I could continue, but why? You know he can't trust her anymore, he knows he can't trust her anymore and she knows he doesn't trust her anymore, what else is there to say?

Finally, how do you get past being second fiddle? Here you are, investing in the relationship. Going to work, spending time with her, if there are kids, being a great parent. Probably very little time for the relationship but somehow, someway, she found time to go out and get her a$$ pounded. Nope, no going back from being friend zoned from your own wife, significant other.

 

[stovepipe]

After what I've been through and all the self improvement I've done. It has made me not take no ch!t from no one anymore. Dont care if it's my wife or gf If you cheat or disrespect me I wont even waste my breath explaining myself. I walk away for good and stay nc forever. It's the only thing you can do to even put a dent in their ego aside from cheating back which I wont stoop to that level. They didnt have any respect to tell you about the cheating. So why should you respect them enough to tell them you know about it? Obviously Id need solid proof first before I plan my escape. Then again a little proof will change the whole dynamic anyway as your trust for her is basically gone or questioned

Now I just leave when a women crosses a certain line. Really does make you feel good to walk away. The more you do it, the stronger your frame will get. If you're listening to Tomassi you know he also says to leave a women right away if shes cheating with no explanation. The benefits from doing it this way greatly play in your favor. Talking about will only uncover details and truths that will cause you more pain and prolong your healing. Leaving her with no heads up gives you all the power. Probably the only power play you have left at that point. Take advantage of it cause I can tell you right now I get hunted by one painful relationship in particular that taught me this valuable lesson. It would have saved me tons of pain, stress, anguish, shame and most importantly self respect. Never be afraid to walk away!

 

[Ranger]

My question is - How do you handle dealing with wife who you think cheated, but you have no conclusive proof?

I made the mistake of confronting her without definitive proof.....I began reading tomassi & kay too late to know stfu.

I've been on the self improvement program, lifting, eating better, reading everything I can find on married red pill sidebar.

I'm running the MAP, improving myself to the point where I'll be fine or better off if this marriage ends, by mine/hers/mutual decision.

In the mean time - it is gut wrenching, and while I accept and believe in the red pill, after being blue pill my entire life - I'm unplugging and it hurts.

Advice wanted

I understand completely. How has she been acting towards you? Starting arguments? Snide comments? Totally turns things around in you and won’t answer questions directly?

My advice is to go with your gut instincts with regards to this. This is an internal mechanism that men have when her small patterns have changed. Your subconscious picks them up and fires your suspicion circuits.

Does she have male friends? What has changed?

Keep in mind that if you are looking better and feeling better her competition anxiety will kick in. She’s under duress from what she believes is a real danger of you getting your mojo back. It scares the hell out of some and they double down in their efforts to keep you squashed so she doesn’t loose her investment. Despite the fact that they are sucking other diks. Only they are allowed to do that.

Don’t stop what you are doing. No matter what. She will never leave obvious evidence. Ever. They are masters at the game of cheating.

 

[marvinlfloresq]

Those are all nice pie in the sky type of advice, did you get that from a hallmark card?

Number one, what does he hope to learn? Yes, I let him f*ck me right in the a$$. Hmm boy, good stuff to have that image rolling around in your head. No recovering from that, no matter how much booze or therapy you goto. You're always going to have that image of her in your head as long as you are together.

Two, what is there to recover? Yep, she cheated, great, now let's fix this mess? Are you serious? What is there to fix? Even if you could "fix" it, how could you ever trust her. Sorry honey, this is going wrong. Oh, oh, she might cheat again. Gee, she's been late at work all this week, I wonder if anything is going on. I mean, I could continue, but why? You know he can't trust her anymore, he knows he can't trust her anymore and she knows he doesn't trust her anymore, what else is there to say?

Finally, how do you get past being second fiddle? Here you are, investing in the relationship. Going to work, spending time with her, if there are kids, being a great parent. Probably very little time for the relationship but somehow, someway, she found time to go out and get her a$$ pounded. Nope, no going back from being friend zoned from your own wife, significant other.

You are funny. He asked how to handle a wife who he "thinks" cheated.

No its not a hallmark card. I lived this situation. Had to get counseling and survived. He's married, not in high school. "They have to talk about it", they may have assets.

He's not even sure what happen, so, read the severity of his delema. Sure, run away, and then what, repeat the same mistake? Women who have interest dont cheat. Besides, you think its that easy to just leave her? She's his wife for christ sake. Omg you kids these days....

Yo, read and understand before you voice an opinion, what would happen if nothing has happen and he starts a fire?

Op needs to be sure before taking action. Then he can chose to leave or work it out. Grow up already, this is serious ****.

 

[Spaz]

Men have an uncanny ability to subconsciously detect variations in people's routines, behavioural patterns etc. Those small variations by itself could go unnoticed until an accumulation of variations triggers your suspicion - instinct.

It would be wise to not dismiss your suspicion by then nor is it wise to talk to your wife about it. In the art of manipulation, women are the undisputed geniuses.

What you can change is yourself and your actions;

Work on yourself 1st, those that you posted is a good start.

Apply silence and distance, observe her reactions to that.

Remember, people say can say a lot of things but what they end up doing is actually what they are/desire/want.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

My question is - How do you handle dealing with wife who you think cheated, but you have no conclusive proof?

I made the mistake of confronting her without definitive proof.....I began reading tomassi & kay too late to know stfu.

I've been on the self improvement program, lifting, eating better, reading everything I can find on married red pill sidebar.

I'm running the MAP, improving myself to the point where I'll be fine or better off if this marriage ends, by mine/hers/mutual decision.

In the mean time - it is gut wrenching, and while I accept and believe in the red pill, after being blue pill my entire life - I'm unplugging and it hurts.

Advice wanted

If you think she cheated, 99% probability that she did.

How long married? Kids? Who makes more money?

-Augustus-

 

[The Diver]

Besides, you think its that easy to just leave her? She's his wife for christ sake. Omg you kids these days....

You sound pathetic.
If he'll find she cheated on him, he needs to kick her to the curb and not look back.

 

[marvinlfloresq]

You sound pathetic.
If he'll find she cheated on him, he needs to kick her to the curb and not look back.

Nevermind, my comment was for the op. I speak from personal experience. I am not here to entertain adolescence. He can do what he thinks is best for him.

 

[Ranger]

Op needs to be sure before taking action. Then he can chose to leave or work it out. Grow up already, this is serious ****.

He will never be sure unless he catches them in the act. That is a femcentric way of putting it. Just like they have to “talk”.
Actually they don’t have to talk and she will just turn him inside out in talking.
Read more of the thread. We are wired to turn to suspicion when enough variations in routine and habits take place. It’s hard wired into us.
The feminine imperative says he has to have undeniable proof. Which he will never get.
The feminine social world just shames us with “your just controlling and jealous”

Just two days ago I talked to a woman that was slamming her husband for those very two things to me. Her husband was absolutely correct. She was a very naughty girl. A c@ck riding carousel rider to the bone. Her husband was right to be jealous and controlling from a biological standpoint.

TRUST YOUR GUT! We are wired to pick up behavioral changes in a mate.

 

[devilkingx2]

I don't think you need undeniable proof or insurmountable evidence or anything like that, a series of coincidences is enough.

-She's secretive with her phone (won't let you see it, always texting but you don't know who, deleted/hidden messages and conversations, contacts that you've got no idea who they are, etc.)

-She's busier than normal with no logical explanation, starts going out more for no reason, doesn't invite you out with her/let you come

-She's less horny, less sexual, less romantic or less intimate than before with no logical explanation (I'm tired or i have a headache is bull**** if used more than rarely)

-She's much happier and in better spirits than before for no reason (could be caused by infatuation)

- she fixes up her appearance and takes better care to look pretty, but it doesn't seem to have anything to do with you

-she meets new people and talks about them a lot/sometimes (what is the most likely reason a girl meets a guy then keeps in touch with them or something vague like "a new friend/co-worker")

-she starts lying to you or hiding things from you in general, especially if you directly catch her doing this on purpose

-she takes you for granted in general, not giving you credit where it's due, picking fights over nothing, being critical over small **** no one cares about, comparing you negatively to others, etc.

Etc.

When that sort of stuff starts happening and becoming common/noticeable/unmistakable that's when you have to take action and dump her,

personally i confront them first to hear their lies on the off chance that they have a reasonable explanation (like they're throwing me a surprise party for my birthday), but I'm good at telling when people are lying and i don't lose my resolve easily. Girls trying to lie to me generally only digs them into a deeper hole, even if their excuse makes sense and can cover anything at first glance it always falls apart upon further analysis.

Part of the trick here is that most of the coincidences to look for when it comes to cheating in my list are grounds to dump her all on their own even if she's loyal and faithful (right now) unless she has a good reason for that stuff

I don't believe "once a cheater always a cheater" but i do believe that 99% of the time cheating is an instant dump and never look back, possibly not even for sex. With only a few rare exceptions (it really was special circumstances that won't happen again, she bends over backwards and moves mountains for forgiveness, she lets you bang other girls to get even, you never really cared about her or were serious with her in the first place, You somehow caused her to cheat like convincing her to get a job as a masseuse in a shady parlor, etc.)

 

[marvinlfloresq]

He will never be sure unless he catches them in the act. That is a femcentric way of putting it. Just like they have to “talk”.
Actually they don’t have to talk and she will just turn him inside out in talking.
Read more of the thread. We are wired to turn to suspicion when enough variations in routine and habits take place. It’s hard wired into us.
The feminine imperative says he has to have undeniable proof. Which he will never get.
The feminine social world just shames us with “your just controlling and jealous”

Just two days ago I talked to a woman that was slamming her husband for those very two things to me. Her husband was absolutely correct. She was a very naughty girl. A c@ck riding carousel rider to the bone. Her husband was right to be jealous and controlling from a biological standpoint.

TRUST YOUR GUT! We are wired to pick up behavioral changes in a mate.

I disagree. Yes I read The Rational Male, twice. Listen, I dont know this woman. IMO, I would talk with her. You guys are so much into this demonizing women that are making wrong assumptions. He does not have proof, period.

Get the woman drunk, she will spill the beans. She Will overtly tell him shes not in love anymore. You think she wants to keep living this way as well? And what spider sense are you talking about? Either it happen or it did not. Stop being paranoid lol

 

[Spaz]

I don't think you need undeniable proof or insurmountable evidence or anything like that, a series of coincidences is enough.

-She's secretive with her phone (won't let you see it, always texting but you don't know who, deleted/hidden messages and conversations, contacts that you've got no idea who they are, etc.)

-She's busier than normal with no logical explanation, starts going out more for no reason, doesn't invite you out with her/let you come

-She's less horny, less sexual, less romantic or less intimate than before with no logical explanation (I'm tired or i have a headache is bull**** if used more than rarely)

-She's much happier and in better spirits than before for no reason (could be caused by infatuation)

- she fixes up her appearance and takes better care to look pretty, but it doesn't seem to have anything to do with you

-she meets new people and talks about them a lot/sometimes (what is the most likely reason a girl meets a guy then keeps in touch with them or something vague like "a new friend/co-worker")

-she starts lying to you or hiding things from you in general, especially if you directly catch her doing this on purpose

-she takes you for granted in general, not giving you credit where it's due, picking fights over nothing, being critical over small **** no one cares about, comparing you negatively to others, etc.

Etc.

When that sort of stuff starts happening and becoming common/noticeable/unmistakable that's when you have to take action and dump her,

personally i confront them first to hear their lies on the off chance that they have a reasonable explanation (like they're throwing me a surprise party for my birthday), but I'm good at telling when people are lying and i don't lose my resolve easily. Girls trying to lie to me generally only digs them into a deeper hole, even if their excuse makes sense and can cover anything at first glance it always falls apart upon further analysis.

Part of the trick here is that most of the coincidences to look for when it comes to cheating in my list are grounds to dump her all on their own even if she's loyal and faithful (right now) unless she has a good reason for that stuff

I don't believe "once a cheater always a cheater" but i do believe that 99% of the time cheating is an instant dump and never look back, possibly not even for sex. With only a few rare exceptions (it really was special circumstances that won't happen again, she bends over backwards and moves mountains for forgiveness, she lets you bang other girls to get even, you never really cared about her or were serious with her in the first place, You somehow caused her to cheat like convincing her to get a job as a masseuse in a shady parlor, etc.)

It always starts off with emotional cheating and then escalating into physical cheating.

Excluding those rare exception case, I agree with everything else.

A man must recognise those instincts, act upon it, be ready to dismiss and move on.

 

[Spaz]

I disagree. Yes I read The Rational Male, twice. Listen, I dont know this woman. IMO, I would talk with her. You guys are so much into this demonizing women that are making wrong assumptions. He does not have proof, period.

Get the woman drunk, she will spill the beans. She Will overtly tell him shes not in love anymore. You think she wants to keep living this way as well? And what spider sense are you talking about? Either it happen or it did not. Stop being paranoid lol

If a man is inherently dominant and has skills as a hunter, he will trust his instincts, it has serve him well in the past to be wary for more often then not, in all situations, it is justified.

And the more passive a man is, the more he searches for logic.

Instinct is nothing more then a series of variations that your mind subconsciously picks up.

 

[devilkingx2]

It always starts off with emotional cheating and then escalating into physical cheating.

In a marriage? I'd say yes, probably. Ditto in any serious LTR

But aside from that I'd say physical cheating coming first is probably far more common

 

[marvinlfloresq]

If a man is inherently dominant and has skills as a hunter, he will trust his instincts, it has serve him well in the past to be wary for more often then not, in all situations, it is justified.

And the more passive a man is, the more he searches for logic.

Instinct is nothing more then a series of variations that your mind subconsciously picks up.

Oh sorry, I was not aware of this "spider man sense" Spaz. Heck, go to court with this spider man stuff, "let" me know what happens.

 

[Spaz]

Oh sorry, I was not aware of this "spider man sense" Spaz. Heck, go to court with this spider man stuff, "let" me know what happens.

I already know that you're only fvck a maximum of maybe 2 to 3 women in ur entire existence. And this is me being generous.

And all of them dumped you.

I'd also profile you as one of those boys who continually orbits women in the hope she's going to take some interest in you.

There's no point lying.

 

[devilkingx2]

I already know that you're only fvck a maximum of maybe 2 to 3 women in ur entire existence. And this is me being generous.

And all of them dumped you.

I'd also profile you as one of those boys who continually orbits women in the hope she's going to take some interest in you.

There's no point lying.

Not gonna lie i don't believe in this idea that your gut is a detective either, my instincts are fvcked and lead me astray all the time. My gut reactions lead me into trouble all the time.

Generally, the more time i think and analyze, the better my decisions become

 

[marvinlfloresq]

I already know that you're only fvck a maximum of maybe 2 to 3 women in ur entire existence. And this is me being generous.

Spaz, listen, I think I lived more then you. I think I have traveled more as well. Why would I post something that I don

And all of them dumped you.

I'd also profile you as one of those boys who continually orbits women in the hope she's going to take some interest in you.

There's no point lying.

Not gonna lie i don't believe in this idea that your gut is a detective either, my instincts are fvcked and lead me astray all the time. My gut reactions lead me into trouble all the time.

Generally, the more time i think and analyze, the better my decisions become

thank you.

Finally, someone with common sense. Not this "spider man instinct" stuff.