My biggest misunderstanding

[Ranger]

Having internalized Tomassi, I was writing at lunch. (I Write Books) and I stumbled onto something that I was doing during my 20+ year marriage that really messed me up.

As men we are always looking for a solution to problems or solving something. That’s what we do. It’s our gift.

So when things didn’t go well for me, lack of intimacy, being rationed sex, sometimes going weeks or months without even being touched in a kind way by a spouse, we tend to go into a mode that is an introverted but effective way to handle the problems of life. We make that turn onto a path that has no real direction as we don’t have enough information to even travel that path to solving an issue.

In the end there is failure waiting by the road sign. Looking back, a part of me understood everything. It just wasn’t within my grasp. The brain washing set up a conflict in my head. Society and the world says one thing (feminine imperative used to cover up breeding strategies) but your guts are telling you something else.

Those two opposing ideas or concepts paralyze us. They are in conflict.
Does that make us stop trying to solve it?
Oh hell no. We really are that aggressively tenacious. We absolutely won’t give up. It’s an un-winnable battle.

It all boils down to one thing. The statement I probably needed to really hear.

“You can’t cure a woman of being a woman.”

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Having internalized Tomassi, I was writing at lunch. (I Write Books) and I stumbled onto something that I was doing during my 20+ year marriage that really messed me up.

As men we are always looking for a solution to problems or solving something. That’s what we do. It’s our gift.

So when things didn’t go well for me, lack of intimacy, being rationed sex, sometimes going weeks or months without even being touched in a kind way by a spouse, we tend to go into a mode that is an introverted but effective way to handle the problems of life. We make that turn onto a path that has no real direction as we don’t have enough information to even travel that path to solving an issue.

In the end there is failure waiting by the road sign. Looking back, a part of me understood everything. It just wasn’t within my grasp. The brain washing set up a conflict in my head. Society and the world says one thing (feminine imperative used to cover up breeding strategies) but your guts are telling you something else.

Those two opposing ideas or concepts paralyze us. They are in conflict.
Does that make us trying to solve it?
Oh hell no. We really are that aggressively tenacious. We absolutely won’t give up. It’s an in-winnable battle.

It all boils down to one thing. The statement I probably needed to really hear.

“You can’t cure a woman of being a woman.”

You have an amazing amount of detail for that particular position many men find themselves in.

Looking back was there anything you couldve done to alter the course?

Im even considering extreme actions such as ignoring her. Making her do all her own work pay for her own shyt. Have an affair. Etc.

Was there anything yoi couldve done to adjust that situation.

And i get it. Most of us whove gotten in that position do what we think we should. We give her more time, we give her more attention, we try to comply to all her wishes and demands, we try to be nice and romantic. Which are the exact wrong things to do for someone behaving badly.

Comment please

 

[Ranger]

Let me roll it around in my head a little. I will give the best comment I know how to do. It won’t be regular red pill stuff in an exact form because it won’t help.

 

[Ranger]

Evidently someone didn’t like my post. So will finish it for relationship guys off site. Or a moderator can tell me what needs to come out of it and I will repost it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Evidently someone didn’t like my post. So will finish it for relationship guys off site. Or a moderator can tell me what needs to come out of it and I will repost it.

Wow i didnt see it. It mustve been good shyt but upset a status wuo somewhere.

 

[highSpeed]

Having internalized Tomassi, I was writing at lunch. (I Write Books) and I stumbled onto something that I was doing during my 20+ year marriage that really messed me up.

As men we are always looking for a solution to problems or solving something. That’s what we do. It’s our gift.

So when things didn’t go well for me, lack of intimacy, being rationed sex, sometimes going weeks or months without even being touched in a kind way by a spouse, we tend to go into a mode that is an introverted but effective way to handle the problems of life. We make that turn onto a path that has no real direction as we don’t have enough information to even travel that path to solving an issue.

In the end there is failure waiting by the road sign. Looking back, a part of me understood everything. It just wasn’t within my grasp. The brain washing set up a conflict in my head. Society and the world says one thing (feminine imperative used to cover up breeding strategies) but your guts are telling you something else.

Those two opposing ideas or concepts paralyze us. They are in conflict.
Does that make us stop trying to solve it?
Oh hell no. We really are that aggressively tenacious. We absolutely won’t give up. It’s an un-winnable battle.

It all boils down to one thing. The statement I probably needed to really hear.

“You can’t cure a woman of being a woman.”

No truer words have ever been spoken. You can't cure a woman of being a woman but as a man, you can get smarter. I can only wish that I knew the things 20 years ago that I know today. So much conflict with literally no way of resolving it could have been avoided for me. I could have focused on bettering myself and making me into a better me, not only to attract more females but to ascend to a higher level.

I got into this thinking relationships would be a good way to fill an emotional void of sorts but ended up realizing if you want an emotional/physical relationship with a woman, the last thing you should do is actually be in a committed relationship. The only thing that awaits the vast majority of men in committed relationships is being committed to some institution. Women pursue men into relationships, secure resources, attention, offspring and the man is no longer needed. Besides being a walking ATM machine, which if he has kids especially, he has no choice in being so.

It's a con fellas, the game is rigged, now more than ever with the state and the long arm of the law involved. Yes, you may meet the rare unicorn but honestly, I would never, ever again bet my youth on finding the unicorn.

 

[Ranger]

It was good. I didn’t come up with it by myself. After listening to tomaasi’s book five times i pieced it together with what I learned from hard knocks.

 

[Ranger]

No truer words have ever been spoken. You can't cure a woman of being a woman but as a man, you can get smarter. I can only wish that I knew the things 20 years ago that I know today. So much conflict with literally no way of resolving it could have been avoided for me. I could have focused on bettering myself and making me into a better me, not only to attract more females but to ascend to a higher level.

I got into this thinking relationships would be a good way to fill an emotional void of sorts but ended up realizing if you want an emotional/physical relationship with a woman, the last thing you should do is actually be in a committed relationship. The only thing that awaits the vast majority of men in committed relationships is being committed to some institution. Women pursue men into relationships, secure resources, attention, offspring and the man is no longer needed. Besides being a walking ATM machine, which if he has kids especially, he has no choice in being so.

It's a con fellas, the game is rigged, now more than ever with the state and the long arm of the law involved. Yes, you may meet the rare unicorn but honestly, I would never, ever again bet my youth on finding the unicorn.

Yeah I was covering that when my post got yanked.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Woman may have been programmed to do exactly what they do to us men. Just as we are rewriting our programming in dealing with them.

 

[Ranger]

Absolutely. It’s fantastic. Almost unbelievable in fact.

 

[R.U.G.]

I can only speak from personal experience. When my ex-wife started to withdraw from the marriage, I couldn't figure out why. I VAR'd her to get her honest opinions and thoughts and it was like a different woman. Since it was pure disgust and resentment which others had also said it might just be in her head, there was no use in looking for a positive resolution. So, yes, I tried to work on the marriage, but at the same time I started to prepare for a divorce. I had a weird feeling in my stomach that it was over. My stomach was right, my heart was wrong. The lesson is to always go with your gut feeling. The gut doesn't have to concern itself with what the heart wants or thinks. It looks though situations to see them how they are. That's what I learned. Tough pill to swallow.

 

[highSpeed]

I can only speak from personal experience. When my ex-wife started to withdraw from the marriage, I couldn't figure out why. I VAR'd her to get her honest opinions and thoughts and it was like a different woman. Since it was pure disgust and resentment which others had also said it might just be in her head, there was no use in looking for a positive resolution. So, yes, I tried to work on the marriage, but at the same time I started to prepare for a divorce. I had a weird feeling in my stomach that it was over. My stomach was right, my heart was wrong. The lesson is to always go with your gut feeling. The gut doesn't have to concern itself with what the heart wants or thinks. It looks though situations to see them how they are. That's what I learned. Tough pill to swallow.

I hate to use those words gut feeling and heart, they are all parts of you. I think we've all seen enough, read enough and been through enough to know when we're being played. It's our intuition, our mind that sees this perhaps ahead of when our consciousness wants to admit it and lets us know. It's tough to see or admit that you're seeing a woman who is no longer interested in you, especially one that you've committed to, are potentially economically responsible for and who has supposedly committed to you.

For me, my marriage, it goes like this these days, "It's all my fault, it's always been all my fault and once I realize that is when this marriage can start to get back on track." She decides she doesn't want to have sex for months on end, that's my fault. We have a disagreement over something, it's my fault. We don't agree on how to parent the children, it's my fault. I can literally count on one hand the number of times over the last couple of years the times that she's apologize for anything and it's usually either something minor in the grand scheme of things and/or a half *ssed apology that is a backhanded swipe at me. Something like "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "You're too sensitive" is usually the ramblings that center around something she can't specifically blame on me. Am I always right? Hell no but usually, I'm pretty sound logically.

But see, these are the things my father never prepared me for. Never got the wisdom of how to interact with women, when to commit, when to show attention and when to not. I had to figure this out for myself and honestly, it's all been learned through the school of hard knocks. Would I ever put up with any of this crap if I wasn't financially responsible for her and not willing to hand over my kids lock stock and barrel? Hell no but here I am, stuck in a situation where I can't afford the cardboard box down the street if I leave and don't want my kids poisoned against me.

 

[R.U.G.]

I hate to use those words gut feeling and heart, they are all parts of you. I think we've all seen enough, read enough and been through enough to know when we're being played. It's our intuition, our mind that sees this perhaps ahead of when our consciousness wants to admit it and lets us know. It's tough to see or admit that you're seeing a woman who is no longer interested in you, especially one that you've committed to, are potentially economically responsible for and who has supposedly committed to you.

For me, my marriage, it goes like this these days, "It's all my fault, it's always been all my fault and once I realize that is when this marriage can start to get back on track." She decides she doesn't want to have sex for months on end, that's my fault. We have a disagreement over something, it's my fault. We don't agree on how to parent the children, it's my fault. I can literally count on one hand the number of times over the last couple of years the times that she's apologize for anything and it's usually either something minor in the grand scheme of things and/or a half *ssed apology that is a backhanded swipe at me. Something like "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "You're too sensitive" is usually the ramblings that center around something she can't specifically blame on me. Am I always right? Hell no but usually, I'm pretty sound logically.

But see, these are the things my father never prepared me for. Never got the wisdom of how to interact with women, when to commit, when to show attention and when to not. I had to figure this out for myself and honestly, it's all been learned through the school of hard knocks. Would I ever put up with any of this crap if I wasn't financially responsible for her and not willing to hand over my kids lock stock and barrel? Hell no but here I am, stuck in a situation where I can't afford the cardboard box down the street if I leave and don't want my kids poisoned against me.

I believe men and women used to work at things when they had disagreements. Men naturally want to solve the puzzle, women rather talk to their friends, family or the man on the moon rather than resolve the problems. I still do not know the real problems aside from it was in her head. However, I did know, I am too old for this sh!t. I gave it the old college try in resolving the situation; however it is what it is. With my ex-wife and the other women I've dated since then all have some sort of trauma that they've experienced in their lives. Whether it be divorce, death, etc. Since they've never gotten over that internally, eventually they bring it into the new relationship. Which, in time, can erode that relationship as well. Men were always taught to keep their feelings in and muscle through it. Women where always taught to express their emotions and talk things out. Nowadays, it seems the opposite. Plus, a lot of men run after their women, which makes it worse. Yea, she did complain about that.. I never ran after her.. Oh well.

I have learned a great deal about myself through that separation and subsequent divorce many years ago. I feel it's made me a better man as well. Once a woman, and there have been a few, try to use manipulation, withhold sex, or disrespect me, they are gone. I find acting aloof most of the time and giving some attention works best. Obviously, it's not the best way to handle things, but this is the state of women these days with all of the social programming and brain washing. It also goes back to the simple fact the one who cares the least has more to gain. Or, the like the old saying goes, don't hate the player, hate the game.

No one really can prepare another person for manipulation. Until you experience it, most will never see it coming. All relationships would be better off if both parties talked out their issues. However, this rarely happens. What does happen, usually, is that the man wants to get to the bottom of the issue and resolve it. The woman sees him chasing and gets even more turned off. It's a catch-22 situation at that point. Whereas, nobody can win.

 

[Spaz]

Once a women loses attraction and starts acting disrespectful, there's nothing you could do but leave, cut off all contact, delete her from all ur social media etc. Be an invincible ghost to her and even towards ur children (if any).

That will flip the script.

2 people who's been together for more then a year will be bonded to each other, it's inevitable and the longer you've been together the more deeper that bond. Cutting that bond immediately will affect her. There's no way it doesn't. Its more then likely she'll initiate contact. She can't stand not knowing.

But hold on. Let her suffer some more. By then she has created multiple scenarios, imagined or real in her mind. Her hamster will start spinning over time, her emotions will spike then suddenly out of the blue, she'll realise she's in love with you, that feeling that spark that was lost has now returned with urgency.

Once that happens she'll come back into your FRAME.

Gentlemen, the ability to dismiss is a powerful tool when applied properly.

Side note: If she doesn't initiate contact after 6 months then that relationship is as good as dead.

I've had an 80% "returnees" rate by doing this and they were not even wife's.

 

[Ranger]

I’ve read through these and agree that the only plausible solution is what Spaz says.

There is no talking to a spouse about what’s wrong with the relationship. It never works and it all gets turned back on you.
The reason everything is your fault has nothing to do with your relationship. There’s no women craziness there. They are not acting out of the norm and there’s no feminine mystery or mystique.
All that stuff is smoke and mirrors.
Stop talking and start observing. Stop talking. Believe absolutely nothing she says. It’s all intended to reduce you. Everything she says is a lie when she gets that way.
If you forgot to rinse off your plate on Wednesday and it’s just another silly dagger to toss at you, remember she is incapable of taking any responsibility for her conduct so she gives it to you as a nice present for being such a good cuck and letting her run the show.

 

[Ranger]

If you think about what Spaz said you can reason out that her little imagination is working overtime. Her competition anxiety amps up to where it should be.
That causes a physiological reaction and her body takes over. When once she felt no desire...she now feels plenty of desire for you.
She must never forget that she’s there out of your good graces and that other women want you and want to fuk you. That in itself makes a good woman out of her.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Once a women loses attraction and starts acting disrespectful, there's nothing you could do but leave, cut off all contact, delete her from all ur social media etc. Be an invincible ghost to her and even towards ur children (if any).

That will flip the script.

2 people who's been together for more then a year will be bonded to each other, it's inevitable and the longer you've been together the more deeper that bond. Cutting that bond immediately will affect her. There's no way it doesn't. Its more then likely she'll initiate contact. She can't stand not knowing.

But hold on. Let her suffer some more. By then she has created multiple scenarios, imagined or real in her mind. Her hamster will start spinning over time, her emotions will spike then suddenly out of the blue, she'll realise she's in love with you, that feeling that spark that was lost has now returned with urgency.

Once that happens she'll come back into your FRAME.

Gentlemen, the ability to dismiss is a powerful tool when applied properly.

Side note: If she doesn't initiate contact after 6 months then that relationship is as good as dead.

I've had an 80% "returnees" rate by doing this and they were not even wife's.

I’ve read through these and agree that the only plausible solution is what Spaz says.

There is no talking to a spouse about what’s wrong with the relationship. It never works and it all gets turned back on you.
The reason everything is your fault has nothing to do with your relationship. There’s no women craziness there. They are not acting out of the norm and there’s no feminine mystery or mystique.
All that stuff is smoke and mirrors.
Stop talking and start observing. Stop talking. Believe absolutely nothing she says. It’s all intended to reduce you. Everything she says is a lie when she gets that way.
If you forgot to rinse off your plate on Wednesday and it’s just another silly dagger to toss at you, remember she is incapable of taking any responsibility for her conduct so she gives it to you as a nice present for being such a good cuck and letting her run the show.

You cant talk but you can take action or STOP doing some things.

 

[Spaz]

If you think about what Spaz said you can reason out that her little imagination is working overtime. Her competition anxiety amps up to where it should be.
That causes a physiological reaction and her body takes over. When once she felt no desire...she now feels plenty of desire for you.
She must never forget that she’s there out of your good graces and that other women want you and want to fuk you. That in itself makes a good woman out of her.

Sounds stupid right?

Doesn't make any sense right ?

And that's what most rational males would think.

But that's exactly how a female reacts, a complete opposite of a male.

So don't judge any women base on ur moralities nor base it on how you perceive the world through a man's eyes - it clouds ur judgement and makes u bitter towards the end.

There's lots of beauty in the way a female minds works, you just hv 2 see it through her eyes and be amazed, be amused by how different they are.

Then use that difference, much like a leader would to harness it into something positive in a relationship.

Lead her not through ur moralities but lead her by setting boundaries and being firm in that boundary - she can do anything within those boundaries but if she steps out be ready 2 dismiss. You must. And she must know that you will regardless of how you love her.

A man's most powerful weapon is the ability to dismiss and move on. Remember that u as a man is biologically made to survive in the harshest of conditions - the ability to suppress/amplify our emotions; fear, hate, desire, needs, compassions, love-sacrifice etc is second to none.

You as a man were born perfectly suited as a predator of all life forms.

There's nothing passive in being a man, it's ur nature 2 be assertive and dominant, you were biologically create as such but also created unique to hv the abilities 2 analyse and lead communities/civilisations into greater heights.

 

[Ranger]

Yeah that’s a good post Spaz. Predator of all life forms.

 

[Spaz]

The truth can be liberating or it can shakle you.

It's how you use it that matters.

I say use it 2 profit just you and if it amuses you then proceed without further delay.