How to command respect? (from women)

[RedScorpion]

Hey all,

So I've been coming across a situation. It's been infrequent, and for the vast majority (of men and women) I haven't seen this - but occasionally, I've been having women have disrespectful behaviour with me. Mostly in regards to respecting my time. I don't think it's necessarily on purpose, but it's an annoyance all the same. I typically respond by lowering my attention with them (silence and distance for those that remember that thread), and essentially engage with other people instead. If they seem actually disrespectful, I don't chew them out or complain about it - rather I just ensure I don't give them any more of my time. In general, I don't believe I'm supplicating in any way, but I am rather easy going in general and nonchalant if the other person is apologetic (say for missing a get together for coffee, I say it's no problem (not a date)).

Most of the time this is all fine and well, but I'm wondering if there's room for improvement. Perhaps for a firmer position or attitude at times. I'm trying to determine if it something of my own behaviour is causing this, or if it's more attributable to them and their personality. And regardless, what is the best approach for me to either prevent it (if possible), or how to handle it afterwards?

Recent example. A girl I have been friends with (for quite some time, but haven't talked in several months) was begging for help with a flat tire (on facebook). After seeing a couple of these posts in sequence, I comment that I have a jack if she needs it. She messages me directly about it soon after and we start setting up what time to meet (she asks if meeting a few hours later works), and I say sure, where does she want to meet up. No response, complete silence afterwards, for more than a full day now (even though I see she's been online, posting, etc.). Presumably she's gotten help elsewhere by now, but a tad frustrating for no followup of info, when she was the one looking for help. I'm assuming it has more to do with her personality more than anything else, but it definitely leaves me thinking I'm not going be volunteering to help her again. Luckily I didn't actually waste much time besides the messaging back and forth. My thought process is to just employ silence/distance, and just let it go. I don't think complaining to her will accomplish anything.

Any thoughts and ideas are welcome, even in general application.

 

[Spaz]

U sound like a welcome carpet.

Of course people will want to scrub their feet on it.

Isn't that the reason they do it?

 

[old_skoolr]

Social Media isn't a platform for men to show respect.

It's a platform for women to showcase their narcissism.

If it really was an emergency she would've contacted someone she could trust to help, not post it on social media.

Respect is earned not given, don't assume you being nice should mean she should show you respect.

How many examples of guys being nice and then being shafted by women are there on this forum?

 

[Chi Town]

Be tough with women sometimes, if that's not in your personality then you better develop it before you continue to be treated like a doormat.

Girl:Hey can you pick me and my friend up, we need a ride to go get some weed?

Me:No

True story

 

[Chi Town]

As far as women respecting your time, you can't really do anything to prevent it from happening the first time, what you do after that 1st time is never give them the chance to do it again.

Pushovers give off the vibe of a pushover, you can see it in how they carry themselves lol you just know you can get over on them, and the tough guy, bad boy or whatever you wanna call them give of that "no nonsense type of vibe" unless you get to that point where you truly are a no nonsense type of guy(it will show in your auru) then your just going to have to be a victim the 1st time lol then don't let it happen again.

 

[RedScorpion]

As far as women respecting your time, you can't really do anything to prevent it from happening the first time, what you do after that 1st time is never give them the chance to do it again.

Pushovers give off the vibe of a pushover, you can see it in how they carry themselves lol you just know you can get over on them, and the tough guy, bad boy or whatever you wanna call them give of that "no nonsense type of vibe" unless you get to that point where you truly are a no nonsense type of guy(it will show in your auru) then your just going to have to be a victim the 1st time lol then don't let it happen again.

True, I think this is the fairest response. Suffice it to say that she won't get a chance to do it again. I was actually hesitant to respond at first partly based on what old skoolr was saying (why post on social media for help? call or text someone for actual help), but I figured it wouldn't hurt to offer (if she did needed help). I can work on that vibe, as I've been having less and less tolerance for things like this. It's something I'd like to encompass more.

 

[Chi Town]

True, I think this is the fairest response. Suffice it to say that she won't get a chance to do it again. I was actually hesitant to respond at first partly based on what old skoolr was saying (why post on social media for help? call or text someone for actual help), but I figured it wouldn't hurt to offer (if she did needed help). I can work on that vibe, as I've been having less and less tolerance for things like this. It's something I'd like to encompass more.

Don't feel bad or feel like your soft, your just a good, nice helpful person but unfortunately in this world people with those qualities get taking advantage of, it is what it is.

I learned at a very early age that it doesn't pay to be nice or accommodating to others.
Save your positive qualities for those who earn it and deserve it. Don't let it turn you into something your not but trust me, it will definitely pay to toughen up a little bit.

 

[old_skoolr]

Wisdom. Spot on.

I would buy this man a skooner of VB

Carlton Draught is fine mate cheers

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Don't feel bad or feel like your soft, your just a good, nice helpful person but unfortunately in this world people with those qualities get taking advantage of, it is what it is.

I learned at a very early age that it doesn't pay to be nice or accommodating to others.
Save your positive qualities for those who earn it and deserve it. Don't let it turn you into something your not but trust me, it will definitely pay to toughen up a little bit.

When you have something of value people should earm it.

 

[Tilex]

It's about maintaining your frame, even if it risks missing an opportunity.

The thing about meeting chicks online is you can never get too comfortable with them, because they will sh!t test you constantly and unexpectedly.
Also remember that Facebook is an introverts domain.
You have to think like an introvert in order to be with an introvert.

Or you can just turn the computer off and go out into the real world where the extroverts flourish.

 

[Roober]

Do it with everyone, not just women. And it is really pretty simple...

It's the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated

Most people will respect you right away, while others have baggage that hinders their ability to properly reciprocate respect. Additionally, you need to examine their culture because there are actions that are considered disrespectful in some cultures, while acceptable in others. Generally, western culture's focus on personal happiness over family and support fosters disrespect in my opinion.

So, in reality, you are asking how to get respect from a small group of people (I would say less than 10% in my circles).

1. The golden rule. This still applies.
2. If their disrespect is based in a lack of trust, then it will take time. They have been burned and are guarded. So, you get them talking and you just listen. And keep an open mind.
3. If the disrespect is based on them being spoiled or raised by a single mom (or lazy parents), then RUN the other way! In all seriousness, these people are not easy...

and I need to think about this one some more...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What if the disrespect is because they dont like you or your culture?

 

[jaymbrs]

One and done if they show no remorse. I'll typically give them one more chance if I feel sincerity in their apology, generally with an ultimatum. But should she try asking me to pick her up, do her a favor or meet somewhere after she messed up again, I'll let her know exactly why that's not going to happen.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Your first mistake in my opinion was to offer help to someone you barely know who was asking it randomly.

The reason why modern women see modern average men as a commodity is people like you...if you were to post on your wall "gotta attend a marriage but Im alone, any girl willing to join me"... try to guess how many of your friend would have volunteered.

Not trying to be an assh0le to you op, but the mistake was yours...her behaviour toward a perceived "expendable good" is a conseguence of many guys behaving they way you did.

When something is cheap and easily available it loses all the value.

 

[Spaz]

Do it with everyone, not just women. And it is really pretty simple...

It's the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated

Most people will respect you right away, while others have baggage that hinders their ability to properly reciprocate respect. Additionally, you need to examine their culture because there are actions that are considered disrespectful in some cultures, while acceptable in others. Generally, western culture's focus on personal happiness over family and support fosters disrespect in my opinion.

So, in reality, you are asking how to get respect from a small group of people (I would say less than 10% in my circles).

1. The golden rule. This still applies.
2. If their disrespect is based in a lack of trust, then it will take time. They have been burned and are guarded. So, you get them talking and you just listen. And keep an open mind.
3. If the disrespect is based on them being spoiled or raised by a single mom (or lazy parents), then RUN the other way! In all seriousness, these people are not easy...

and I need to think about this one some more...

Yes that golden rule is one of 2 key tenets of commanding respect, the other - having a set of unshakeable principles.

Culture and locality considerations too should be taken into account but taken in the context of being respectful towards others.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Do the best you can and find a respectful woman without issues with men, and she will choose to respect you.

Wait so we dont need a diamond solid frame to force her to respect us. She will choose to respect us because shes a respectable person?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

That is the only way

So were all in here basically complaining about how to tame or make legit hoez be loyal? Something by definition impossible. An oxymoron.

 

[btownbuck2012]

So were all in here basically complaining about how to tame or make legit hoez be loyal? Something by definition impossible. An oxymoron.

It’s a hard truth but the right one. A woman’s character, I am absolutely convinced, is the determining factor in her choosing to cheat or not.

 

[sosousage]

block her after her dissapointing you for the first time

 

[Soflobro#3]

You sound like how all my ex gfs acted at first. Not trying to be a d1ck, but they'd bend over backwards. But this last one would bend over backwards with disrespect mixed in from time to time, which made it easy for me to rationalize certain decisions and behaviors.