Hypergamy... what to do about it.

[RangerMIke]

Been getting a few PMs for men that are in relationships and hate the fact that some other dude is going to come along and steal their ride... they hate hypergamy and wish it didn't exist. Well... sorry it's real and there is nothing you can really do about it. But ignoring it, like most dudes, is a formula for failure. So what to do...

Well you can't make this go away... the only thing you can actually control is how you show up... you really do have to continue to be the very best version of yourself that you can be. Make it a goal that you are going to be a little better next month than you are now... learn how to do something... always look for new things to learn, use your spare time for self improvement. If you are in a relationship with a chick... she will likely b!tch at you for not spending time with her. If you let her drag you to stupid chick BS in a futile attempt to make her happy, she will lose attraction for you... She doesn't want you to get better, because then she might lose you to another chick, so she'll keep you busy servicing her needs.... DO NOT LET HER DO THIS. Don't be an @ss and refuse to do anything for her, but if she isn't going to give you anytime for your hobbies and self improvement, then fvcking grow a pair of balls and put your foot down. My God I've seen this so many times in my life it's sick, but just recently I went to lunch with a female friend of mine.. her live in boyfriend is a drummer in a local band. He's actually pretty good, but because he's trying to make her happy, he took a job as a counsellor at a special needs school.. she told me now she is thinking of moving back home and said she 'thinks' he only did that for her.... and guess the fvck what... now she is losing attraction for him. She liked the drummer, but thought she needed someone with a steady income and stable future. So he changed for her... and now she's drying up. If he had doubled down on his dream, and worked at being the best drummer he could be... do more gigs and practice his craft, she wouldn't be looking to monkey branch or move back to North Carolina. If you stick to your guns and she leaves.... well so the fvck what, you were going to lose her anyway and you've just made this process go a little faster.

The other thing you can do, if you are a man that needs a relationship, is do a better job of screening out chicks that are going to be a problem and bad for you. Hypergamy is real and you can use this to your advantage if you are smart. All chicks have this hypergamous nature, but women are all looking for different things. You have to find out what it is that she needs and figure out if what you have is what she needs. PUAs will teach you how to flush out what she needs and then teach you to pretend to meet that, but you can't keep that up if that really isn't you and eventually she'll figure this out and lose attraction for you... but if all you want to do is bang chicks and move on then you will get what you want. But if you want a relationship you have to understand who you are and find women that want what you have. If a chick is only interested in money, and you have money you are willing to pour into this chick, well as long as you can keep this up, she'll stay with you. But you better work your @ss off to keep the money flowing. If you have 6-pack abs, and this is what she wants... then don't get lazy... keep up the workout routine. If you are just a stable guy with a decent job and this is what she REALLY wants.... well you have to find this out before you invest yourself in her. Too often I hear guys that are regular middle class guys that agonize over losing women because they aren't good enough.... If you find yourself in a situation like this, then your gut is likely right. You are probably with a chick that really doesn't want a middle class guy. Figure out what she REALLY wants, and toss away chicks that don't fit you. This takes work... and it means you are going to have to kiss a lot of frog princesses

 

[HankHill]

All great points. I see others suggest similar things too i.e. stay true to your purpose. However, how do you explain those who've stayed married to their high school sweethearts their entire lives, some I've personally witnessed are weak men yet they have a very loving/nurturing relationship. I look around me such as my parents and other siblings all been with the same husband/wives for decades. They've all had rough patches (finances, kids etc) but have stuck together to get through it. So I get the whole hypergamy because I believe it's what happened to me...but the kicker is that I was more of the 'put my foot down' type of a guy than anyone else I know when it came to most things. I called the shots- the final yes/no on stuff, I was the bread winner etc etc.

 

[resilient]

Cracks me up man. I got flashbacks to when I was married and the ex-wife nagged me for going into hyper training HIIT mode when she would be working overseas for a near month.

I also socialized a ton so I wouldn't sit at home lazily playing video games or streaming video wondering what she's doing for the long stay away.

Over the years we were married, she gained weight, lazy af, played a ton of video and computer games, I trained, lifted, cardio, ate better at lunch and with healthy snacks between her dinner cooking.

She made snide comments about my obsession with fitness, now I understand she was just jealous of my self-motivation and looking sharper and healthier made her feel worse about herself.

 

[Glassguy]

Most importantly, to keep a chick's interest, is continue being the version of yourself that made her submit to you in the first place. Resist the urges to lessen your frame in the attempt of making her happier.

Hold frame, continue being you and make sure you have the attitude of "the door is always open if you want to leave and I can hit up new chicks tomorrow". Obviously you really dont want to say this outwardly, but covertly this is the vibe she should have get from you.

I have seen friends slowly isolate themselves from life long friends for a woman. I have seen friends give up life long dreams and even hobbies that they were very good at over a woman. Even seen them throw careers away to be with a woman.

Every one of those relationships failed.

Women want you to put your foot down. They will get emotional when you do, but they will respect it.

As soon as a woman loses respect for you and they think there is nothing they can do to run you off, you are royally fvcked.

 

[resilient]

I have seen friends slowly isolate themselves from life long friends for a woman. I have seen friends give up life long dreams and even hobbies that they were very good at over a woman. Even seen them throw careers away to be with a woman.

I would be damned if I gave up my quality time with my guitars.

 

[MichaelA]

Been getting a few PMs for men that are in relationships and hate the fact that some other dude is going to come along and steal their ride... they hate hypergamy and wish it didn't exist. Well... sorry it's real and there is nothing you can really do about it. But ignoring it, like most dudes, is a formula for failure. So what to do...

Well you can't make this go away... the only thing you can actually control is how you show up... you really do have to continue to be the very best version of yourself that you can be. Make it a goal that you are going to be a little better next month than you are now... learn how to do something... always look for new things to learn, use your spare time for self improvement. If you are in a relationship with a chick... she will likely b!tch at you for not spending time with her. If you let her drag you to stupid chick BS in a futile attempt to make her happy, she will lose attraction for you... She doesn't want you to get better, because then she might lose you to another chick, so she'll keep you busy servicing her needs.... DO NOT LET HER DO THIS. Don't be an @ss and refuse to do anything for her, but if she isn't going to give you anytime for your hobbies and self improvement, then fvcking grow a pair of balls and put your foot down. My God I've seen this so many times in my life it's sick, but just recently I went to lunch with a female friend of mine.. her live in boyfriend is a drummer in a local band. He's actually pretty good, but because he's trying to make her happy, he took a job as a counsellor at a special needs school.. she told me now she is thinking of moving back home and said she 'thinks' he only did that for her.... and guess the fvck what... now she is losing attraction for him. She liked the drummer, but thought she needed someone with a steady income and stable future. So he changed for her... and now she's drying up. If he had doubled down on his dream, and worked at being the best drummer he could be... do more gigs and practice his craft, she wouldn't be looking to monkey branch or move back to North Carolina. If you stick to your guns and she leaves.... well so the fvck what, you were going to lose her anyway and you've just made this process go a little faster.

The other thing you can do, if you are a man that needs a relationship, is do a better job of screening out chicks that are going to be a problem and bad for you. Hypergamy is real and you can use this to your advantage if you are smart. All chicks have this hypergamous nature, but women are all looking for different things. You have to find out what it is that she needs and figure out if what you have is what she needs. PUAs will teach you how to flush out what she needs and then teach you to pretend to meet that, but you can't keep that up if that really isn't you and eventually she'll figure this out and lose attraction for you... but if all you want to do is bang chicks and move on then you will get what you want. But if you want a relationship you have to understand who you are and find women that want what you have. If a chick is only interested in money, and you have money you are willing to pour into this chick, well as long as you can keep this up, she'll stay with you. But you better work your @ss off to keep the money flowing. If you have 6-pack abs, and this is what she wants... then don't get lazy... keep up the workout routine. If you are just a stable guy with a decent job and this is what she REALLY wants.... well you have to find this out before you invest yourself in her. Too often I hear guys that are regular middle class guys that agonize over losing women because they aren't good enough.... If you find yourself in a situation like this, then your gut is likely right. You are probably with a chick that really doesn't want a middle class guy. Figure out what she REALLY wants, and toss away chicks that don't fit you. This takes work... and it means you are going to have to kiss a lot of frog princesses

All great points really nothing to add.

Being the best version of ur self and having ur **** together is the most attractive way to go.

Hitting the gym, making good income, dressing the best you possible can and you feel good about ur self and you like it.

This is my mentality, i dress well, i work in the best loung and bar clubs in my city as a bartender, and i have also a steady morning job.

I have a huge social circle of people, and i work in the best music festival events in my country, all around cause people know me and i know them.
This really helps in terms of chicks as they approach me.

I always been like this since my 20s. and i always try to have everything sharp in my life, my looks, my apartment and all around my self.

 

[IKO69]

Normally I do not use the word "hypergamy" lol but from what I understand that is when a woman will seek out a "better" male. You are asking for a solution: let's put our thinking caps on - if women are looking to get with the best men they can get, then shouldn't we be striving to be the best males we can be? There's your solution. Constantly improve whatever areas need work in your life - only you can identify them.

 

[resilient]

Constantly improve whatever areas need work in your life - only you can identify them.

Yes, that's paramount to navigating around hypergamy/monkey branching. No matter what happens or what branch gives her tingles, always be improving in all facets of life.

Attraction isn't a choice as we've heard many times over the years.

We can't choose who she'll be attracted to, especially if she's approached often offline/online.

The good news? If she bounces and you've kept your life's priorities sharp in self-improvement, someone else will be eager to date you.

 

[Roober]

Most importantly, to keep a chick's interest, is continue being the version of yourself that made her submit to you in the first place. Resist the urges to lessen your frame in the attempt of making her happier.

Hold frame, continue being you and make sure you have the attitude of "the door is always open if you want to leave and I can hit up new chicks tomorrow". Obviously you really dont want to say this outwardly, but covertly this is the vibe she should have get from you.

I have seen friends slowly isolate themselves from life long friends for a woman. I have seen friends give up life long dreams and even hobbies that they were very good at over a woman. Even seen them throw careers away to be with a woman.

Every one of those relationships failed.

Women want you to put your foot down. They will get emotional when you do, but they will respect it.

As soon as a woman loses respect for you and they think there is nothing they can do to run you off, you are royally fvcked.

@RangerMIke and glass. Both solid posts. A man needs to stick to his goals or purpose regardless of what the woman says. You include her, but she needs to know your direction and your conviction to it. She will be upset about it, but she will grow to hate you if you listen to her. Her being upset about your drive is an easy fix (usually passionate sex will do), her loss of respect is damn near irreparable.

Additionally, all this self improvement has to come from within. If your doing it for anyone other than yourself, your bound to fail.

 

[IKO69]

Great thread.

One additional thing I would like to toss into the discussion on top of what RangerMike has already said is HONESTY. Honesty with yourself, and the ability to perceive how honest people are with themselves.

Whether we are undergoing the effort to strive to be the best we can be, or we are doing very little along those lines, all people have the habit of always putting their best foot forward when they present themselves to the world. We all tend to cherry pick the greatest parts of our lives and blend them together into a grand presentation to state "this is who we are":

I love to travel.
I love to read.
I like to eat healthy.
I hit the gym to stay in shape.
I like to volunteer....blah blah blah.

On the surface, we meet someone like-minded and all seems good. But before long, you both realize the other was full of it. You come to realize the last time they actually traveled was 2 years ago. They may have books around the house, but they are all covered with dust. They may have gone along with eating healthy on those first few dates but now they're stopping at McDonalds on the way home from work. They might have a gym membership, and even make the effort to go sometimes, but it is sporadic and unmotivated, and they often op for a lazy rainy day in bed or on the couch.

If it is not a mindset. If it is not a lifestyle. If you are not doing it consistently. You are not doing it at all.

Do not lie to yourself and to the world. Back your sh*t up. And always expect the same from others that you get involved with.

Last part is really good. Many people will say it because it sounds nice but not actually do it. This is the difference between the great achievers and average folk - very few actually will go the extra mile.

 

[AttackFormation]

She may branch swing simply because she can't be aroused by the same man anymore, either she is tired of being fvcked by only you or she wants to feel aroused with you but her body won't let her anymore. She fantasizes about sex with new men and it has nothing to do with who they are or who you are, it's just about old and new.

What do you do to preempt that? How can you really keep a relation with a girl fresh forever?

 

[Red Legg]

However, how do you explain those who've stayed married to their high school sweethearts their entire lives,

Don't let toxic members of SS contaminate your brain.My parents are coming up on their 50th wedding anniversary.They are having a huge shindig on the farm in my dads barn,it will be much bigger than their wedding 50 years ago when they got married before my dad went to Vietnam.My mom is planning out all the details and is as giddy as a schoolgirl.My dad is a genius for letting her plan the whole thing. and staying out of it.Has their marriage been all fun and roses??? no ...no marriage is.Marriage this long takes hard work (something extreme red pillars know nothing about) It took hard work but they are having fun and enjoying their marriage into the 50th year.Studies have shown married men live longer and are more happy...Take everything you read on the internets with a grain of salt....especially SS.

 

[zekko]

She may branch swing simply because she can't be aroused by the same man anymore, either she is tired of being fvcked by only you or she wants to feel aroused with you but her body won't let her anymore. She fantasizes about sex with new men and it has nothing to do with who they are or who you are, it's just about old and new.

What do you do to preempt that? How can you really keep a relation with a girl fresh forever?

You can't. You can't MAKE someone stay with you forever. That's up to them. That's why you need to appreciate each day you have with her, and be mentally prepared that it could end at any time. That's why need to keep your eyes open for options. That's why you don't let yourself get complacent. And that's why you don't sign a marriage contract.

Self improve, sure. But be aware that it can always come to an end. Expect the best, prepare for the worst.

 

[Von]

Don't let toxic members of SS contaminate your brain.My parents are coming up on their 50th wedding anniversary.They are having a huge shindig on the farm in my dads barn,it will be much bigger than their wedding 50 years ago when they got married before my dad went to Vietnam.My mom is planning out all the details and is as giddy as a schoolgirl.My dad is a genius for letting her plan the whole thing. and staying out of it.Has their marriage been all fun and roses??? no ...no marriage is.Marriage this long takes hard work (something extreme red pillars know nothing about) It took hard work but they are having fun and enjoying their marriage into the 50th year.Studies have shown married men live longer and are more happy...Take everything you read on the internets with a grain of salt....especially SS.

It's Healthy when it's work!

Love, Communication, Respect, HardWork, Understanding... is important.

Parents been together for almost 40 years here too. I can say they make their couple work.

Dating not easy, Relationships aren't. I find its when you don't look that... it starts working

 

[skinnyguy]

All good points. I have been on this site long enough to say what we should do as men.

1) have a harem even if you have a gf (actually ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE ONE). women will respect you if you have tons of chicks you’re sleeping with

2) have an interest outside of sex

3) don’t be afraid to go NC. Our attention should be valued by her

 

[Glassguy]

Don't let toxic members of SS contaminate your brain.My parents are coming up on their 50th wedding anniversary.They are having a huge shindig on the farm in my dads barn,it will be much bigger than their wedding 50 years ago when they got married before my dad went to Vietnam.My mom is planning out all the details and is as giddy as a schoolgirl.My dad is a genius for letting her plan the whole thing. and staying out of it.Has their marriage been all fun and roses??? no ...no marriage is.Marriage this long takes hard work (something extreme red pillars know nothing about) It took hard work but they are having fun and enjoying their marriage into the 50th year.Studies have shown married men live longer and are more happy...Take everything you read on the internets with a grain of salt....especially SS.

Congrats to your parents. It can certainly work if both are very compatible personality wise and stubborn enough to never give up on each other.

Great relationships revolve around trust and choices. The choices define the trust.

We just lost my dad a month ago. He too was a Vietnam vet (Marine Corp). Being raised in a household with a Vietman vet wasnt easy. You know what I'm talking about if your dad saw action over there.

Congrats again to them on their 50th anniversary.

 

[zekko]

1) have a harem even if you have a gf (actually ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE ONE). women will respect you if you have tons of chicks you're sleeping with

I don't believe in cheating, so I can't agree with this. And I couldn't respect a woman who would put up with it, only low self esteem, damaged women would do that. YMMV.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hypergamy is uncompromising. Its a reason why men must aik high and then, go get it but, it must be authentic and individual rather then for the feminine imperative. Its not about her. Female hypergamy proliferated the species across space and time. Its definitely got it's purpose, that being survival of the fittest.

I've said it before. Men should go beyond sorry and prey. Women need to go beyond hypergamy. Much of our behavior is random if you don't unplug from your DNA and social conditioning.

 

[corrector]

Normally I do not use the word "hypergamy" lol but from what I understand that is when a woman will seek out a "better" male. You are asking for a solution: let's put our thinking caps on - if women are looking to get with the best men they can get, then shouldn't we be striving to be the best males we can be? There's your solution. Constantly improve whatever areas need work in your life - only you can identify them.

Doesn't always work like that. Sometimes a woman will cheat/leave a good man for a low-life neighbourhood drug dealer or some criminal scum. I've heard it happen to a dentist that I indirectly know. Maybe it's a guy that just has better chemistry and charm than you do and just connects better with her than you do? You think that just being the best guy you can be is even a realistic solution to keep your woman from not cheating/leaving you?

 

[corrector]

Cracks me up man. I got flashbacks to when I was married and the ex-wife nagged me for going into hyper training HIIT mode when she would be working overseas for a near month.

I also socialized a ton so I wouldn't sit at home lazily playing video games or streaming video wondering what she's doing for the long stay away.

Over the years we were married, she gained weight, lazy af, played a ton of video and computer games, I trained, lifted, cardio, ate better at lunch and with healthy snacks between her dinner cooking.

So you worked on making your SMV higher in order to make sure your fat, lazy, overweight, video game addict wife will stay with you? Good work.
I guess you must have balanced your SMV with her then.

She made snide comments about my obsession with fitness, now I understand she was just jealous of my self-motivation and looking sharper and healthier made her feel worse about herself.

So, she doesn't want to look hot for you but rather make snide comments? Well, at least you don't have to worry about your fat, overweight and lazy wife cheating with another guy because of hypergamy. If or when anyone gets a nice wife and see her morph into a fat, overweight and lazy lady, make sure you hit the gym to make sure someone like that doesn't cheat on you.

Is this what hypergamy is really about? You have no peace of mind and have to be at the Gym all the time? May as well stay single then, lol! These relationship sounds like too much work.