Friendzoned.. first time in forever

[RussDobs87]

Hey guys - would love some input here.

I'm 32. I've been in the game for awhile. I've had several serious relationships, but lately I've been playing the field. I rarely take a girl out and get a 'no'. I'd say 9/10 times I'm pretty successful. Unfortunately, most of the girls who want me, I just 'kind of' like them.

Fast forward to a few nights ago. I go on a second date with this chick.. she's drop dead gorgeous. And to top it off, she has a GREAT personality. I'm in heaven. Things went well as usual.. by the time we made it to a second spot for drinks, I get her to come home with me.

Fast-forward to making out, and foreplay. I begin taking her clothes off, and I go down there. She likes it. She's then asking me for it.. unfortunately we had about 8 drinks, so my big guy isn't quite working. I look at her, and I hate to beat around the bush.. I'm just like 'eh.. I'm sorry, he's a little drunk tonight'. She says 'no problem', and goes down on me for 15 minutes or so.

Afterwards, I goto the bathroom, and I come out and she's putting her clothes on.

Obviously I asked her what's up, and she starts crying. We're both straight shooters, so she gives it to me straight:

'I'm really attracted to you, but I don't see this going anywhere.'

I played it cool, and I said, 'that's a shame, cause I'm into you. but let's get you an uber home.'

I followed up today and sent her a message, just basically saying, 'what happened last night? I know we were a little sauced up, but what are you thinking?'

She sends me back a message basically saying 'I actually have a really great time with you, but I just don't see this going anywhere. And I'm looking for something serious. I don't want to lead you on, or invest time in something without potential. I'd love to stay friends.'

Sooo.. I guess I'm a bit stunned cause I haven't been friendzoned in a long time. I guess what's eating me up more is WHY? Not just because of her, but because I want to land that caliber of girl, and I'd like to know just what the hell went wrong.

Part of me knows that if I performed well in bed, things could have been different. But if that's the basis of her friendzoning me, what does that say about her?

Appreciate any advice here.

 

[RussDobs87]

Not really a friendzoning. She sounds like a bloody scatterbrain tbh.

For what it's worth, women that want to ltr don't mind so much when you can't perform so great.

Crying and stuff. Dear oh deary me.

Next.

Eh.. for what it's worth, it wasn't like hysterical crying. More tearing up, and saying 'I'm really sorry' for 30 seconds or so.

But scatterbrained.. yep maybe a little bit. But not outright scatterbrained - trust me, I've had my share of those

Yep - My gut tells me that even though I made her laugh, and I showed value, we just didn't have as much in common as she was looking for. She's that sneakerhead, I like abstract art type. I'm the opposite.

In the end, I think she was hoping she could get a good fck out of me, and call it quits. So whether I performed well or not is irrelevant. Cause like you said, any sane woman who's looking for an LTR, wouldn't completely shoot down a guy just because he was a little drunk one night in bed--unless she just didn't see much in him/have much in common with him.

Definitely Next. Just don't want to make the same mistake again (whatever that mistake was).

 

[RussDobs87]

I've had this exact same experience lol.

When you get up to that level (above your own value) there is no room for error and obviously the likelihood of a friendzoning is higher.

Anyway, the fact is you should be more focused on getting what you deserve rather than her high value, and what you deserve is a woman you're not constantly waiting to be to be rejected by just because you made a few minor mistakes.

LARaiders.. I missed ya brotha. I posted on here under another username a longgggg time ago (like circa 2009/2010ish). Unless that was another LARaiders, haha.

You're so right on the 'you deserve a woman you're not constantly waiting to be rejected by...'

What a life to live.. I see my poor friends who are married to women like this. Thanks for the input.

 

[marmel75]

Honestly she sounds like she is a little wacky. Obviously she wanted you to bang her good and potentially make you a FWB...but since that didn't happen she had no performance to judge so that isnt on the table at this point. Maybe invite her out as "friends" in a few weeks or a month, dont drink as much and try again.

 

[ohrein]

Weird. I'd just chalk this up to a little craziness. If your failing to get any women, the problem revolves around you. If you're failing to get a particular woman, the problem is probably her (or compatibility/conditions). Wouldn't worry too much about "mistakes" if you apply this logic.

 

[Tilex]

I've never been a supporter of the nofap movement, but there are moments in time when you should stop fapping if you're bound to get guaranteed sex.
Fapping is only meant to kill your desperation vibe.
Did you fap that week?

And by the way, never drink Whiskey ever! Even if the media and your friends brag about how macho it is. Stay away from it!
Out of all the hard liquors, only Whiskey gives you limp d!ck.

I bet that chick was begging for the D and you greatly disappointed her.
Don't be soft on yourself (pun), there are plenty of fish in the sea.

 

[Glassguy]

If it were me, I would simply tell her "no problem" and not say another word.

Several reasons for this. First off, with you vanishing it shows her that you are not going to be like the rest of the guys that she has talked to/went out with that will chase her around. You just closed the gap value wise if this chick was a little above your pay grade.

Secondly, give her some time to digest things. Women are very emotional creatures and operate on current emotions. By being cool about it and also vanishing, she may start to think about the fun she had on your 2 dates and hit you back up.

Lastly, she may look great but actually be a downright wh0re who has lots of ONS. If that is the case, you probably dodged a bullet.

 

[guru1000]

What's missing in the story is what occurred before the sexual activity.

Me thinks you dropped a lot of innuendoes of sexual intent during the date, and not LTR intent. As she was drunk, she went along with it. Though, she has been used many times before (e.g. pumped and dumped aka P&D), you brought back these memories.

She spelled it out for you: she "needed" an LTR. And you ran "sex game" on a woman who has been scorned, so you wear the black eye.

Little probability you can turn this around here as the damage (sex instead of LTR game) and her damage (P&D) is done.

This is mostly on her (damage) not on you, except for reading the target correctly and playing into her needs.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hey guys - would love some input here.

I'm 32. I've been in the game for awhile. I've had several serious relationships, but lately I've been playing the field. I rarely take a girl out and get a 'no'. I'd say 9/10 times I'm pretty successful. Unfortunately, most of the girls who want me, I just 'kind of' like them.

Fast forward to a few nights ago. I go on a second date with this chick.. she's drop dead gorgeous. And to top it off, she has a GREAT personality. I'm in heaven. Things went well as usual.. by the time we made it to a second spot for drinks, I get her to come home with me.

Fast-forward to making out, and foreplay. I begin taking her clothes off, and I go down there. She likes it. She's then asking me for it.. unfortunately we had about 8 drinks, so my big guy isn't quite working. I look at her, and I hate to beat around the bush.. I'm just like 'eh.. I'm sorry, he's a little drunk tonight'. She says 'no problem', and goes down on me for 15 minutes or so.

Afterwards, I goto the bathroom, and I come out and she's putting her clothes on.

Obviously I asked her what's up, and she starts crying. We're both straight shooters, so she gives it to me straight:

'I'm really attracted to you, but I don't see this going anywhere.'

I played it cool, and I said, 'that's a shame, cause I'm into you. but let's get you an uber home.'

I followed up today and sent her a message, just basically saying, 'what happened last night? I know we were a little sauced up, but what are you thinking?'

She sends me back a message basically saying 'I actually have a really great time with you, but I just don't see this going anywhere. And I'm looking for something serious. I don't want to lead you on, or invest time in something without potential. I'd love to stay friends.'

Sooo.. I guess I'm a bit stunned cause I haven't been friendzoned in a long time. I guess what's eating me up more is WHY? Not just because of her, but because I want to land that caliber of girl, and I'd like to know just what the hell went wrong.

Part of me knows that if I performed well in bed, things could have been different. But if that's the basis of her friendzoning me, what does that say about her?

Appreciate any advice here.

The game gas changed. Its not 2005 anymore. Meeting baeee at the bar when cucks be sliding into her DMs.

You got 6+ thinking she's deviations above mistaking dudes wanting to smash as her being special.

Its a lot if social engineering but, women got it twisted. Its cratered SMV followed by female victimhood on gear.

The foundation and sentiment is no diff. #nextset

You're 32. Assuming you have anything going on, you're above a 32yr old women. Said girl is slipping out of twenty. Her bestvyears are ending. Step game up.

Climb the dominance hierarchy. Acquire resources. Its when baby fever kicks off, you start trolling.

 

[RangerMIke]

No chemistry... chicks will fvck you if you are attractive and otherwise doing things right in the hopes that she feels something, but if she isn't feeling it, she is wasting her's and your time. My guess is she likes you but isn't really feeling romantic about you. Just let it go, nothing you can do about it... if she's not feeling it, there is really nothing you can that will turn that around.

 

[flowtheory]

Her crying is odd and somewhat telling. Has nothing to do with you. I think she saw something with you, but you not being able to perform because of alcohol or whatever, did damage to her in some way; rejection - picking old or current wounds. And she may not want to feel that way or look in to that and her saying to be friends, to me, is a form of self protection so she can get the upper hand in a way; stay in ‘control’ (it was him, not me)

If everything was great up until then and all of a sudden a hiccup happens and she has an adverse effect, that is very telling of her.

Similar thing happened to me awhile ago. Never friendzoned, then I did, then because of something not ideal (which is a part of life) she went a little nutty.
But it’s more what she thinks about herself rather than feels about you.

It’s a blessing you could get it up. Because you saw how she reacted to life when is not ‘ideal’. reactions are very telling of how people deal with things.

 

[sazc]

She says she didn't see the potential in you that she is looking for in an LTR. To me that means you didn't check her boxes off for what she is looking for in a partner.

Did you guys talk any about what she was looking for in a man?

It could be as simple as you don't want kids and she does, you want to travel and she doesn't.

What glaring differences did you spot that evening? That it's what she is using to define your potential.

If you can't answer any of the differences, because you didn't discuss stuff like that, perhaps the lack of discussion surrounding compatibility, things in common, was what clued her in to the idea that you weren't good partner material for her/interested in an ltr

 

[Alvafe]

am I the only one who is thinking she is not that much into him because he didnt get hard and in not doing the sex part the way she is used she feels like she was not hot enough for him? so all that was more like something to save her ego?

 

[flowtheory]

am I the only one who is thinking she is not that much into him because he didnt get hard and in not doing the sex part the way she is used she feels like she was not hot enough for him? so all that was more like something to save her ego?

Pretty much what I was saying. The crying makes this hypothesis the best one. If it was low interest she wouldn’t have gave a flying hoot. Emotions were simulated due to facts of him not feeling it.

 

[RussDobs87]

I've never been a supporter of the nofap movement, but there are moments in time when you should stop fapping if you're bound to get guaranteed sex.
Fapping is only meant to kill your desperation vibe.
Did you fap that week?

And by the way, never drink Whiskey ever! Even if the media and your friends brag about how macho it is. Stay away from it!
Out of all the hard liquors, only Whiskey gives you limp d!ck.

I bet that chick was begging for the D and you greatly disappointed her.
Don't be soft on yourself (pun), there are plenty of fish in the sea.

I don’t really fap that much, if at all.

Honestly, the whiskey notion is a myth. Everyone reacts differently to different types of alcohol. For me, I’m horny as hell on whiskey or tequila, but can’t get it up with vodka.

In this case, it was the volume of liquor we had and the fact that I had sex the night before

 

[RussDobs87]

She says she didn't see the potential in you that she is looking for in an LTR. To me that means you didn't check her boxes off for what she is looking for in a partner.

Did you guys talk any about what she was looking for in a man?

It could be as simple as you don't want kids and she does, you want to travel and she doesn't.

What glaring differences did you spot that evening? That it's what she is using to define your potential.

If you can't answer any of the differences, because you didn't discuss stuff like that, perhaps the lack of discussion surrounding compatibility, things in common, was what clued her in to the idea that you weren't good partner material for her/interested in an ltr

I think you’re probably pretty close to hitting the nail on the head here.

We had some great conversation and we both asked a lot of deep questions that’s you typically don’t get into on a 2nd date (e.g., what would you do if you had only 60 days left to live, etc.)

She actually followed me on instagram the other day, and I found out that she comes from a devout Christian family.

She didn’t seem religious, but I’m 100% sure i dropped some hints that I wasn’t religious either. Maybe that could be it. Or maybe it could be that I’m the preppy, well dressed type, and she’s the type that rocks Jordan’s with a skirt (she’s the artsy/photographer type). Who knows? Either way, not worth the time thinking about it but great to learn from.

Thanks for the reply

 

[RussDobs87]

The game gas changed. Its not 2005 anymore. Meeting baeee at the bar when cucks be sliding into her DMs.

You got 6+ thinking she's deviations above mistaking dudes wanting to smash as her being special.

Its a lot if social engineering but, women got it twisted. Its cratered SMV followed by female victimhood on gear.

The foundation and sentiment is no diff. #nextset

You're 32. Assuming you have anything going on, you're above a 32yr old women. Said girl is slipping out of twenty. Her bestvyears are ending. Step game up.

Climb the dominance hierarchy. Acquire resources. Its when baby fever kicks off, you start trolling.

Ha, your commentary made me laugh

I’m well aware of how the game has changed, as most of the chicks I bang now are in their early 20’s.

Didn’t understand your 6+ deviations reference though?

 

[sazc]

Ha, your commentary made me laugh

I’m well aware of how the game has changed, as most of the chicks I bang now are in their early 20’s.

Didn’t understand your 6+ deviations reference though?

No one understands what he says....

 

[MrJack]

What's missing in the story is what occurred before the sexual activity.

Me thinks you dropped a lot of innuendoes of sexual intent during the date, and not LTR intent. As she was drunk, she went along with it. Though, she has been used many times before (e.g. pumped and dumped aka P&D), you brought back these memories.

She spelled it out for you: she "needed" an LTR. And you ran "sex game" on a woman who has been scorned, so you wear the black eye.

Little probability you can turn this around here as the damage (sex instead of LTR game) and her damage (P&D) is done.

This is mostly on her (damage) not on you, except for reading the target correctly and playing into her needs.

How do you run LTR game without coming across as a beta? Genuine question, I’m curious.

 

[ohrein]

Didn’t understand your 6+ deviations reference though?

He's saying women have inflated egos, probably due to social media and dating aps, because women confuse easy access to sex with being high quality. Anyone who's spent any time dating on OLD has seen the scores of these very average women who have an attitude of being better than 80% of men (those are the Tinder stats) as a result.

What he's saying does have some truth, I've experienced it on dates myself. Women around thirty with nothing going on in their lives and attractive but average looks who are on a date with me and expecting me to be impressing them, acting like princesses. I had one turn up twenty minutes late because she was talking to her friend. She was very obviously aging, had no hobbies and was just looking for a baby daddy. Normally I wouldn't be so harsh about a person but she just had this arrogance that was there and she had no reason to have it. I'm not the best looking guy, most women rate me at around a 7, but I have a wealth of hobbies and a decent job with a great future, I do charity work etc etc. She did nothing but turn up late and talk about wanting kids. Anyway, I made her pay for my drinks and had a decent chat. I feel sorry for her because I think there was a decent person in there and she deserves the chance at the life she wants but she really needs to have something to offer.

Anyway, that rant went way too long.