Pump and dump

[Murk]

How do you stop yourself losing feelings for a girl as soon as you get sex from her. I like the chase/game, but once that's over I would rather they just not contact me again. I didn't used to be like that, I would drag flings out for months and be happy to get sex and companionship.

These days I'm after what's new and exciting. I'm most looking forward to Thursday to bang a hot 37 year old blonde who is a bit crazy, I want to do filthy things to her because she has a wh0rish vibe.

Is it normal to flip flop on your feelings so quickly after you get the sex?

 

[sazc]

It's normal for you for right now. Don't over think sh1t, you'll drive yourself crazy

 

[Von]

How do you stop yourself losing feelings for a girl as soon as you get sex from her. I like the chase/game, but once that's over I would rather they just not contact me again. I didn't used to be like that, I would drag flings out for months and be happy to get sex and companionship.

These days I'm after what's new and exciting. I'm most looking forward to Thursday to bang a hot 37 year old blonde who is a bit crazy, I want to do filthy things to her because she has a wh0rish vibe.

Is it normal to flip flop on your feelings so quickly after you get the sex?

I am like that too.

Normal girls got me that feeling... maybe I wasn't ready to commit, didn't like them really, or afraid of commitment

That's why I tried hookers etc.. They never gave me that feeling but the sex was more dry

 

[Glassguy]

How do you stop yourself losing feelings for a girl as soon as you get sex from her. I like the chase/game, but once that's over I would rather they just not contact me again. I didn't used to be like that, I would drag flings out for months and be happy to get sex and companionship.

These days I'm after what's new and exciting. I'm most looking forward to Thursday to bang a hot 37 year old blonde who is a bit crazy, I want to do filthy things to her because she has a wh0rish vibe.

Is it normal to flip flop on your feelings so quickly after you get the sex?

Interesting thread.

I am like that with MOST women. Its all about the chase...the build up...anticipation. Its like after I screw them I turn into Inspector Gadget trying to find reasons not to contact them. And you know what? They literally knock my door down and go crazy when I back off. Think about that.

I am on to not burn bridges so its very rare that I only have sex with a woman once (unless she really does something to turn me off). I like to keep them hanging around.

We are like monkey branchers when it comes to sex. Always looking for the next best thing. Truth be known I would much rather find a good woman that I enjoy life with and dont fvck and toss, but there are few of them out there. I have a date Thursday night with a 28 year old blonde that has eyes and a smile to die for. She is an RN and sees to be smart. But I go into every date with low expectations and just go with the flow.

Back to our topic- I think that we are a product of several things:

1.) The world is small and getting laid requires very little work, especially with social media. Send a few messages, ask her out for drinks and have fun. Its pretty simple. Then go out with another one 2 nights later. Wash, rinse, repeat.

2.) We have programmed ourselves to be emotionless. The furthest thing from the beta mindset if you will. Sex is just fun and exciting and requires very little emotional attachment if any. Recently I was asked how I can just turn my emotions off like a switch from a chick I dated for 4 months and then just broke it off. I just can. Its a product of a few bad LTR's and honestly I just DGAF.

3.) We realize that this world is full of good looking women. Sex is great, but why get emotionally involved with one that you know isnt going to be a good fit. So we screw them and move on.

Something to think about.

Being able to move on so easily to the next one is both a blessing and a curse. Between last weekend and this weekend I will have been on dates with 5 different women. Next week I might be talking to 3 of them and have a couple more in the loop. Who knows.

But it feels pretty d@mn good to be able to move on to the next one with no regards sometimes.

My good friend used to say- "Pvssy is like money in the bank. When you pull out the interest is all gone". Aint that the truth.

 

[Murk]

Date women you actually like

That's the thing, I actually thought I liked this girl, waited until date 3 for sex, got the sex, my feelings waned. I put off seeing her for a week, caved in last week, banged again, now I don't want to see her again.

The point is I did actually like her and could see myself with her.

 

[Murk]

My ex has definitely fvcked me up and I've been thinking bout her recently. It's more the fact she just cut and ran and never looked back, although I deserved it and cheated (she didn't know but I'm sure she suspected, she didn't trust me).

I'm just more cautious now with new girls, fear of commitment like Glassguy said. A bit disillusioned by relationships. All the good summer memories we made last year have been replaced by fleeting hookups, although fun, not satisfying.

I'm sure when something decent comes along I'll feel different.

 

[The Duke]

Yeah its normal. Heard this from several guys. Most of us that get anywhere with women are natural hunters.

As I've gotten older, more experienced, and less tolerant I have this same issue when I end up with girls that are hot but have a few issues. The only way around it is to find girls that have the total package(looks, mentally stable, etc). But they happen to be very rare and I like frequent sex!

Right now I have 3 women that don't offer the total package(they all have some crazy in them) that I barely respond to and as a result are begging for my attention. I'm definitely not going to try and appease them if they don't have everything I am looking for or can't act right. I'm all about the path of least resistance and once you know the drill, its pretty easy to navigate. Sometimes I feel like I have to restrict myself.

If these women would figure out how to do a better job controlling their negative emotions that push guys away, they wouldn't have to go thru so much cahk looking for a guy that will tolerate their schitt.

What @Glassguy said is spot on.

 

[Murk]

Yeah its normal. Heard this from several guys. Most of us that get anywhere with women are natural hunters.

As I've gotten older, more experienced, and less tolerant I have this same issue when I end up with girls that are hot but have a few issues. The only way around it is to find girls that have the total package(looks, mentally stable, etc). But they happen to be very rare and I like frequent sex!

Right now I have 3 women that don't offer the total package(they all have some crazy in them) that I barely respond to and as a result are begging for my attention. I'm definitely not going to try and appease them if they don't have everything I am looking for or can't act right. I'm all about the path of least resistance and once you know the drill, its pretty easy to navigate. Sometimes I feel like I have to restrict myself.

If these women would figure out how to do a better job controlling their negative emotions that push guys away, they wouldn't have to go thru so much cahk looking for a guy that will tolerate their schitt.

What @Glassguy said is spot on.

Exactly, agree with it all

 

[Murk]

I realized we men can't truly win in the game when I compared my plates to my ex's orbiters. We are both around 8/10. My plates are monkey branchers, flaky, boring, at the wall, long distance, crazy, or all of the above. Her plates are well educated good looking guys with status. It's absurd.

Don't underestimate the power of an engaging, charismatic personality and a brilliant mind. You can't see these things on the outside but that is what will set a guy apart and have women falling in love with you.

 

[corporate_sellout]

I know the feeling very well. "Cuddling" feels fake and nauseating with other women after that, hence the "get out" reaction. Eventually you'll u will find someone that will change your mind though. It is a function of time and value. Keep in mind that is how she got over you too. Time since breakup x Value of options = Recovery

It so hard to do the affection part when you are not feeling it! this is what we should work on LARaiders85!

 

[corporate_sellout]

I realized we men can't truly win in the game when I compared my plates to my ex's orbiters. We are both around 8/10. My plates are monkey branchers, flaky, boring, at the wall, long distance, crazy, or all of the above. Her plates are well educated good looking guys with status. It's absurd.

yeah there is an explanation for that though. All the rational and well educated good looking girls are usually taken..

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I am like that too.

Normal girls got me that feeling... maybe I wasn't ready to commit, didn't like them really, or afraid of commitment

That's why I tried hookers etc.. They never gave me that feeling but the sex was more dry

Hooker sex was more "dry"?

 

[fastlife]

As soon as you 'judge' this feeling, you are caving to social conditioning vs. embracing your nature.

Well, you say, my nature wasn't this way in the past.

Of course. Your hormonal profile was reacting to a different set of constraints. If you have limited sexual opportunities it's adaptive for your brain to produce more oxytocin & dopamine & less testosterone (over the time you are monogamous). This ensures you don't get too far away from what might be the only viable avenue you have to pass on your genes.

When you have multiple sexual options, your hormonal responses adapt to that context. Less oxytocin, less dopamine, more testerone--since your brain doesn't want you to invest too much in any one partner at the expense of other sexual opportunities.

Well, you say, that's a pretty clinical way of looking at the world, @fastlife. What if I miss that out of control, druglike feeling?

Yeah, being able to see what's actually in front of you vs. some weird chemically-influed, idealized projection is a little harsh. Santa Claus ain't . But it is an absolutely invaluable tool for a man to have in successfully navigating the real world and avoiding pitfalls and shortsightedness. It also allows you to fully appreciate women for who they are--their shortcomings, their nuances, their merits--in a way you can't when you are operating under scarcity.

If you start getting burnt out, just take a break. Raise your standards--trust me, you won't meet enough hard 9s in your lifetime for your limbic system to dull. Start trying to meet women who have qualities that will make you more inclined to stick around for a bit. Or don't. Your call. But don't think sex will bring you happiness or fulfillment--it won't, longterm--and if you think it should you'll be left with that lingering disappointment and disillusionment, the same way you did when you realized that love would never complete you the way you wanted it to.

 

[corporate_sellout]

As soon as you 'judge' this feeling, you are caving to social conditioning vs. embracing your nature.

Well, you say, my nature wasn't this way in the past.

Of course. Your hormonal profile was reacting to a different set of constraints. If you have limited sexual opportunities it's adaptive for your brain to produce more oxytocin & dopamine & less testosterone (over the time you are monogamous). This ensures you don't get too far away from what might be the only viable avenue you have to pass on your genes.

When you have multiple sexual options, your hormonal responses adapt to that context. Less oxytocin, less dopamine, more testerone--since your brain doesn't want you to invest too much in any one partner at the expense of other sexual opportunities.

Well, you say, that's a pretty clinical way of looking at the world, @fastlife. What if I miss that out of control, druglike feeling?

Yeah, being able to see what's actually in front of you vs. some weird chemically-influed, idealized projection is a little harsh. Santa Claus ain't . But it is an absolutely invaluable tool for a man to have in successfully navigating the real world and avoiding pitfalls and shortsightedness. It also allows you to fully appreciate women for who they are--their shortcomings, their nuances, their merits--in a way you can't when you are operating under scarcity.

If you start getting burnt out, just take a break. Raise your standards--trust me, you won't meet enough hard 9s in your lifetime for your limbic system to dull. Start trying to meet women who have qualities that will make you more inclined to stick around for a bit. Or don't. Your call. But don't think sex will bring you happiness or fulfillment--it won't, longterm--and if you think it should you'll be left with that lingering disappointment and disillusionment, the same way you did when you realized that love would never complete you the way you wanted it to.

Good post. I certainly agree that taking a break generally whenever you feel you are burning out or whenever you feel odd will do you more good than harm even if the logical side of the brain sometimes stops you from taking drastic measures and leads you to the dead end of compromising.

 

[skinnyguy]

How do you stop yourself losing feelings for a girl as soon as you get sex from her. I like the chase/game, but once that's over I would rather they just not contact me again. I didn't used to be like that, I would drag flings out for months and be happy to get sex and companionship.

These days I'm after what's new and exciting. I'm most looking forward to Thursday to bang a hot 37 year old blonde who is a bit crazy, I want to do filthy things to her because she has a wh0rish vibe.

Is it normal to flip flop on your feelings so quickly after you get the sex?

I’m the same way and believe me it’s better than the alternative.

I used to get really needy after sex and it ruined me. A true DJ will move on to the next instead of feeling that the girl is special.

 

[BeExcellent]

There is a lot of great insight in this thread. I'll make a few comments from what I observe from a female perspective...but I can tell you from chatting with various men who have had more sexual opportunities than they can shake a stick at, that empty sex after a while is just that: empty sex. Even if it's good sex or great sex, its sex as a stand alone thing...what's the point if you don't LIKE the woman? I recall at some point early on dating my bf asked me had I ever dated men that I didn't like as people. I gave him a quizzical look and said 'of course not...why would I do that? (and then it hit me) That's an odd question. Do you?' To which his response was "All the time".

Now I had never actually thought about it that way (from a man's view) but it immediately made perfect sense. If it's HOT - FVCK IT - that is the standard line of the incorrigible playboy - but of course the problem then becomes what's the point once you find out sex is the only good attribute in the interaction - and easy sex is not a whole lot more than joint mutual masturbation in many instances. And once the woman starts going "Hey - I'm a person too over here" the men are like: "Yeah, but I don't like the person part...just the sex part..." and the whole thing fizzles unless both people are able to keep it just sex only and keep those boundaries up. So you never really interact with authenticity and you never get involved at a human level.

And that's the rub. Men want to have that connection, that depth, and that intimacy. And when you fill your time with pleasure rather than meaningful interaction, after a while the pursuit of pure pleasure loses its appeal because it loses its value. Think about that.

If these women would figure out how to do a better job controlling their negative emotions that push guys away, they wouldn't have to go thru so much cahk looking for a guy that will tolerate their schitt.

And so many of these women have zero self awareness to realize that their behavior is a problem. Its true for anyone. If something keeps happening in relationships and you are the common denominator then its something to do with you, not the other person.

Start trying to meet women who have qualities that will make you more inclined to stick around for a bit. Or don't. Your call. But don't think sex will bring you happiness or fulfillment--it won't, longterm--and if you think it should you'll be left with that lingering disappointment and disillusionment, the same way you did when you realized that love would never complete you the way you wanted it to.

I bolded the part of @fastlife's quote that I agree with 1000%. I have yet to meet a man who honestly, really, only wants meaningless sex all the rest of his life if he's honest with himself. Yesterday I was reading something profound. It was talking about how the pursuit of pleasure for the sake of pleasure (sex for the sake of sex for example) actually devalues that activity if it is otherwise devoid of meaning. This is the nasty little surprise at the end of the 'I can get laid any time' abundance continuum and women learn this faster than men (often without having to screw very many men) because it is so very easy for attractive women to get sex. They don't have to have lots of sex to know they have the ability get lots of sex. So that suggests that women who ACTUALLY have lots of sex are doing so for a different reason - specifically to devalue it (due to abuse or emotional pain or whatever). The book I was reading (You Can Read Anyone by David Lieberman, PhD) goes into this in some detail. And I think the same is true of men that I see and observe in my social circles. The players devalue sex too (for the same reasons, btw) and it becomes empty after a while. For a number of reasons but primary among them is this sense of meaninglessness in the context of the relationship (or lack thereof).

This is a great read, by the way. I recommend it. It talks about how self esteem or the lack of it is the dominant driver in much of what we do and why we do it and how to quantify someone's self esteem and subsequently reliably predict how someone is likely to respond in different situations. And many more people have low self esteem rather than high.

 

[Smartone84]

Been there several times in my life and it can be best explained by the greatest evidence of your sub-conscience coming into play. Deep back in your brain somewhere you KNOW you don't legitimately like the girl much and only want to bang her, so when you do and get that "fix", everything becomes clear for you. I'll never forget one time back in 2012 I was dating this cool/nice chick. I didn't think she was the ONE right away or anything but I enjoyed hanging with her and wanted to see how it went. After 6 dates I finally had sex with her. Literally the second after I finished I lost probably 98% interest. We had sex a couple more times before I realized for certain that was all I actually wanted and unfortunately had to blow her off bc she wanted a relationship.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I'm that way with just about All women I've ever fvcked. It's strange how they get the MOST attached or happy or euphoric or thinking about relationship Right After you dump your load. She's in the bathroom, she's got the towel on, her mind is thinking very snappy. She's looking at you with hearts rising up in the air. You're serious either smiling or not smiling as you've just came. This is the point where men and women are Certainly NOT equal. The stark point. It's the most visibly displayed separation of the sexes, unless she is not normal or You're not normal. I think that she may most of the time be "happy" that you made her orgasm, but a lot of the time, that you came and got it over with so that she can now go about whatever materialistic world she's got going on for the day or plans for the next day. She's mainly wanting to set up an image, to any and All. Look at my house on a golf course! Look at how perfect I am! my BMW! all because I am so valuable! my diamond ring is so big! because I am worth a lot! let other women SEE my worth. Everywhere I go, women and men stare, and they envy me. I, I, I, I, the Receiver. Some women take their role as the Receiver way too far, and men their role as the Giver way too far (to the point of self-sacrifice of their very lives - dead). She's the Receiver. That they go about getting the "degree" and making more money than the man is laughable. They're designed to be Stay-At-Home mothers raising the offspring, but they've shunted their roles for a few decades now. Do you want a Giver as a LTR female? No, I do not want her strapping on a dildo and ramming ME up the as5 or mouth etc. Her Only "giving" should be "put put" here and there homemaking. Let her b!tch and moan about not going anywhere all she wants, about not going on a cruise whatever. That's your role to decide how or what you should give to your woman. She should be "put put" giving not long distance driving giving like you. The G.I. Janes in my world and around my work are getting hurt left and right, some Quitting (per doctors order) or they'd lose mobility of limbs. I'd say 80% of those who go on "comp" or hurt in whatever activity off the job are Female. In the beginning, they're gung-ho, but I see it time and time again their "enthusiasm" waning over time and their absence more and more until finally Quitting after no more that 14 years usually max. Just a rant, but yes, after I come, I generally start seeing all their flaws. If I throw caution to the wind and fvck raw then I'll be more apt to stay with said woman for a few more months maybe, but I've caught a temporary STD from that a couple of years ago, not fun. She couldn't have children, she said.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

And that's the rub. Men want to have that connection, that depth, and that intimacy. And when you fill your time with pleasure rather than meaningful interaction, after a while the pursuit of pure pleasure loses its appeal because it loses its value. Think about that.

I feel like you’re talking to yourself here. Men are striving to be successful no matter what. Women just latch onto that. They don’t even try to model after them even when they learn what they have to do by said man’s failures.

And so many of these women have zero self awareness to realize that their behavior is a problem. Its true for anyone. If something keeps happening in relationships and you are the common denominator then its something to do with you, not the other person.

Makes sense. But you can also feel a difference in behavior now vs a decade ago. I was a kid and I still see a noticeable difference. Also, women are not as conscious as men are, just in general. They aren’t as aware. This is probably why they tend to be a little more careless.

They don't have to have lots of sex to know they have the ability get lots of sex. So that suggests that women who ACTUALLY have lots of sex are doing so for a different reason - specifically to devalue it (due to abuse or emotional pain or whatever).

Oooh this is something I never really thought about before. Unfortunately, because women are weighted so heavily on by their sex appeal, it also lowers their own value too. Disastrous thing the world has come to. You know, it’s also probably why boys who got raped end up becoming gay later on. To lessen it. Although, maybe that’s also because they’ve been emasculated in a way that will forever make them feel like less of a man, so they need to be protected??? Too many variables with this one that I can write a book with. Too bad I’m not going to, it could be really useful for the rest of the world.

This is a great read, by the way. I recommend it. It talks about how self esteem or the lack of it is the dominant driver in much of what we do and why we do it and how to quantify someone's self esteem and subsequently reliably predict how someone is likely to respond in different situations.

People are insecure. It’s about avoiding pain. Psychological in this case. And pain leaves a stronger mental imprint than pleasure. But you also have to keep in mind that it also depends on the ratio. If you have higher self esteem than you do low self esteem, you’ll be acting more often out of your desires and what YOU want rather than trying to avoid pain. Are you chasing your goals, or just running away from something? We tend to run away from fear harder than we run towards happiness. But how often one does which, is dependent upon how MUCH self esteem he has. If he feels better about himself than not, most of his actions will be based of the desire to run towards. If he feels worse about himself than he does good, then his actions will be based of running away from pain.

And many more people have low self esteem rather than high.

People are weak. It’s why they all follow the crowd.

Quitting after no more that 14 years usually max.

Statistics state that it’s usually around 13.5 years so your observation is actually really spot on.

 

[mellow_yellow]

Back to our topic- I think that we are a product of several things:

1.) The world is small and getting laid requires very little work, especially with social media. Send a few messages, ask her out for drinks and have fun. Its pretty simple. Then go out with another one 2 nights later. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Do you have such high SMV where you can do little work and simply send a few messages? There's no way a regular guy can send a few messages on social media and get her out for drinks. She's getting bombarded by a ton of attention and messages from beta orbiters who tell her how amazing she is.