Had a first call and haven't heard from her since..

[ikonik]

I met this girl online which I’ve been talking to for a couple weeks now. We recently moved the convo to texting and had our first call a couple nights ago. It went pretty well from what I thought, it was about twenty minutes but near the end she said ‘literally both her parents were calling at the same time and if she could call me right back.’ She never did (it was late, almost ten and a weeknight). She said she was staying at her parents’ place for the long weekend. I didn’t text or call her the next day but yesterday I texted her asking how the weekend is going, she hasn't responded yet.

I’m just worried she used the parents calling as an excuse to get off the call. But we haven’t even met yet and I didn’t say anything I shouldn’t have. I was thinking of texting her again tomorrow to follow up, good idea?

I think she’s interested, since whenever we were texting during the week she was pretty responsive, and when she got off work she responded almost immediately. When I initially gave her my number she texted me first and when we set up the call she called me. So I can’t imagine she already lost interest.

 

[marmel75]

Why have you been wasting time texting and talking instead of meeting? Stop wasting time. Either they are down to meet or not and 98% don't require weeks of time to decide.

 

[ikonik]

Why have you been wasting time texting and talking instead of meeting? Stop wasting time. Either they are down to meet or not and 98% don't require weeks of time to decide.

I was planning to ask her out maybe next week, but I wanted to make sure she was real and build some rapport before. Hence the call.

 

[marmel75]

I was planning to ask her out maybe next week, but I wanted to make sure she was real and build some rapport before. Hence the call.

Waste of time. Why would you invest that type of time into something when you could get your answer within the first 2 days or less?

Does that sound like a good return on your investment considering her answer will be the same no matter when you ask her and all this "rapport" you've built won't be worth a hill of beans after 5 minites in person if ahe decides she doesnt like you??

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Texting and phone calls are for setting up dates, not for building rapport. You can text a bit before you ask to setup the date, but I'm talking about less than 10 messages. You build rapport and attraction in-person.

This will also protect you from being used by women who frequent online dating sites as a means to occupy their time while they are bored and to receive free validation from men, and have no actual intention of meeting you in person.

After your first date, assuming things went well, you can text a little to keep the communication up but again, it should 99% be for setting up dates and you shouldn't be texting more than once per day, and no more than 1-4 messages in that exchange. Phone calls should be limited to 3-4 minutes max.

As for this girl, she said she would call you back and she didn't. You texted her again despite the ball being in her court and she didn't respond. Judge girls by their actions not their words. You say you can't imagine she lost interest but there is no reason to think otherwise. She may never have had enough interest to begin with, beyond just talking to you because she was bored. She may have met another guy online who she thinks is hotter than you. Both are equally likely. I know it sucks to hear that, but you have to move on now and not invest so much time or emotional energy into women you haven't met yet, and you need to reach out to more women because this is going to happen way more often and you'll get discouraged if you don't know to expect it, and know that it may take 10+ of these exact same scenarios before you get a girl who actually goes out with you.

 

[ikonik]

So it's too late to ask her out already? I was going to tomorrow.

 

[marmel75]

So it's too late to ask her out already? I was going to tomorrow.

Why not right now?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Yes it's too late. She has told you she is not interested twice now, covertly, the way that women do. First by not calling you back as she told you she would (the same day or any day thereafter), and second by not returning your text.

If she reaches out to you, you can ask her out, but do not reach out to her again.

 

[ikonik]

Why not right now?

For the same reason she hasn't responded when I texted her two days ago, because she's probably busy with family stuff. Tomorrow she'll be back to work and she was pretty responsive during the week so I'll do it tomorrow.

 

[skinnyguy]

Maybe she’s banging another dude

 

[wifehunter]

Maybe she’s banging another dude

or five

 

[ikonik]

Yes it's too late. She has told you she is not interested twice now, covertly, the way that women do. First by not calling you back as she told you she would (the same day or any day thereafter), and second by not returning your text.

If she reaches out to you, you can ask her out, but do not reach out to her again.

So if she truly wasn't interested why did she ask if she could call me the second time?

 

[wifehunter]

So if she truly wasn't interested why did she ask if she could call me the second time?

 

[marmel75]

So if she truly wasn't interested why did she ask if she could call me the second time?

STOP! Orbit time.

 

[btownbuck2012]

This is fairly common in the dating scene. If this woman is attractive then she is entertaining a number of different options simultaneously. Texting, phone calls, etc. mean nothing. They enjoy attention and are happy to entertain men, whom they often have no legitimate interest in, who call and text often.

You should be focusing on moving fast and getting her out to meet you for drinks or something casual and not too expensive. At that point your goal should be to escalate and try to bang her. Even after you get the bang, if she is non communicative and you are still doing all the work to maintain contact, she is not interested. Yes, women will have sex with guys they have little legitimate interest in.

Until you have her in a position where she is reaching out to you just as often if not more so to maintain the connection and you are banging her consistently, you are not even a blip on her radar.

Most things men consider “getting somewhere” with women in dating is an insignificant common occurrence in her day to day life that she doesn’t even think twice about.

Now the real issue with this specific woman you are referring to OP is her total lack of respect for your time. The complete ghosting move on her part is an immediate disqualifer. Unless she died, she should have text you back saying sorry she was busy and offering a time for you to speak again. Or if she is a rare jewel, letting you know she’s not interested anymore and wishing you the best (extremely rare.) With every attempt by you to rengage after this lack of respect on her end, her vagina is getting drier and drier and thus completely eliminating your chances of having sex with her, let alone a relationship. But you shouldn’t want that from her. She has poor character and isn’t worth your time.

The dating game involves a bit of back and forth and pursuing by you in the early going but she must play ball too. Any disrespect like the kind you experienced is, again, an immediate DQ. Forget her and move on. She’s already forgot about you and is secretly wishing you would get the hint. It ain’t right or normal behavior - but it is what to expect with your typical American 20-30 something year old woman.

Cast a wider net OP and only focus your energy on women who are receptive. Drop and completely forget those who aren’t.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

So if she truly wasn't interested why did she ask if she could call me the second time?

@btownbuck2012 has great advice ikonik.

To directly respond to your question in my own words: It's because women are different than men. Guys tend to meet a girl then focus on her and build on that. Women are not the same; they live in the moment and feel in the moment. She could be into you one day then not into you the next. You can't understand it because you are a man and you don't feel the same ways that women do. So it's naturally confusing for you when you try to apply your own thought and attraction patterns to women, assuming they are the same, but it simply doesn't work that way. Women can say they love you and sleep with you on a Monday, and on a Tuesday they dump you, move on, and never look back. You are also trying to use logic and reason to figure out a woman's actions and you simply can't do that because they are emotional.

The other half of the problem is your ego. Your ego wants to believe she likes you and it's VERY hard to accept that she really could give zero fvcks about you because it wounds your pride. Especially after all you invested in her. It does svck but it is the way things are. This is why you do not invest in women so soon. Investment comes in many forms, but mostly it is your time and attention. Your time and attention are the most valuable gifts you have to give, but they ONLY have value when the woman you give them to values YOU.

 

[ikonik]

So I probably should've mentioned this earlier, but I just remembered this. I went through our texts and I did ask her out earlier, she's currently fasting for Ramadan but then I commented when it's done (in three weeks) that we can go for a coffee date then. She replied 'no pressure but it better be good coffee'. Not sure if that changes things or not.

 

[MrWood]

regardless.. you need to SPIKE her attention... unlike her "how are you today" orbiters... be provocative, be svxual, be daring..
these things to bump her emotions... good.bad.questioning... but she will be thinking more you, rather than the orbiting planets

 

[ikonik]

Welp you guys were right, she finally responded today after I asked her out. She rejected and said 'you seem really sweet but I'm just not interested and am preoccupied at the moment.' At least she had the curtesy of letting me know she wasn't interested.

 

[sosousage]

heh 95% of online chicks dont want to meet so dont bother